It has been one year now. One years since I have been home from that God awful place. And I would have loved to have forgotten the anniversary, if it wasn't for the constant news coverage, the moment of silence we had at the hospital, and if it wasn't for the letter.


The letter had come from Radar of all people.


Next weekend he was have a barbeque at his home, and all of the former M*A*S*H personal were invited. I wouldn't have gone, I would have just said that I couldn't make it, but he wrote me that everyone had already said they would come. Even Charles, so I guess I had no choice.


And so I went.


But I didn't want to face them. I didn't want to face him. Not after all this time.

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time.
I've got a good life now, I've moved on
So when you cross my mind....

The party, I have to say, was a big hit. I couldn't believe that Radar alone had tracked down all of these people. Even Trapper was there.

And he was there...

I try not to think about
What might have been
'cause that was then
And we've taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been.

I didn't see her at first. But the moment he put his arms around her I knew. He had moved on. But why hadn't I?

He had introduced her as his wife, and everyone was joking that the great Hawkeye pierce had finally settled down. I wanted to be happy for them, I really did. But I couldn't. I just couldn't let him go.

But when he announced that they were going to have a baby, I couldn't stop and do the math, to figure out if she got pregnant before or after they were married, I just had to get out of there. I couldn't stand there and pretend to be happy for the man that I still loved. What I didn't know, was that he followed me outside.

We could sit and talk about this all night long,
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past.

I was not going to cry, I wasn't. But all those emotions...I just couldn't keep them in. He held me for what seemed like forever, and just let me cry. I could have fallen in love with him right then and there just for not asking me why I was crying.

"I'm sorry Margaret," he whispered over and over. "I'm so sorry."

It was then that I realized that he had to marry her. For the baby's sake. That was the kind of man that he was. I knew he would be a great father. But it was to little too late, and there was nothing either of us could say or do to change it.

So try not to think about
What might have been
'cause that was then
And we've taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been.

We stepped away from each other, and knew that it was really over.

"I'm happy for you Hawkeye," I whispered. And I knew that he heard the pain behind those words. He stepped closer to me and brushed away a stray tear that was falling. I knew that he wanted to stay. I knew that he was fighting the urge just for one more minute like I was, but knowing what I had to do, I took my hand in his and gave it a quick and reassuring squeeze before I released it.

That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away.

He gave me a sad smile and gently kissed me before going back into the party. I stood out there for what seemed like forever, and was surprised when I saw the one person I least expected to come find me.


"So there you are," he said and leaned on the railing next to me.


"Here I am," I said echoing him.


"It's been a long time hasn't it Margaret?"


"Yeah, a long time Trapper," I said distractedly, my mind still on that kiss.


"Hawk told me what was going on between you two," he said turning to look at me.


I turned to him in an instant ready to kill him. Pierce did what!


But he held up his hands in surrender, "Whoa, hold it Margaret. You should know he was drunk at the time, and didn't know what he was saying. He loves you, ya know. More then I think you'll ever know."


"I do know," I whispered.


"You do?" he asked surprised.


"I do," and closed my eyes trying to fight the tears.

and try not to think about
What might have been
'cause that was then
And we've taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been.

Trapper left, knowing there was not much else to say. The moment I heard the door shut, I let the tears that have been held in for the past year finally come out, only to be drowned out by the sound of laughter coming from the house.

No, we'll never know
What might have been

TBC

Don't worry H/M fans, this one has a happy ending, I promise. Just please review!