Summary: Xena was once a hero, but she was cursed to be reincarnated over and over. It is 2009 and her name is Xe and she is being trained by Ares to control all the skills Xena once possessed. She is also trying to come to terms with who she used to be and what she feels for Ares.
Rating: M
Pairing: Xena/Ares
Xe sat on the bed astounded that Ares left, he actually left her there alone when she wanted to give him something, a kiss, a simple kiss was not too much to ask for. Maybe he still saw her as Xena, or maybe he wasn't ready to give up that part of himself that still had hope Xena would come back. It was a small hope but she still knew he wished Xena was here instead of her. Rising from the bed Xe made her way out to the balcony, the sun was just now setting and soon night would swallow the remaining light plunging the world into darkness. Turning around she hopped up onto the wide banister where she reclined pillowing her head on her folded arms. If Ares wanted to be alone who was she to judge? He was a god and she was nothing more than a pathetic broken human being who looked like the love of his life. The fates had a cruel sense of humor sometimes.
Ares was lurking in the shadows watching Xe. He would have thought she would have screamed and raged that he was being stupid, but she calmly got off the bed and walked out to the balcony where she was currently lounging on the wide banister. Ares hadn't wanted to walk away, but he felt it was the wrong time for her to be offering herself, even if it was a kiss, to him. He wouldn't have been able to control himself. And he wanted to be with her with out the memory of Xena hovering over them. Ares could still taste the sweet kiss she had given him before sailing for her death, and he had promised to take care of Gabrielle no matter what happened, though he and the bard rarely got along. But they did see eye to eye when it came to Xena. She was the single thread that connected them. He wondered how Gabrielle would handle seeing Xe. Maybe it was time to expose her to more of her legacy and finally give Gabrielle a chance to reconnect. Rather than face the tempest of Xe, if she was angry, Ares took himself to another part of Olympus where the Bard sat at a desk with quill in hand.
"Gabrielle?"
"What?"
"I... need to talk to you." Ares whispered causing Gabrielle to turn and glare at him.
"What did you say?"
"I have something to show you." He offered his hand and wearily Gabrielle took it.
Gabrielle couldn't help but notice the tortured look the God of War wore these days. Whenever he came to see her, she secretly enjoyed his company. It was a reminder of who she used to be and the life she used to live with Xena. The love she carried for her friend, her sister, her family still burned as bright as a pyre, there was no letting go of Xena. Taking his hand Gabrielle waited to see where he would take them, and was shocked to find that they wound up in his temple. It was dark and creepy but that wasn't what drew her attention. The tall, lean, raven haired woman lying on the banister of the balcony. It was Xena, but Xena was dead. She was about to call out when Ares clamped his hand down over her mouth.
"Be quiet and stay in the shadows." He whispered and then released her.
Ares stepped out of the shadows and out onto the balcony, Xe didn't turn her head, but he knew she knew he was there. Walking slowly over to her he leaned over her and smiled, but the smile had to be forced. Xe had her eyes close and her body was relaxed but Ares knew she wasn't sleeping. He leaned down further and touched his lips to her forehead. She jumped slightly and placed her hands on his chest to push him away. "I have something to show you," Ares backed away offering his hand to her. He only hoped that she would take it.
Xe slide off the banister and eyed him with suspicion. He left her on the bed and now he had something to show. How typical of a man. "Fine."
Ares walked a head of her and motioned to someone in the shadows. In that single moment a tempest of emotions washed through her; relief, love, happiness, and fear. Gabrielle stepped out of the shadows looking like she had the day Xena's spirit had come to her on the sail home. Xe felt tears collect in her eyes; she wanted to run to the Bard and gather her close, just feeling her slender frame against her body. Before she knew what she was doing, Xe took Gabrielle's hand and pulled her close. She was real and solid and here with her, not just an echo of a distant memory. This was Gabrielle, flesh and blood, and alive.
"Gabrielle?"
"Xena?"
"Almost, I'm Xe, cheap copy at your service."
"There is nothing cheap about you." Gabrielle whispered and cupped Xe's face with her hands. "You are from a proud lineage, and you… are amazing."
"There is nothing amazing about me, except the favor of War." Xe answered. It was the truth. Ares had favored the original, much as he favored her now. He was the one man she could be with who knew her and understood how she was and what her triggers were. She had lethal combat skills locked inside a body that had no training. And now to find Gabrielle, suddenly her world stabilized and things fell into place, but she still felt as though she were and outside.
She was pulled back into the shelter of Xena's arms. Gabrielle couldn't believe it; Xena, her Xena was holding her again. But she had seen her friend's lifeless corpse, she had taken the ashes home to Greece to bury them. Instead Ares had entombed them where they had weathered the test of time. It was still a place that Gabrielle visited often. But right now Xena was holding her, and she didn't care who wore her friends face, it just felt so good to be with her again.
"You don't know how much I have missed you." Gabrielle whispered.
"Bet I do." Xe pulled away. Emotions that were not her own flooded through her mind, relief, joy, and love. All of them careened inside her head. This girl, the young Bard from Potadea, had been the closest person Xena had had in a long time. Gabrielle was closer to Xena than Ares had been, and Ares had been the one to train her from the time she was fourteen. He had been grooming her to take over, take his mantle as his heir. Xe felt that he was doing the same to her, but the difference between her and Xena is that xe would take the responsibility of being the heir of Ares.
"Xena?"
"It's Xe. My name is Xe." Xe bit out immediately. She knew her tone sounded forceful and angry, but she couldn't help it. She was so used to having to tell the other immortals and trying to make them see her and not Xena that it was a gut reaction.
"Right I am so sorry, but you look..."
"Like her... yeah I know. I've seen paintings of her. Though I think she looked better. Some of her blood may have been diluted throughout the years." Xe scoffed. She never thought of herself as beautiful. Her eyes were haunted, her hair was too black, skin too pale, all of that added up made people avoid her.
"I don't think so. I see the same penetrating eyes, same full mouth, same hair, and the same voice. Xena had a voice that was like a lilting melody of a sad song. And when she sang it was as if you were in Elysium." Gabrielle pointed out.
"If that is what you see, then that is what you see." Xe responded and shrugged looking at Ares for help. He only stood behind the bard. She could tell that he was at a loss like her. The only one who was confident was Gabrielle.
"Nothing I say will help you, will it?" Gabrielle asked placing her hand on Xe's shoulder. She could see the young girl tense and want to shake off the kind hand. But to her credit Xe stayed put and let Gabrielle keep touching her.
"Nope, I'm dark and twisty inside."
"Then you have more in common with her than you know. Xena was dark and twisty inside too." Gabrielle angled her head to look at Xe; she managed to coax a smile out of her. "I could tell you so many stories..."
"Can you tell me why she chose not to be brought back?" Xe blurted out. It was killing her inside. She wanted to know why Xena chose to die rather than live and see her daughter, live on the road with her best friend, and be tempted constantly by Ares who Xe was beginning to see in a new light. She thought of him as sinfully sexy, a wonton of desire, and a man who would keep her passions fire burning through the night. He probably knew the Karma Sutra inside and out and maybe wrote a few more chapters to it.
"So many souls depended on Xena's sacrifice. It would have been wrong for her to come back after her death caused the eternal rest of so many people that she had destroyed." Gabrielle felt a lump in her throat. She had tried to convince Xena into taking the second chance, but Xena was the consummate martyr. She had to stay dead.
"Great, I suffer because she had a conscience. Perfect," Xe growled and headed away from Gabrielle. When she passed Ares she put her hand in his and felt his strength flow through her and steady her. Rather than stay with the bard Ares gave her a look and followed Xe. Every day he was seeing more and more of Xe and less of Xena. His Xena was dead and Xe was here and he was falling hard for Xe, falling for her twisty insides and her sense of low self worth. He wanted to make her know that she mattered and that she wasn't just the close of Xena and more than anything he wanted her to believe that he loved her.
Gabrielle knew better than to follow Ares and Xena, but now it was Ares and Xe who walked away from her and still she knew to stay where she was. She knew that this was the first one of the clones that he has brought here; there was something special about Xe and different all at the same time. Xe was tortured and hurting and Ares was the only one who could soothe her aching soul. When it had been Xena, it was Gabrielle who would make the pain better, but now it is Xe and that job fell to Ares. She only hoped that he realized that Xe would stay with him, all Ares had to do was ask her. It pained Gabrielle to think that Xe would stay with Ares, but the girl was right she wasn't Xena. Xena had been attracted to Ares, strongly, but she had never given into that desire. Xe would and Xe would be the heir and love Ares wanted, that much Gabrielle could see already.
Xe listened to the small voice in her mind, the voice that told her to leave this past friend. Gabrielle saw only Xena, blinded by the hero she traveled with and wrote about. It was a stigma that she would shed if she could but if she shed Xena's past then would she lose Ares? Would he want to leave her? Would he….? She stopped thinking along those lines, all she wanted was for Ares to hold her and tell her thing would be ok. She was the only one to see the softer side of Ares, the side that would stroke her back and utter soothing words while she suffered in her nightmares. It was her nightmares that made things between them hard and easy at the same time. Ares knew the horrors that Xe dreamed about, he was the cause for most of them, but he still stayed with her and made sure that she knew he had changed. Xe knew he had changed, she knew it in her heart.
"I am so tired of everyone seeing me as Xena," Xe turned and wrapped her arms around Ares, resting her cheek against the soft black of his t-shirt. "Why won't they see me?"
"I see you, isn't that enough?" Ares enfolded her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. Xena would never allow such easy touching, but Xe was different. She welcomed his touch and made him feel whole. He would die all over again if Xe was taken from his life.
"It is for me but," Xe looked into his eyes and said, "I'm Xe, that's who I am, not Xena. I only carry her memories and wear her face, but I am not her. Every time I say that my words fall on deaf ears, except yours."
Ares kissed Xe lightly, let her grow accustomed to the feel of his lips and let her taste him. This was not the kiss they had shared in his bed, when Xe had had that dream of the last time he and Xena had been together. On that hill was the last time Xena had kissed him, touched him, and let him hold her. But this kiss was different, it was all Xe, no trace of Xena lingered on her lips, in her taste. This was his tortured, pained, dark and twisty Xe, and he loved her so much.
Through many years and changing ideals of humans Ares learned compassion, and it was all due to his loss of Xena and the finding of Xe. She was his now and he was not going to let go no matter how hard she tried to convince him that she wasn't worth anything. Xe was his sun, his moon, his stars, and his whole word. The Titans could break free and he wouldn't care so long as he could hold Xe and taste her lips. So many memories flooded through her and they were all of previous kisses Xena had shared with Ares. They were all hot and passionate and full of lust. Xe wanted her time to with Ares to be sweet, but he was War and nothing about War was sweet or gentle. She pulled back and lowered her head. This was not how she wanted them to start. Xe wanted her and Ares to start when he truly saw her for her, and not Xena his once long ago love.
Ares moved away quickly, he could feel himself losing control, "No, not like this. When I make love to you I want to be the man you love, not just a memory of a God who terrorized you." He stated and shook his head.
"Ares, please," Xe choked out. She knew she was nothing like the old Xena. She didn't have her courage, her strength, or her determination. In truth Xe was a scarred, broken, frightened child who was tired. Ares pulled her back into his arms and just held her.
"I want you to love me not fear me," Ares whispered, pain ripping through his heart and his mind.
"I do love you, more than she ever did." Xe responded.
