Chapter 3: Regretful Melody
Before he walked away, he looked at her. Such a stare. She almost shuddered, yet
there was something else. A distant thought that peered at her from the corner of her mind vision. It danced and shimmered there until she turned to confront it and learn of it, then it dashed away. Quite frustrating, so frustrating in fact that she refused to think about it anymore.
Escaping from all thought, she drew her sword, watching the rising sun glimmer off its unblemished surface. It's feel seeping deep into her consciousness. She began the forms, slow at first then speeding up to rapid succession. Somehow, no matter how many times she did this it always managed to soothe and challenge her. She pushed herself constantly questioning if she could go any faster or any more precise. It was a comforting procedure. It reminded her of things. The things that danced behind her mind vision. Maybe, if she did it fast enough and perfect enough she could catch them before they disappeared.
"What are you doing?" Her master's voice cut through her and she sheathed her sword with such speed it was a wonder she didn't accidentally impale herself with her own blade. "Just stop, right there!" He had never been so sharp in speech with her. It surprised her and she froze half way into her kneel.
"It displeases you, master?" She was being bold asking him a question like that, but it seemed that if she didn't ask she would never know how she was to behave. He took a deep intake of breath, calming himself.
"Yes, it does." She stood straight. "What was the first command I gave you, child?" She took a moment to give that hard thought.
"Be who you are," she quoted. "Master."
"Yes, and you aren't doing that, are you?"
"Yes, master, I am."
"No, no you're not. If I had not come a few minutes ago what would you be doing?" She glanced at her sword hilt at her hip. "Exactly." She thought he smiled slightly. Then he did the impossible, or so it seemed to Meleyal. He unsheathed his sword from the ivory scabbard. "Move with me." Time slowed. That phrase. She knew it. The voice. She knew it. Thinking furiously, she did as commanded. They began, mirror images of each other, right down to their blades. She had never paid much attention to his sword before. There was something about it. The hilt was traditionally, or perhaps it wasn't traditional, wrapped with strips of ivory cloth. There really was no crossguard to speak of. The blade was beautiful with its slight curve. She recognized it, every detail was exactly like her own. This man, this creature, possessed a Tegyrn blade! Such a revelation. Tegyrn. She had. . .no, no she hadn't. Another fantasy. Mestronia had been her only home. Or, at least the only home she knew of.
"Prepare to die," was the abrupt cry. Stunned, she fell out of form. It was her friend's, no her master's voice, yet why should he say such things to her when all she was doing was what he himself had commanded? Reason told her to run, but she had long ago left reason behind. Her training told her that he had every right to take her life, and she should take it with elegance. How odd, she thought as she knelt to his inevitable stroke, that she had escaped Berihn's sword to be killed by her master who had chosen her from many others of more value.
"What do you call that move?" This was the worst deja vu she had ever experienced. It was even worse than her dreams. She was absolutely certain that this had all happened before, but that could not be. She put a hand to her temple to soothe the thoughts.
He cursed himself, again and again. It was too soon. He had really done it that time. She really thought he was going to kill her. Imagine. It had been going so well. He reasoned it safe to try to probe her memory. It seemed that recognition had flashed in her midnight eyes when he had bid her to move with him. At least she did remember what he had taught her. Anything else, he supposed, was too much to hope for. Yet how could it be that she not remember? His appearance indeed had been altered, but he was still the same person. While she on the other hand, looked exactly the same, but it was not his Jaylin who knelt before him. Revelation was upon him now as he stared at her. Be who you are, he had told her then it angered him to see that she was doing exactly that. No, that wasn't quite right. That did not anger him, it was the fact that her personality had been altered so completely that being herself meant being someone entirely different than the one he knew. He had to accept that for them to move onward.
"Rise, child," he bid her. He couldn't tell for sure, but he thought there was relief in her expression and motion as she stood. "I would speak with you." She gave a slight shrug of confusion, but she came to sit on the ground close to him.
"Tell me," he began. "All you can remember."
"Everything master?" Zel gestured to the sleeping Zolf.
"We have the time." She gave a stuttered half laugh.
"I hardly know where to begin, master."
"How about Tegyrn? All Mestronian slaves originally lived in Tegyrn."
"Of that I'm afraid I can tell you nothing, master."
Though it wasn't from lack of trying on her part. She was trying. She had been trying. Ever since she had met this man she had been trying. Yet trying wasn't getting her anywhere, except closer to a headache. There was nothing before Mestronia, nothing. Except. . .except the. . .the.
"Sword!" She sprang away from him as though afraid it would come to life.
"Yes?" He probed. "What of it?" Her arms wrapped themselves around her. She was shaking, oh why? As quickly as she had jumped up she was again back on the ground. There was a sword, its gleam brilliant in the light, and in its reflection was . . . was. She massaged her temples, begging the memory to come into focus. Not so fast, slow down, I can't quite see. Then came other memories. Flashes of pain. Flashes of torture. Flashes of her own breaking. She hugged herself closer to ward these off, concentrating on the reflection in the sword blade. The sword blade that had vanished in the swallowing darkness of Mestronia.
"No," she sobbed. "No, I can't see. I don't know."
What had he done? If he wasn't careful he was going to destroy her completely. She writhed before him, curling herself into a smaller and smaller ball, trying to shut out something that was going on inside her head. He hesitated. Perhaps it would be worse for her should he try to bring her out of it. Perhaps she would remain like that unless he did try to bring her out of it. In the end, he knelt to grasp her tiny shoulders. He pulled her to her feet and shook her slightly. Her eyes looked beyond, haunted.
"Come back," he commanded. "Come back!" Her tense muscles relaxed completely and he laid her out in the grass. That was it. He was not going to try to revive her memory ever again. Anything that could bring her this much pain that was brought on by him was intolerable. It would just have to suffice that she was with him, that was just it. She lay limp, her breathing becoming more regular. Her eyes focused on him and she began to sit up, but he held her with an upraised hand.
"Stay. I'm not displeased by this. I'm going to leave you for a little while, but I shall return. You will be here?" She swallowed and nodded, still not quite back to normal. It would do her good to be away from him, he decided and stood.
He did not return until well after nightfall. Jaylin had covered Zolf with her cloak to shield him from the nighttime chill. She was curled next to the fire, asleep. So small. She was so small and he had hurt her. He, who had once been her closest friend in the world. From now on, he vowed, he had to be careful. Careful in speech, and motion. She was so delicate, and it was now obvious that he could shatter her with his insistent prodding. Shaking his head at himself he lay down as close to her still form as he dared, so he could watch the rise and fall of her breathing until dawn. And then, then they would depart in search of Lina Inverse.
Her ears pricked at the sound. He had returned. She fought the urge to prop herself on her elbows to regard him. His eyes, his cold blue eyes, were studying her closely. There was no sound, he never managed to make any sound, yet she could sense all his movements. For all his strangeness, she felt better knowing he was there. True, he made her remember things she'd rather not remember, but being with him might get her closer to her ultimate goal of remembering who she had been before Mestronia. She gave a slight shuddering sigh and allowed the feeling of his presence to lull her to sleep.
The reflection in the sword blade came into focus. A boy. The boy. Every night she had to re-recognize him. He came to her in her dreams so often it was always surprising to her that it took her so long to realize who it was. He reached for her hand which she gave to him willingly. She trusted him. She did not even know his name, but she trusted him. They were friends. He smiled.
"Jaylin," he spoke the name as if it should mean something in a tone soft and soothing, but it was the voice itself that frightened her the most. It was the voice of her master from the tongue of this boy. Only, it wasn't him anymore. Her hand was now encompassed by stone. The hands of the chimera who now owned her. Trying to regain possession of her hand she screamed.
And then it was sunrise. Hallowed blessed sunrise. A dream, Meleyal, only a dream. Yes, so if that was a dream, then what was she doing here? What was wrong with her memory retention these days? She didn't know who she was beyond that she was called Meleyal, and she didn't know what she was doing in the middle of the woods by herself. No, not quite right. There was a man closeby. He was watching her. His name was Zolf. All right, that was fine. He was a servant. She was a slave. Ah, the revelation that comes with sunrise. A slave. Someone owned her. She wasn't alone. They were here waiting for Zolf to recover enough to walk.
"You're awake," there was the voice that she knew. It had a calming effect on her nerves. Such a soothing tone.
"Good morning, Zel," she greeted without turning around. That was natural. This was familiar. Familiar, and yet odd.
"The same to you," came the slightly surprised return. This was the beginning of a great day. For the first time she felt completely whole and without fear. Unfortunately, as soon as it had begun the memories were suddenly withheld from her. She had made the mistake of turning around. Her master was there, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed, regarding her with the beginnings of a smile on his stone face. Her master. Why must everything be so confusing? As though she were trying to keep straight two completely different lives. Every time she turned around there was something that she should know, yet had to really think on before she got it. And now that she had it, the rest came back.
This man was her master. This man was a chimera. This man was dangerous. She knelt, awaiting his command.
So close. She had been so close. Why had she turned around? She had almost had it. She had even unknowingly said his name. Now, it was gone. Whatever progress she had made was gone. His hopes depleted a bit as he watched her kneel, knowing that she had suppressed all knowledge of "Zel" when she had seen him. That was fine, for now. He could savor that moment when she had bid him good morning for a long time. So he let her stay kneeling for a moment while he roused Zolf.
"We are ready to leave if you are," he told his servant. Zolf stood. The healing spell had finished its work and he was once again whole. "Come then." He stooped to get Jaylin's cloak from the ground. When he passed her, he draped it around her shoulders. "You are accompanying us as well, I trust?" She rose, securing the cloak so it wouldn't fall off.
"Of course, master."
"We're off then." She followed diligently behind while Zelgadis trotted up a few paces to walk with Zolf. He was certain his servant would have a few questions and he had some as well.
"She's my slave," he started right off answering the typical first inquiry he knew was to come. Zolf nodded.
"Why is she here though? You have no use for slaves such as her."
"Rezo seems to think differently. I took her only to save his reputation. She was originally supposed to belong to him. He, however, gave her to me."
"I would have thought you'd have abandoned or sold her by now."
"I selected her myself. She's very special to me. Understand?"
"Yes lord."
"Good."
"There is something I don't understand though. Why did you choose a Black?"
"I told you, she's special."
"Is she the one you have been looking--?"
"Yes. She is the one."
"Extraordinary. Surely she does not remember?"
"I'm not sure. You see, every once in a while she will remember bits and pieces, but never enough for the whole thing to become clear. Just this morning she called me by my name, yet I don't think she really knew what she was doing. When I persuade her to think on her past it brings back memories of her breaking that are too painful for her to deal with. She suppresses them along with any knowledge of her previous life with me. A defense of the mind. That is why I am not trying to get her to remember anything, and you are to do likewise."
"Of course." Zel nodded and dropped back a pace to speak with Jaylin.
"You, child, are caught up in something very serious," he told her in a low tone. She gazed at him, interested and attentive. "Zolf and I have been searching for an item for a long time. Now, we know where it is and who has it. For us to retrieve it I need you not to be surprised by anything that happens."
"Yes, master."
"And you must be confident. Remember, you carry a sword and you have the knowledge of how it is used."
"Yes, master. I will do as you say."
"Good girl."
They walked for the better part of the day. None of them being very talkative, there was no further conversation. Each brooded their own separate thoughts. Meleyal went back in her memory as far as she dared. Zelgadis went over his plan countless times. Zolf's only thought was of taking his revenge on Lina Inverse. It was only at late afternoon when Zolf began to question his lord.
"Where exactly are we going?" He asked him bravely. Such was the privilege of being a servant.
"I'm following the sense of her aura. I have no perception of where that will be, but my guess is that she is traveling to Atlas City."
"You are going to risk going into a city that large?"
"No, I plan on overtaking her long before she reaches it."
"What if she will not be reasonable?"
"We will worry about that when it happens."
"Surely, you don't think you can just walk up to her and ask for her to give it back."
"I intend on paying for it."
"What if she won't sell?"
"As I said we'll worry about that when it happens. Silence now, Zolf, we have to find her first."
"Master!" His hand moved instinctively to his sword when he heard her astonished cry. "Master, look." She was becoming more brave with every moment. No slave would address their master in such a manner unless they were completely at ease with him.
"What is it, child?" As he neared the top of the hill where she was calling him from his mouth dropped open in surprise. A huge smoking crater lay at the bottom. A huge smoking crater that had once been a town. What could have destroyed it so utterly?
"Zolf," he beckoned him. "Exactly how strong of a sorceress is Lina Inverse?"
"It is rumored that she is the strongest sorceress alive."
"Perhaps those rumors are true. Her presence is strong here."
"But why would she just blow up an entire village?"
"I'm sure there was a reason. In any case, she isn't too far ahead of us now. I doubt she made it any further than the next town. If we hurry, we can catch her tonight." Pulling his mask into place, he started off again, not even bothering to see if his servant and slave were following. He was so close now. Soon, Jaylin, you'll remember soon. He could hear her behind him. Even though she was extremely petite, she kept pace with her master easily. Her light footsteps causing only the slightest stirring of the dust that covered all these dry country roads. There was another sound that he distinguished as neither human nor bird, but somewhere in-between. In a moment, he realized it was Jaylin, humming. Wondering why she was doing that, he walked on, leaving her be. If it was calming or helpful to her, then it was fine with him. Besides, he knew the tune.
She hummed because she found it incredibly soothing. It was familiar. Anything familiar was worth hanging on to. There was a memory that came with the tune. She knew she could bring it up if she could only remember the words and the person who sang them. When. The first word was when. All well and good, Meleyal, all well and good. When la la la la la. Oh, how did the rest of it go? She listened to herself. Willing the notes into words. When la la la la la.
"When there is no one near," she heard her master softly sing under his breath. Her master? No, just his voice. His attention was still on the trail ahead, yet somehow his voice had whispered the first line in her ear. There was a bond there, somehow, with that song. She willed the voice to say more, but he refused. That was all right. He had given her what she needed. When there is no one near. There, that was it. Wonderful. Now for the memory part. That was what she had really been after. A memory. Of anything, really. Just something from her other life. A clue to what she had been before Meleyal. She had never given it any diligent thought, but Master seemed to think that there had been someone before Meleyal and so she must try to find out. Now she thought he might be right. All the things she had thought were dreams might in fact be real. If only she could grasp them and keep them. Concentrating hard, she took a step back in her mind, and saw.
"Turned your sword in for a guitar I see," said Zel as he rather disappointedly sheathed his blade.
"I don't have a sword so I can't turn it in now can I," she replied, teasing him. "The only way my mother would let me out of the house today was on an oath that I would practice this loathsome thing."
"All right then." In a smooth, all his movements were smooth, motion he swept his arm, gesturing to her rock. He called it her rock because it was her favorite perch to watch him, talk to him, and just about anything else one would need to sit down to do. Her rock. But who was her? The question blurred the image and she forced it down. She had to be content to just watch this time. Too much at once would spoil all.
She sat, guitar resting on her knee. He positioned himself on the grass as was their private arrangement. His blue eyes twinkled as he smiled up at her, but then, they always twinkled. "I pray thee, fair maiden, to strum me a tune."
"What sort of tune handsome woodsman?"
"Oh, I don't care. Something soft and soothing, but not melancholy."
"Don't know anything like that."
"Make it up then."
"You don't just make a song up."
"Why not?"
"You're impossible."
"Thank you."
"Okay, here goes, but don't expect it to be good."
"Fair deal." She thought a moment then positioned her fingers. They seemed to move by themselves as the melody caught on the air and floated all around her. It was a magical feeling. Very magical. Wait a minute.
"Zel," she reprimanded, stopping the song.
"Say, don't stop. You're doing great."
"You didn't cast a spell on me or anything like that did you?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Well, that song just kind of happened and that usually isn't natural."
"You're just talented that's all. I didn't do anything." She believed him of course. If it had been anyone else but him, she would have doubted. However, with him it was enough if he said it was so. There was never anything but the truth between them. That was as it should be. "So, are you going to keep on?"
"Yes, but it needs something. Why don't you sing with me?"
"Words?"
"What else?"
"You don't just make up words to a song you know."
"Why not?"
"Now who's impossible?"
"Me? Why thank you."
"No fair, that's my routine."
"Interesting how it all turns back on itself isn't it?"
"All right, you win." He smiled at her as she began the song again. "When there is no one near. When you feel lost and afraid. Listen and you will hear a distant serenade. Voices from long ago aren't really so far away. They'll heal an aching soul with their distant serenade. It's a melody that keeps on beckoning, comfort one another. Be what only you can be, strengthen each other. Maybe the time will come when you'll join an eternal parade of all the lives who've loved and sung a distant serenade."
"That was wonderful, Zel."
"Well, in any case, can you put that thing down now?"
"Yes, I think that's enough practice for today."
"Meaning we can get on with your other lessons?"
"Ready when you are." He might have taken it lightly, but she stored it deep under lock and key. It was now their song and she would treasure it above everything. Even in Mestronia when it was really bad. . .
Her throat constricted. Don't do this, Meleyal. It was too late now. She had gone too deep. She bit her lip. How many times had she hummed that song? Even when the words became faint and gone. She had it running through her mind all the while they. . .they. .
"Oh," she cried out as her knees buckled and she crumpled into a tight protective ball. Using every ounce of her will to banish the images, and the pain. Why couldn't she only call up the good memories? The ones before Mestronia? Why must all her attempts end like this?
Zelgadis noticed that the humming had ceased. That was not unusual, yet there was the sense of something being wrong. He turned to find her on the ground. She had been trying to remember things again. He immediately felt guilty. It was his fault she was doing this. If he had not asked her about her past she could have left it alone and been spared all this. Calling to Zolf, who was a few paces ahead, to wait a moment, he stepped back to grab his slave's tiny shoulders. She flinched away from the touch.
"Come on," he beckoned her, gently at first then more loudly and forceful when she did not respond. "Come on!"
She heard. It was coming from beyond the walls, beyond the chains, beyond the pain. Beyond. All she had to do was follow it to get out. That was all. Follow it and you will be free. She focused on the sound, and on the hands that gripped her shoulders so hard, and back to reality.
Shaken, she didn't even realize what she was doing. Panting, she held onto her master's arms as for her life. Then pressed herself close against him in a move that would have gotten her into great disfavor had her master been anyone other than who he was. However, because he was who he was, he permitted her to seek refuge in his arms.
"Thank the Light," she heard him whisper as she held completely still, waiting for her breathing to slow. Here Meleyal, she thought. It is safe here.
"Is everything all right, lord?" The sorcerer came to join them.
"Yes, Zolf, everything is fine now." He rose, helping her up as well. "And since it is so let's continue. I'm sure we will find her in the next village." Zolf shrugged, but the look in his eye spoke of the questions he would have later. No time to worry about that now. "Child," she still clung to his arm, whether for protection or for fear she would fall he couldn't guess. At his summons, she released him and stepped away, obviously embarrassed at her action. "Why don't you walk ahead for a while? I would be very sorry if this were to happen again and I not notice you were not behind me." She trotted ahead, eager to obey after her performance. While she went forward, Zolf stepped back.
"I don't suppose," he began as he fixed his glove. "That I might be permitted to ask a question?"
"Ask as you would," Zelgadis prompted, giving no promise of answering.
"What exactly happened back there?"
"I don't really know. I doubt that she knows. She was bringing up a memory and it turned out to be one she didn't want to remember. It's painful for her."
"And for you?"
"What I feel is beyond you." The sorcerer shrugged. Zelgadis found that habit annoying.
"You don't really want her to remember who you are do you?"
"Of course I do."
"No, if you did you would have told her exactly who you are. As it is now you haven't even told her your name."
"I would rather she remember on her own."
"You're afraid of what she might think of you."
"That's enough Zolf." The pitch was low and dangerous. If Zolf had any sense he would drop the matter. As it turned out, Zolf had a shred left and he fell into silence.
But it was entirely too late. He was, of course, absolutely right. Zelgadis really was frightened. He would never let anyone see it. Zolf only knew because he had been with Zelgadis for years and guessed how his mind worked most of the time. What would she think of him? If she knew that the monster who was her master was the very same person who had taught her the sword, her very best friend, what would she do? She would be repulsed of course. She was, in fact, disgusted with every detail about him now. Now, when she didn't know who he was. Would she be able to accept the change? He pondered her action. Why had she buried herself in his rocky embrace? Was it simply because he happened to be there, or was it something more? She couldn't care for him. It wasn't possible.
A sudden thought crossed his mind, causing him to smile. It really didn't matter what she would have thought because he would be normal again soon. All he had to do was find Lina Inverse and life would be simple again.
Before he walked away, he looked at her. Such a stare. She almost shuddered, yet
there was something else. A distant thought that peered at her from the corner of her mind vision. It danced and shimmered there until she turned to confront it and learn of it, then it dashed away. Quite frustrating, so frustrating in fact that she refused to think about it anymore.
Escaping from all thought, she drew her sword, watching the rising sun glimmer off its unblemished surface. It's feel seeping deep into her consciousness. She began the forms, slow at first then speeding up to rapid succession. Somehow, no matter how many times she did this it always managed to soothe and challenge her. She pushed herself constantly questioning if she could go any faster or any more precise. It was a comforting procedure. It reminded her of things. The things that danced behind her mind vision. Maybe, if she did it fast enough and perfect enough she could catch them before they disappeared.
"What are you doing?" Her master's voice cut through her and she sheathed her sword with such speed it was a wonder she didn't accidentally impale herself with her own blade. "Just stop, right there!" He had never been so sharp in speech with her. It surprised her and she froze half way into her kneel.
"It displeases you, master?" She was being bold asking him a question like that, but it seemed that if she didn't ask she would never know how she was to behave. He took a deep intake of breath, calming himself.
"Yes, it does." She stood straight. "What was the first command I gave you, child?" She took a moment to give that hard thought.
"Be who you are," she quoted. "Master."
"Yes, and you aren't doing that, are you?"
"Yes, master, I am."
"No, no you're not. If I had not come a few minutes ago what would you be doing?" She glanced at her sword hilt at her hip. "Exactly." She thought he smiled slightly. Then he did the impossible, or so it seemed to Meleyal. He unsheathed his sword from the ivory scabbard. "Move with me." Time slowed. That phrase. She knew it. The voice. She knew it. Thinking furiously, she did as commanded. They began, mirror images of each other, right down to their blades. She had never paid much attention to his sword before. There was something about it. The hilt was traditionally, or perhaps it wasn't traditional, wrapped with strips of ivory cloth. There really was no crossguard to speak of. The blade was beautiful with its slight curve. She recognized it, every detail was exactly like her own. This man, this creature, possessed a Tegyrn blade! Such a revelation. Tegyrn. She had. . .no, no she hadn't. Another fantasy. Mestronia had been her only home. Or, at least the only home she knew of.
"Prepare to die," was the abrupt cry. Stunned, she fell out of form. It was her friend's, no her master's voice, yet why should he say such things to her when all she was doing was what he himself had commanded? Reason told her to run, but she had long ago left reason behind. Her training told her that he had every right to take her life, and she should take it with elegance. How odd, she thought as she knelt to his inevitable stroke, that she had escaped Berihn's sword to be killed by her master who had chosen her from many others of more value.
"What do you call that move?" This was the worst deja vu she had ever experienced. It was even worse than her dreams. She was absolutely certain that this had all happened before, but that could not be. She put a hand to her temple to soothe the thoughts.
He cursed himself, again and again. It was too soon. He had really done it that time. She really thought he was going to kill her. Imagine. It had been going so well. He reasoned it safe to try to probe her memory. It seemed that recognition had flashed in her midnight eyes when he had bid her to move with him. At least she did remember what he had taught her. Anything else, he supposed, was too much to hope for. Yet how could it be that she not remember? His appearance indeed had been altered, but he was still the same person. While she on the other hand, looked exactly the same, but it was not his Jaylin who knelt before him. Revelation was upon him now as he stared at her. Be who you are, he had told her then it angered him to see that she was doing exactly that. No, that wasn't quite right. That did not anger him, it was the fact that her personality had been altered so completely that being herself meant being someone entirely different than the one he knew. He had to accept that for them to move onward.
"Rise, child," he bid her. He couldn't tell for sure, but he thought there was relief in her expression and motion as she stood. "I would speak with you." She gave a slight shrug of confusion, but she came to sit on the ground close to him.
"Tell me," he began. "All you can remember."
"Everything master?" Zel gestured to the sleeping Zolf.
"We have the time." She gave a stuttered half laugh.
"I hardly know where to begin, master."
"How about Tegyrn? All Mestronian slaves originally lived in Tegyrn."
"Of that I'm afraid I can tell you nothing, master."
Though it wasn't from lack of trying on her part. She was trying. She had been trying. Ever since she had met this man she had been trying. Yet trying wasn't getting her anywhere, except closer to a headache. There was nothing before Mestronia, nothing. Except. . .except the. . .the.
"Sword!" She sprang away from him as though afraid it would come to life.
"Yes?" He probed. "What of it?" Her arms wrapped themselves around her. She was shaking, oh why? As quickly as she had jumped up she was again back on the ground. There was a sword, its gleam brilliant in the light, and in its reflection was . . . was. She massaged her temples, begging the memory to come into focus. Not so fast, slow down, I can't quite see. Then came other memories. Flashes of pain. Flashes of torture. Flashes of her own breaking. She hugged herself closer to ward these off, concentrating on the reflection in the sword blade. The sword blade that had vanished in the swallowing darkness of Mestronia.
"No," she sobbed. "No, I can't see. I don't know."
What had he done? If he wasn't careful he was going to destroy her completely. She writhed before him, curling herself into a smaller and smaller ball, trying to shut out something that was going on inside her head. He hesitated. Perhaps it would be worse for her should he try to bring her out of it. Perhaps she would remain like that unless he did try to bring her out of it. In the end, he knelt to grasp her tiny shoulders. He pulled her to her feet and shook her slightly. Her eyes looked beyond, haunted.
"Come back," he commanded. "Come back!" Her tense muscles relaxed completely and he laid her out in the grass. That was it. He was not going to try to revive her memory ever again. Anything that could bring her this much pain that was brought on by him was intolerable. It would just have to suffice that she was with him, that was just it. She lay limp, her breathing becoming more regular. Her eyes focused on him and she began to sit up, but he held her with an upraised hand.
"Stay. I'm not displeased by this. I'm going to leave you for a little while, but I shall return. You will be here?" She swallowed and nodded, still not quite back to normal. It would do her good to be away from him, he decided and stood.
He did not return until well after nightfall. Jaylin had covered Zolf with her cloak to shield him from the nighttime chill. She was curled next to the fire, asleep. So small. She was so small and he had hurt her. He, who had once been her closest friend in the world. From now on, he vowed, he had to be careful. Careful in speech, and motion. She was so delicate, and it was now obvious that he could shatter her with his insistent prodding. Shaking his head at himself he lay down as close to her still form as he dared, so he could watch the rise and fall of her breathing until dawn. And then, then they would depart in search of Lina Inverse.
Her ears pricked at the sound. He had returned. She fought the urge to prop herself on her elbows to regard him. His eyes, his cold blue eyes, were studying her closely. There was no sound, he never managed to make any sound, yet she could sense all his movements. For all his strangeness, she felt better knowing he was there. True, he made her remember things she'd rather not remember, but being with him might get her closer to her ultimate goal of remembering who she had been before Mestronia. She gave a slight shuddering sigh and allowed the feeling of his presence to lull her to sleep.
The reflection in the sword blade came into focus. A boy. The boy. Every night she had to re-recognize him. He came to her in her dreams so often it was always surprising to her that it took her so long to realize who it was. He reached for her hand which she gave to him willingly. She trusted him. She did not even know his name, but she trusted him. They were friends. He smiled.
"Jaylin," he spoke the name as if it should mean something in a tone soft and soothing, but it was the voice itself that frightened her the most. It was the voice of her master from the tongue of this boy. Only, it wasn't him anymore. Her hand was now encompassed by stone. The hands of the chimera who now owned her. Trying to regain possession of her hand she screamed.
And then it was sunrise. Hallowed blessed sunrise. A dream, Meleyal, only a dream. Yes, so if that was a dream, then what was she doing here? What was wrong with her memory retention these days? She didn't know who she was beyond that she was called Meleyal, and she didn't know what she was doing in the middle of the woods by herself. No, not quite right. There was a man closeby. He was watching her. His name was Zolf. All right, that was fine. He was a servant. She was a slave. Ah, the revelation that comes with sunrise. A slave. Someone owned her. She wasn't alone. They were here waiting for Zolf to recover enough to walk.
"You're awake," there was the voice that she knew. It had a calming effect on her nerves. Such a soothing tone.
"Good morning, Zel," she greeted without turning around. That was natural. This was familiar. Familiar, and yet odd.
"The same to you," came the slightly surprised return. This was the beginning of a great day. For the first time she felt completely whole and without fear. Unfortunately, as soon as it had begun the memories were suddenly withheld from her. She had made the mistake of turning around. Her master was there, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed, regarding her with the beginnings of a smile on his stone face. Her master. Why must everything be so confusing? As though she were trying to keep straight two completely different lives. Every time she turned around there was something that she should know, yet had to really think on before she got it. And now that she had it, the rest came back.
This man was her master. This man was a chimera. This man was dangerous. She knelt, awaiting his command.
So close. She had been so close. Why had she turned around? She had almost had it. She had even unknowingly said his name. Now, it was gone. Whatever progress she had made was gone. His hopes depleted a bit as he watched her kneel, knowing that she had suppressed all knowledge of "Zel" when she had seen him. That was fine, for now. He could savor that moment when she had bid him good morning for a long time. So he let her stay kneeling for a moment while he roused Zolf.
"We are ready to leave if you are," he told his servant. Zolf stood. The healing spell had finished its work and he was once again whole. "Come then." He stooped to get Jaylin's cloak from the ground. When he passed her, he draped it around her shoulders. "You are accompanying us as well, I trust?" She rose, securing the cloak so it wouldn't fall off.
"Of course, master."
"We're off then." She followed diligently behind while Zelgadis trotted up a few paces to walk with Zolf. He was certain his servant would have a few questions and he had some as well.
"She's my slave," he started right off answering the typical first inquiry he knew was to come. Zolf nodded.
"Why is she here though? You have no use for slaves such as her."
"Rezo seems to think differently. I took her only to save his reputation. She was originally supposed to belong to him. He, however, gave her to me."
"I would have thought you'd have abandoned or sold her by now."
"I selected her myself. She's very special to me. Understand?"
"Yes lord."
"Good."
"There is something I don't understand though. Why did you choose a Black?"
"I told you, she's special."
"Is she the one you have been looking--?"
"Yes. She is the one."
"Extraordinary. Surely she does not remember?"
"I'm not sure. You see, every once in a while she will remember bits and pieces, but never enough for the whole thing to become clear. Just this morning she called me by my name, yet I don't think she really knew what she was doing. When I persuade her to think on her past it brings back memories of her breaking that are too painful for her to deal with. She suppresses them along with any knowledge of her previous life with me. A defense of the mind. That is why I am not trying to get her to remember anything, and you are to do likewise."
"Of course." Zel nodded and dropped back a pace to speak with Jaylin.
"You, child, are caught up in something very serious," he told her in a low tone. She gazed at him, interested and attentive. "Zolf and I have been searching for an item for a long time. Now, we know where it is and who has it. For us to retrieve it I need you not to be surprised by anything that happens."
"Yes, master."
"And you must be confident. Remember, you carry a sword and you have the knowledge of how it is used."
"Yes, master. I will do as you say."
"Good girl."
They walked for the better part of the day. None of them being very talkative, there was no further conversation. Each brooded their own separate thoughts. Meleyal went back in her memory as far as she dared. Zelgadis went over his plan countless times. Zolf's only thought was of taking his revenge on Lina Inverse. It was only at late afternoon when Zolf began to question his lord.
"Where exactly are we going?" He asked him bravely. Such was the privilege of being a servant.
"I'm following the sense of her aura. I have no perception of where that will be, but my guess is that she is traveling to Atlas City."
"You are going to risk going into a city that large?"
"No, I plan on overtaking her long before she reaches it."
"What if she will not be reasonable?"
"We will worry about that when it happens."
"Surely, you don't think you can just walk up to her and ask for her to give it back."
"I intend on paying for it."
"What if she won't sell?"
"As I said we'll worry about that when it happens. Silence now, Zolf, we have to find her first."
"Master!" His hand moved instinctively to his sword when he heard her astonished cry. "Master, look." She was becoming more brave with every moment. No slave would address their master in such a manner unless they were completely at ease with him.
"What is it, child?" As he neared the top of the hill where she was calling him from his mouth dropped open in surprise. A huge smoking crater lay at the bottom. A huge smoking crater that had once been a town. What could have destroyed it so utterly?
"Zolf," he beckoned him. "Exactly how strong of a sorceress is Lina Inverse?"
"It is rumored that she is the strongest sorceress alive."
"Perhaps those rumors are true. Her presence is strong here."
"But why would she just blow up an entire village?"
"I'm sure there was a reason. In any case, she isn't too far ahead of us now. I doubt she made it any further than the next town. If we hurry, we can catch her tonight." Pulling his mask into place, he started off again, not even bothering to see if his servant and slave were following. He was so close now. Soon, Jaylin, you'll remember soon. He could hear her behind him. Even though she was extremely petite, she kept pace with her master easily. Her light footsteps causing only the slightest stirring of the dust that covered all these dry country roads. There was another sound that he distinguished as neither human nor bird, but somewhere in-between. In a moment, he realized it was Jaylin, humming. Wondering why she was doing that, he walked on, leaving her be. If it was calming or helpful to her, then it was fine with him. Besides, he knew the tune.
She hummed because she found it incredibly soothing. It was familiar. Anything familiar was worth hanging on to. There was a memory that came with the tune. She knew she could bring it up if she could only remember the words and the person who sang them. When. The first word was when. All well and good, Meleyal, all well and good. When la la la la la. Oh, how did the rest of it go? She listened to herself. Willing the notes into words. When la la la la la.
"When there is no one near," she heard her master softly sing under his breath. Her master? No, just his voice. His attention was still on the trail ahead, yet somehow his voice had whispered the first line in her ear. There was a bond there, somehow, with that song. She willed the voice to say more, but he refused. That was all right. He had given her what she needed. When there is no one near. There, that was it. Wonderful. Now for the memory part. That was what she had really been after. A memory. Of anything, really. Just something from her other life. A clue to what she had been before Meleyal. She had never given it any diligent thought, but Master seemed to think that there had been someone before Meleyal and so she must try to find out. Now she thought he might be right. All the things she had thought were dreams might in fact be real. If only she could grasp them and keep them. Concentrating hard, she took a step back in her mind, and saw.
"Turned your sword in for a guitar I see," said Zel as he rather disappointedly sheathed his blade.
"I don't have a sword so I can't turn it in now can I," she replied, teasing him. "The only way my mother would let me out of the house today was on an oath that I would practice this loathsome thing."
"All right then." In a smooth, all his movements were smooth, motion he swept his arm, gesturing to her rock. He called it her rock because it was her favorite perch to watch him, talk to him, and just about anything else one would need to sit down to do. Her rock. But who was her? The question blurred the image and she forced it down. She had to be content to just watch this time. Too much at once would spoil all.
She sat, guitar resting on her knee. He positioned himself on the grass as was their private arrangement. His blue eyes twinkled as he smiled up at her, but then, they always twinkled. "I pray thee, fair maiden, to strum me a tune."
"What sort of tune handsome woodsman?"
"Oh, I don't care. Something soft and soothing, but not melancholy."
"Don't know anything like that."
"Make it up then."
"You don't just make a song up."
"Why not?"
"You're impossible."
"Thank you."
"Okay, here goes, but don't expect it to be good."
"Fair deal." She thought a moment then positioned her fingers. They seemed to move by themselves as the melody caught on the air and floated all around her. It was a magical feeling. Very magical. Wait a minute.
"Zel," she reprimanded, stopping the song.
"Say, don't stop. You're doing great."
"You didn't cast a spell on me or anything like that did you?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Well, that song just kind of happened and that usually isn't natural."
"You're just talented that's all. I didn't do anything." She believed him of course. If it had been anyone else but him, she would have doubted. However, with him it was enough if he said it was so. There was never anything but the truth between them. That was as it should be. "So, are you going to keep on?"
"Yes, but it needs something. Why don't you sing with me?"
"Words?"
"What else?"
"You don't just make up words to a song you know."
"Why not?"
"Now who's impossible?"
"Me? Why thank you."
"No fair, that's my routine."
"Interesting how it all turns back on itself isn't it?"
"All right, you win." He smiled at her as she began the song again. "When there is no one near. When you feel lost and afraid. Listen and you will hear a distant serenade. Voices from long ago aren't really so far away. They'll heal an aching soul with their distant serenade. It's a melody that keeps on beckoning, comfort one another. Be what only you can be, strengthen each other. Maybe the time will come when you'll join an eternal parade of all the lives who've loved and sung a distant serenade."
"That was wonderful, Zel."
"Well, in any case, can you put that thing down now?"
"Yes, I think that's enough practice for today."
"Meaning we can get on with your other lessons?"
"Ready when you are." He might have taken it lightly, but she stored it deep under lock and key. It was now their song and she would treasure it above everything. Even in Mestronia when it was really bad. . .
Her throat constricted. Don't do this, Meleyal. It was too late now. She had gone too deep. She bit her lip. How many times had she hummed that song? Even when the words became faint and gone. She had it running through her mind all the while they. . .they. .
"Oh," she cried out as her knees buckled and she crumpled into a tight protective ball. Using every ounce of her will to banish the images, and the pain. Why couldn't she only call up the good memories? The ones before Mestronia? Why must all her attempts end like this?
Zelgadis noticed that the humming had ceased. That was not unusual, yet there was the sense of something being wrong. He turned to find her on the ground. She had been trying to remember things again. He immediately felt guilty. It was his fault she was doing this. If he had not asked her about her past she could have left it alone and been spared all this. Calling to Zolf, who was a few paces ahead, to wait a moment, he stepped back to grab his slave's tiny shoulders. She flinched away from the touch.
"Come on," he beckoned her, gently at first then more loudly and forceful when she did not respond. "Come on!"
She heard. It was coming from beyond the walls, beyond the chains, beyond the pain. Beyond. All she had to do was follow it to get out. That was all. Follow it and you will be free. She focused on the sound, and on the hands that gripped her shoulders so hard, and back to reality.
Shaken, she didn't even realize what she was doing. Panting, she held onto her master's arms as for her life. Then pressed herself close against him in a move that would have gotten her into great disfavor had her master been anyone other than who he was. However, because he was who he was, he permitted her to seek refuge in his arms.
"Thank the Light," she heard him whisper as she held completely still, waiting for her breathing to slow. Here Meleyal, she thought. It is safe here.
"Is everything all right, lord?" The sorcerer came to join them.
"Yes, Zolf, everything is fine now." He rose, helping her up as well. "And since it is so let's continue. I'm sure we will find her in the next village." Zolf shrugged, but the look in his eye spoke of the questions he would have later. No time to worry about that now. "Child," she still clung to his arm, whether for protection or for fear she would fall he couldn't guess. At his summons, she released him and stepped away, obviously embarrassed at her action. "Why don't you walk ahead for a while? I would be very sorry if this were to happen again and I not notice you were not behind me." She trotted ahead, eager to obey after her performance. While she went forward, Zolf stepped back.
"I don't suppose," he began as he fixed his glove. "That I might be permitted to ask a question?"
"Ask as you would," Zelgadis prompted, giving no promise of answering.
"What exactly happened back there?"
"I don't really know. I doubt that she knows. She was bringing up a memory and it turned out to be one she didn't want to remember. It's painful for her."
"And for you?"
"What I feel is beyond you." The sorcerer shrugged. Zelgadis found that habit annoying.
"You don't really want her to remember who you are do you?"
"Of course I do."
"No, if you did you would have told her exactly who you are. As it is now you haven't even told her your name."
"I would rather she remember on her own."
"You're afraid of what she might think of you."
"That's enough Zolf." The pitch was low and dangerous. If Zolf had any sense he would drop the matter. As it turned out, Zolf had a shred left and he fell into silence.
But it was entirely too late. He was, of course, absolutely right. Zelgadis really was frightened. He would never let anyone see it. Zolf only knew because he had been with Zelgadis for years and guessed how his mind worked most of the time. What would she think of him? If she knew that the monster who was her master was the very same person who had taught her the sword, her very best friend, what would she do? She would be repulsed of course. She was, in fact, disgusted with every detail about him now. Now, when she didn't know who he was. Would she be able to accept the change? He pondered her action. Why had she buried herself in his rocky embrace? Was it simply because he happened to be there, or was it something more? She couldn't care for him. It wasn't possible.
A sudden thought crossed his mind, causing him to smile. It really didn't matter what she would have thought because he would be normal again soon. All he had to do was find Lina Inverse and life would be simple again.
