The grinding of my teeth and the clenching of my jaw kept me from going crazy. My muscles tensed underneath my ruffled dress shirt, images and thoughts of different ways to kill Malone ran through my brain. The image of him on top Olivia jumped back into my brain. Guilt and worry fell onto my shoulders like a ton of bricks. I knew that my harsh words had hurt her, but that was all I could show of my worry. Kathy's voice forever ringing in my ears 'either us or her'…her bags were packed and she was ready to head out the door with our children. I can't remember what I said to her but she had stayed that night, that was two days ago…I haven't been home since. I catch a quick glance at my partner as she stiffened behind me in her chair.
The dreams just wouldn't go away. That was what Kathy was probably set off about, me calling her name out in my sleep. My dreams always contained her these days, she was either in pain and calling out for me to help her…or she was on top of me in my bed with me inside of her. The image made me quickly stop and had my body clenching. 'Stop it, not here' I willed the image of her riding me to go out of my mind and concentrate on the problem at hand. Cursing her and her effect on me under my breath I headed back to sit across from her. Her beautiful eyes caught mine for a moment and then quickly went back to the photos in her hand. I could see the hurt in her eyes and it made my heart squeeze.
Worry once again went to across my mind, none of us really know what happened when she was attacked. Her screams replayed in my brain. The image of him hitting her, touching her as we rounded the corner flashed before my eyes. 'She needs to be more careful' shaking my head and letting the anger flow through my veins I quickly got up and left the squad to the roof. I heard her look up and shift in her chair, but her voice never yelled for me.
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My empty apartment seemed to engulf me as I closed the door behind me and locked it. Dropping my keys on the kitchen counter I made my way towards the fridge. Light showered my dark apartment making the images of blood and faces fade. Seeing that there was only some old leftover Chinese and sour milk I closed the door letting the darkness engulf me again.
My eyes caught the shimmer of the street lights on the glass of a half empty bottle of vodka. After staring at it for a few minutes I quickly grabbed for it and yanked off the lid. Taking a big gulp I held my hand to my mouth letting the liquid burn and sting at my throat. Sobs started to take over my body. Sliding to the floor I let the bottle roll away from me spilling its substance on the tiles under me.
My hand went o my holster and unclipped it and brought the gun under my chin, my hands were shaking the gun seemed heavier then usual... 'I just want to forget. Who would care anyways?' thought after thought ran through my head.
Finally I let my head go limp and I let it roll forward as I brought my knees to my chest. Bringing my hands to my head I cried into them feeling the cold of the unforgiving gun on my cheek…
