A/N:Thanks for all the reads and reviews guys. happy time
Venus: Thanks for the encouraging words. I wrote the 'mom and son' spot in this chapter with you in mind. I hope you like it.
SweetCari: so happy you are hooked. I think this is where the evil laugh should come to place. I seem to be good at starting a story, its the stuff in the middle I have problems with. I hope you can keep reading and keep me on the path.
Sumi: Glad you enjoyed it :) It takes awhile to up date this because I am always changing things around.
SoraCloud: Well what can I say other then I smile every time I see you had review. I will get to the other chapter of New life this week sometime. Figured i switch back and forth but I haven't stopped.
TPD: Yeah, I do make mistakes and I am careless about it. I don't review my work, I just type it, change things, delete a huge amount of work, microsoft crashes on me all the time before I even save and... by that time I am bored with it. So grammar mistakes will be there because of my own fault. But you know, you are picking up on it, which means that you are really reading it. Just not skimming over for good parts that might be interesting but really reading it, absorbing it all in and that means a lot to me. So thanks :)
The jeep slowly pulled up the ribbed stoned drive to park neatly beside a small compact car. Mr. Ishida turned the key slowly, letting the engine die as he took in the scenery before him. TA paint job was giving to the cabin since the last time he was there. Shrubs now planted near the cabin and ivy shoots raced along the open porch. It now was white with blue trims, resembling more of a house in the woods then the rustic cabin he remembered. That was how the world worked now days. More wanted the quiet woodsy life style with all the comfort of home. He saw the front screen open and slam shut after a tall man who bounced down the few steps from the porch and headed in their direction.
Zack. Malcolm thought the name with a smile. He would know him anywhere. That goofy grin, the thick brown hair and his bouncy walk. A best friend he probably never deserved.
"You boys came all this way just to look at us through a car window?" Zack pulled the driver's side of the jeep open for his long time friend. "Come on, get out of there so I can see how old you gotten."
Malcolm slid out of the jeep and instantly, Zack gave him a hug in greetings like long last brothers. So many emotions spiraled through Malcolm's as he hung onto his friend. It felt like coming home after being lost and he felt lighter, as if bricks were suddenly eased off his shoulders. Relief and the feeling of safety settled over Malcolm, like finding refuge after a long battle. Knowing you was safe in the arms of friends. Then a bit of guilt washed over him. It was not he that needed the help but his son.
Zack pulled away with a pat to Malcolm's arm and his beaming trade like smile that told his old friend that things would work out. "You look like shit, Mal."
"Ah, well I never did have a poker face." Malcolm mumbled lifting a small back from the front seat. "I feel like shit. I am tired, emotionally drained and I am lost. I don't know what to do."
"I'm sure all that's normal. We'll figure it out once you boys are settled.' Zack lifted his eyebrows and a nodded to the back seat of the jeep. "How's he doing?"
"He slept most of the way." Malcolm looked back at his son who was gathering his musical device and hand games.
"Probably the best for him right now. I'm not the doctor but it seems to make sense." Zack crossed his arms and rocked on his heels. "I mean I'm sure he's not good after all but…"
"He closed himself off. Its how he has always dealt with things." Malcolm shrugged when Zack eyed him carefully. He ran his hand through his dark hair and took a deep breath as he noticed his ex-wife carefully walking towards the jeep. "Its how I usually deal with things. Maybe it is something he picked up from me. I don't know if this was such a good idea."
"Too late. No turning back now." Zack shook his head and he reached to the backseat door. "I'm not letting you run away again." He told Malcolm and opened the door for Matt. "Coming son?"
Matt barely looked up as he got out of the jeep. The fresh air hit him immediately like cool water splashing his face in the morning.
"Last time I seen you, there wasn't so much of you." Zack grinned at Matt and Malcolm. "I think he was maybe four-feet and now he's what? Six -four?"
"Something like that. Tk's getting up there too." Malcolm smiled proudly seeing his youngest son's head bobbing towards him from the distance.
"Well, let's get you boys set up." Zack took some stuff out of the jeep and started heading for the cabin. "We'll get the rest of your stuff later."
"Matt?" Nancy whispered as she step forward, throwing her arms around Matt. "My baby. I missed you so much!" She whispered, still clinging to him as if he would vaporize if she let go of him.
"Nancy." Beth whispered, brushing her friend's arm with a soft touch of her hand. Nancy looked over at her with a wide smile, she had her baby back. She finally was holding him in her arms after so many years. After the phone call, it was all she wanted. Just to hold him one more time. She now had that wish and Beth was interrupting it. "You should let him go so he can get settled." Beth continued to speak softly as the same time she placed her other hand on Nancy's shoulder to gently pry her away.
Nancy started to shake her head. Beth clearly did not understand that now she was holding him again. The phone call she received just two days ago, it was the most dreaded phone call of her life. She did not know if he would live or…She had him now. That was all the really matter. She had her baby boy again and when she looked up to his face, to search past the tired look, to look into his eyes so much bluer then her own Nancy felt despair wash over her.
He was not holding her. He was not going to lean into her embrace. Instead, he glared down at her as she was stranger invading his personal space. His body was stiff, not yielding her past his barriers. Nancy let her hands slip from Matt's shoulders, down his arm before letting go. Her eyes swam with tears but she pulled her chin up. He was not well, she reminded herself. He needed her; he just did not know it yet. Once in awhile, every boy needs his mama.
Malcolm's hand rested protectively on Matt's shoulder and pulled his son closer to him. "It's been a long trip." He explained to his ex-wife guiltily. "We're both a bit tired. Time difference and all…"
She nodded her head with a sniff and step back. Of course, it was an excuse, his explanation. It was to protect her from the truth. So many years went by; she was a stranger to her son. She watched as Malcolm led Matt into the cabin. Zack in front of them, speaking as nothing awkward had taken place.
"How about some tea?" Beth pulled her arm around Nancy to lead her back into the cabin. The others followed and started to lead him to the cabin.
"Dad? Matt?" Tk came running up from the wooded area before Malcolm could get inside the house. Malcolm still had his hand on Matt's shoulder, paused to allow Tk to catch up and like puppet on a string, Matt stopped as well.
"Hey Sport." Malcolm ruffled Tk's light blonde hair. "Why don't you help me and Matt get settled? Fancy carrying a few bags for me?" Malcolm slipped a shoulder bag off and handed over to Tk who gave a weak smile and took the bag. He gave a quick glance at his mother and Beth walking slowly up the stoned pathway. Then his gaze shifted to Matt his breath catching. He had no idea what to say to him. He wanted to scream at his older brother, demand to tell him the reason for his actions but at the same time, he wanted to guard him. Matt was once untouchable, in Tk's eyes. Nothing could harm him or break him. Like younger siblings, he had placed Matt on a shelf higher then any human could possible be placed and now, Matt fell from the shelf. Crashed into a million pieces. His brother was destructible, just like everyone else.
"Sure." Tk squeezed through the door past his father and Matt. He glanced up once at Matt and wanted to cry for him. His brother's face held no emotion; his eyes were hazed still from the pills he took a few days ago.
Zack clapped his shoulder for encouragement as Tk zipped passed him. "Mom spent all day yesterday airing the room out and washing the bedding. " Tk spoke as he led them through the rooms on the bottom floor.
"He doesn't recognize me." Nancy whispered, her tears finally falling. "My son doesn't even know who I am."
"Oh, Nancy." Beth wrapped her arms around Nancy in a hug, her eyes tearing up as well. She cried for her friend's hurt.
"Things are a little hazy for him right now." Nathan continued, trying to give her some comfort and understanding. "He took a lot of sleeping pills before he jumped, Nancy. Those pills are hard to get out of the system. He just needs some more sleep and fresh air before he can think straight."
Tk walked through the door, hurrying to place the bag he carried near one of the small drawers located near a corner wall. He watched his Zack, his unrelated Uncle; walk through the door with a cheery face. It was like nothing ever fazed him but with recent events, Tk knew that was not true. Everyone was destructible, even the bravest.
Matt and his father came in next and they walked towards one of the beds near the windows. Malcolm gently pushed down on Matt's shoulder, causing his son to sit down on the bed. Malcolm leaned down so he could look Matt in the eyes. It seemed like there was not anything there, nothing behind those brilliant colored orbs. "Love you. You know that, right." Malcolm did not see a reaction so he nodded his head before straighten up.
"I'm upstairs with the other guys. Maybe I can show you my room later?" Tk voice seemed to echo in the room.
Malcolm smiled and walked over to the younger boy. "Sure." He pulled him in his arms, kissed the top of his head. "All three of use will go for a walk in a few hours, okay?"
This kind of display of affection from his father was new. Tk nodded under his father's chin, he felt his tears wetting against his father's shirt. He tried to pull back, not wanting to seem like a baby but his father would not have anything of it. "I don't understand." Tk voice was shaky.
"I don't either, son." Malcolm whispered, still holding on to his boy. "We'll figure it out together."
"This room isn't as big as the others." Zack eyed the room, standing near the door. His gave a noiseless clap of his hands together in front, then swung them behind then back to the front. "But, well Nancy said that he took some pills and jumped too so we thought ground floor might be more reinsurance for us all."
"This is fine." Malcolm assured him, finally letting his death grip on TK ease up. "It's nice and bright. A lot of windows."
"Do you think he's still um…well, suicidal?" Zack saw Malcolm stiffen at the word and Tk flinched back into his father.
"He's not speaking." Malcolm sighed, looking back over at Matt who now lay back on the bed with his legs still on the floor. His eyes were stuck on the ceiling. "I don't know. I don't know anything at this point."
"You guys get some rest then we'll get some food in you and have that nice little walk around the lake." Zack beckoned Tk to come with him.
Tk glanced once up at his father, who nodded his head for him to go with his uncle. Tk headed towards the door but suddenly made a beeline to Matt's bed. He stood beside the bed, looking down at his older brother for a few minutes. Taken in the exhausted look, the dark circles under his eyes. "Love you." Tk whispered and leaned down to kiss the top of his brother's forehead. "Always will." Then he walked out the door with Zack's arm around him.
"Are you going to sleep with your boots on?" Malcolm sat down on his bed, watching his son. He did not answer. "Matt? You cannot shut yourself off like this; it obviously did not help the first time. Think of this as a second chance."
Malcolm took off his shoes but Matt still lay in the same positions. He rubbed his hands over his face and took some deep breaths. God, he was so lost. "I'm not going to let you shut us out, Matt."
He walked over and knelt down in front of the bed, pulling Matt's boots off for him. "Hell, if I knew you were going to do this, I would wish it was when you were a bit shorter." With some, difficult he managed to pull Matt comfortably on the bed. "How about some fresh air? Hmm, might do some good." Malcolm opened the window slightly near the bed. He leaned against the frame, watching the children outside laugh. "The others picked up a game of softball." Malcolm glanced over his shoulder at Matt but he his eyes were growing heavy now so Malcolm stared out the window, at the children and through the past where he could still hear their childish voices…
"Get the ball!" Matt yelled from the first base as eight-year-old Tai rushed after the ball from the center field. His little legs pushing him hard, the sugar rush pushing him fast. "She's stealing the base!"
"Girls rule!" Sora smirked as she slid into the home plate. Of course, she did not need to slide but there was no fun if you did not get a bit of dirt on you.
"Guys!" Tai stormed back to his pitcher mound. "For the last time, I am the pitcher. I do not go after balls in the fields. Do you know whose job that is?" He looked around the group. "It's the job of the people who are in the field! Now rise of hands of those who are out there. Come on, let me see them."
Tk and Davis slowly raised their hands in the air. Tk near tears, he hated to be yelled at
"That's right, it's your turn. Now, now don't get all soggy." Tai glared at the younger boys. "Sometimes we bigger kids need to be a bit forceful with you. It is how you learn to play the game. If we clapped you on the back and said nice try for standing there picking your noses, well through life you'll just always be there with your finger up your nose. You won't be able to breath!"
"Tai." Zack warned his son from the picnic table. "They're a lot younger then you are, don't be so harsh."
"That's disrupting, Tai." Mimi wrinkled her nose from behind the batter's line.
"We weren't picking our noses either." Davis shouted back, throwing his too big of a glove down on the grassy field they were using for softball. "You guys are just big bullies!"
Tk stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes. Matt made a move towards him and Tk's tongue quickly went back into his mouth.
"Come to our side." Sora said sweetly, beckoning the little boys with her finger. "We're not bullies and we have cookies."
Davis and Tk smiled, slowly walking towards the girls.
"Don't do it!" Tai warned the boys. "They'll make you their minions!"
"Don't listen to the bullies." Mimi smiled wickedly at Tai. "We will treat you a lot better."
"And they have cookies." Davis explained, as that was enough for anyone when it came to picking sides.
"They also have coodies." Joe explained from his second base stance.
"Coodies?" Tk stopped, looking at Joe and then back at the girls. "Is that like chicken pox? It's really itchy."
Beth shook her head, keeping her smile hidden behind a magazine.
"Coodies, that gets you all the time." Malcolm grinned.
"Yeah, well we call them something else now." Zack winked at the ladies at the table.
"Yeah, just like chicken pox but worse!" Izzy nodded his head and held his hands up in the air. "But if you guys want to go over to them, fine. Get the coodies."
"You should know that it can turn you into girls." Joe pushed his glasses up to his noise.
"It does?" Zack gave a confused look at the adults.
"New one for me." Evan shrugged his shoulders, clearing enjoying the little argument.
"Maybe we should stop them." Emma looked a little worried.
"Let 'em be." Todd grinned. "They'll sort it out. Working things through is how its suppose to be. When they can't work it out, that's when we step in."
"You won't be able to sleep in the boys' room." Tai went on.
"Or pee on the trees." Matt added, as that was the most important thing in life.
"You have to squat." Tai went on.
"Okay that's enough." Zack slapped his hands together to break the little argument up. He didn't want to go through any kind of gender discussion. "I think a good game of hide and seek is the next game. Why don't you kids all pick a different place to hide and we parents will find you!"
"And that's how you do it!" Vince hooted holding up his can of beer. "You send them scattering away from each other and we can take our sweet time finding them. Silence my friend, silence is a sweet thing!"
Malcolm pushed himself away from the window, away from the memories and eased himself on the other bed. He lay on his back, letting his body sink into the bed. Maybe now he would be able to get some sleep, knowing he was not alone. He would not be the only one keeping an eye on Matt.
Matt let his eyes lids close but his mind still seem to race. He heard the bed in the opposite side of the room squeak from his father's weight. He wanted to tell him he was fine but he was not sure if that was the truth. It could not be, not after what he did. The flash back of that night seemed hazy, felt dream like. Even now, things felt unreal. The steps he took seem heavy like he was shackled at the ankles. The voices seemed to be at a distance and he strained to hear them but they always seemed to be muffled. When they touched him, it was like looking down at himself. Seeing their tender gesture but not being able to feel it. He was numb and he was tired.
The sleeping pills. The pills cause his memory to be fuzzy and this fog to hang in front of him. He remembered taking them but was not sure how many. It was not a new bottle but there was a lot left inside. Sleep, that was all he wanted to do but it would never come.
He remembered the water as well. The sinking feeling as he slipped passed the surface. The current taking him under but he felt like stone, sinking faster into the depths of the salty water. Waves crashing against him, buckling him repeatedly. He did not feel fear, just numbness.
Someone had pulled him up to the surface. He did not remember it but he heard the talk. Everyone now spoke as if he was not there, that he was not aware of anything happening. He was of course but he was fighting this fog his head. He wanted to yell at them, to tell them that he could hear them talking about him. He heard them making plans or suggesting. He heard the pity in their voices. He was not after pity. He was not after this kind of attention. He did not want any of it. He just wanted to be let alone. Alone, that was something he understood.
Like them, he did not understand any of it. He knew he had a good life. He knew people around the world would give anything to have what he has going for him. He was famous; he could go anywhere and do anything. He was intelligent and people knew it. He was rich and not even an adult yet. He was good looking, he knew that too.
So why give all that up? He asked himself. Why does it make me feel like I'm drowning?
