Chapter 3 : P -Promotion!?


A weight dropped on my back and I groaned, wondering who could be bothering me on my day off.

"Ushi shi shi shi~ Entertain me." My head hurt and when I felt something sharp poke my back, I knew it was going to be a bad day.


Squalo was screaming and yelling, telling everyone to fuck off and leave him alone. The Varia limo had a flat tire and broken bumper thanks to Lussuria's police chase earlier today. The flamboyant man insisted everyone sit outside to keep Squalo company. It wasn't like he wanted a tan, not at all.

"Mah! It feels so delicious out here!" Lussuria took off his shirt, putting on tanning lotion. He's always wanted the Latino look.

"VOIIIII! STOP TANNING AND FUCKING PASS ME THE WRENCH!" His hand waved out expectantly. If you're wondering why they didn't just hire a mechanic:

1: They're the Varia
2: Mammon is stingy.

I ran over to help him since no one else was going to do it. Belphegor just scoffed at the idea of being outside in 90+ degrees Fahrenheit / 32+ degrees Celsius and went to sleep. Sweat poured down my face, but I could only imagine how Squalo felt being beneath the heat of the car. At least he had the option to take off his shirt; I couldn't do that around a bunch of guys. Squalo grumbled thanks and I went to sit on the grass beside Lussuria.

"Isn't it great outside, today?" Gaping, I watched as he took off his pants and wore some board shorts beneath it. He looked like he was ready for the beach instead of a car fix.

"Mama...We should help, Squ-kun. He's probably having a hard time." Lussuria waved me off and handed me the lotion.

"Put it on my back would you?" Sighing, I did what he requested before noticing that Levi was glaring at me. Xanxus was smirking, too. Those looks made me worried for my health.

"Now that we're at it, someone should wash the car, too." Mammon propped himself on my shoulder.

"VOI! I'M NOT FUCKING DOING IT! GET THE SHITTY PRINCE FOR THAT! HE HASN'T DONE ANY WORK!"

"Ah! Bel is sleeping, Squalo-chan." A pout formed on Lussuria's lips until Squalo came from underneath the car to glare daggers at him.

"FUCKING WAKE HIM UP, THEN!" There was a certain gut feeling that made me not want to do that. Call it a hunch, but I didn't want to be the one to face the prince's wrath.

"The scum should make herself useful and do it instead." I didn't really want to do the work in the heat. I shot Lussuria a crestfallen look and was just about to pick up the hose when Squalo snatched it from my hands. Looking up at him, I noticed his angry face. He was mad at me or it was from the heat, but either way, he was adamant on Belphegor washing the car.

"I'll get the prince. Don't fucking wash-no DON'T EVEN TOUCH THAT WATER HOSE UNTIL I GET BACK OR ELSE I'LL DECAPITATE YOU!" A nervous smile appeared on my lips, but I complied.

"Mah! Squalo! Maybe a little cold water wi -"

"FUCK. NO." The discussion ended there when the long-haired man shot venom from his eyes. He stomped into the mansion and I plopped on the ground with my typical smile.

"Mah...what's wrong with him, Cheyenne-chan?" Lussuria leaned over to observe me. A noise of understanding came from him.

"White shirt? What were you thinking?" It was if a question mark appeared over my head. Fingers gathering the white fabric, I smiled and shrugged.

"Bel-sama just handed me a shirt and told me to play hide-and-seek with him." Lussuria blinked and smirked.

"Our Prince the Ripper is a little pervert, hm? Squalo did a good job." He suddenly took on a tearful expression. "I failed as a m-mother." I rubbed his back with a happy smile.

"I still love you, Mama." Our moment was ruined by loud yelling and 'shi shi shi's'.

"VOIIIII! YOU SAID YOU WERE SLEEPING YOU FUCKING BRAT!" There were lots of bangs and glass broke here and there.

"A prince does what he wants!" I could tell the noises were coming closer when a window by the front door shattered, revealing a shirtless Squalo and amused prince. In Belphegor's hand were some lacy lingerie and a couple of knives.

(Don't ask about the panties. No one knows.)

"Ushi shi shi shi~"

"COME HERE AND FUCKING WORK!" Belphegor suddenly stopped and grinned, holding his hands up. Squalo also stopped running and pointed his sword -clad arm in his direction.

"The prince has resigned. But I want the peasant to help. Ushi~" That only made Squalo seethe more.

"Squalo-chan, just let it go." Lussuria tried to defuse the ticking time bomb that was Superbi Squalo. Veins throbbed in his neck before he growled and sat close to the car. Standing up, I grabbed the hose. If possible, Belphegor's smile became wider.

"I like your shirt, peasant." For the second time today, I looked down at my shirt, confused. Why did everyone like my shirt? It was just a regular shirt. It wasn't even a nice fabric.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Nope. I still didn't know. When I looked up, I noticed that Belphegor was trying to trade.

"Bel-sama?" He took the hose and gave me the sponge.

"A prince doesn't do manual labor. That's the peasants' job." Aside from the displeasure of the sun beating down on my skin, I grinned and nodded. The prince began pouring water on the car when Squalo grabbed the scruff of his pullover.

"CAREFUL WITH THAT MOTHERFUCKING HOSE!"

"Ushi shi shi shi~ Don't tell me what to do." The frown on Squalo's face was strong enough to make a puppy cry.


When the car was drenched in water, Belphegor grabbed a lawn chair and sat back. I scrubbed the car from head to toe, careful to not get wet. A splash of water on my thigh made me squeal. So much for not getting wet. Turning back to playfully glare at the perpetrator, I saw Belphegor with a smirk that reached his ears. Continuing, I got another splash of water on my butt.

"Bel! Don't do that to Cheyenne-chan!" Lussuria scolded and Xanxus chuckled at the display. Squalo's eye twitched while Mammon sat on my head. When I looked I noticed the wetness on the bottom of my shirt. Stomping my feet, I pouted.

"Bel-sama!"

"Ushi~" I shook my head and continued cleaning.

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING HOSE?!" Belphegor's eyebrows rose from under his bangs. That sounded like a challenge. Keeping his eyes trained on Squalo, he raised the hose slowly before putting it on full power on me. If I wasn't drenched before, I definitely was now. Mammon floated off my head, frowning and noticing the transparency, an invisible blush on his pudgy cheeks.

"I suggest you change out of your shirt." Just as I was going to do as he suggested, Squalo threatened me.

"VOI! DON'T FUCKING TURN AROUND, YOU DUMBASS! ONE MORE INCH AND I'LL CUT YOUR HAND OFF!" The prince laughed maniacally, satisfied with the chaos he created.

"Oh no! I knew this would happen!" Jumping to his feet, Lussuria sprinted over to give me a towel. I scratched my head, puzzled. Everyone suddenly hated my shirt. Also, what was the big deal? I was a bit wet, nothing big.

"Shut up, scum. You're all idiots."

"Idiots!" Ah. There was Levi. Sometimes I forgot he was even here. All he's done this entire time was fan Xanxus.

"What's going on?!" I was paranoid from all of this.

"Ushi shi shi shi~ The prince should assess the damage~"

"TO HELL, YOU WILL!"


After Squalo begrudgingly finished washing the car, without Belphegor's help, mind you, Lussuria escorted me to change and shower. For some reason, Xanxus said they would have a meeting in 30 minutes. He almost never scheduled a meeting, so it got me nervous. The shampoo poured down my back as I massaged my scalp. A loud bang came from the next room. Another bang and a loud 'voi' echoed close and I felt a sense of déjà vu. My door swung open and a familiar baby jumped into the tub, hanging onto my thigh.

"COME OUT OF THAT FUCKING BATHROOM AND YOU'RE FISH FOOD!" I heard Squalo leave and I giggled at Skull.

"S-save me." Picking him up, I frowned lightly when I saw that he was wet.

"Let me finish, okay?" He nodded and I put him on the toilet to wait.

Hurrying up, I sang as I made sure there was no left over conditioner in my hair. The baby Arcobaleno handed me a towel and I smiled at his helpfulness.

"Thank you~" Skull twiddled his fingers with a blush. Finally, I was dry. I put on a loose striped sweater that Belphegor gave me for one of my birthdays with a pair of shorts. Again, I squealed from Skull's cuteness and picked him up, nuzzling his cheek before placing him on my head.

"W-where are we going?" Fear waved over his body, afraid that he would see Squalo again.

"A meeting. Xanxus wants us to go." He shivered.

"X-Xanxus? Oh, my..." His last words were inaudible; he trailed off.

"Why are you here? Not that I mind. I would love having a cute baby to take care of." Giggling, I complimented his adorableness. Sputtering for words, the Arcobaleno smushed his face into my hair.

"I got lost... Reborn wouldn't help me..."

"This Reborn person seems really mean." Frowning, I walked down the stairs to reach one of the meeting rooms.

"He is!" A muffled protest came from the baby on my head and I smiled. That smile only got bigger when I saw Belphegor.

"Bel-sama!" Said prince turned around with a grin, happy that I said his name with so much enthusiasm, but it quickly dropped when he saw the baby cuddling me. He scoffed.

"What is that baby doing in my peasant's hair?" Laughing, I took Skull off of my head and kissed his chubby little cheek.

"He got lost on his way home, silly baby. Isn't he so cute~" Skull was blissfully ignorant of Bel's glare as he received infinite cuddles from me

"No." His deadpan face went unnoticed when Squalo started screaming.

"VOI! PURPLE BABY!" A squeal escaped Skull and he hid behind my hair. Belphegor laughed and grinned, having the same idea as Squalo.

(Kill the damn baby.)

The meeting doors opened and everyone walked in to take their respective seats. Xanxus was there with a bottle of some vodka.

"Sit down, scum. I'll make it fast." Mr. Hohome poured everyone some vodka except for Belphegor. The prince frowned. "Just give him some, trash," Xanxus ordered and Bel mentally celebrated.

"Ushi shi~" Levi sat beside Xanxus, Lussuria on his other side, Squalo beside Levi and Belphegor next to Lussuria. I had the choice to sit beside either one, but Bel forces me beside him. Grinning, he flicked Skull's cheek, the baby protesting. Mammon came into the room and floated above Lussuria's shoulder. Giving a Skull a fleeting glare, Xanxus got straight to the point.

"I'm promoting Cheyenne." I tilted my head, wondering what better position I could be in. Squalo was outraged, already predicting what Xanxus would say.

"VOI! YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY!" Cue wine glass to the forehead.

(Wait. Pause. Where did that even come from?! There was no wine in the room! Varia logic. Continue.)

"Starting tomorrow, the scum will be our cloud guardian."

Lussuria stood up, "But Cheyenne-chan has no fighting experience!" Levi shook his head and interjected on Xanxus's behalf.

"She's lived under the same roof as the Varia for eight years. That must mean something." For once, Levi had a point.

"VOI! SHE BARELY KNOWS WHAT A FUCKING KATANA IS! WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE GOING TO DO AS A GUARDIAN?!" Slamming his fist on the table, Squalo waved his sword around, exaggerating his point. I was still in shock. Belphegor wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"I have no complaints. This means the prince can go on missions with the peasant~ Ushi shi shi shi~"

"That saves me the money of hiring a cloud guardian." Mammon began counting his fingers, approving of Xanxus's decision.

"It's fucking done," he then smirked in my direction, "You still have to cook and clean." Belphegor laughed and swayed with me.

"Ushi~ The peasant will get an upgrade, soon~" An upgrade? Ignoring Bel, I was really happy to be in a position of power instead of being known for cleaning floors, but I was anxious. What would being a guardian imply?

"Your first mission is tomorrow." My expression fell. That's what it implied. I had never left the Varia mansion unless necessary and now I probably had to leave frequently.

"VOOOOIIIIIII! BOSS, YOU'RE FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND!" Cue a second wine glass.

(No seriously. Where do those wine glasses come from?)

"Mah! So soon? My baby is growing up!" Lussuria jumped the wagon and celebrated my promotion. It appeared that Squalo was the only person against it. Skull patted my shoulder.

"Congratulations, Cheyenne." Forgetting all about Skull, since he was quiet, I beamed and pulled him off of me to give him a kiss on the forehead.

"Thank you, everyone~"

"VOOOO-" The third.

(Who the fuck supplies Xanxus with these wine glasses?! Oh. Me. Right)

"Shut the fuck up, scum." Xanxus acknowledged the baby's presence. "Baby, I would kill you, but the scum likes you. Don't fucking bother me or there will be consequences." Skull nodded furiously and I tightened my hold on him. Belphegor glared at Skull through his bangs but kept his grin. He'd have to deal with the baby later.

"Scum," I perked up, "Choose someone to go on the mission with." Squalo stood up and watched me expectantly.

"VOI. I'm going with you. Don't argue. NO WAY I'LL LEAVE ONE OF THESE IDIOTS WITH YOU!" He stared at Belphegor pointedly, the prince laughed.

"Ushi shi shi shi~ Who said she was going with you? She's going to choose the prince, of course." Head spinning, I didn't know who to choose.

"DON'T GO WITH THE PRINCE! YOU'LL GET KILLED!" Squalo waves his sword in Bel's face.

"I would never let the peasant die...slowly. Ushi shi shi shi~" Not wanting to annoy or anger either of them, I decided to let Skull do it. After all, I deemed Skull my new sidekick. My cute, little, baby sidekick.

"Skull? Who do you think?" The baby thought about it for a few seconds but ultimately decided.


If there are any errors, PM me and I will rectify them as soon as I can! If you have any character/episode/plot you want me to write about, tell me and I might include it! Please leave a review! I love reading them!