"Someone told me long ago,
there's a calm before the storm, I know shinning down like water,
I wanna know, have you ever seen the-
My mother carefully tugged at my earphones causing them to fall and said,
"We've been talking to you for minutes and you haven't been listening to us!" she calmly said
"Sorry, I had my earphones on." I said"
"Yes, we can see that." Said my father looking at me with his deep blue eyes from the rearview mirror
I grabbed my iPod to pause the song and said, "So what we're you two telling me while I got lost to CCR?"
"College." They said in unison
"What about it?" I asked
"Well, you're going away to a different country, and we know you've been looking at catalogues and reading online about their fashion, so we've been saving up money and thought it be nice to treat you to a shopping spree." My mother finished
my eyes widened and my dad said, "Emilia, I think we have broken her!"
I unbuckled my belt and crept forward to hug my dad, and then awkwardly side hugged me mom.
I sat back down and tried to contain my happiness.
"You guys didn't have to!" I said
"Karen dear, you're an angel and deserve to be splurged." My mother said
"You already do." I said
my father, being an economist and my mother a physician, they both made bank on their own, but together, you could say they made high class money.
My father chimed in and said, "You're also our only child and we have to spoil you once more before you leave and we're left with no one to spoil."" He said smiling.
"There's always charity." I said
"We already do that." My mother said
I sighed and said, "I love you you hippies."
"I love my two special ladies." Said my dad.
To surprise you, my dad was actually the softy in our family. A closeted softy…meaning my father looked very intimidating with his dark blue eyes and stature of 6'4, but he's really a soft tall teddy beat. My mother was also sweet, but she wasn't so good at expressing it, at least not like my dad.
She pretended to puke and said, "You two are like diabetes."
We all laughed and as I reached for my iPod and my parents went back to talking, it happened.
A semi-truck lost control and hit our car, causing it to flip twice. In that moment everything was magnified. People say that death can happen in the blink of an eye, and it really can. However the process of death seems infinite. Those few seconds seemed to last forever. I remember my father's last words to me were, "live" as he somehow found the strength to move and undo my belt all while the car flipped. Having my belt undone, I ended up flying out the car door and so did my parents. I landed far from the car, but my parents didn't. The last I remember was seeing the truck fall on our car, and my father's bloody skull. What I don't remember was screaming. I got up and started screaming my lungs out…this must be a dream. It's a dream.
"Karen, Karen!" Matt said as he shook me by my shoulders.
I woke instantly and sat up. Drenched in sweat, Matthew jumped out of bed and brought me a towel and a water bottle.
I took the bottle and forced the water down my throat. It stung so bad I could have sworn I was swallowing darts. After a few more gulps, the water soothed my throat and helped me say the next, "I'm-
"Matthew's chest devoured me as he pulled me in for a hug and said,
"Nightmare?"
I thought about saying sorry but instead I said,
"I hadn't had a nightmare like this one in a while."
He pulled away from me and said,
"Your heart feels like it might explode."
"I wish."
I Said as I took the dry towel and buried myself into it.
I sunk myself back in and found Matthew's hand take the towel away from my face and say,
"Don't ever say that."
"Am I allowed to apologize for that?" I said
"No." Matt said
I looked at him and then at the room and the clock, I looked at the laptop and around the bed and Matt said, "You fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake you up."
"It's ok." I said
He looked around and said, "Do you need anything?"
"No." I said
"How about I take these sweaty sheets off?" I said
"I'll do it." He said
I got up and helped Matthew take the sheet away.
"You should sit down." Matt said
"No, I need to stay awake." I told him
Matthew dropped it and when we were done he said, "There's extra sheets in the drawers here, let me go get them."
Matt got the sheets and once again I helped him place new fresh sheets.
When we finished, Matt sunk himself on the bed and then I said, "I should go."
Matt instantly shot up sitting on his knees and grabbed my hand, "No!"
I stepped back and he said,
"Please don't, just stay."
"You aren't going to sleep anymore, and I probably won't." he said
"You want company?" I said
"Yes." He whispered.
He lay back down and patted the mattress gesturing me to lie back down with him. Taking the offer, I slid back into bed and said, "Maybe I should sleep on the couch so I don't sweat on the sheets again."
"Don't be silly" he said.
For a while, Matt and I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling. It was nice. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It was just peaceful.
Matt turned to face me and said, "We talk a lot, but I still have a bunch of lose strings when it comes to you."
"Lose strings?" I said
"Yes, you tell me something but you don't elaborate on it and before I can ask a question we just move on to something else." He said
"I'm quite the introvert." I said
"Yes." He said
"I sometimes wish I could be an open book, but I think that would make me feel very odd, it wouldn't be me, and I've gotten comfortable with who I am…does that make sense?" I said
"It makes perfect sense, although I don't know why someone like you wouldn't love themselves." He said
"Ah, there's more than meets the eye Gubler." I said
we took another moment of silence. This time I broke the quietness and said,
"What is it that your precious little head ponders?"
This time Matt said, "Are you really going to tell me?"
I stared at him and said, "Let's see…I've woken you up, cried twice, had a panic attack, woken you up again to a screaming me and soaked your sheets in sweat, hmmm I think you deserve to have some answers." I said
at this Matthew turned his whole body so he lay on one side and said, "To be fair, let's play a game."
"Ok." I eagerly said
"We will both ask each other questions." He said
"And?" I said
"And what?" he said
"How do we know who wins or loses?" I said
"Competitive are we?" he said smiling
"A little." I said
He gave it some thought and said, "Say you can't answer a question, then I have to answer it and if I do answer it, I or you win."
"Perfect." I said smiling at him
"When do we start?" he said
"Now!" I said
"Ok, ladies first." He said
"Oh bullcrap, lets determine this the adult way." I said
"Rock, paper, scissors?" he said
"Damn right!" I said
"Ready?"
"Go!"
We both chimed, "rock, paper, scissors!"
We both chose paper.
"Best 2 out of three?" Matt said
"Yeah." I said
again we chimed, "rock, paper, and scissors!" Matt had paper and I had scissors.
"Rock, paper, scissors!" this time Matt chose rock and I chose scissors
"Last round" I said.
"Rock, paper, scissors!" Matt triumphantly won as she devoured my fist with his paper.
"Eh, luck of the Irish." I said
"You're Irish?" he asked
"Yes." I said
"And Scottish?" he asked
"Hey, it's my turn!" I said
"Oh, I see how we're playing." He said
I giggled and said, "Hmm, are you Irish?"
Matthew said, "Nope."
"So what are you?" I said
"Ah!" "Gotcha, wait your turn!" he said
I laughed and then he said, "Tell me about your ancestry/nationality."
"Well." I said "I was born in Bathgate, West Lothian, and Scotland, so that makes me Scottish. Also, half of my father's family is also from Scotland, and the other half is Finnish. My mother's side of the family is English and Irish. So I guess that would make me Scottish, Finnish, English, and Irish. "
"Wow" he said.
"What about you?"I asked
"Well, I was born in Las Vegas, Nevada, and I'm not exactly sure of my roots, my folks never really gave me the deeds on that stuff."
"I'll help you find out, someday." I said
"Here's a tough question, you ready?" I said
Matt nodded.
"What's your favorite color?"
Matt laughed and said, "Green…or brown!"
"How'd you get to wonderful Las Vegas?" he said
"Well, we lived here, my parents were just on a trip at the time and my mom happened to give birth to me over at Scotland- I came a month early and so it just happened." "Literally, three days after my birth they flew black to Nevada, home, and well that's the story I how I was born in Scotland."
"Why are you asking me all these questions?" I said
"Because you're interesting, and you said I could." He said with a charming smile.
"Ok Gubler, first crush?"
Matt placed his hand on his heart and said, "Mary Poppins!"
I smiled he said, "When I tickled you to death you told me you got a tattoo in Scotland and that you and Brandon hadn't seen each other in a while…what did you mean by that?"
I cleared my throat and said, "That's technically two questions, but if you must know, Brandon was touring, and I was in Scotland for school… I studied abroad in Scotland."
"If you could have one superpower what would it be?"
"I give up." Said Matt
"What?" I said
"I'm getting impatient. I guess I lied and I just really want to know about you, be an open book for me will you?" he said
I sighed and said, "the ability to refill things and then said "fine, I'll be all answers."
Before he could fire me with just questions he said, "Refill things?"
"I wish I could refill things like when I'm drinking soda or water or whatever and my drink runs out I could just re fill it without having to get up or if I'm eating pizza I could just refill my place and-"
"That's incredible." Matt said
I nodded and he said,
"Ok, tell me all about you studying in Scotland, spill!"
I turned on my side like he was and started talking, "During Senior year of high school an old teacher of mine took interest in me again and asked me about my plans after high school. I told him I wanted to take a gap year and just travel. Something about senior year made me feel burnt out and I just needed a break from school. This old teacher of mine told me to stay in school but consider studying abroad. He talked to me about his own course study is England and Spain. At the time, I had never thought about leaving America to study in another country, but it did appeal to me. Since his conversation, I started looking into studying abroad programs. Thankfully, he got a hold of a recruiter and she talked to me about the process of it. Long story short, I took a bunch of exams and studied like crazy to get a good score on both my ACT and SATS."
Mathew cutely raised his finger and said, "So you did really well?"
"Well enough to get a full ride scholarship and pay for the program and pretty much all of my living expenses." I said
"You're that smart?" He said
"I studied." I said
"No, I bet you're a natural born genius." He said
"Ok, I'm above average smart, but I'm not a genius, I need to study to do well." I said
"Ok, keep telling me about your abroad studies." He said
"Ugh, I just don't even know how to continue." I said
"Just talk, I'll listen." He said
"Well, yeah…I ended up being admitted and offered to have my studies paid for me, and so I went." I said
"Didn't it scare you to be away from home?" he asked
"Not really." I said
"Before my parents died, we use to travel a lot, so I'm used to being away from home. I love having a place to call home, a place to come to and call my own and be able to dance freely in and be in my underwear and to decorate, but I also love traveling." I said
Matthew just smiled and said, "True freedom is not wearing any pants."
"Amen!" I said
we just giggled and then I said, "You know, it's not fair that I'm spilling out my heart here and you're just listening."
"Would you rather I not listen?" he said
"No, I'd rather you cooperate with me…I can't elaborate if you say nothing about yourself." I said
"Fair enough, what do you wish to know?" he said
I thought about it for a while and then said, "Why would someone like you be bullied?"
Matthew seemed to recall the incident that happened earlier that night when those idiot frat boys shouted obscene things at me and he said, "Look at me."
"I'm looking at you." I said
"You don't get it, look at me well." He said
"Is this how you flirt?" I asked jokingly
"No, this is why people made fun of me." He said waving his hands up and down referring to his body.
"There's nothing wrong with your body." I said a little too assertive
"…I mean, you seem healthy and…" I said blushing hard
"I was that weird rail thin lanky kid for most of my life." He said
"I was always the tallest, and looked and walked like a noodle. I was the clumsy kid who always fell in P.E., the one that always got hit in the face with basketballs, the one that couldn't run a mile in under 7 minutes like all the boys did, I was just this weird skinny kid who likes to read books." He said
"Ok, first of all, PE stands for Public Embarrassment, so don't feel ashamed about it, secondly, what's wrong with being tall, and reading is for cool people, so they can all suck a –"
"You're just too cool." He said
"You're different." He added
Matthew seemed to be getting lost in the memories of what he just said, and as he pulled his knees to his chest, I could have sworn I detected some insecurity and he said,
"I'm not ripped or muscular, I'm not tan or bronzy looking, and I'm not-
I interrupted him and said, "I happen to like you just the way you are."
Matthew looked into my eyes with astonishment and I continued,
"I've seen your chest already and you're pretty toned to me, and I like that. I like that you're not super toned or muscular, I like that you're pale and lanky and you know what, I think you're adorable." I said
Matthew looked at me with endearment and I said, "Have you seen me?"
Matthew's eyes looked at me whole and I said, "I'm freaking Caspar over here! I have to literally be out in the sun for 24 hours for a month to get some kind of pigment in my skin, I'm a giant for a woman, I'm super clumsy and I'm constantly falling or knocking things over, and I'm not all lean and fit and into yoga like every woman seems to be nowadays. I like to read books. Heck, I'd rather read one than go to a party…most of the time…and despite all the crap I've been given for my appearance, I like myself. I like that I'm not getting a spray tan, I like that I'm tall, I like that my body isn't hard and that I can eat 6 slices of pizza without crying or planning to limit my food intake, and you should too."
I must have really tapped into Matthew's soul because I saw his watery eyes and then he hugged me lay his chin and my shoulder as he buried his face next to mine and said, "You are beautiful, you are warm souled, and can we just be best friends already?"
I felt my eyes grow watery and my cheeks burn bright, and saw that Matthew wore the same expression. I put my head down and then reached for his hand and said,
"I'm pretty sure I heard someone verify our friendship last night."
Matthew titled his head up and said, "Is that so?"
"Well, someone did say something about March 10th marking our friendship anniversary."
"I thought you were asleep." He said
"Not entirely." I said
Matthew just stared at me and Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I just stared back.
While he continued to stare at me I looked back to check the clock and it read 6:30 AM
"Whoa, its morning already." I said
"It's too early to call that morning." He said
"Well, I'll let you sleep." I said as I got out of bed
Matthew was about to spring out of bed but I pushed him back down and said,
"You need rest."
"Where are you going?" he asked curiously
"I need to go back to my room and wake Brandon up." I said
"Doesn't he have an alarm clock?" said Matt
"Brandon could sleep through an earthquake and the sound of gun shots in his room." I said
with that Matt slumped back into bed and said, "So will you come back?"
I noticed that Matt looked slightly upset and so I sat back down and he instantly crawled to my side and slumped his head and half of his body weight onto me, it's like I had turned into his pillow.
"Matt, don't you have friends to visit?" I said
"No, they're all somewhere else." He said somberly
"What about your parents?" I said
"They're on a trip with my younger brother to visit my sister in New York." He said even more sad
to try to perk him up I asked him about his family.
"I knew you weren't an only child." I said
"How so?"
"You're weird." I said
"Oh, so everyone that is weird automatically has siblings?" he said
"No, you're very weird, and you like to have company and you love making people around you feel important and part of whatever is happening…you must be the middle child." I said
"You really need to tell me how you do this." He said amazed
"You asked me WHY I studied in Scotland but not what I studied." I said
at that he smiled and said, "Is it too late to ask?" "Too soon?"
I looked back at the clock and said, "That's another long story."
Matthew just smiled and I said, "How about you lie back down on your bed, I put the sheet over you, and go wake Brandon up?"
"Will you give me a goodnight kiss?" he said
"If that makes you stay put to rest, than yes." I said
Matthew obediently lied back down. I moved over to his side of the bed to spread the sheet all over him, and leaned to kiss his forehead.
A tiny smile crept up and his cheeks turned pink.
"I probably won't be back until midnight, but I have a feeling you'll be up." I said
"Karen?" he softly said without opening his eyes
"Yes?" I said
"How smart are you?" he asked
"I have a good memory, why do you ask?" I said
"702-418-0666" he said
as he finished the last digit It hit me that he had just given me his cellphone number. I repeated it once in my head and then said it out loud,
"702-my birth month and birthdate, 0 and the number of the beast."
Mathew opened his eyes and said, "You were born on April 18?"
"Yes, now go back to sleep." I said
Matthew closed his eyes and said, "I send great photos."
I laughed and said, "No nudes please."
"Don't even dream about it." He laughed back
"Bye Matt." I said
"Bye darling." He whispered
I made my way out his room and walked a few more steps to my room A1. I realized I had forgotten my key card but thankfully the maintenance lady in the hallway noticed and kindly opened the door for me.
I thanked her and stepped into my room.
To my surprise Brandon was already up and dressed, ready to go.
A little bit of pride hit me knowing that Brandon managed to wake up by himself and dress nicely. I felt like a proud sister.
"You clean up nicely." I said
"Morning to you too." He happily said
"I guess I'm the one running late now, aren't I?" I said
"No, you have less than an hour to get ready." He said
"Well, I'm going to go shower then." I said
I grabbed my suitcase and dragged it into the bathroom.
"Brandon?" I said
"Karen?" he mocked
"You have a million questions for me, don't you?" I said
"You bet!" he said
"Alright then let me shower in peace and I'll tell you EVERYTHING on our way." I said
"Deal." He said
I shut the door and giggled. I walked across the cold bathroom tile and into the shower. I cranked the water knob to warm and got in. As I shampooed, I wondered what the hell was going through Brandon's mind. I giggled some more and then lathered and conditioned my hair.
Thinking I had taken a long shower I quickly dried and put lotion on. From there I reached into my suitcase and yelled, "Brandon, do I need to look fabulously chic and put together?"
"No, jeans are fine." He hollered back
"Jeans it is" I whispered
I reached into the bag for my black skinny jeans. I put them back down and instead grabbed my other pair of skinny jeans that had frayed slits where my knees hit and a bit more in the upper thigh region. I then grabbed a simple lose white tank top that said, "I love you to the moon and back." Knowing that the weather had been unpredictable, I grabbed my red plaid shirt and tied it around my waist. I searched for socks and of course found two that didn't match. That made me happy, and then I grabbed my favorite black chucks and there, I was finished. I closed my suit case and then went to the vanity and sprits on my favorite perfume. I brushed my hair and put a bit of mouse to tousle it and then sorted through my makeup bag. I concealed my dark circles, lightly powdered my face, very softly filled in my brows with this new tinted brow gel that I loved. I was feeling a bit ballsy so I grabbed my favorite brown eyeliner and lightly smudged it on my top lash line. I then grabbed my other bronzy eyeliner and very subtly smudged it on my lower lash line. I coated my eyes with mascara and tinted my lips cherry red with those new lip marker thingies. I grabbed my Nivea lip balm, spread a little on and put it back in my jean's pockets. When I exited the rest room and made it to the bed where Brandon was watching Top Chef he looked at me and said, "You could wear a trash bag and still look fabulous."
"Really?" I said
"Yes, you're only wearing jeans and a shirt and I bet you're going to turn more heads than the anchor ladies who will be dressed to the nines." He said
"I thought you said jeans were ok." I said feeling uneasy
"They are. We're only running to a few interviews and that's about it." He said
"We're going to lunch, but that's until later, we'll come back to change." He said
"Fair enough." I said
"You ready?" he asked
"Yeah!" I said
Brandon got up and turned the TV off, he opened the door and I grabbed my long black Dolce and Gabbana duffle styled bag and off he went.
