Backstage
Brian: Okay, now we shall begin our newest installment of this boring story that really has no storyline and is incredibly long and pointless, AKA
The Interviews of Haruhi Suzumiya
Chapter 2
Koizumi
The red curtain goes up… the guest sits at the table… our host walks in the room… everything's ready!
"Hello, welcome to our show, The Interviews of Haruhi Suzumiya. Of course, judging by the fact you're reading this, you should know that. Now, I would like to introduce our guest tonight, the Esper Itsuki Koizumi!" [Insert Clapping and Cheering] I shouted, pointing over to our seated guest.
"Hello there. My name is Itsuki Koizumi. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Itsuki said, reaching out his hand to me.
"Well, at least he has a better attitude than our last guest…" I muttered.
"Okay, do you even know where you are?" I said, shaking his hand.
"Absolutely no idea." He said, still grinning.
"You have been taken out of your world that resides inside books and DVD's onto a website called ." I glanced at his still smiling face. "Are you even the least bit surprised?"
"No." He said, turning serious. "This just proves a very interesting theory I have. I have hypothesized that the reality as we know it is nothing more than a story created by the delusions of an author, and in reality, he has his own life, and we just exist on paper. If this is true, than Suzumiya-san has the ability to influence the authors mind, causing him/her to write the story the way Suzumiya-san wants."
"Okay… good luck… especially since you won't be able to prove this." (I can see why Kyon dislikes him…)
"Okay, now for our first question… from RishiAndSquee: 'Itsuki-chan, is it possible that other people such as Haruhi exist in this world? If so, is it because Haruhi wished for it?'"
"I think the possibility of that is very high, but if there were more people like Suzumiya-san, than the world would probably be thrown into chaos. Closed Spaces would appear everywhere, and our organization would never be able to close them, and the world will probably end. And the possibility of Suzumiya-san wishing for it is very low, because we all know how much she wants to be unique. But, on the other hand, her subconscious would probably want someone to mate with later in life, so she has either created a male of her species already, or…heh… she might turn Kyon into a god once she realizes her feelings for him. All in all, the idea is possible, but I would have to be against it."
"Snork… uh… well, that was interesting… (rubs eyes, yawning) now, it's time for our next question, from Kyon-is-Haruhi's-Slave00: 'Aren't you the main antagonist for the story, in a sense?' ooh…"
"Technically speaking, that might be true, considering how I'm usually the one who stages most of the problems we've experienced in our lives, that statement can be considered a true statement. However, there are more antagonistic people in the story, such as Fujiwara-san, Kyoko-san, Suoh-san, and even Sasaki-san. But before they came, I was technically considered an antagonist." Koizumi said, grinning.
"Yeah, you can give us smaller explanations, right?"
"Of course, but what's the fun in that?
"Never mind… onto the next question, from too lazy to login: 'soo… are you really that smart?'
"Well, what do you consider smart?" He said, smiling. "My I.Q. is around 190, so would that be considered smart? My intelligence though was given to me during the same time I was taught how to use my powers. Of course, if the world was created 3 years ago, then I would have been born with this intelligence."
"Uh, you answered my next question to… oh well, after that: 'if you had to choose which one do you prefer: Chocolate Cake, or Vanilla ice cream?'
"Well, I am not against either one of those foods, but I must admit that I don't partake of sweets that much. But if I had to pick one, I'd have to pick the Vanilla ice cream, because it would probably be less fattening and more elegant."
"Sure… Okay, our next question was asked by two people at the same time, so I'll just ask it as one question: 'Which female character is the cutest/hottest person in your life?' So, that means you can't say Kyon."
"Well, that is a very interesting question. If I had to think about this, Asahina-san would most definitely be the cutest person I know, but personally I would think that Suzumiya-san is the most appealing person to me. Of course, Kyon already has her."
"Okay, (Damn…) on to the next question, from a JonBob0008: 'If you weren't an esper, what would your dream job be?'
"My dream job?" Koizumi said, picking up his coffee that I swear wasn't there a second ago. "Well, I would probably pick a job that didn't require too much work, was relatively simple, allowed me to meet new people, and had a healthy income."
"Sorry Koizumi, I already have that job." I interrupted.
"And, as I was saying, it would never be dull, and allowed me to travel to many places." Koizumi then put his coffee down and smiled. That smile is really pissing me off…
"Okay, our next question is also from JonBob0008: 'you wake up one day to find a billion yen in your wallet (don't ask how it fits in there, that's not the point). What's the first thing you buy?'
"Well, I wouldn't really need to by anything. My organization pays for multiple services, such as hotels, restaurant bills, and other expenses. In other words, I don't need the money. However, if I had my choice, I would probably buy something to keep Suzumiya-san occupied so my job would be slightly easier."
"Boy, you sure have no individuality. With that sort of money, you could do whatever you wanted."
"Okay, once again we have more questions for you (about 5) our next one is this: 'Do you think something's going on between Arakawa and Mori? Be honest.'
"That is a very interesting question to bring up, considering how little I know about their social lives. However, being my coworkers, I tend to want to see them in a favorable light. But, it is quite possible that there is something 'going on' between them, considering how long they've worked together."
"But isn't that pedophilia? I mean, Arakawa-san looks like he's in his 50's, and Mori-san looks to be around 25… oh well, on to the final question from this author: 'would you rather eat a radioactive chicken nugget, or a nuclear sandwich?'
"Well, the consuming of radioactive or nuclear foods are not in the best of interest, but if forced, I would probably eat a radioactive chicken nugget as its smaller, so there will probably be less radioactivity, so I will probably not die from it."
"Well, that's quite an interesting way to use logic…"
"Oh, wait, our next question is from a John Smith, and reads as such: 'If your parents new about your esper powers, how do you think they would react? If they already know, how DID they react?' Damn, I swear that bastard gets his jollies from making this harder to answer…"
"I must say, I don't know how to react to that question. The answer I would have to give is a no, because the organization prevents the revelation of our identities to normal humans. If my parents did know, however, I'm sure they would understand the situation, much as our friend Kyon has grown to do."
"Interesting… I'm afraid that's all the questions I have for you today." I said, putting on a pair of sunglasses.
"Hm, interesting. The only problem is, I have knowledge of being here. I need to find some way to ensure that I don't know about this, like hypnotizing myself." While Koizumi was talking to himself, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a cylinder shaped object.
"Don't worry Koizumi, we do that for you." As he turned his head to me, I pressed a button and a bright red light flashed from the cylinder.
Backstage
Sigh, another day, another weirdo. Oh, and Haruhi will give you ten points if you can guess where I got the last part from. Be here for our next guest, the ever energetic (if not slightly annoying) Tsuruya-san!
