The ride out was painfully quiet. Every effort to start a conversation was crushed by the anxiety and trepidation that overwhelmed them. When they got close enough to the property, they could see Casey working out in the back. She looked up when she heard them, but made no effort to show any of her usual enthusiasm.
"You two stay here." Travis dismounted first. "I'm going to let him know there's company coming. If he doesn't look like he can handle it, you'll be waiting till he's ready." His tone left no room for discussion. Casey came over to Chris when Travis entered the house. Her eyes were red and tear stains streaked her face.
"Glad you didn't bring JD. I don't think Mr. Standish could handle all that kind of energy. I don't think JD could handle seeing him that way either." She started crying again. "I'm sorry, I thought I was cried out."
Vin put his arm around her shoulder. "Nothing to be sorry for. Nothing wrong with carrying about a friend."
Chris hadn't taken his eyes off the door, and started towards the house when he saw it open again. He stopped when he saw Nettie coming out.
"Judge Travis is still talking to him. Never would've guessed I'd been so upset about not hearing Fancy Pants talking back." She looked at Chris. "You be real gentle with him. He's as fragile as they come. You hurt him, and you'll answer to me."
"Yes ma'am. We got no intentions of hurting him. If I could have another shot at the bastard who did this…" Chris's voice got dark.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about. You can't get angry like that around him. I dropped a plate and cussed at it. He started shaking and trying to hide. Took me 15 minutes to settle him down again. You go off on one of your tantrums…"
Chris smiled despite the situation. "Why Nettie – I don't have tantrums."
She grinned back. "No, but I don't have the fancy words our friend does to describe what you do have."
The door opened again, and Travis waved them in. The control it took to walk calmly was exhausting.
Ezra sat in the far corner, back near the wall, trying to make himself invisible. His head stayed bowed, eyes darting back and forth between his two new visitors. He gripped his hands together so tightly Vin could see the whitening of his knuckles. It broke his heart to see the confident gambler shaking in fear at their entry.
They were shocked by his appearance. He was easily thirty pounds lighter than the last time they'd seen him. His complexion wasn't even dark enough to be called pale. His hair was much longer than he usually wore it, and looked like it hadn't been cut since he had disappeared. There was nothing there that reflected even a small part of the pride Ezra had always taken in his image.
"Can't tell you how good it is to see you again Ezra. You had us damn scared for a while." Vin tried to keep his tone light and voice quiet. The sound still caused Ezra to try to push further back. He seemed to be trying to climb into himself.
"Vin's right Ezra. Been quite some time since we felt like we were a team. That'll change now that you're back."
"You mind if we sit down with you?" Vin reached for a chair, causing Ezra to leap up and take refuge behind his own chair. Vin froze. "That's okay. We can stay like this. Whatever works for you, Pard."
Ezra's head came up slowly. He turned toward Vin, tilting his head slightly. The fear faded slightly, being replaced by a puzzled look. For the first time, he brought his gaze high enough to look into the faces of the others in the room. Vin tried to put on a confident smile, doubting he was succeeding. He tried to figure out what had peaked Ezra's interest. His smile became much more genuine when he figured it out.
"On second thought Pard, I think I will sit down. Maybe we can get Miss Nettie to bring us some of her famous sweet tea. You want one Chris?"
Larabee was looking at him like he lost his mind. He'd gone from slow and quiet to acting like nothing had happened. He glanced over at Ezra expecting to see a full-blown panic attack. Instead, he saw a calmer Ezra slowly moving to the side of his chair.
"Took him two days to even start to get comfortable around me – you did it in two minutes." Travis didn't understand what had happened.
"Dumb luck. I think something seemed familiar to him when I said 'Pard'." Ezra glanced at Vin again. Then, seemingly satisfied at some level, shifted his gaze to Chris.
Some of the tension returned to his face when he saw he was being watched as well. Chris noted it and diverted his eyes in an effort to relax things again. He took the glass of tea Nettie offered and gripped it so tightly he was afraid he'd break it. Noting the success Vin had had, he reached for a chair and pulled it closer to Ezra. The effect was not what he had been hoping for. Ezra's face paled further, as he once again began showing signs of a panic attack.
"Dammit Standish!" Chris reacted by reflex Vin and Travis both glared at him and he silently cursed himself out. They looked over, expecting to see Ezra again cowering behind his seat. They watched in stunned silence as the gambler instead stepped away from the chair and took two small, tentative steps towards them. He looked first towards the judge, as if assuring himself of a familiar presence, and then looked toward Vin, finally making eye contact. It took no acting for Vin to allow a wide smile to appear. Apparently satisfied, Ezra turned toward Chris. The gunslinger was used to being stared at and sized up, but he had the feeling no scrutiny had ever been this important. He scarcely dared breathe, as he watched Ezra make his judgment. There was no significant change to his face, but Ezra did seem to relax slightly as he moved and quietly sat down.
They all sat quietly sipping their tea for a few moments. No one seemed to know what to say, each afraid that the wrong words would set things off again. The stress of the brief encounter remained evident in Ezra's eyes. They could see he was trying to watch them, without actually looking at them. The tension was palpable.
"Think maybe you've had enough excitement for now." Travis moved cautiously to Ezra's side, relieved when the action met no resistance. "Why don't I get you settled down for a bit?" Ezra shied back when Travis reached out a hand, so he quickly dropped it back to his side. A moment later, Ezra stood slowly, taking a shaky step forward and slowly beginning to make his way to his room, keeping his back to the wall the whole time.
"Ezra?" He stopped at Chris's word, but didn't look. "I never, not once, thought you'd run out on us." Ezra's eyes came up to meet his. "Not once," he repeated.
"Shit." Chris spoke softly after the door closed, not wanting to risk being heard by Ezra. "Sorry Nettie," he added, remembering too late where he was.
"Don't be. That pretty much sums it up. It just about breaks my heart seeing him like that."
"He's in there." Vin said confidently. "He's buried deep, but he's still there."
"I know he seemed to react sometimes Vin but…"
"It wasn't just reacting Chris. It was what he reacted to. 'Pard'. I bet he hadn't heard anyone call him that. It was different than what he'd been used to."
"Maybe that's all it was, just something different." He didn't want to get his hopes up on such slim evidence. Not just his hopes, but everyone's. This was all hard enough to deal with. He didn't know how they'd handle things if they came this close to getting Ezra back only to discover there was really nothing of the men left.
"Maybe, but he reacted to you too."
"Yeah, with fear," Chris said with resignation.
"Sure, when we came in. Let's face it, you can be pretty imposing looking like that. Even if you ain't quite as big as Buck or Josiah. But the one time he should've been scared shi-" he caught himself, "scared of you, he wasn't. You yelled, and he mostly just seemed curious."
"Like it was familiar somehow?" Nettie wondered.
Vin smiled. "And few things would be as familiar to Ezra as Chris yelling at him." They stop talking when the door opened briefly. Travis closed it quietly behind him and joined them. "Don't know that he'll sleep, but he's resting. Mrs. Wells, I realize it might not be proper, but I believe Standish would fare better out here then he would in town."
"Well of course he's staying here. They'd be treating him like some kind of travelling show attraction if he has to go back to town right now. And anybody who wants to question my honour, or Casey's, well they can just talk to my iron skillet."
"No one would dare Nettie" Vin smiled.
7-7-7-7-7-7-7
After a great deal of argument, it was finally agreed that none of the men should stay there that night. Nettie assured them she and Casey could take care of Ezra without their assistance, and he would likely do better knowing there were no men around. They rode back into town in slightly higher spirits than when they'd left.
"I know it's not much, but at least we can keep reminding Standish the bastards are dead, and he's got nothing to be afraid of anymore."
"We could if he understood what the hell we were talking about," Chris replied.
"He understands us. His mind seems to be pretty sharp from what they said about the tests they did on him."
Chris reined Pony to a stop. "Tests? What were they doing to him?"
"They were trying to find a way to help him Larabee. And I'd say all things considered they were doing a decent job."
"I've heard about the kind of tests they do in places like that," Vin offered.
"This wasn't a place like that. I was there. I saw it. Clean, decent. They made sure his attendants didn't set him off. You know how bad he been hurt, don't you Chris? How he'd been hurt?" Chris nodded, turning to explain to Vin.
"Buck told me the story they got from Hayes. Didn't figure it would do any good for the rest of you to know. For anyone else to know. Ezra wouldn't have wanted that."
Vin nodded, understanding even though he didn't like the fact they'd been kept in the dark. "I get it Chris, but we need to know now. At least enough so that we know what we're dealing with. Ezra may not like our knowing, but it will help us to help him." Chris agreed, but still wasn't ready to talk about it.
Travis took back control of the discussion. "He spent four months there healing. If they'd messed it up, he wouldn't be as good as he is now. Barely limps, can move his hands. I've seen the scars Larabee. More than you want to imagine. Nothing less than a miracle he's alive."
Chris took a deep breath, reminding himself that this was the last man he should be angry with right now. Problem was, there wasn't really any where to direct his anger, and he had so much of it he needed to give voice to.
"Look Larabee – I get it. First night when I found him I got royally drunk. Haven't done that in years. You want to help him, and you don't know how, or even if you can. You want to hurt the bastards who did this but they're already dead. You want to do something. You need to do something."
"That sums it up." Chris nodded.
"You've got a put it all away. You all do. You saw him. Anger terrifies him. Hell, just about everything terrifies him. Scary thing is, they tell me he's improved significantly from when he arrived. What does that tell you?"
"Tells me I want to dig up the bastards who did this and kill them again."
"And what else?"
Chris sighed, trying to calm down. "Tells me that, somewhere in there, Ezra's trying to get back."
"Exactly. Whether he can or not, I don't know. But the one thing we both have learned about that man is that no one should ever underestimate Ezra Standish."
TBC
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