Again. -headdesk- I like this a little better. I promise, I promise there is Antiform in the next chapter. And kink. And blood.
"'M sorry."
Sora tore his gaze away from the tiled floor to fix on Riku, confused.
"About your wrists. I didn't mean to-" he broke off, hand combing through his silver hair in agitation. "Did I hurt you?"
The smaller boy shook his head, an almost hysterical laugh bubbling forth. His eyes shone with unshed tears now.
"It'd be fair, wouldn't it?"
"Hmm?"
"I mean...I hurt you. Really bad." His breath caught in his chest, and he squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing past the obstruction in his throat.
"Sora..." Riku moved to approach him, wanting more than anything to wrap his arms around the younger boy and hold him until that dreadful haunted look disappeared from his eyes.
"Why did you let me? Why did you let me do it?"
Kneeling in front of him, the silver-haired boy reached out to squeeze his knee lightly. A knot of emotion built up inside of his chest.
"Listen to me, Sora. That...It was Antiform. Not you." As if Sora could ever be capable of inflicting pain on anyone for sport.
"But it's still me!" He leaned forwards, voice rising in distress. "Anti is still me! It's what Yen Sid said," he murmured more to himself, "the Heartless is a human consumed with darkness. When I'm Anti, I'm still me. But, I never wanted to hurt you!" He shifted onto his knees, hand shooting out to grasp Riku's shirt once more. His eyes fixed onto the taller boy's chest, and tears finally began to break free. Without pausing to consider, Riku wound his arms around him, pulling him closer still. Sobs shook the brunette's shoulders as he buried his face against his chest.
"I'm sorry!" He choked out, "I never wanted to hurt you!"
"Shh, it's ok." Riku's fingers threaded through brown hair, stroking lightly. Sora's head tilted back to stare at him, and Riku brushed away the tears that still dampened his cheeks.
"Why? How can it possibly be ok? How can you not be angry with me?"
The silver-haired boy froze, fingers stilling against his jawline. His mouth was suddenly dry, and his tongue flicked out to moisten dry lips.
"I-" He swallowed hard, and his arms shifted away from Sora, but the other boy didn't relinquish his own grip on Riku's shirt. It was so hard to think straight, to word the truth right when those blue eyes were looking at him full of hurt innocence. Sighing, Riku rubbed a hand over his face. "Because I liked it."
The sentence slipped out from behind his palm, and his eyes flicked to Sora's and then away. The younger boy's fingers went slack, slipping from his shirt.
"You-" he paused, took a deep breath and tried again, voice barely above a whisper, "you liked it?"
When Riku nodded, he looked confused. "How do you mean? How can you enjo-"
"I mean what I said!" the older boy snapped back, "What do you want me to say?" Seeing Sora flinch back as though he'd been struck, Riku was immediately contrite. "I mean...it was-it was a turn-on."
He felt his cheeks burn, and noticed a delicate pink tinge spreading across Sora's nose. Suddenly, irrationally amused, he gave a soft chuckle.
Blinking, still confused, Sora asked gently, "so, you're like a masochist? Is that it?"
Riku's amusement died a death. He glanced at the floor, frowning slightly. "Masochist." He supposed that's what it was, but the term was so clinical. And besides, he didn't enjoy it when he cut himself by accident, or stubbed his toe, and never once had he delighted in getting whacked or stabbed in battle. It was just something about the way Anti's claws had so delicately cut into him that sent shivers down his spine, even just thinking about it.
"Riku?"
His eyes drifted back to Sora's confused blue gaze. Then he shrugged slightly.
"Does it really matter that much? I'm more concerned about Anti getting loose in the first place."
The younger boy's hands wrung in his lap.
"I...he's been restless lately." His voice was soft. This entire conversation had been conducted in virtual whispers, as if raised voices might trigger something drastic.
"How do you mean?"
"I don't know. I just...I feel this nudging at the back of my mind."
His fingers kneaded at the fabric covering his knees as he spoke, brows furrowing in distress.
"Is it like, constant, or just every so often?"
"It's hard to explain. It's so slight that I don't notice it all the time. It's like, you know when you're nervous, and you hold your breath, and you don't realise you're doing it until you start breathing again?"
Riku nodded in understanding.
"How long has this been going on for?"
"I'm not sure. He wasn't doing it before..." Blue eyes narrowed slightly as he thought back. "I was ok before the battle with the eyepatch guy."
"And after that, I showed up." His voice was heavy, resigned. There was a sinking feeling in his chest, as the thought occurred to him that he seemed to cause problems wherever he went.
"It's not you, Riku." Sora shook his head emphatically. "It's not your fault. I was happy when I found you!"
"You were crying."
"From relief, you idiot!" The smaller boy rose, gripping Riku's shoulders and leaning closer, his voice hoarse from the strain of keeping it quiet. "There wasn't a part of me that wasn't happy to see you!" Then his eyes widened, dropping to his knees as if he'd find the answer there.
"What is it?"
Sora swallowed, then looked back up.
"There wasn't." Off the silver-haired boy's blank look, he continued, "not a single part of me regretted finding you. I think-" He swallowed again. "I think Antiform likes you."
The arching of a delicate eyebrow met that suggestion.
"Antiform likes me? Then why does he take such delight in cutting me?"
"I don't know! I just...I know I'm right."
They parted then, Sora slipping down to the tiled floor again, Riku raking his fingers through his hair in agitation.
"Well...what the hell do we do now?"
Confused blue eyes met the older boy's enquiry.
"Well, we can't have Antiform running rampant all over Destiny Islands. If he does this to me-" he indicated his cuts, "I'd hate to see what he did to someone he didn't care about."
"We do nothing."
"Wha-"
"It won't happen again."
"You know this for sure?" Riku knew he sounded skeptical, and with damned good reason. "We only just figured out why he's even sentient still. We have no idea what made you lose control of him."
"It. Won't. Happen. Again." The brunette's jaw was set into a stubborn line, eyes flashing angrily. The older boy sighed heavily. It was rare that Sora got mulish, but when he did, he was harder to deal with than a bear with a sore head.
"Sora, you're gambling people's lives on this!"
"I can handle it!"
"Then why are your eyes turning yellow?!" His hand snatched out, grabbed a fistful of fabric, pulled the smaller boy to him easily. Noses almost pressed together, he could see the faint yellowing around the pupils that indicated Sora was losing it again. Those eyes closed, squeezing shut against tears.
"Please, Riku." His words were so quiet, barely more than a breath.
"What? You want me to let you run amok?" In contrast, Riku deliberately kept an edge to his tone. "This makes no sense! Think of the people you could hurt! What if it was someone else next time, like Kairi?" He callously ignored the soft gasp, the tear trickling free. "You could hurt her, too. Hell, you don't know for sure whether or not you'd let her live."
"What do I DO, then?" Sora's eyes snapped open, the yellow more pronounced as he gripped the other boy's wrist, nails biting into the flesh. "If I can't cope, if I can't make it ok, then who the hell else will?!" There was something behind his voice, something deep and growling. His jaw dropped on hearing it, and he seemed to crumple.
"What do I do?" he asked again, brokenly.
And Riku had no answer for him.
Mrf.
