stalker: the simpsons
Disclaimer: I do not own the Simpsons or it's characters.
Chapter 3,
This third chapter is dedicated to Bart's crank-calls. I really thought that would be an awesome chapter, but after going through 12 seasons, I could only find sixteen suitable choices for the chapter. None the less, here are the different situations that made Moe lose his cool.
1. "Moe's Tavern."
"Is Mr. Freely there?"
"Who?"
"Freely. First initials 'I.P.' "
"Hold on. I'll check (turns to others). Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody! I.P. Freely!"
[laughing]
"Wait a minute. Listen to me, ya lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half."
2. "Yeah. Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking."
"Is Jacques there?"
"Who?"
"Jacques. Last name Strap."
"Uh, hold on. (turns) Uh, Jacques Strap? Hey, guys. I'm looking for a Jacques Strap."
[Laughing]
"What? Aw, wait a minute. Jacques Strap? It's you, isn't it, you cowardly little runt! When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut you like a fish a drink your blood."
3. "Moe's Tavern."
"Hello. Is Al there?"
"Al?"
"Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic."
"Lemme check. (turns). Phone call for Al, Al Coholic! Is there an Al Coholic here?"
[laughing]
"Wait a minute. Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass. If I ever find out who you are. I'll kill ya!"
4. "Moe's Tavern."
"Is Oliver there?"
"Who?"
"Oliver Klozoff."
"Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!"
"Listen, ya lousy bum. If I ever get a hold of you. I'll cut your belly open."
5. "Hello. Moe's Tavern, birth place of the Rob Roy."
"Is Seymour there? Last name, Butts."
"Just a sec. Hey is there a Butts here? Seymour Butts? Hey everybody, I want a Seymour Butts!"
[laughing]
"Ah, wait a minute. Listen, you little scum-sucking pus bucket. When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew."
6. "Hello? Is Homer there?"
"Homer who?"
"Homer... Sexual."
"Wait, one second, let me check. Uh, Homer Sexual? Uh, come on, come on. One of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual."
[Laughing]
"Now, you rotten little punk, if I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!"
7. "Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to drink."
"Hello. Is Mike there? Last name Rotch."
"Hold on. I'll check. Mike Rotch? Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?"
[Laughing]
"Listen to me, you little puke! One of these days I'm gonna catch you, and I'm gonna carve my name on your back with an ice pick!"
8. [this is a tree-house of horror one]
"Moe's Tavern. Hold on, I'll check, uh, hey, everybody. I'm a stupid moron with a ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own but."
"That's a new one!"
"Wait a minute."
9. "Flaming Moe's."
"I'm looking for a friend. Last name: Jazz. First name: Hugh."
"Hold on. I'll check. Huge ass? Somebody check the men's room for a huge ass."
"I'm Hugh Jazz."
"Telephone."
"Hello, this is Hugh Jazz."
"Uh... Hi."
10. "Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking."
"I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem, first name: Bea."
"Uh... just a minute. I'll check. Uh... Bea O'Problem? Bea O'Problem? Come on guys. Do I have a Bea O'Problem here?"
"You sure do."
[Laughing]
"Oh! It's you, isn't it? When I get you, I'm gonna use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains.
11. [Telephone rings]
"Yeah, just a sec. I'll check. Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss! Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?"
[laughing]
"Maybe your standards are too high."
"You little S.O.B.! If I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna shove dogs in your butt!"
"My name is Jimbo Jones, and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace."
"Aha! Big Mistake, Pal!"
[Hangs up]
"Ho-Ho! i knew he'd slip up sooner or later."
12. "Hello, I'd like to speak to Miss Tinkle, first name Ivana."
"Ivana Tinkle. Just a sec. Ivana Tinkle. Ivana Tinkle! All right, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle."
[Laughing]
13. [A simpson clipshow]
"Moe's Tavern."
"Hello, is Al there?"
"Al?"
"Yeah, Al. Last name Coholic."
"Lemme check."
"Phone call for Al. Al Coholic.
"Uh, Jacque Strap?"
"Is I. P. Freely here?"
"Hey is there a Butts here. Seymore Butts."
"Uh, Homer Sexual."
"Mike Rotch."
"Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss."
"Hugh Jazz."
"Ivana Tinkle.
"I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt."
14. [Roll call in the classroom]
"Okay, when I call your name, uh, you say 'present' or 'here'. Er, nah, say 'present'. Anita Bath? Alright, settle down. Anita Bath, here? Alright, fine, fine. Eh, Maya Buttreaks. Ay, ay, what are you laughing at? What? Oh-oh, I get it. It's my big ears isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well children, I can't help that." [leaves the room crying]
15. [Mr. Burns trying to call Smithers]
"Moe's Tavern."
"I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name, Waylon."
"Oh. So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First Name Waylon, is it? Listen to me, you. When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove'em down your pants; so you can watch me kick the crap out of you! Ok? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"
16. [Homer's attempt at a crank-call]
"Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball. First name: Yera."
"Yera Snotball?"
"What? How dare you? If I fins out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!"
