Disclaimer/author's notes: Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto and Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me, no profit involved. No warnings other than slight gender dysphoria and mentions of child abuse. See end of story for more notes.


A few months or so have passed. Danzo came into the small white room in few more times and stared at me; he always left without saying anything. I still severely dislike him. I try not to, though; disliking people severely is bad for the heart. Even if it is hope-he-becomes-lethifold-food Danzo.

They have decided I am stable enough to go back to the Academy and learn how to better kill people. By they, I mean the blonde mind-walkers they call Yamanakas; they went into my head and asked me many questions and told me my memories of my before-life were a defense mechanism that my psyche came up to recover from the mental scarring caused by Brother's genjutsu torture. I didn't want to be trapped in the empty white room anymore so I agreed, said my life goal was to violently murder Brother, and they let me out so I could see the sunshine.

Except I still have to go back once every two weeks for mandatory therapy. There's always that.

It's curious what people will do when you say what they want to hear, especially in the military, tolitarian regime this society appears be. The Hokage-sama—people look at me funnier than usual when I call him Mr. Hokage—seems nice enough for a dictator though, and so as long as I don't mention conspiracy theories, I can talk about my before-life with him just grimacing and looking pained. He did like the purple flowers I re-decorated his silly hat with though.

At the Academy, things are different from my before-memories. The boys eye me warily and whisper and the other girls sigh and offer me chocolates to make me feel better. Also, everyone has been avoiding me since I gave a presentation to the class on why Dementors acting as guards for criminals with long-term prison sentences was detrimental to society. When I was describing the Dementor's Kiss, the class looked very green. The girls stopped flirting with me for two days though, which was good while it lasted. It is very bothersome continually ignoring them since they are mentally eight and I am not. They do not seem to understand, "No thank-you, I am not interested."

After my Dementor presentation, Iruka-sensei came up to me and said, "You have a very active imagination, don't you?" and started to talk about when his parents died. Now, he is my only friend. I think it very sad that the only thing that we have to bond over is dead parents. Despite this, Iruka-sensei is very interesting and a good teacher. His lessons on chakra and battle formations are fascinating; paying attention to them is more interesting than anything else. Iruka-sensei always lets me read ahead and gives me restricted scrolls if ask nicely, too. I'm not sure how I'm going to clear Brother's name, but knowledge and learning is the basis to finding the Truth.

Iruka-sensei has left the room now, and I am reading one of his scrolls when a pink-haired girl comes up to me. I look up at her and she stutters, "Do you, do youwantsomebento, Sasuke-kun?" She pushes a box out at me and bows quickly.

"No," I say, "you can eat it perhaps, or maybe give it that boy in orange who always sits by himself." I am not hungry, and I think that is her only lunch. If she's not hungry, then she give it that boy since he never brings lunch. Maybe his parents aren't good cooks and he throws it out?

"You want me to give it to Naruto?!" the girl shrieks, "He's annoying and stupid and everybody hates him! And so do I!"

"It isn't kind to call people stupid even if they are stupid," I tell her, "and you aren't being nice right now, are you? You didn't like it when those girls weren't nice to you and made fun of your big forehead, so let's be nice to Naruto. That way you'll have good karma."

The girl's lip to tremble and she looks like she is about to cry. This isn't good. There may have been a nicer way of saying that.

The boy in orange—Naruto— sees this and gets up, getting ready to storm over. From what I have seen in the past, this is the part where he yells that he is going to be Hokage and tries to fight someone. Usually, he loses. He's never tried to fight me before, so I wonder how this will turn out. I am good at ninjutsu and book-work, but shifty-eyed Mizuki-sensei says I lack viciousness with my taijutsu. I think not being vicious is a good thing, but then again, I also think not being a child soldier is also a good thing. A lot of people here don't hold my opinion.

"Bastard! You made Sakura-chan cry; now you're going to get it!" Naruto bellows. He falls into fighting stance. There must be something in the water here that makes these children so violent.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you, Sakura, but I don't want to fight you, Naruto. It would upset Iruka-sensei," I tell him, "besides even if we did, you probably would not win."

The boy's whiskered cheeks screw up and his eyes narrow. If my observations are correct, he is about to do something disruptive to the learning experience.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto"—yes I know his name; he announces it every day so I don't know why he's telling it to me again—"and I am going to be Hokage and defeat everyone in the village, starting with you!" He stomps his foot for emphasis.

I stare at him. Nargles chirp. He begins to make handsigns, there is a poof of smoke, and he changes into a….naked woman? My stomach begins to flutter and I lunge forward and grab one of his undulating breasts. I may have come to accept my current body, but that doesn't mean I miss my old one. He stumbles backwards and turns back to an eight-year-old boy.

"You were a boy, then you were a women with breasts," I proclaim reverently, "and then you are a boy again. You are a genius! Teach me, please!"

Naruto blinks slowly as if he cannot believe this happening before pointing a finger at me saying, "You….you…pervert!"

The pink-haired Sakura makes a gagging noise. Nara Shikamaru, sitting a few seats down, lifts his head lazily and blinks at us in cat-like interest. Akimichi Choji munches on yet another chip.

"I'm not a pervert," I clarify, "I'm just curious, so could could you teach that jutsu to me?"

Naruto splutters and begins to respond. He is cut off by a blur of pink and fists. "Sasuke-kun is not a pervert! You're the pervert and you've corrupted him!" Sakura cries, "Why do you have to ruin everything? He was the only boy in our class that didn't pick at his butt or eat boogers!"

I watch their fight in a daze for a moment as Sakura elbows Naruto in the crotch while managing to trap him a headlock at the same time; Sakura is usually so docile. I decide there is definitely something in the water that makes these children violent. I will have to talk to Mr. Hokage-sama about it.

I decide to join in and break the fight up. I cannot have Sakura bludgeon Naruto to death before he teaches me that jutsu. I tackle her from behind and promptly get bitten for my actions. Of course, it is at that moment Iruka-sensei reenters the classroom.

Naruto uses the opportunity to change back into a naked blonde woman. I follow his handsigns and am able to copy him. For one glorious minute, I feel right again. Then, Sakura thwacks both our heads and we poof back into preadolescent boys.

At this point, the classroom is in an uproar and a blushing Iruka-senesei hisses, "Detention, all three of you."

And this is how Sakura, Naruto, and I end in classroom with an increasingly reddening Iruka-sensei and a snickering Mizuki-sensei.

"You two boys are really too young to be using that jutsu," Irunka-sensei stutters,"and Sakura, you cannot just hit someone every time they make you angry. This is the third time this week."

"What do you mean a jutsu like that?" I wonder, "it's not very dangerous or anything. Just very naked. Plus, wouldn't it work as a wonderful distraction technique? We should teach it to everyone!"

"See, I told you, Iruka-sensei," Sakura mutters sulkily, "I only was hitting Naruto because he made Sasuke-kun weird." She leans forward in her seat and whispers behind her hand, "Now, he's a pervert."

Naruto is glaring at the ground hard. I come to his defense and tell everyone, "There is nothing perverted about being naked. It was the way we came into Nature. Why would you think that?"

Iruka-sensei sighs, "You're getting older now, Sasuke, and your body is going to start changing and you may start feeling new things"—Sakura squeaks and Naruto looks like he wants to sink into the floor. I nod. I have only heard the talk from then-Mother and that was as a girl and she talked a lot about sharing auras and Nargle mating-habits—"Under clothes, girl bodies are different than boy bodies and the other way around, and sometimes, as they get older—" Iruka-sensei breaks off.

"And then what? I still don't see why not wearing clothes is a bad thing. Besides, Mizuki-sensei seems to like it; he was reading that magazine with all the breasts and penises the other day when we were taking the theory test, " I rejoin. Mizuki-sensei stops sniggering. Naruto starts sniggering.

"Well, men and women..." Iruka-senesi buries his face in his hands and blurts, "they can have intercourse, and you shouldn't go prancing as a naked woman. It's shameless, and we'll talk more about this during our sexual education unit."

"But, Iruka-sensei…" I protest.

"Sasuke-kun, no," Sakura orders solidly. Besides her, Naruto nods his head empathetically.

"Sasuke, yes," I say before continuing, "how will I understand what's wrong if—"

Iruka-sensei shakes his head and drags Mizuki-sensei out of the room. We are left to polish a mound of dull kunai and shruiken in punishment for disrupting the learning environment. I lean forward to begin the task, but I drop a shruiken when my hand throbs. Naruto eyes me and catches my hand.

"Bastard, what happened to your hands?" he demands angrily, "did someone do this to you? Are they hurting you too?"

I look at my hands: they are torn-up and a few of my fingernails have fallen out. Oh. "I'd forgotten about that," I confess, "I was trying to scrub out the bloodstains out of the floorboards, but they wouldn't come out so I tore them up,"

"Bloodstains?" Sakura asks, green eyes widening.

"Oh, yes, I clean when I'm upset, and I'm upset quite often these days," I say dreamily. I don't want to be thinking about this at school; I think of it quite often when I'm in the empty compound alone at night. Both Naruto and Sakura are looking at me now.

"They think Brother murdered my family," I explain, "but they're wrong. But why did you think someone did this to me 'too'? Does someone do something like that to you? If they did, you should know that is wrong and against the law." Then-Father—no, no I called him Daddy—wrote an article on the neglect that went on in orphanages for selkie pups; I assume it is a criminal offense for child soldiers as well.

Naruto opens and closes his mouth. He says nothing. Usually, Naruto says everything. Silence does not suit him.

Sakura looks at both of us before hesitantly saying, "Naruto, if your parents are—"

"I don't have any parents, and nobody can hurt me," Naruto bites out scowling. Then, he twists his scowl into a grimacing smile and yells, "So I'm going to be strong and the best Hokage ever and the whole village is going to be the family!"

The whole village hates him. I can see that every time I watch him walk into the Academy late and the parents dropping their children off whisper and stare. I cannot understand why though.

Sakura bites her lip and her eyes begin to shimmer. "Do you want—do you want," she hesistates, "to come over for dinner? My parents said I could bring friends over if I want."

"Friends?" Naruto asks, lunging towards her. His face looks so hopeful. Sakura backs away but she nods.

"Friends," I say. I remember the classes with the red-haired girl from my before-life. I remember the black-haired cousin from this life I used to play with from this-life. I miss them both and my chests hurts. "I miss having friends."

"We can be friends," Sakura offers.

Naruto looks eager. "Does this mean we can hug?" he asks, leering as much as an eight-year-old can.

"No!" Sakura snarls, "No touching! It means that we can talk and eat lunch together and study and give each other makeovers. You are learning manners and gonna buy clothes that aren't orange!" She looks at me and hastily reassures me, "Not you though, Sasuke-kun, you are polite and look perfect just the way you are. Just stop changing into naked people, and you'll be fine."

I nod. I think I'm going to like having friends.


Summary: Lunasuke does not understand the public nudity taboo, and Naruto & Lunasuke are pity-friended. Next up: Kakashi and Lunasuke have a conversation on the meaning of life & Team 7 becomes a thing.

Thank-you to anyone that reviewed! I'm not sure who Lunasuke is going to be paired with definitely but it's going to be a loooong way down the road (like 10+ chapters because everyone's 8) and not going to be the main focus. but possible choices are: Hidan or Deidara/Luna to make Itachi's life miserable, Temari/Shikamaru/Luna (for some reason this just sounds really interesting; also Shikamaru-torture), Naruto/Luna, Hinata/Luna, or asexual!Luna x Happiness. brOTPs are gonna be Gaara/Lunasuke and Sakura/Lunasuke, though. And yes, Kyrza, I'm planning some Kakashi-Lunasuke-Itachi interactions in future chapters in which everyone just leaves confused and/or enlightened. To be honest, that was the main reason I wanted to write this fic.