PART ONE: VOTE FOR ME!
Upon arriving back at the HQ after leaving Marlene's habitat, Skipper assembled his team-minus-one around the table to tell them about what he had talked about with Julien and Marlene, as well as to discuss campaign strategy.
"Well, boys, Julien did indeed go along with Private's idea to add a deciding voter, and Marlene has agreed to be such a voter," Skipper reported. "And the lemur and I have agreed to a debate at 1800 hours over at the zoovenir shop. Marlene will be there to hear us make our cases for her vote."
"Great, sir," Private said. "But what do we do right now? It's quite a while until 1800."
"I was just getting to that, Private," Skipper replied. "You see, the lemur didn't want to have the debate until 1800 so that he had plenty of time to prepare for it. But since I, as a six-term Penguin Leader, know everything there is about leading a fine group of penguins already, I do not need to waste time on preparing for the debate. Instead, I believe we can use the next few hours to actively campaign for Marlene's vote, thus increasing my chance of receiving it."
"Nice plan, Skipper," Kowalski said. "Where do we begin?"
"Well, boys, it's vital that I defeat that lemur," Skipper declared. "So perhaps we should consider hiring a top political strategist to give us advice."
"Ah, perhaps someone along the lines of Karl Rove, Dick Morris, or Frank Luntz," Kowalski suggested.
"Yes, but can we afford one of them?" Skipper asked, turning then to Private. "Private, go check our finances."
Private waddled over to his first prize fish hanging on the wall and stuck a flipper in its mouth, which was where the penguins stored their money. He pulled out a few rolled-up bills and a few coins, which he then counted.
"We have a total of $18.54, sir," Private reported. "You think that's enough, Skipper?"
"It ought to be when it's coming from a group of penguins," Skipper joked. "But I'm afraid those guys just won't be interested in working for so little."
"But I am," Private said. "In fact, you don't even have to pay me."
"I would also like to volunteer my services for the campaign," Kowalski added. "And I'll do it without compensation, too. No quid pro quo required."
"Excellent, men," Skipper said. "Now Kowalski, I was thinking of making a few TV ads to broadcast on Marlene's television. Do you think that you can come up with some sort of device to override her TV signal so we can put our ads on her TV?"
"It is doable," Kowalski replied. "But I'm sure that the FCC would not like it."
"Yeah, and the FAA probably wouldn't have liked when we built that rocket to try to go to the moon either," Skipper said. "But we're penguins; nobody will ever suspect anything."
"Very well, sir," Kowalski said. "Should I get started on creating the device?"
"No, not yet," Skipper replied. "Let's first think up a little slogan that can be used in the ads."
"A fish in every bowl and a boat at every dock," Kowalski suggested.
"It sounds a bit too 1920s, Kowalski," Skipper said, shooting the slogan down. "Private, what have you got?"
"How about 'Hope & Change'?" Private asked.
"A bit on the platitudinous side, eh, Skipper?" Kowalski commented.
"Indeed," Skipper responded. "It's too cute and naïve. It'll never work."
"I might have one," Kowalski said. "In this present crisis, a lemur is not the solution to our problems; lemurs are the problem."
Skipper smiled at Kowalski's proposal.
"As true as that one is, it's a bit too long," Skipper said. "But you're getting closer."
"Well, sir, how about–" Private began before Skipper started to ask over him.
"Yes, Private?" he inquired.
"Well, you've always been a penguin," Private continued.
"As opposed to?" Skipper wondered.
"And you've always been a good leader," Kowalski added.
"Proven penguin," Private said.
"Proven leader," Kowalski stated.
"Proven Penguin, Proven Leader," Private and Kowalski together said.
"Short, catchy, and substantive," Kowalski proclaimed.
"I like it," Skipper said. "Good work, boys. Now Kowalski, go and rig up that TV signal-jamming contraption while Private and I make up some signs and stickers with our new slogan on them."
Kowalski then waddled over to his laboratory table and began planning out how he would create the broadcast signal interrupter. As he did this, Skipper and Private worked at the table creating several political yard signs and stickers to be placed both inside and outside of Marlene's habitat, as well as outside of the penguins' habitat. Among the signs and stickers that Skipper and Private made up were ones that read "Re-elect Penguin Leader Skipper," "Skipper: Proven Penguin, Proven Leader," and "Vote Grand Old Penguin." Some of the signs were brightly colored, while others were blue and white and had a photograph of Skipper on them. All of the signs, in order to comply with campaign finance law, had a notice in small font at the bottom, reading "Paid for by Skipper 2009, Private J. Dualdek, Treasurer."
"I really think that these signs and stickers came out great, Private," Skipper said as he looked at them. "But do you know what we still need?"
"What?" Private asked.
"We need to create some campaign buttons, too," Skipper said.
"Good idea," Private replied. "Hey, Skipper, what would Rico say if he were here right now?"
"Yay, buttons!" Skipper and Private shouted together as they got started on designing a few of them.
Once they had completed making all of the campaign materials, Skipper placed the buttons inside of a bag to be handed out later. He and Private then left the HQ holding many signs and stickers in their flippers, leaving Kowalski alone to continue his work on the signal interrupter. Once that they saw that the coast was clear and there were no humans around, Skipper and Private began placing some of the signs on the outside of their habitat, then waddled over to Marlene's to place some on the outside of hers. They then began to place some signs on the inside of Marlene's habitat. Since Marlene was still asleep on her rock, Skipper and Private tried to be as quiet as they could, but when Skipper went to stick some of the stickers he had with him on Marlene's rock, she suddenly awoke.
"Aaahh!" she screamed as she was woken up once again.
"Just a little politicking, Marlene," Skipper said. "Nothing to be frightened of."
"Oh, and you brought your little campaign staffer with you, too," Marlene quipped as she noticed that Private was also there. "Kowalski couldn't make it?"
"Kowalski has bigger plans for our campaign," Skipper said. "You'll see them in, say, 45 minutes to an hour."
"Great," Marlene said sarcastically. "Now seeing that I'm not going to be able to get back to sleep, I think I'll go watch some TV inside."
"Now that's the best idea I've heard all day," Skipper said, happy that Marlene was going to watch TV, and thus, would soon be seeing Skipper's political ads once Kowalski got his contraption hooked up.
"But I thought my idea to recruit a tiebreaking voter was the best idea you heard all day," Private complained to Skipper.
"Save it for tomorrow, Private," Skipper whispered back. "We are campaign operatives – complementing the voter is part of the game."
"Hey, Marlene, are you doing something new with your fur?" Private asked, trying to give Marlene a complement to impress Skipper. "It just looks so nice and silky today."
Marlene raised an eyebrow.
"It's a good thing I like you guys," she remarked as she walked away to begin watching TV.
Skipper and Private spent a few more minutes placing signs and stickers inside of Marlene's habitat, then they waddled on back to the HQ to check on Kowalski's progress on the TV signal interrupter.
"Brilliant," Skipper said to Kowalski upon first seeing the device. "Oh, the things you can do with a blender – there's a thing of beauty about it, I tell you what."
"Thank you, Skipper," Kowalski said. "I took the liberty of setting-up a video camera on a tripod over in the corner already. Shall we test our method of madness?"
"Most definitely," Skipper said as he waddled over to the camera.
"We go live in five, four, three, two, one," Kowalski counted down, pointing his flipper to Skipper after the count.
Suddenly, as Lucy was about to ask Ricky if she could buy a new hat on an episode of "I Love Lucy" that was airing on Marlene's TV, Skipper appeared for a few seconds waiving a flipper. Then, just as strangely and mysteriously as he came onto the screen, Skipper disappeared from it; Lucy had been denied her hat, again.
"Was that a success?" Skipper asked when the test was through.
"The playback proves it, sir," Kowalski replied.
"So, what's the range on this thing anyway?" Skipper asked.
"Limited to only TVs within 250 feet," Kowalski answered. "But you should be on every channel the way I've worked it, including cable and satellite."
"Very well," Skipper said. "Now let's work together and think up the script for my first ad."
Skipper, Kowalski, and Private then sat around the table and discussed ideas for the first ad. They decided to wait until a later ad to use the "Proven Penguin, Proven Leader" slogan, and instead to go for something a bit more hard-hitting for the first one.
Once they came up with a script that they all thought would work, Kowalski waddled over to the camera to get ready to go live. Not long after, Skipper came over and stood in front of the camera. When Kowalski got to the end of his countdown, Skipper began to broadcast his first campaign ad.
"It's 3 a.m. and the animals of the zoo are safe and asleep. But there's a phone in the zoovenir shop and it's ringing – something's happening in the world. Could it be a wrong number? Could it be the start of nuclear war? Shouldn't who answers that phone be a penguin who has looked after the zoo for years? One who not only can tell the difference between a wrong number and nuclear war, but one who has the right plans for both? Yes. Skipper: Answering the call.
"Hey, I'm Skipper, and I approve this message."
Over at her habitat, Marlene saw the ad on her TV.
"I knew that I saw Skipper on TV a little while ago, and this proves it," she commented to herself as the ad ended. "I bet that this was done with one of Kowalski's inventions. And, even though I never knew that he had any, I do wonder what Skipper's plans for nuclear war are."
Meanwhile, over at the lemur habitat, Julien just happened to be watching TV as well, and thus, also saw the ad broadcast by Skipper.
"Maurice! Maurice!" Julien called out when the ad ended. "That silly penguin rival of mine was just on TV!"
"Are you sure that you're not having another lychee nut episode, your majesty?" Maurice asked, chalking up what the king had seen as pure hallucination. "The penguins don't have a TV station. Perhaps you were watching Animal Planet."
"I know what I saw, Maurice," Julien responded. "Here, I'll rewind the TiVo and you can see for yourself."
Julien rewound the TiVo recording and played Skipper's ad for Maurice.
"You see, Maurice?" Julien asked. "I take just a short break from preparing for tonight's debate and I see that flightless bird trying to one-up me by running an ad on TV."
"Well, why don't you just run an ad to counter Skipper's?" Maurice suggested.
"Oh, and just how are we going to do that?" Julien asked, critical. "Do you have a secret television studio? Do tell."
"No, but we can go over to see how the penguins did it," Maurice said.
"Well, I suppose," Julien said. "But I am a bit disappointed about you not having a secret television studio. You'll need to work on that."
Julien and Maurice then began to leave for the penguins' habitat, but not wanting to be left alone, Mort tagged along as well. As the lemurs approached the penguins' habitat, Julien saw several of the campaign signs in support of Skipper outside.
"Oh, would you just look at this one with that flightless bird's smiling mug on it," Julien said, critical of one of the signs that had Skipper's photo on it. "Give me a pen, Maurice."
Maurice looked around on the ground for a pen, and he just so happened to find a somewhat-leaky black one, which he handed to Julien.
"There we go," Julien said as he drew a mustache coming from Skipper's bill. "Not so clean-cut now, are you? Ha, ha!"
The lemurs then continued along and entered into the penguins' HQ. Once inside, Julien went over to Skipper, who was at the table planning out another TV ad with Kowalski and Private.
"Do you really think you're going to win, penguin?" Julien asked. "I just saw your ad, and let me tell you, I haven't seen a bird say so little on TV since I last saw a commercial for Chicken McNuggets."
"Watch it, lemur!" Skipper shouted. "I don't eat bird – it's a matter of principle. But I wouldn't mind if you had to eat some crow tonight."
"Yes, whatever," Julien said, dismissing what Skipper had said. "But you must tell me how you did your TV ad and let me run one, too."
"Never!" Skipper declared. "Find your own way, lemur!"
"Unfortunately, Skipper, as your Attorney General, I need to again inform you of the law," Kowalski told his commander. "Section 315 of the Communications Act of 1934, better known as the 'equal-time rule,' requires broadcast stations to treat legally qualified political candidates equally in terms of access to airtime and advertising."
"Which means?" Skipper asked.
"It means that since we broadcast an ad for you for free, we legally must also allow Julien to run an ad for free as well," Kowalski clarified.
"But Kowalski," Skipper argued, "since we're already violating one law by illegally jamming TV signals, what's one more?"
"Oh, are you afraid you might lose, silly penguin?" Julien jumped in and asked.
"No, but I'm just getting tired of all these laws that seem to be stacked against me today," Skipper replied. "Fine, you can get your one TV ad, but then go home."
Julien then walked with Maurice and Mort over to the other side of the room to discuss how to counter Skipper's ad. Maurice suggested that they directly attack the theme of the one Skipper had done by presenting another angle to it. Once the lemurs had come up with the ad for Julien, the king walked over to Kowalski to ask to be put on the air.
"You, smart-but-still-undeniably-silly bird," Julien said, "let me go on TV."
Kowalski then led Julien over to the video camera, and although he felt bad that he had to do so, gave Julien the countdown to go live. Once Kowalski got to zero, Julien spoke his ad.
"It's 3 a.m. and you're safe and asleep. But there's a phone ringing in the zoovenir shop, and you've woken up because of it. As Penguin Leader, I will restore your sleepy time by taking that darn thing off the hook at night. I am the king!"
Just like her watching of "I Love Lucy" had been interrupted with Skipper's ad earlier, the episode of "Seinfeld" that Marlene was currently watching was broken into when Julien broadcast his ad.
"Maybe I was wrong to think that watching TV would be a good way to peacefully pass the time," she said when the ad ended. "I wish now that my CD player worked so I could listen to my Billy Joel and Phil Vassar CDs."
Meanwhile, Alice was making her rounds around the penguin habitat when she noticed the many political signs put up outside of it in support of Skipper. She went up to one which had Skipper's photo on it and pulled it up to take a closer look at it.
"What is this, some kind of a joke?" she asked out loud as she read it. "Why is the photo of one of our penguins on this sign? Who is Skipper? And why does he have a treasurer named Private J. Dualdek?"
Another zookeeper then came by after hearing Alice yelling to herself.
"Everything OK here, Alice?" the male co-worker asked.
"Everything's OK, but things are a little strange around here," Alice replied as she handed her colleague the Skipper sign that she was holding. "Some nut out there made a bunch of these signs as a joke, suggesting that our penguins vote to pick their leader. I remember how silly it was when I found one – just one – John McCain sticker stuck to the sign by the elephant exhibit last year, but this is something else entirely."
"Well, I'd vote for Skipper," the other zookeeper joked with a smile. "Although I don't really care much for his mustache."
"Oh, come on!" Alice shouted. "I seriously don't get paid enough to put up with your jokes and certainly not enough to go around and collect signs for some 'penguin election.' I can't wait to go home."
As her co-worker walked away chuckling, Alice continued to pull up the Skipper signs to be thrown away.
Concurrently, over at the penguins' HQ, Julien felt to himself that he ought to run another ad on TV to better his chance of receiving Marlene's vote. After quietly talking to Maurice for a few minutes, Julien suddenly ran over to the video camera and, since he had remembered how Kowalski had operated it, simply turned it on and began to broadcast without first asking any of the penguins for permission.
"The eagle: America's symbol soaring above the fruited plain. The owl: The raider of the night sky. The flamingo: Well, it's pink. The penguin? Flightless. This bird can't fly, and neither does his politics. Rise above. Vote lemur. Vote King Julien on Tuesday, November 3. I'm King Julien, and I approve this message."
"Ring-tail!" Skipper shouted as Julien completed his broadcast. "What ever happened to us letting you run one ad?"
"Oh, my bad," Julien said as he grinned corruptly and scurried out of the HQ with the other two lemurs.
After the lemurs had left, Kowalski approached Skipper.
"You know, sir, the law does work both ways," he said. "Just invoke your rights under Section 315 and run another ad yourself."
"But what could we focus a counter-ad on?" Skipper asked. "I'm not ashamed of being a penguin, but there's just no equivalent comeback to being called 'flightless.'"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that there's nothing," Kowalski replied as he clapped his flippers to get Private's attention. "Private, bring me File 13."
Private waddled over to a filing cabinet and pulled out the file, which was dusty and had a "top-secret" red seal on it. He blew off the dust and then brought the folder over to Kowalski, who then broke the seal and opened it.
"I took these photos when we were in Madagascar – I never knew why, but I had a feeling that they might be of use someday," Kowalski said as he handed Skipper the three photos. "Do you understand what's happening in them?"
"I do," Skipper replied. "It seems that our nutty ring-tailed neighbor doesn't know how to swim."
"Indeed," Kowalski said. "I believe it's equivalent to being called 'flightless.' Shall we interrupt Marlene's TV show with a special report?"
"Freedom of the press is a beautiful thing," Skipper replied. "Let's get on the air."
Skipper and Kowalski then again approached the video camera. After Kowalski had hit the button to go live, he stepped out in front of the camera first.
"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news about the King Which is Me Party candidate for Penguin Leader, King Julien. And now to deliver this special news report, the anchor of Penguin-TV News, Skipper."
Kowalski then moved out of the way so Skipper could make his report. As Skipper went in front of the camera, he held up the photos of Julien being unable to swim in Madagascar and flipped through them as he spoke.
"My friends, it has come to our attention that the so-called 'King' Julien, who makes a hobby out of mocking penguins for our inability to fly, is himself with a handicap. The photos which I am now displaying for you show the ring-tailed royal not only donned in distasteful swimwear, but unable to even swim in the first place. As you can see in the third photo, the monarch's right-hand man, Maurice, can be seen rescuing his king from a watery doom. Now, don't get me wrong – I support Maurice for rescuing Julien, but let's not neglect the fact that the king himself cannot do something which penguins are experts in. Thus, I ask that you see the hypocrisy and know the truth. So when you vote later – Marlene, that means you – vote for me, Skipper. Not only am I a proven penguin and a proven leader, but I'm a proven swimmer, too! I'm Skipper, and I approve this message. That is all. Good afternoon and good fortune."
At Marlene's habitat, her TV was again interrupted by Skipper's second broadcast. While her watching of "I Love Lucy" had been briefly interrupted before, this was the third time that the "Seinfeld" episode Marlene was trying to watch had been broken into, and she was becoming frustrated.
"Come on, Skipper! I just want to know if Elaine is ever able to get rid of all of those muffin tops – is that too much to ask?!" Marlene yelled at the TV.
Meanwhile, unaware of Marlene's growing displeasure with all of the campaigning that she had been subjected to already, the penguins and lemurs were separately plotting their own final campaign tactics. For Skipper and the penguins, it was a telephone call; for Julien and the lemurs, it was designing campaign buttons.
"Maurice, I have thought of the best idea for my buttons," Julien called down from his throne. "I want to use my royal portrait that you painted on them; I look so good and manly in it. I also look great right now, but I still want to use the painting."
"Very well, your majesty, I'll have Mort use the computer to crop the image down so it will fit on the buttons," Maurice said. "Do you want your buttons to say anything on them as well, or do you just want your picture on them?"
"Yes, have them all say 'Vote King Julien for Penguin Leader – he is the most handsome lemur king that has ever been, and yet he is humble, gracious, and even has a terrific hairstyle,'" Julien replied.
"Your majesty, I don't think that's all going to fit on there," Maurice informed his king.
"Fine," Julien said as he let out a sigh. "Have them read 'Let freedom ring – vote for a ring-tail' instead."
"You know, your majesty," Maurice stated, "that really is good."
Around this same time, Skipper was discussing his phone call idea with Private.
"I think something related to fiscal policy should be the subject of Operation: Phone Call," Skipper said. "Private, since you're my Secretary of the Treasury, how would you like to be the one to make the call?"
"I'd be happy to, sir, but what angle of fiscal policy should we go with?" Private inquired.
"I was thinking something suggesting that Julien would raise taxes," Skipper replied.
"But Skipper," Private spoke up, "animals don't have to pay taxes."
"Tell that to Manfredi and Johnson and their shoddy preparations of Form 1040," Skipper stated. "The feds made a casserole out of those poor, poor gentlemen."
"Really?" Private asked.
"No, not really," Skipper replied.
"So, about the phone call, then?" Private wondered.
"How about you just make a general get-out-the-vote push," Skipper suggested. "And, Private, do it with a smile."
After thinking it over for a few moments, Private picked up the telephone receiver and dialed Marlene's number. When she picked up, Private spoke his message.
"Hi, my name is Private, and I'm a volunteer calling on behalf of the Skipper 2009 campaign.
"Election Day is today, and Skipper is the only candidate with the experience we can trust to lead the elite penguin force of the Central Park Zoo into the future. The race is shaping up to be extremely close, and your vote will make the difference. Please remember to vote today, and when you do, vote Skipper. Proven Penguin. Proven Leader.
"Thank you for your time. This call was paid for by Skipper 2009."
No sooner than Marlene hung up the phone, Julien and the other lemurs entered into her habitat.
"Hello, other neighbor!" Julien said as he walked in. "Or should I say otter neighbor?"
"You need something, too?" Marlene asked, a little frustrated, as she clicked off her TV with the remote.
"No, I don't need anything, but you do," Julien said as pulled out one of his campaign buttons and approached Marlene with it.
After he had opened the pin on the back, he began to advance its sharp point towards Marlene's chest, but he stopped a few inches short of actually poking it into Marlene's body.
"Just kidding," he said. "I wouldn't really poke the pin on this button into you. Maybe I'd do it to Mort, but not to you."
"Well, that's a relief," Marlene said as she held out her hand to instead take the button from Julien.
"So, what have you been up to this afternoon?" Julien then asked Marlene.
"Trying to watch TV mostly, but the ads you and Skipper keep breaking into my signal with are starting to bug me," she replied. "I couldn't even follow the plot of the 'Seinfeld' episode I was trying to watch – now I'll have to wait a while before it comes on again so I can find out where those muffin tops ended up."
"Oh, Elaine hires Newman to eat them at the end," Maurice suddenly walked over and informed her. "I've seen that one five times."
Suddenly, Skipper, Kowalski, and Private entered Marlene's habitat via the manhole in her floor. As they began walking over to where Marlene and the lemurs were, Julien walked over to Skipper.
"Hello, Skipper," he said smugly.
"Hello, Julien," replied Skipper in the same fashion as he began making his way over to Marlene, the bag filled with his own campaign buttons he carried with him.
"Marlene, would you like an official Skipper 2009 campaign button?" he asked her as he reached into his bag and pulled one out and handed it to her. "No charge."
"Skipper, who is Mitt Romney?" Marlene asked, puzzled by the button she had been given.
"Oh, sorry," Skipper said as he took the button back. "That one is from my own personal collection. I forgot it was in that bag."
Skipper then handed Marlene another button.
"Who is James K. Polk?" she then asked as she looked at the new button.
"James Knox Polk was the 11th President of the United States, serving from 1845 until 1849," Kowalski suddenly spoke up.
"No, this button literally says 'Who is James K. Polk?' on it," Marlene said.
"Ah, that one is from my personal historical collection," Kowalski said. "In the 1844 Presidential Election, the Whigs used 'Who is James K. Polk?' as somewhat of a slogan against him because Polk was not well-known at the time. He still won, though."
"Kowalski!" Skipper suddenly shouted. "We're not here for history class, my friend. If Marlene really wants to learn more about President Polk, she can go to Wikipedia on her own time."
"Excuse me, Skipper," Marlene spoke up, "but this is my time! This is my house, so all of the time here is mine! Please, I don't mean to yell, but you do understand that I do have a legitimate point here, right?"
"OK, Marlene, we'll go," Skipper said. "See you at 1800 hours?"
"That's 6 p.m., right?" Marlene asked.
"Indeed it is," Skipper replied.
"All right, but not another single act of campaigning until the debate, OK?" she asked. "Julien, that goes for you, too."
"Very well," Julien said.
"Deal," Skipper agreed. "Now go have some fun watching TV until then. I hear there's this cool new show on Nickelodeon with penguins in it, but I've never been around to catch it myself."
Private then reached into Skipper's bag and pulled out one of the actual Skipper campaign buttons, which he then began to hold his flipper out to give to Marlene before Skipper stopped him.
"No more bothering Marlene with campaigning," Skipper told him. "At least not until 1800."
With that, Skipper led his men and Julien led his subjects out of Marlene's habitat. The debate was just a short few hours away.
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PART TWO: ENDORSEMENTS
As the penguins and lemurs went their separate ways after leaving Marlene's habitat, Skipper thought that he knew a good way to kill the last remaining hours until the debate.
"I've got one more trick up my sleeve – if I had sleeves – to try to win this election," Skipper told his team-minus-one. "If I could get the endorsements of a few other animals, it would show the widespread support that I have."
"Sounds good, Skipper," Private said. "How much time do we have until 1800?"
Kowalski then aligned his right flipper with the sun and began to analyze.
"Judging from the present afternoon solar position, I'd have to say that we have exactly two hours, six minutes, and 51.4 seconds until 1800," Kowalski stated.
Kowalski then glanced down at his watch.
"And my watch says the same thing, only with the seconds portion now down to 44.3," Kowalski said. "So, where are we off to, Skipper?"
"Let's go pay Roger a visit," Skipper replied.
The three then descended down the nearest sewer manhole and followed the pipes north until they caught up with their alligator friend.
"Hey, so good to see you guys again," Roger said as he saw the penguins coming towards him. "Can I interest you in another singing lesson?"
"Sorry, not this time, Roger," Skipper told him. "We're a man down in the quartet today, but we'll drop in again to do some singing soon. Right now, since today's Election Day, I'm actually running for re-election as leader of my group of penguins. But this morning, Julien – you know, the guy you sent running over at Marlene the otter's place – decided to challenge me, and a series of events has led to me and my men to having to do a lot of campaigning so far today."
"Julien, you mean that guy in the funny hat?" Roger asked as he chuckled. "He's got nothin' on you, man. I'll support you."
"Glad to hear that, Roger," Skipper said. "Now you can't vote, but how would you like to come out to a debate I'm having against Julien at 6 p.m.? It's over at the zoo's souvenir store."
"Ooh, I'm there," Roger replied.
"Great," Skipper said as he reached into his bag for a campaign button, making sure it was indeed one of his own this time. "Care for a button?"
Roger took the button from Skipper and pinned it on his chest, right through his skin.
"Herbert Clark Hoover, man!" Kowalski exclaimed. "Does that not hurt?"
"Really thick skin," Roger said as he pointed at his scales. "It's actually not as bad as ya think."
"Uh-huh," Private said in a somewhat-puzzled way.
"Well, we best be going to collect more endorsements," Skipper said. "Thanks again, Rog."
"Sure thing, Skipper," Roger said as the penguins began climbing up a nearby ladder up to the surface.
When they came out up above, they were in the middle of the street in front of the zoo, so Skipper had Kowalski and Private line up on the yellow line that divided the road.
"Private, why did the penguins cross the road?" Skipper asked.
"To get to the other side?" Private figured.
"Wrong answer," Skipper declared. "Kowalski, why did the penguins cross the road?"
Kowalski pulled out his abacus from nowhere and began sliding some of the beads around, concluding nothing.
"I've got nothing," Kowalski said.
"OK, OK, the penguins crossed the road to – drum roll, please – get to the 'moon cat' on the other side," Skipper said. "On my mark, execute the aforementioned punch line. Three, two, one, cross!"
The three then waddled their way across the street and proceeded to the back of the building that was located there, where they found their cat friend, Max, on top of a dumpster.
"How goes it, moon cat?" Skipper greeted as he and the other two approached Max. "Find anything good in that dumpster? No chicken or turkey I hope."
"No, ever since you guys gave me that can of anchovies, I've really gotten into fish," Max replied.
"Good man!" Skipper said, happy that his feline friend wasn't eating bird.
"In fact, there's this couple who just moved into the building from Japan, and they make sushi every Wednesday night," Max said. "They throw all their scraps into this dumpster, and I eat them. I can't stop thinkin' about tomorrow!"
Max then looked over at the other penguins and noticed that Rico was absent.
"Where's Rico today?" Max asked. "I didn't eat him, I swear!"
"Rico is stuck in a room over at the zoo's veterinary station," Private informed him. "We're not sure when he'll be able to get out."
"Well, that's too bad," Max said. "So, what brings the rest of you guys to my alley?"
"Well, as you may know, today's Election Day," Kowalski began. "Lots of humans around the country are voting today, mostly for municipal offices, but there is an election going on at the zoo, too. Skipper is looking for another term as Penguin Leader."
"That's right, Max," Skipper said. "But only this time I'm not running unopposed. Julien the lemur, whom you may recall was the one jumping like a madman inside his bounce house when we tried hiding you in it when that animal control nutcase was after you, decided to challenge me this morning."
"A lemur running for Penguin Leader?" Max questioned. "That's strange."
"It's also legal under our Constitution, I unfortunately learned," Skipper said. "But rather than continue to bore you with details, might I ask if you'd be interested in coming to a debate between me and Julien later? It's at 6:00 over at the zoo's souvenir store. You can't vote in the election, but you're welcome to come out."
"Well, is it safe there?" Max asked.
"We penguins pride ourselves on keeping the zoo safe and in order," Skipper replied. "But if that lemur wins, I couldn't say the same thing about him."
"Oh, you don't need to convince me to support you, Skipper," Max said, "I already know and have seen that you're a good guy."
"So, should we save a chair for you?" Skipper asked.
"Sure, I'll come over," Max replied. "I guess it's the least I can do after all you've done for me and since I once tried to microwave Private."
"Huh?" Private whimpered.
"Ah, so you were having trouble with the radiation levels of your teleportation machine that night?" Kowalski asked.
"Yes, trouble," Max said, not having the heart to tell his friends that he had once considered them a buffet item. "That's exactly what it was. Yup."
Skipper then reached into his bag to get a button.
"I'm not exactly sure where you could put it," Skipper said, "but here's a button you can have."
"Oh, I have this piece of string that I could put it on, then I'll tie it around my neck and wear it to the debate," Max said as he accepted the button. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, moon cat," Skipper said. "You know, if Rico was here, I'd have him give you another can of fish, but seeing as he isn't, how about you drop by the HQ in a half hour and join us for some smoked salmon?"
"That would be great," Max said. "Thanks, and I'll see you then."
With that, Skipper led his team-minus-one back to the HQ to get ready for Max's visit.
About 25 minutes later, Max began his walk over to the penguins' HQ, but he briefly ran into an unexpected delay along the way. Julien, it turned out, just so happened to be walking in the opposite direction en route to get some popcorn, and when he crossed paths with Max, the king stopped him to take a look at the button he was wearing around his neck.
"Where did you get that button?" Julien asked.
"Skipper came by my alley and invited me to the debate," Max replied, recognizing who he was talking to and feeling no need to lie. "He gave me the button because I support him in the election. Though I can't vote in it, I know Skipper is a good guy. I don't know you too well."
"Very well," Julien said. "You're free to go now."
As Max continued on to see the penguins for a fish feast, Julien decided that his desire for victory was of a greater importance than his desire for popcorn, so he turned around to go back to his habitat to get some of his own campaign buttons.
"Trying to get the endorsements of other animals, aren't you, flightless bird?" Julien muttered to himself as he walked along. "Well, two can play at that game."
After getting a few buttons, Julien set off to ask other animals in the zoo if they would pledge their allegiance to him and come out to the debate to show their support. Unfortunately for him, things didn't go too smoothly.
First, he went to see Joey, but the kangaroo replied to his offer with a swift kick in the face. He then sought the support of Bada and Bing, but they threw him out of their habitat – and a good 10 yards more. The elephant and flamingo declined non-violently, but the porcupines rejected Julien with a copious amount of quills to the torso. Feeling no love, and not much of anything where he had been numbed from the beatings, the deflated lemur king climbed down into the sewer and searched for the sewer rats, but he knew that getting their support was a long shot. He hoped for the best, expected the worst, and prayed that the sky spirits would let him walk out with his skin.
It didn't take very long until the rat king and his minions spotted Julien and came running aggressively towards him.
"Whoa, you're not supposed to be here!" the rat king shouted as he approached Julien. "You can play pretend all you want in your silly little kingdom, but down here is my jungle. You dig?"
"I'd like to give you something," Julien then told the jumbo-sized rat.
"Look out, rats, he's got hockey pucks!" the rat king yelled as he began to run away. "Run! Run! It's every rat for himself!"
"No, I have no hockey pucks," Julien declared. "All I have are campaign buttons."
The rats then returned back over to Julien to see what their uninvited guest had for them, and Julien handed the rat king a button.
"I'm running against this penguin named Skipper in an election at the zoo later today," Julien said. "I was wondering if you'd wear these buttons to support me. You can't vote, but you can come to a debate I'm having with the flightless bird later."
"You're running against that penguin?" the rat king asked, heavily emphasizing on the contempt he felt for Skipper.
"Yes," Julien replied.
"Well, brother rat, we have got your back," the rat king declared.
"Actually, I'm a lemur," Julien corrected.
"A lemur?!" the rat king asked. "I thought you said you were in politics?"
"Yes, but I'm still a lemur," Julien said. "The debate is at 6:00 at the zoo's souvenir store."
"We'll be there," the rat king affirmed. "I can't wait to see that penguin brought down a peg or two."
Julien then gave the other rats buttons, then he climbed out of the sewer and began to walk back to his kingdom. He planned to have Maurice pull out the porcupine quills while he gave himself a nice kingly foot rub, and boy did he need one.
