I took Sara into our airy living room, with huge bay windows and polished
wooden floors, letting her sit on my lap in the creamy coloured sofa. She
giggled playfully and twisted strands of my long dark hair around her
fingers.
We were watching cartoons, as we always did, and this time it was one of her favourites – something about a blue puppy and a pink rabbit…? I forget what it's called.
On mornings when it was just Sara and I, we did whatever she wanted. She was always as good-as-gold for me and I loved to spoil her rotten. Mum never let her watch cartoons for longer than half an hour at a time and she always made us tidy up the toys straight away. But when it was just Sara and I we did whatever we wanted and both of us loved it.
When the credits rolled in a colourful blur Sara hopped from my lap and sped out of the room for a moment. I listened for her singing to herself, but couldn't hear anything. I waited for another moment trying not to be over protective but it worried me when I couldn't see or hear what she was doing…
"Sara?" The name jumped out of my throat after about a minute and before I had the chance to stop it.
The tiny girl came bounding back in carrying a pair of her trainers – pink and covered in glitter, the one's I'd given her for her birthday – and a pair of my own white and blue sneakers.
I grinned from ear to ear as she sat on the floor and stuck her leg in the air, pulling the shoes clumsily onto her feet.
"I take it you want to go out somewhere to play?" I smiled happily; she was so full of energy…hard work for mum I knew that, but I figured if I took her out to play it would make her sleepier this evening.
She looked at me, telling me 'yes' with her soft eyes.
"Okay you." I declared touching the tip of her nose playfully with my finger. "Out it is!"
Grace rubbed her tired eyes with the back of her right hand and let her writing hand – her left – rest a while. The sun from outside was no longer streaming into her lemon bedroom and onto the pine bureau, it was setting, and a burnt orange flame streaked across the sky.
The girl leaned forward and flicked the switch of her table lamp and it immediately filled the room with a warm, but harshly artificial light that caused her eyes to blink hard a few times before they adjusted.
On the floor by her feet were Sara's trainers, the pink ones with the glitter, taken off, lovingly abandoned but left untouched and next to them a doll, Sophie, dressed for outdoors, wrapped up warm with tiny tufts of hair missing from the back.
It was a vision to her sore eyes, a loving memory and sweet reminder of that day, even though the shoes had been worn many times since and Sophie had drank countless cups of invisible tea in the months – year – that had passed.
Grace pulled the long dark hair that all three of the Owen females had, out of her face. Although she had the Spanish darkness of her mother, Grace also shared her father's sparkly blue eyes and perfectly formed nose.
She was a pretty girl, not striking, not particularly beautiful, but a nice girl and sweet. She went to school and did all of her work, loved English and hated science, had a few friends – a close circle who she was grateful for – and walked through life taking it as it came. Grace was good-natured and it shone out of her like the sun shone from the sky.
Sara's cheeks were flushed and her eyes gleamed as she tugged at my sleeve, willing me forward, wishing me faster. We walked along the path beside the beach – it was a warm, slightly breezy day but there weren't many people playing in the sand, surprising considering it was a weekend.
As we walked I once again thought about how much I loved it – it was so much calmer and safer than the city – I felt so at ease in the streets that I never wanted to go back again.
On hot summer nights I would take long lingering strolls along the shore, letting the cool sand stroke my feet and dipping my toes in the foamy water. I'd hum and sing under the watchful gaze of a milky moon – I was smitten with my new home then and am even more so now.
As we turned a familiar corner I realised we were heading towards the only place Sara knew the way to – and not on some wild goose-chase as I'd first imagined.
When she saw it in sight Sara broke from my grasp and darted across the yellow-tipped summer grass towards brightly painted red and blue swings.
"Push, Push!" She yelled, laughing and pulling herself on it. I laughed back and ran to join her, helping her get settled on the seat.
I pushed her on the swings, gently at first, knowing my mother came home from work past the park, and knowing also that she'd kill me if Sara fell off the thing.
"High…high!" Sara demanded recklessly, in the way that little kids always do; cheeks red, eyes sparkling, breathless.
So I pushed a little harder – enough so that she'd be happy but not so much that it was dangerous. I know it sounds boring, but because of Sara being the way she is…you can never be too careful with her. I gave the swing a final push, before letting it settle on its own as Sara sung a ditty in her broken language…
Grace paused for a minute, another rest, and looked over what she was writing. It was getting harder all the time her memories becoming more and more distant, and now she was wondering if it even made sense anymore.
Sara had worn me out in the space of about thirty-minutes, playing chase around the slide and sandpit, but now we had both settled onto the warm grass, watching the clouds and making long daisy chains.
"What animals can you see in the clouds Sazzy?" I asked using my pet name for her.
She looked up to the sky, her eyes crinkling against the brightness of the sun and giggled. "Ho…s…" She waited a second. "Hor..or..ee.." She struggled to stutter out the word that she wanted to say, and I watched patiently. "Ho..r..e..y.." She glanced at me for help with slightly teary eyes, they way she did when struggling with words she knew she knew…
I grabbed her and tickled her playfully. "Was it a…..DOG?" I asked as she squirmed, and she nodded her head, no. "What about a…erm…aeroplane?" This brought more laughter from the little girl.
"Aminal…" Sara reminded me, it had to be an animal.
"Oh I see…" I said slowly. "Was it a…a…a big pink elephant jumping up and down in custard!" Sara screeched with laughter and pulled out of my grasp shaking her head, no, so that her dark hair started coming loose from the braids.
I let her laughter die down before asking her again. "What animal was it?"
Sara bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Ha…rrr…Hor..se..hors..ee"
I grinned. "A horse? Well done!"
I leaned forward and place my daisy chain around her as a necklace. "Now you look like a princess…"
With a small smile Sara place hers onto my head, like a crown. "…pincess…"
Then we hugged and I remember feeling so loved by this tiny creature that my heart ached. I promised myself then that I'd do anything to protect her…make her better if I could…and I'd never, ever let anything or anyone hurt her.
Grace looked up as a knock came at the door. "Yes?" She closed the diary shut.
Grace's mother poked her head around the door. "I was just coming to say goodnight sweetie." She entered and crossed to the desk. "You're not working are you? It's late Gracey…"
"No mum I'm nearly finished." She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened at the time – she'd been writing for hours. "Has Sara gone to bed then? She didn't come in and say 'night." There was disappointment in her voice, Sara always said her good nights.
"I know hon, she fell asleep earlier – I put her straight to bed…she's not well again…" Her mothers eyes were slightly teary and bloodshot…from crying? "She's getting weaker…" She coughed harshly.
Grace tried to smile reassuringly. "It'll be okay mum. Sara's a fighter, she'll get better – she always does.." She paused. "Are you alright? You don't look well."
She smiled, her breathtaking smile, and for a second Grace wondered if she'd imagined the paler, sicker, woman standing next to her. "I'm fine." She stroked Grace's hair softly, then kissed her cheek. "Don't stay up too late."
Grace smiled again. "I won't."
We walked home via the beach, I carried my sister in a piggy-back, bouncing her up and down so she'd laugh, because I needed to hear her laughter in my head – it made everything alright.
"Mon-ster! Chase!" Sara said as I let her onto the sand.
I knew this meant our game of chase, where I was on my knees to give her a better chance of getting away…
As I sunk onto the sand I didn't even look around to see if anyone was watching, it never occurred to me anyone would care what I was doing – because all I cared about was Sara and I having fun.
She screeched and tittered as I chased her making "scary noises" and reaching to grab her but always missing – I never even noticed she had darted behind a pair of legs until my face was almost touching them.
Grace felt herself blushing as she remembered, and wondered once again how she had managed not to see him standing there…
I paused at the bare feet – they were nice feet as far as they could be – and wet-suit clad ankles so one thought came to my mind – surfer?
I closed my eyes, embarrassed, and opened them again hoping the legs had vanished, but no avail. They were still there and as real as ever. Still I couldn't bear to look up and I just stayed there for a moment hoping everything would sort itself out. Looking back I realise that this probably only made it look worse…!!
"Do ya' need a hand there?" His voice touched me and not just lightly – it grabbed hold of me and touched so deep it forced my head up causing my eyes to collide with his.
As I slowly got to my feet our eyes never broke their gaze and we silently engaged in a duel.
He was taller than me, 5ft 8inches and still growing - (he's well over 6ft now) - messy brown hair, with bleached tips that was damp from the sea and gentle hazel coloured eyes, shining as he gave me an amused grin.
I recognised him, his name was Jay…something… and I think I sat in front of him in English…
Neither one of us knew what to say, at least I know I didn't, so we just stood there. It was strange and it sounds stupid, but as I stood there watching him grin at me in that way I felt butterflies start swarming around the pit of my stomach and excited goose bumps broke out on my arms.
Then he started to laugh – more of a chuckle really – but he wasn't laughing [b]at[/b] me, that was the funny thing, it felt as though his laughter was [b]for[/b] me, and I wondered if he saw things in me that I saw in him…
"Well…" The corner of his eyes crinkled as he smiled wider. "What a way to break the ice?"
I grinned, hoping I didn't look too stupid. "Yeah, I guess."
"I'm Jay." He offered.
"I know!" I spat, instantly regretting it. Why should I know his name? It made me sound like a stalker or something.
"And you're Grace, right?" I raised my eyebrows, I guess there wasn't a real reason for him to know my name either. I must have looked surprised because the next thing to come was… "English class. You're three rows forward – I never forget a face. You're new?"
I nodded again, I must've looked like a real idiot. "Yes. We just moved over the summer – it's nice here."
"Nice? Hmmm…Not boring then?" He raised his eyebrows. "Compared to the 'big city'?"
Sara tugged on my trouser-leg and I jumped slightly – I couldn't believe I'd been in such a daze with this guy I never even knew that I'd forgotten she was there. I picked her up. "Okay sweetie – I know you're hungry – we'll make some lunch huh?" I spun her full-circle to make her smile then turned back to Jay. "Nice to see you." I said. "Maybe I'll see you around?"
Jay nodded. "You can count on it."
I laughed putting Sara back onto the floor, then hand-in-hand, my beloved sister and I danced our way up the beach…
We were watching cartoons, as we always did, and this time it was one of her favourites – something about a blue puppy and a pink rabbit…? I forget what it's called.
On mornings when it was just Sara and I, we did whatever she wanted. She was always as good-as-gold for me and I loved to spoil her rotten. Mum never let her watch cartoons for longer than half an hour at a time and she always made us tidy up the toys straight away. But when it was just Sara and I we did whatever we wanted and both of us loved it.
When the credits rolled in a colourful blur Sara hopped from my lap and sped out of the room for a moment. I listened for her singing to herself, but couldn't hear anything. I waited for another moment trying not to be over protective but it worried me when I couldn't see or hear what she was doing…
"Sara?" The name jumped out of my throat after about a minute and before I had the chance to stop it.
The tiny girl came bounding back in carrying a pair of her trainers – pink and covered in glitter, the one's I'd given her for her birthday – and a pair of my own white and blue sneakers.
I grinned from ear to ear as she sat on the floor and stuck her leg in the air, pulling the shoes clumsily onto her feet.
"I take it you want to go out somewhere to play?" I smiled happily; she was so full of energy…hard work for mum I knew that, but I figured if I took her out to play it would make her sleepier this evening.
She looked at me, telling me 'yes' with her soft eyes.
"Okay you." I declared touching the tip of her nose playfully with my finger. "Out it is!"
Grace rubbed her tired eyes with the back of her right hand and let her writing hand – her left – rest a while. The sun from outside was no longer streaming into her lemon bedroom and onto the pine bureau, it was setting, and a burnt orange flame streaked across the sky.
The girl leaned forward and flicked the switch of her table lamp and it immediately filled the room with a warm, but harshly artificial light that caused her eyes to blink hard a few times before they adjusted.
On the floor by her feet were Sara's trainers, the pink ones with the glitter, taken off, lovingly abandoned but left untouched and next to them a doll, Sophie, dressed for outdoors, wrapped up warm with tiny tufts of hair missing from the back.
It was a vision to her sore eyes, a loving memory and sweet reminder of that day, even though the shoes had been worn many times since and Sophie had drank countless cups of invisible tea in the months – year – that had passed.
Grace pulled the long dark hair that all three of the Owen females had, out of her face. Although she had the Spanish darkness of her mother, Grace also shared her father's sparkly blue eyes and perfectly formed nose.
She was a pretty girl, not striking, not particularly beautiful, but a nice girl and sweet. She went to school and did all of her work, loved English and hated science, had a few friends – a close circle who she was grateful for – and walked through life taking it as it came. Grace was good-natured and it shone out of her like the sun shone from the sky.
Sara's cheeks were flushed and her eyes gleamed as she tugged at my sleeve, willing me forward, wishing me faster. We walked along the path beside the beach – it was a warm, slightly breezy day but there weren't many people playing in the sand, surprising considering it was a weekend.
As we walked I once again thought about how much I loved it – it was so much calmer and safer than the city – I felt so at ease in the streets that I never wanted to go back again.
On hot summer nights I would take long lingering strolls along the shore, letting the cool sand stroke my feet and dipping my toes in the foamy water. I'd hum and sing under the watchful gaze of a milky moon – I was smitten with my new home then and am even more so now.
As we turned a familiar corner I realised we were heading towards the only place Sara knew the way to – and not on some wild goose-chase as I'd first imagined.
When she saw it in sight Sara broke from my grasp and darted across the yellow-tipped summer grass towards brightly painted red and blue swings.
"Push, Push!" She yelled, laughing and pulling herself on it. I laughed back and ran to join her, helping her get settled on the seat.
I pushed her on the swings, gently at first, knowing my mother came home from work past the park, and knowing also that she'd kill me if Sara fell off the thing.
"High…high!" Sara demanded recklessly, in the way that little kids always do; cheeks red, eyes sparkling, breathless.
So I pushed a little harder – enough so that she'd be happy but not so much that it was dangerous. I know it sounds boring, but because of Sara being the way she is…you can never be too careful with her. I gave the swing a final push, before letting it settle on its own as Sara sung a ditty in her broken language…
Grace paused for a minute, another rest, and looked over what she was writing. It was getting harder all the time her memories becoming more and more distant, and now she was wondering if it even made sense anymore.
Sara had worn me out in the space of about thirty-minutes, playing chase around the slide and sandpit, but now we had both settled onto the warm grass, watching the clouds and making long daisy chains.
"What animals can you see in the clouds Sazzy?" I asked using my pet name for her.
She looked up to the sky, her eyes crinkling against the brightness of the sun and giggled. "Ho…s…" She waited a second. "Hor..or..ee.." She struggled to stutter out the word that she wanted to say, and I watched patiently. "Ho..r..e..y.." She glanced at me for help with slightly teary eyes, they way she did when struggling with words she knew she knew…
I grabbed her and tickled her playfully. "Was it a…..DOG?" I asked as she squirmed, and she nodded her head, no. "What about a…erm…aeroplane?" This brought more laughter from the little girl.
"Aminal…" Sara reminded me, it had to be an animal.
"Oh I see…" I said slowly. "Was it a…a…a big pink elephant jumping up and down in custard!" Sara screeched with laughter and pulled out of my grasp shaking her head, no, so that her dark hair started coming loose from the braids.
I let her laughter die down before asking her again. "What animal was it?"
Sara bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Ha…rrr…Hor..se..hors..ee"
I grinned. "A horse? Well done!"
I leaned forward and place my daisy chain around her as a necklace. "Now you look like a princess…"
With a small smile Sara place hers onto my head, like a crown. "…pincess…"
Then we hugged and I remember feeling so loved by this tiny creature that my heart ached. I promised myself then that I'd do anything to protect her…make her better if I could…and I'd never, ever let anything or anyone hurt her.
Grace looked up as a knock came at the door. "Yes?" She closed the diary shut.
Grace's mother poked her head around the door. "I was just coming to say goodnight sweetie." She entered and crossed to the desk. "You're not working are you? It's late Gracey…"
"No mum I'm nearly finished." She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened at the time – she'd been writing for hours. "Has Sara gone to bed then? She didn't come in and say 'night." There was disappointment in her voice, Sara always said her good nights.
"I know hon, she fell asleep earlier – I put her straight to bed…she's not well again…" Her mothers eyes were slightly teary and bloodshot…from crying? "She's getting weaker…" She coughed harshly.
Grace tried to smile reassuringly. "It'll be okay mum. Sara's a fighter, she'll get better – she always does.." She paused. "Are you alright? You don't look well."
She smiled, her breathtaking smile, and for a second Grace wondered if she'd imagined the paler, sicker, woman standing next to her. "I'm fine." She stroked Grace's hair softly, then kissed her cheek. "Don't stay up too late."
Grace smiled again. "I won't."
We walked home via the beach, I carried my sister in a piggy-back, bouncing her up and down so she'd laugh, because I needed to hear her laughter in my head – it made everything alright.
"Mon-ster! Chase!" Sara said as I let her onto the sand.
I knew this meant our game of chase, where I was on my knees to give her a better chance of getting away…
As I sunk onto the sand I didn't even look around to see if anyone was watching, it never occurred to me anyone would care what I was doing – because all I cared about was Sara and I having fun.
She screeched and tittered as I chased her making "scary noises" and reaching to grab her but always missing – I never even noticed she had darted behind a pair of legs until my face was almost touching them.
Grace felt herself blushing as she remembered, and wondered once again how she had managed not to see him standing there…
I paused at the bare feet – they were nice feet as far as they could be – and wet-suit clad ankles so one thought came to my mind – surfer?
I closed my eyes, embarrassed, and opened them again hoping the legs had vanished, but no avail. They were still there and as real as ever. Still I couldn't bear to look up and I just stayed there for a moment hoping everything would sort itself out. Looking back I realise that this probably only made it look worse…!!
"Do ya' need a hand there?" His voice touched me and not just lightly – it grabbed hold of me and touched so deep it forced my head up causing my eyes to collide with his.
As I slowly got to my feet our eyes never broke their gaze and we silently engaged in a duel.
He was taller than me, 5ft 8inches and still growing - (he's well over 6ft now) - messy brown hair, with bleached tips that was damp from the sea and gentle hazel coloured eyes, shining as he gave me an amused grin.
I recognised him, his name was Jay…something… and I think I sat in front of him in English…
Neither one of us knew what to say, at least I know I didn't, so we just stood there. It was strange and it sounds stupid, but as I stood there watching him grin at me in that way I felt butterflies start swarming around the pit of my stomach and excited goose bumps broke out on my arms.
Then he started to laugh – more of a chuckle really – but he wasn't laughing [b]at[/b] me, that was the funny thing, it felt as though his laughter was [b]for[/b] me, and I wondered if he saw things in me that I saw in him…
"Well…" The corner of his eyes crinkled as he smiled wider. "What a way to break the ice?"
I grinned, hoping I didn't look too stupid. "Yeah, I guess."
"I'm Jay." He offered.
"I know!" I spat, instantly regretting it. Why should I know his name? It made me sound like a stalker or something.
"And you're Grace, right?" I raised my eyebrows, I guess there wasn't a real reason for him to know my name either. I must have looked surprised because the next thing to come was… "English class. You're three rows forward – I never forget a face. You're new?"
I nodded again, I must've looked like a real idiot. "Yes. We just moved over the summer – it's nice here."
"Nice? Hmmm…Not boring then?" He raised his eyebrows. "Compared to the 'big city'?"
Sara tugged on my trouser-leg and I jumped slightly – I couldn't believe I'd been in such a daze with this guy I never even knew that I'd forgotten she was there. I picked her up. "Okay sweetie – I know you're hungry – we'll make some lunch huh?" I spun her full-circle to make her smile then turned back to Jay. "Nice to see you." I said. "Maybe I'll see you around?"
Jay nodded. "You can count on it."
I laughed putting Sara back onto the floor, then hand-in-hand, my beloved sister and I danced our way up the beach…
