(I own nothing)
Book sat at the table switching between reading his Bible and reading River's 'fixed' Bible.
"Shepherd?" Book looked up from the fixed Bible to see River standing playing with the hem of her dress.
"Yes, River, what can I do for you?" Book said, turning all his attention to the young reader.
"Why do they call you Father?" River asked tilting her head.
"Well, because I am one."
"But you have no children, so you're not a Father."
"Well, it can be another name for a shepherd and were called that because we act like a Father would. We provide guidance like a father; take care of the sick, etc." River eyes grew wide with understanding.
"So like a child would call a close friend brother or sister?" Book nodded.
"Exactly."
"Thank you…" River stopped and stared at Book intently for a second, and then she smiled. "Thank you Grandfather."
And she swept out of the kitchen and in to the bowels of the ship. Leaving Book to ponder the young girl and whether this would somehow come back around to bite him in the butt.
River walked up silently behind Wash and Zoe in the cockpit.
"Aunt and Uncle." They jumped.
"River, shouldn't you be in the infirmary with your brother?" Zoe asked settling her feathers.
"Not sure who is who. But I know who you are. The funny Aunt and stern but loving Uncle."
"I'm not stern! Lamby toes am I stern?" Wash asked his wife eyes while River rolled hers.
"Not the Uncle. Zoe." They were still confused, River sighed.
"Uncle Zoe and Auntie Wash." They stared at her as if she was… well crazy.
"River, I'm the male so I would be the uncle." Wash explained.
"Gender is irrelevant." She explained as if it were obvious as she walked away.
"Anyway" She called over her shoulder. "Zoe wears the pants." She didn't stay to listen to Wash's indignant spluttering and Zoe laughter, there were more crew to name.
She found her next victims in Inara's shuttle where Kaylee and Inara were talking.
"Sisters." They turned to look at River and smiled.
"Hello, River, what can we do for you?"
"Sisters, you're sisters." River smiled. "We're sisters." Inara stood and wrapped her arms around the two other girls. River smelled lilies and engine grease, the scent of her sisters.
The next two were in the cargo bay shouting at each other.
"Jayne, what have I told you about tying down your weights during takeoff?! One nearly took Doc's head off!" He was referring to their takeoff from the last planet when the takeoff had been less than pleasant.
"He wasn't supposed to be in here in the first place!" Jayne yelled back.
"He was checking the cargo you forgot to tie down! And he nearly got killed for his trouble." Mal growled. River smiled at the way Mal cared for her brother.
"Daddy mad at the puppy?" River asked coming out from her hiding spot.
"What?! Girl, I'm not your puppy and Mal ain't your Daddy.
"Yes, you are more than you know." She stuck Jayne with a look. "Even if we don't want you here most the time." And with a swish of her skirts she was gone.
Later at dinner they were all discussing their new titles.
"So she says I'm the uncle and Wash is the aunt!" They burst out laughing not just from the story but the look on Wash's face. Jayne muttered about his status, Inara and Kaylee gushed about theirs, and they agreed that the Shepherd's suited him, but everyone favorite was the Captain's.
"And the best part is Mal swore he would never be a father." Kaylee snickered.
"Hey Simon, what's yours?" Zoe asked the doctor who was currently getting food for River off the stove.
"He's her brother dear, he already has one."
"No, brother doesn't fit any more." River said waiting for her plate of not-protein. She had no clue what it was but anything was better than protein.
"So what is it?" Mal asked, his interest peaked.
"You don't want to know." Simon said as he placed a plate of food in front of River. River smiled up at him.
"Don't you dare." He warned but it was too late.
"Thank you, Momma." There was dead silence, then a snort from Jayne and then people on Boros could hear them laughing. Simon groaned; it was going to be a long night. The Shepherd looked at him with pitying eyes but was in no way going to tell them it was his fault for their new names.
"River, why is my chair next to the captain's?" Simon asked sitting in said seat.
"You're his wife and wives should sit by their husbands." Mal had unfortunately been taking a sip of Kaylee's home brew at the time. Mal cursed as he coughed and Simon ever the doctor slapped him on the back and handed him a glass of water.
"She has a point." Jayne said. "The Doc is girly enough." Simon glared.
"I'm going to my bunk and wait until you stop laughing." Simon marched out.
"You're going to the wrong bunk." River called out behind him and waited.
"RIIIIVVVEEEEER, where the hell is my stuff?!" River smiled a slightly evil smile.
"There in you husband's bunk. Couples sleep in the same room, don't they?" She asked sweetly. Simon stormed back in.
"River, listen to me, Mal and I aren't married."
"Yet." River said happily, Simon sighed.
"Mal, I'm going to get my things out of your bunk."
"I'm done so I'll help you carry." Mal said as he stood, stretched and followed Simon to his bunk.
River smiled. It won't be long now till it is as real in reality as it is in her head. She took a bite of dinner and was very grateful that Simon would be cooking for Mal when they were married. Because Mal's cooking made her wish they were having protein tonight.
