3 – Re-building Bridges
"What do you mean you know where she is? Why didn't you tell me?" Logan was pacing around the bathroom, pulling at his hair with both hands. When Veronica did not respond, he stopped short and spun on her, ready to scream in her face. Instead, he was stunned to silence as she stood before him with her phone in her hand, wagging it back and forth at him while shaking her head.
"You should have picked up."
The sympathetic half-smile on her face broke him. He flung his arms around her, folding his taller form around hers, and burst into relieved tears. Her arms came up automatically to comfort him but the hands patting his back were tentative. His knees buckled and he dropped to the floor, bringing Veronica with him. She continued to pat his back and finally one hand came up to cradle the back of his head, which was buried in her shoulder.
"Logan, shh shh shh, please. She's okay, I swear. Seriously. I swear. You'll be able to see her soon. Please stop." She kept cradling his head with her other hand rubbing up and down his arm. She continued to make shushing noises until his hiccupping sobs slowed and then stopped. He pulled away slowly until they were kneeling with only their knees touching, looking at each other. Her gaze was filled with concern but he suddenly gave her a manic grin and grabbed her hands.
"Ronnie! You're telling me I was right! My mom is alive!" He wrapped his arms around her again and surged to his feet, jumping around with her dangling from his grasp.
"Logan, geez, put me down."
He laughed in her face and jumped a couple more times before letting her go. "Oh, am I damaging your hard-ass persona? There's only us here and I already know you. You don't need to worry." He spun in excited circles for a minute before stopping in front of her again. "Alright, tell me. Tell me where she is."
Logan agreed with Veronica that he couldn't stay at school. He was supposed to be mourning his mother and instead he felt like hugging everyone he saw. He also couldn't go home. There was no way he could face Aaron and his pretense of grieving widower. He decided he couldn't be with anyone right now without giving away his secret so he headed over to Dog Beach, hoping the beach out of his regular neighborhood would keep him out of sight. Veronica had grudgingly offered her couch and he had taken her new address for later but right now, he needed time for himself.
Veronica hadn't been at school, other than to forcibly make contact with Logan, since she had come to Lynn's rescue. Apparently her dad's friend the lawyer had recommended that she try to avoid any conversations that could later be construed as a "deliberate falsehood intended to perpetrate fraud in the presumed death of Lynn Echolls". Veronica had explained that Lynn was currently detoxing in a private home and would remain in seclusion at least through a four week period of rehabilitation. Logan was actually okay with that; now that he knew Lynn was alive, he was fine with continuing the separation while she tried to get herself clean. What she was doing was the most important thing.
Logan was, however, very nervous about having his mother's fate, and his own, in the hands of the Mars family. He knew there was still something going on that he wasn't being told. In spite of their estrangement, he knew Veronica well enough to know that she was not telling him everything she knew. That worried him a lot since he had secrets of his own that he did not want getting out, even to someone who had been one of his best friends once upon a time.
As Logan sat down on the beach to watch the waves, he found himself wishing for his surfboard and a wetsuit. Anything to take his mind off his not-dead mother and how he was going to pretend he believed she was dead until she was ready to be publicly resurrected. He had a feeling that whatever she was plotting with Keith and Veronica - not to mention their pet attorney - was going to be aimed directly at Aaron. He couldn't be happier about that idea. He flopped back into the sand and made a lazy angel with his arms and legs as he thought about his mother and what she might be doing. She had been drinking heavily and abusing prescription drugs for a long time so he suspected she might still be deep in the throes of detox. It was painful to contemplate but he knew it was necessary if he was ever going to get his real mother back.
The thought of the mother he remembered from his childhood, before things got ugly with Aaron, literally took his breath away. He thought of the time they had spent together while she was still working, back when she had been happy, before Aaron decided she was getting too much attention and "convinced" her that she should be at home, supporting him and raising their son. In truth, her parenting had been more hands-on when she was working. Once Aaron had her at home and isolated, it became more and more uncommon for her to spend any significant time with Logan. It had, however, put Logan into Aaron's presence on a much more regular basis and it didn't take too much exposure to his rambunctious, constantly-moving son for Aaron to start feeling the need to impose his own will on the little boy. Logan thought back to his earliest memories of Aaron's abuse and could remember his mother stepping in when Aaron lost his temper and went too far. He didn't remember any violence between Aaron and Lynn but in hindsight, he was sure that had to be what had caused her to stop defending him and probably was what had driven her to try to drink and drug away her guilt for not being able to protect him. His anger at Aaron continued to grow as he considered that Lynn had finally been driven to attempt suicide by the man who had promised to love her.
Thinking of the suicide attempt sent his thoughts in another direction. Veronica Mars had saved his mother. After everything that he'd done to her since Lilly died, she went completely out of her way because she had been concerned about Lynn. He was pretty sure that this was a debt that he was NEVER going to be able to pay, no matter how hard he tried. He was thinking about how he was going to start making it up to Veronica when he was startled out of his thoughts by a large pit bull flopping onto his stomach and licking his face.
"Backup! Why? Have you no shame? Get offa him."
The dog turned what appeared to Logan to be a shame-faced grin up at his mistress and then turned back to lick Logan again. He wrapped his arms around the dog and wrestled him to the side before sitting up. Backup sat down next to him, leaning against him. Logan kept his arm around the dog, scratching behind his ears.
"What are you doing down here?" Veronica asked as she dropped onto the sand beside them.
"It seemed like a good place to hang out. I didn't expect to run into anyone I knew. And, until your ferocious dog attacked me, that was working out just fine. But I don't need to hide anything from him, or from you, so it still seems to be a decent choice."
"Well, if you get tired of sitting in the cold, come to the apartment. It's not what you're accustomed to but it's at least a little warmer."
"Thanks Veronica. And - I didn't tell you before but thanks for getting my mom down off that railing. If you hadn't followed her, I'd be," he closed his eyes, thinking about what his world without his mother would look like, "well, I don't exactly know what I'd be doing right now. But I know it wouldn't be good. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to ever pay you back for this."
"Umm – well, I just did what anyone would have done."
"Maybe there on the bridge but the fact you were on the bridge at all made the difference. Don't try to diminish what you did." He grasped her clasped hands. "Really, Veronica. I'm serious. You can't talk your way out of me being grateful to you."
She shrugged uneasily. "Okay. You're welcome."
He looked at her quizzically, trying to understand her attitude. She was staring out at the ocean. It was his impression that she was deliberately avoiding his eyes. "Veronica."
"What?" She glanced at him, her lips pressed together in a thin line, then down at Backup, around the beach, and back out to the water.
"Why won't you look at me?"
She made a scoffing noise before looking him straight in the eyes, a poised mask of disinterest on her features. "I know you're used to adoration of the masses but surely you can't expect that from me."
"What are you talking about? I'm just trying to thank you; I'm not looking for anything from you." He shook his head as he tried to figure out what she was thinking.
She sighed and shook her head. "OK, sorry. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with you." She gave him a skeptical look. "I've gotten used to you being a dickhead. I kinda expect it now."
He nodded, "That's fair." He flopped back onto his back again. Backup collapsed next to him, resting his head on Logan's chest. Veronica rolled her eyes and pressed her hand to her forehead, making a disgusted sound. "Oh Backup. I'm so ashamed."
Logan grinned and snuggled the dog. "If she kicks you out, boy, you can come live with me."
"If you will recall," Veronica said in a scornful voice, "you're going to be living with us, at least for a day or two and I'm going to have to tolerate my dog's utter lack of self-respect in my own home."
"Maybe your dog's adoration of me will help you remember that I can be a nice guy." He gave her a hopeful look and she rolled her eyes at him.
"I guess that's something to look forward to."
Thanks to kmd0107 for her beta-ing help, to irislim for the inspiration for this in the first place, and to all of you for reading along.
