Yaya: So, here we go again?
Samuko: What a pain! I hate love triangle and harem.
Shimako: *giggles* I kind of want to know where this progress though.
Haruka: Haru prefer comedy though~
Yaya: But we have to finish it since we started it.
Samuko: Talking about finish, how about we finally move away from this fandom? I mean I am sick of seeing OC-centered harem/romance stories in the LL section. Let us get the heck out after finishing all our other stories.
Shimako: True, I can agree with you…but then what to do?
Haruka: Haru wants to write for Riddle Story of Devil, Flip Flappers, Sono Hanabira ni Kuchizuke wo and Pan de Peace since these fandoms are not invaded by straight pairings/harem yet.
Yaya: *sighs* I hate to admit it, but you're right. I can't stand browsing the section and see an OC-centered harem story in LL anymore. Let us do so! We will just finish our ongoing stories and the ones we are planning on the computer and then get out of here.
Samuko: That's the spirit!
Shimako: Sorry, everyone…but we really can't stand seeing them. We don't read them but the thought only and the disgust caused by reading the summary is too much for us.
Haruka: Shima-Nee, Yaya-Nii, Samu-Nii and Haru will do their best to finish every story we posted on this fandom then. Also, Haruka-tachi doesn't own anything.
[-x-x-x-]
Chapter 3: Wandering thoughts
"Nothing is worse than regrets."
As the snow was falling outside, in the dark background of the night in Nagiita, a lone figure could be seen sitting by the window of one of the hospital's room. The window was open, allowing the cold winter air to blow in the small room. The ginger-haired woman clad in nothing but a plain orange pajama however didn't budge from the cold.
Her mind was wandering, leaving behind nothing but an empty shell. It was dark outside as the dark clouds were covering the night sky. The town as well wasn't as lively as the big metropolises as no sign of light could have been seen kilometers around. The only visible lights were coming from the parking and few of the other occupied rooms. Honoka's room was in the dark as well since the young woman has turned the light off before going to have some fresh air.
"I'm such an idiot!"
Looking down, the young woman bit her lower lip, tears threatening to form on her eyes. She was still stuck on the wheeled chair and was now alone in that small room. Said room felt very empty and cold, not just because of the cold evening wind, but because of its lack of human warmth. With only a small white metallic bed at the middle and two pliable chairs at the side, it looked more like a prison than anything else.
"Why did I have to do that?" She brought her right hand closer to her face and gave herself a slap on the good mind-calming cheek. "And in front of Niko…" Tears started to run on her cold cheeks. "Yet they were so nice to me… Now, I am all alone…"
Memories of what happened earlier that day played on the ginger's mind, from her waking up and finding the ponytailed raven-haired woman beside her, the doctor and Niko taking care of her and telling the story of Narcissus and Echo, Honoka getting jealous…and forcing Maki into a kiss.
The ginger brushed her left hand on her forehead as to have her bangs hide her wet sapphire eyes. She was torturing herself by accusing herself to be an idiot and anything that would make her suffer. She however knew that that was nothing compared to how the two other women felt.
As the kiss has ended, Maki was still in the shock, her mouth agape and was unable to form a coherent word. Niko, who was shocked but quickly recovered, has forced a smile, walked beside the two women and sat at the edge of the bed. She has attempted to not look hurt, but Honoka knew she was deep inside. It was at that time that the ginger instantly regretted her decision and started to fidget with her fingers, mentally fighting n how she was supposed to apologize.
Maki snapped back out of confusion not long after and gave the shorter girl a pitiful look. It wasn't until her girlfriend gestured her by moving her irises that the doctor stood up. "I-I almost forgot to tell you but another doctor has asked for my assistance. I-I will be going t-then… S-see you later, Niko-chan, Honoka…"And then she left.
As the tall red-head woman closed the door behind her, Niko's smile dropped. Honoka felt the deepest level of guilty, already forgetting her decision of doing everything it took to be with Maki. She knew that she was not the one. After all, who was she? She couldn't even remember anything, even her own name. Why would such perfect woman choose her over anyone else?
"Honoka."Niko's voice was stern and the ginger didn't dare to meet with her pair of crimson irises. "Look me in the eyes when I talk to you!"She said in a commanding voice and the younger woman had no other choice but to slowly lift her head to see an angry expression on the petite woman's face. She felt scared. "I know that the mood might have gotten into you…and I will forgive you for the kiss from earlier. I will not tolerate anything anymore in the future though. Understood?"
"Y-yes!"Honoka shyly replied.
"Good!"The raven-haired woman didn't change her expression as she walked out of the room, grabbing her handbag in the process.
More tears ran on the ginger's cheek but she did her best to keep it quiet. She however couldn't suppress the sobs caused by the painful feeling on her chest.
"Why am I still alive? Am I really this person? If that's right, then, why did I have to survive? I should have just died that day. Niko and Maki are in bad term because of me. If only I wasn't here today, things wouldn't be this bad."
"Honoka…no matter what…you must survive!" An unfamiliar voice echoed in the ginger's head. She lifted her head but saw no one until a flash appeared marking a new vision. A figure was seen in front of her. It was too blurry for the younger woman to identify the person, but it was an older woman judging by several facts. "You must…" The woman coughed blood. On top of her was a pile of metal and other things. Beside her was the severely damaged corpse of a young girl—a blurry figure as well. "My baby…" The woman stroke Honoka's face. "You have to live…for the four of us…"
As the vision ended, Honoka found herself breathing heavily, her clothes drenched in sweat. "W-what was that?" She tried to calm her breathing and fast heartbeat for an instant while her brain was trying to process the newly-received information. "These people… Mom… Dad… Yukiho…"
Another flash happened and she saw herself in a Japanese-style room, a kotatsu being at the middle and three other people sitting around it. Of course, it was blurry, but she could conclude that they were having a party because of a cake on the table and few drinks. "Cheers!"The smaller figure beside her raised her glass and the two others as well as the owner of the memory raised their own glasses.
"Homura bakery… our home… Gone…"
As soon as the vision came into an end, another one quickly invaded her brain. She was now walking a hallway along two other figures. "H-Honoka-chan…"One of the figures with gray hair started. "T-there is something we want you to know… Sure, you know that Umi-chan and I are going out, right?"
"Yeah! I know and I fully support the two of you!"Honoka recognized her own voice for once.
"The truth is… you know… we…"
"Kotori!"The third figure with blue hair according to the shades of blue spoke for the first time. "If you really want to say it, do it without remorse and do it sternly. Honoka will not understand otherwise."
There was a brief moment of silence before the shorter figure turned to the owner of the memory. "Honoka-chan… Umi-chan and I will get engaged soon…and I want you to stop hanging out with us. You are always following us on our dates and playing the third-wheel role and I can't stand it anymore. I am sorry, Honoka-chan, but I would like you to keep your distance."
Another moment of silence until Honoka spoke again. "All right in that case! I will just support the two of you by the side. We will always be friend, right?"
"What Kotori really meant,"The owner of the point of view turned to the other figure, "Is that you should stop interfering with our life. We are very grateful we both met you and we still want to be your friend…"She looked down. "But having you around won't bring anything good for us."She started to sob. "I wanted to convince myself that our friendship would last eternally…but we've changed a lot. Honoka, you have changed a lot. I am so sorry… I can't…"
"Umi-chan…"
The gray-haired girl took the other girl in a hug, sobbing herself. "We are sorry, Honoka-chan! This is the best we could think of. We hope you will be able to find better friends than us…"There was a brief pause before she resumed. "We are just cowards and you know that… Thank you for everything, Honoka-chan!"
Honoka was breathing heavily. She felt hot from the panic caused by the series of flashback that was running on her mind. Even the cold evening air was left ignored as she was trying to place on finger on how bad her situation was.
"Kotori-chan… Umi-chan… My best friends… betrayed me…"
As if that wasn't enough, another flashback appeared, this time featuring four other figures other than the viewer inside a large room. It was still blurry but Honoka could see confetti and other decorations around her. Two small figures—one with orange hair and another brunette—were feeding each others at the side while the two older were cuddling near the table.
"Everyone, I brought a game!" The ginger recognized the voice as her own. "Who wants to play?"
"I think I will pass." The orange-haired girl said cheerfully. "I'd rather cuddle with Kayo-chin!"
"Do not take it badly, Honoka-chan but…" The other figure beside her continued. "Playing a game with Honoka-chan can sometimes turn bad… S-sorry!"
The owner of the memory then turned to the two other people who were feeding each others. "Eri-chan, Nozomi-chan? How about we play a game?"
"A game?" The blonde questioned.
Honoka had the feeling that she saw the shorter woman grin despite the blurry vision. "The only game I want to play right now is the Ericchi game!"
"S-stop that, Nozomi. That's not funny at all."
"But you like it, don't you?"
"Nozomi."
Honoka felt a disappointed feeling inside her as she sat back. A couple of minutes have passed and the two other couples were still only focusing on each others, literally forgetting about the ginger. After a good minute, the young woman finally decided to say something. "S-say, everyone… I was thinking-"
"Honoka-chan…" The ginger's words were cut as the brunette spoke. "We heard about what happened with Kotori-chan and Umi-chan."
"Do not take it badly Honoka, but…" The blonde continued. "Don't you think you've been a lot annoying lately?"
"What do you mean?"
"What Eri-chan meant is that you've been interfering with our couples a lot lately." The orange-haired girl explained. "You've been hanging at our place too much and have interfered in our dates. Even right now, Eri-chan, Nozomi-chan, Kayo-chin and I were supposed to be on a double date but you forced yourself in."
"W-well… S-sorry about that…" Honoka looked down. "I am sorry! I will be leaving right away." And then she stood up before walking away as no one has tried to stop her.
The ginger was clutching her head at that point, her eyes wide from the choc of receiving that much information in such short time.
"Rin-chan… Hanayo-chan… Eri-chan… Nozomi-chan…" She lowered her head. "I am all alone now!" Fortunately, she was still using a low tone she didn't have to fear someone might come in with a noise complain. After silently crying her heart out for a couple of minute, she finally lifted her head, her eyes tired and red, her face expressing how hurt she was. "I am all alone now…" Tears were still running on her cheeks and she didn't even bother wiping them as she gazed at the falling snow outside. "Why am I still alive?" Her eyes wandered until the saw a small bread knife placed on one of the chairs beside her and grabbed it. She pointed the tool right beneath her neck and took a deep breath. "I am a failure!"
After taking another breath, she brought the knife to where her neck was supposed to be and felt the tool come in contact with a flesh. The silence was gold as the ginger slowly opened her tired eyes. For odd reasons, she didn't feel any kind of pain in her neck and looked down to see her hands holding the knife now covered in blood…and another hand in front of her neck, being trusted by the knife, explain why the ginger didn't feel the blade against her flesh.
Her eyes started to shake as she slowly turned to the owner of the hand and dropped the knife as she saw who the person who has stopped her from committing suicide was. "M-Maki-chan…?" The red-head doctor held her wounded right hand with her other one and slightly averted her eyes. "Why did you do that? Why did you stop me while hurting yourself? Like I said I am a failure so just let me go to where I am supposed to go; to the world of dead people." The red-head gritted her teeth. "Mom, Dad and Yukiho… I have lost them! I need them! I want to be with them!"
Not being able to hold her feelings anymore, the doctor turned to the shorter woman with a stern look on her face, tears running on her cheeks and gave Honoka a hard slap with her uninjured hand. Echoes of the slap reasoned in the small room as only silence filled the area. The ginger was surprised by the sudden hit and quickly felt the pain behind it. That however didn't last long as Maki kneeled down and took her in a warm hug. "Idiot! Don't you dare say that! You are a very important person for me! I will never leave you alone! If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be who I am today. If it wasn't you, my life would have been a very boring one. Thanks to you, I was able to experience lot of feelings I never thought I would ever have one day…" Her voice started to slowly break as she sobbed. "You are my sunshine! Honoka, I love you!"
Maki broke the hug so she could see Honoka's face that was still a mess before pressing their lips together. The kiss was a gentle one that allowed both women to calm down. As they broke it, the taller woman started unbuttoning her shirt and unzipping her shirt before stripping Honoka as well. The ginger didn't resist and the two fell on the small bed, only clad in their underwear before resuming their kissing.
When that was going on, Niko who had her back against the door of the room was silently crying. "I'm an idiot!" She attempted to muffle her sobs and thanked every existing celestial element that the hallways were always empty at these hours. "I always knew that Maki had feelings for Honoka… Even when the two of us were going out, I always knew that she could never forget her. I have attempted to make her forget Honoka but…" She sniffed and looked at the ceiling. "No matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to hate Honoka nor Maki. Maybe these two are made for each others and I was just a fool, hoping that my true feelings will be returned one day." She placed a hand on her chest and started walking away. "Today, I lost… It hurt so much but it can't be helped. Maybe someday, I will be able to find the 'real someone' for me…"
