Teenage Dirtbag
Part Three – Love is to Die
Song by Warpaint
Chloe was exhausted as she laid on Max's bed. Despite the use of public transportation and Max's jeep, both girls were worn threadbare by spending nearly the whole day out and about as Max tried to fit as much of Seattle into a day for Chloe as the little brunette could. Looking over at Max, the little brunette passed out with earbuds plugged in as music played softly from her smartphone, Chloe grinned hazily as she wrapped an arm around the small bundle of girl lying next to her. Feeling Max stir under her touch, Chloe carefully retracted her hand and waited for Max to settle before she tried again at cuddling up to her sleeping friend.
"Hey, Max?" Chloe asked in a quiet whisper, barely able to hear herself, "Are you my girlfiend?"
Chloe didn't expect an answer; Max's earbuds were softly beating some indie rock or whatever into the brunette's head and she seemed to deeply asleep to notice Chloe's voice. Brushing some of the hair from Max's face and curling behind her ear, Chloe slid to the other side of Max's bed and took the sleeping girl in. Chloe felt that she could fall asleep right now, just as tired as Max but unwilling to let any moment slip her by and being with Max. This is a miracle, Chloe thought to herself as she watched Max's chest rise and fall, I don't get breaks like this, Max. You don't fucking know; my life's been shit since Dad died and you went away. Since you moved and I pushed you even further.
"If I thought you were waiting for me, even once through the past four years, I'd have come running. I swear, Max. I never thought I'd hear from you again," Chloe continued talking to a sleeping Max, "I kept all of it, y'know. The comics…the drawings and our photos. Heh, I even think I have the pirate hat from our next-to-last Halloween together. D'you think that, just maybe, we might get another Halloween? I mean, I'm too old for getting candy but we can always crash a party in-costume…"
"…Chloe…?" Max said, eyes closed with a furrowed brow as a frown began to form, "Where did you go?"
Thinking that Max was waking up for a second, Chloe almost spoke up when she saw Max slip back into a quiet sleep. Propping herself on an elbow as she stretched out on her side, Chloe figured that Max was dreaming and hushed a sleeping Max softly. Whispering sweet things, telling Max how much the little brunette meant to her, Chloe watched the tension in Max's body begin to recede until tears formed from under Max's eyelids and ran down onto the pillow her head was lying on.
"Che…Che, I'm sorry. Please…Please don't leave me," Max whimpered with a trembling lip.
Chloe's heart broke as she watched Max cry in her sleep. She tried to soothe Max, tried holding the sleeping girl and giving her delicate kisses that just brushed at Max's forehead; nothing worked, leaving Chloe to simply witness her light seem to diminish beneath years of heartache. I only thought about myself all these years. I figured that she must not have cared, so I fucking pushed Max out of my mind as much as I could. Shit. She never stopped thinking about me, did she? What the fuck did I do?
Deciding that she needed some air to process her raw thoughts, Chloe carefully slid off the bed and tip-toed in her bare feet into the hallway. Snatching her newish jacket from the coatrack, Chloe headed past the kitchen island and to the balcony. Quietly opening and closing the sliding door as she slipped outside, Chloe lit a cigarette with mildly shaking hands and took a ragged breath as she blew out the smoke before coughing. What the fuck? Chloe thought as she looked at the cigarette. Since when do I cough at you? Shaking her head in amusement at herself, Chloe took another puff of the tobacco and blew out a smoke ring as she let her thoughts drift.
Leaning against the railing, lost in her thoughts, Chloe reminisced to herself over things that had occurred in her life. Mom fucking cried so hard when Rachel dyed my hair before she left. I honestly felt a little bad, but I like this color, Chloe thought pensively as she looked up at the blue hair hanging just above her eyes. Heh. That reminds me of when Max dyed her hair and mine in junior high.
Chloe had been in the 8th grade while Max was in 7th, lockers across the hall from each other. With Max in Advanced Placement, she shared art and literature classes with Chloe's 8th grade class; the teasing had been brief, someone so small and a year younger being defended from the 8th grade bullies by her taller friend who was the bullies' age. Chloe had kept Max as upbeat as she could with Max serving as Chloe's anchor in return, calming the older girl down whenever she was able to do so. I was…am…such a fucking hothead. Max was always easily rattled, but she was otherwise the more composed of us. Shit, she still is. Max has got her shit together; I'm a talking wreck.
The incident, as Joyce had come to call it afterwards, happened a few days after Halloween. Getting some money from her parents for doing chores around the house, Max had taken Chloe along on a trip to the supermarket. While Max had gone there with the intent to get some sodas and rent a movie, Chloe was still energized from all the sugar and excitability that came with Halloween. Seeing leftover temporary hair dye from Halloween on sale, Chloe had steered a surprised Max over to the shelf.
"Max, look," Chloe had pointed at the few remaining boxes with an awestruck grin on her face, "We have to."
"Are you c-cereal, Che?" Max's high-pitched voice, even as a whisper, cracked as she was in the throes of puberty, "Our parents will kill us."
"My dad would be cool with it."
"William's cool with everything. I'm more afraid of my mom killing me, you, and then killing us all over again," Max pleaded.
Chloe could remember what she had thought back then. You had the money, Max. Heh, you could have just told me no. Instead, you begged me as I just eyed you with mischief on my mind. Your hair a bright pink, mine…well…it was a darker blue than it is now, your mom looked like she was going to pass out. Sniggering, Chloe took another drag off the cigarette before flicking it to watch the butt plummet down. Stretching, her mind still a little hazy from such a busy day and afternoon, Chloe scratched at her neck before heading back inside.
Max had begun to make matching photo albums before she fell asleep on the couch, using leather binders and cardstock she'd bought when they stopped at a hobby store down the street. Taking the area that had been occupied by Max before she had nodded off, Chloe reclined into the plush leather seating and smiled at the recent memory of her carrying Max in her arms to the bedroom.
"Should've seen yourself, Max. You curled up in my arms, cute little fucker. You did drool a little, though. That wasn't so cute, heh," Chloe said to herself as she flipped through the incomplete albums.
Max had taken doubles of every shot that she could do so with, Chloe and Max mirrored in two different binders. Reaching the store, Max had told Chloe her plan to make a memento of the weekend for them both.
"Why not just post them to Facebook or Tumblr?" Chloe had asked as she followed Max down one of the store's few aisles. "Shit's free, dude."
"It's not about the money, Che," Max had said firmly, surprising Chloe with her seriousness over what seemed like something trivial, "This'll be tactile. You can feel it in your hands, touch the photos with your fingers. It'll be..intimate. Just for you and me."
Wow. You really thought about this, Chloe had thought as Max went straight to work on them the second they crossed the Caulfields' threshold in the brownstone. Chloe had sat and watched for a bit before breaking out her cellphone.
Chloe: Yo! Rach?
Rachel: Putting the Max-fest on pause?
Chloe: U mad?
Rachel: No. I'm glad you get to see her. Just concerned that it'll end badly for you.
Chloe: ?
Rachel: …Chlo, you're my friend so I feel obligated to tell you that you can be A LOT to handle sometimes.
Chloe: …okay…
Rachel: I'm serious. That girl doesn't know what she's getting into. You…you flip without any warning sometimes and it's not fun to be on the other end of that. YOU KNOW what I mean by that.
Chloe: But it's Max…
Rachel: Exactly. What happens when she does something and you take it hella wrong? You pushed her away once. I just want you to be careful that you don't do it again, Chloe. She obviously means a lot to you
Chloe: so you're telling me to not fuck it up
Rach: GTG, but yeah. So DON'T fuck it up!
"Asswipe," Chloe muttered with a smirk as she pocketed her phone and resumed looking through their photos. Photos of their time at the Space Needle, Local 360, and the EMP Museum littered the coffee table's surface. Chloe picked up a shot that was new to her. "When did you take this, Max? There's only the one of this pic."
The shot was set in the monorail, a slight lens flare coming from where the Sun had shone through the window she was seated next to. Realizing that it was the only illumination, Chloe surmised that Max had covered the Polaroid camera's flash with her hand when she took the picture. Sneaky sneaky, Chloe thought as she looked at herself in the photograph. She was leaning against the window, a faint reflection of an excited grin on her face as she pressed her hands against the glass and kneeled in her seat. Turned away from Max, Chloe had been oblivious to the brunette snapping a shot of her totally unawares. Something about her unguarded nature in the photo rattled Chloe, and without thinking she pocketed the photo in her jacket before getting to her feet.
"She's got enough pictures," Chloe said to herself, trying to wrap her head around why that picture disturbed her so much, "She won't notice one missing, right? Right." Why am I doing this? What's so scary about it? Chloe was scared deep down of what the photo represented; an abandonment of everything that had brought her to where she is now, Chloe's vulnerability was her worst enemy. Realizing that in just over a day she'd be gone from Seattle, Chloe felt herself begin to withdraw. Fucking stop! It's Max, for Chrissakes. You don't know when you might get this chance again, and you've come too far to stop.
But what if she hurts me?
What if she leaves me again?
Rubbing at her temples, Chloe headed into the bathroom to look for aspirin when she spied an orange pill bottle with Max's name printed on it. Her curiosity getting the better of her, Chloe hesitated only a moment before snatching the bottle out of the medicine cabinet. Chloe made to close it when she saw herself in the mirror, invading Max's privacy by rummaging through her medication. I already had her weed. This isn't weed, though, and she might notice if I take something. Ugh, I just need to chill! Letting her frustration out through gritted teeth, Chloe tossed the bottle only to whisper "Fuck!" as the lid popped off and pills went flying everywhere. Getting on her knees, Chloe began to search the floor for all the tablets she had spilled. Grabbing the bottle, Chloe began to replace the pills as she caught the drug's name.
"Tramadol? Jesus, Max, you're on fucking Tramadol?" Chloe asked aloud, reaching up to lock the door as she read the bottle, "Take one tab as needed for SEVERE ANXIETY. Jesus Christ…"
Hands shaking, Chloe finished collecting the pills as she made to close the bottle up when she pulled a single pill out and put it in her pocket. Chloe wasn't fully aware of what she had done, knowing only that she might live to regret that. Actions have consequences, Chloe Price. You're gonna hella regret that. But I might need it. For Max, yeah? Not entirely convincing herself, Chloe unlocked the bathroom door and jumped at the sight of a half-asleep Max rubbing her eyes as she waited for Chloe to get out of the bathroom.
"Max! Heyyyyy, you're awake," Chloe said, her voice trembling slightly as a nervous laugh escaped her lips, "What's the plan for tonight, yo?"
"Meh," Max mumbled, putting a finger to Chloe's lips as she went into the bathroom and closed the door. Hearing the shower start to run, Chloe shrugged and fidgeted in front of the door before pulling the pill out. You fucking asshole. You took her medication because you just want to get high, to escape. You're so scared of your feelings getting hurt that you might end up doing the damage yourself. Fucking idiot. Huffing, Chloe felt a stab of disgust towards herself as she threw the pill in the kitchen's trash can and put the picture she'd taken back on the coffee table. I'll just ask her about that solitary photo. Yeah, I'll ask and not be a piece of shit. Is this what Rach meant? Am I that self-destructive? Chloe knew the answer was "yes", but she didn't want to admit it. Instead, she pulled her phone out and went back to the balcony.
Chloe: Rach?
No answer.
Chloe: …Mom?
Joyce: Hey, Chloe. I've got a question for you.
Chloe: uh, okay? I really need to talk to you.
Chloe nearly dropped her phone over the balcony railing when it rang instead of chirped, Joyce electing to call her instead of message. Nervous about what the change in communication might entail, Chloe tapped the phone icon to answer and put the phone on speaker.
"Mom? Why didn't you just-"
"Chloe, where the hell are you?" Joyce asked, her voice strained with a combination of weariness and frustration, "You at the junkyard? There's a mess in the garage, beer smell in the whole damn house. Never mind that my wine is gone and so is a 12-pack of David's beer. You…You didn't drink all of that, did you?"
"What? No, Mom, I didn't drink all of that," Chloe snapped, rolling her eyes as judgement for her booze binge came far earlier than she had expected, "I had a few beers…and your wine. Look, it's hard for me to be alone. Rachel's gone for the whole summer and the quiet was just too much."
"Chloe, I'm not mad," Joyce said, Chloe hearing her mom sigh over the phone, "I'm just…You're only 18. The tattoos and all that I can work with. Hell, even the hair dye is fine in all honesty. But drinking, let alone that much? Honey, you need help. Now tell me where you are."
"…I'm in Seattle. With Max."
"…What? Max Caulfield?"
"Yeah. I texted her a yesterday and she picked me up. We're at her place in Seattle. You should see it, Mom. She's in a chill brownstone and she's inked up, too. She's…she's Max."
"Can you put her on?" Joyce's voice sounded thin, Chloe's eyes darting back in forth as her nervousness increased.
"She's in the shower-"
"Che? Who you talking to?" Chloe heard Max ask as she came out of the bathroom in a towel. Fuck! Shitty timing, Max!
"..Ugh. Hang on, Joyce. She's right here," Chloe said as she held out her phone in Max's direction and mouthed My Mom to an alarmed Max. Waving Chloe off, Max backpedaled as Chloe walked over to the brunette and irritatingly shoved the phone in Max's chest. Feeling Max let out a little squeak and seeing the pained look on her face, Chloe instantly regretted her action but Max quickly took the phone and went back into the bathroom before. Hearing the door lock, Chloe realized that Max hadn't locked it when she was in the shower.
"Fuck nice one, Chloe," she said to herself. Putting a hand to her forehead. Chloe rolled her eyes at her own immaturity. Chloe walked sullenly over to the leather chair opposite the Caulfields' couch and fell into it. Sitting cross-legged in the seat, Chloe's head was lowered as she fought back tears. Her body shuddering under the weight of her rapidly shifting moods, Chloe was sad about Max and her health, angry at everybody, and depressed that the day had gone from amazing to absolute shit in what felt like a blink.
Hearing the bathroom door open after what felt like hours to Chloe, the bluenette looked up and nearly caught her phone in the face as a pissed-off Max threw it across the living room straight at her. What the fuck?! Oh, shit. Chloe could make out a faint bruise where she had shoved the phone on the little brunette girl, and Max's quick breathing suggested that her anxiety was starting to rise. Muttering at herself deprecatingly, Chloe lifted herself up and called after Max. Seeing the brunette stopped mid-step in the bathroom made Chloe freeze in place. She's shaking. Is she cold, or pissed?
"You don't have to be so mean, Chloe," Max said in a wavering voice, turning her head slightly. Chloe could make out redness in Max's eyes from behind wet chestnut hair, "You left a bruise."
"I'm…I'm sorry, Max. I'm an asshole, sometimes. You didn't deserve that," Chloe said dejectedly, her head downcast as she crossed the distance between them. Chloe just wanted to wrap her arms around Max and hold the brunette, shield her from everything. Everything, including me, Chloe thought as she lifted her head up, "I'm just so fucked up. I'm happy, seeing you, but I'm also hella worried because you're getting into parts of me that I locked away because of you."
"You're shitty at pleading your case, Chloe," Max's flat tone alerted Chloe that her attempt at explaining herself was falling apart, "You think you're the only one scared? I've relived what you said to me when I left Arcadia Bay so many nights that my parents get scared when I bring you up. Do you know how fucked up it to hear your best friend, someone you love, tell you to 'go fuck yourself and die' on the last day you think you'll ever see her?"
"Max, I was a kid. I didn't-"
"I was a kid, too!" Chloe visibly flinched at the outburst of rage that emanated from the brunette facing away from her, small hands clenched into bone-white fists. "I was a kid…and you fucked with me like that! You broke my goddamn heart!"
Chloe backpedaled as Max turned and walked toward her, the brunette glaring at the bluenette before she quickly crossed the distance Chloe was trying to create.
"You wished me dead, but I still waited. How healthy is that? I still love you, but don't think that I'll put up with any bullshit like that ever again. I'm not a fucking puppy, and I'm not the same girl from four years ago. Therapy and drugs will only work so much, Chloe Price. You're not the only one who gets hella pissed the fuck off."
Am I, Chloe thought as Max stared at her with gritted teeth for a few more seconds before retreating into her bedroom, Am I one of the reasons she has such extreme anxiety problems? Did I help in fucking up her health? Snapping out of her head as Max slammed the bedroom door shut, Chloe sniffled and slid against a wall so that she was sitting in the hallway. Chloe stared into space as the smiling girl that she'd known four years ago dissolved in a scream of pain that emanated from a wounded, present-day Max. She didn't care at that moment who heard; for the first time in years, Chloe Price wanted to cry. She needed to feel something, and didn't care what it was.
"Fucking Goddamnit." Chloe's cracking voice matched how she felt, her body shaking from how powerful her sobs were. That wasn't just from the phone. That was her doing what I've done every time she came up for four years; Max just tried to hate me, even if only for a second. I've…I've ruined everything.
Unsteady and weak, having sat on the floor for nearly half an hour until her eyes were sore from crying, Chloe took a few deep breaths to stop her sobbing and leaned against the wall to right herself. Getting up slowly, Chloe wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket and headed towards the hallway where she'd left her boots. Looking back at the closed bedroom door, Chloe rolled her eyes in resignation as she remembered that her suitcase was in Max's room. Max might just mail me my clothes, or she could just toss them. Either way, it doesn't matter. Damage is done; I guess we are, too. Slipping her feet into the combat boots, Chloe put a hand to her hair and remembered that her beanie was currently in use by Max. Sighing, Chloe made sure she had everything she'd absolutely need to hit the road when Max's bedroom door creaked from being opened slightly. Looking across the apartment, Chloe saw fingertips holding onto the door and a silhouette of Max watching her from the shadows of her bedroom.
"Where are you going?" a voice asked her, tremulous and saddening. Max, just let me go. This…this was a mistake. A beautiful mistake, but so fucking wrong.
"Home, I guess. I don't want to cause any more damage than I already have, and I'm afraid I'll just hurt you further," Chloe said, sliding her hands into her back pockets as she anxiously rocked on the heels of her boots. Please let me go.
"…You're hurting me now by leaving me. You're dropping me again," Max said in whimpering tone as she came out of her darkened room. Dressed in the same clothes as earlier, Max tugged absently at the beanie she was wearing. My beanie, Chloe thought as her heart was on the verge of completely breaking. "I'm upset, Chloe, but I'm not willing to give up. Are you?"
Chloe wanted to scream an emphatic "NO" to Max, wanted to run and tell the brunette girl that she would do everything in her power to make all four years up to her if Max would help with all the pain she felt. Chloe took a step forward and felt a dizzy spell hit her hard as her heart thundered in her chest. What's going on? Chloe thought as she fell to her knees, lazily lifting her head to see Max running towards her in slow-motion. Heh, even my body's giving up on me…
"Chloe!" Max yelled as she caught the bluenette before Chloe collapsed entirely. Hearing Max call out to her, Chloe came out of her half-conscious state only to look up at Max with tears cascading down her cheeks and a faint smile playing at her lips.
"Max, I-I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything. I'm just so scared that this is all just a dream. I don't want to wake up and find you gone again. I can't go through that again. Please…need me as much as I need you," Chloe heard herself say, Max taking her shaking blue-nailed hand before it could reach the other girl's freckled face.
"I do, Che. I-I need you so damn much, but I can't be hurt like that again and I'm kinda scared of you," Max's admission made Chloe's lower lip tremble. She's scared of me, Chloe thought before seeing Max's expression change from concern to worry, "I don't want to let you go. I love you, but I'm terrified of you flipping on me."
"I won't, Max! I promise I won't!" Chloe cried out as she lifted herself up, feeling Max's breath on her face from their close proximity.
"Y-You can't promise me that, Chloe!" Max said, sniffling as she joined Chloe in crying.
"I can, Max! I'll get sad, I'll get depressed. I get angry, irritable, and hurt; I will do my fucking best to not bring that down on you. Do you hear me, Max Caulfield?" Chloe said as Max gently helped her up.
"…I can go easier on you," Max's shaking, soft voice easing the fear in Chloe's eyes a little, "I never e-expected you to be perfect, Chloe. I-I'm sure as hell not. You can't fuck with my emotions anymore, though. You want to joke? S'fine. But I will know when you're intentionally trying to h-hurt me, Chloe Price, and I won't accept petty bullshit like that. Period."
Chloe was both relieved at another opportunity with Max and terrified at the dead seriousness of Max's ultimatum. Call it what it is, Chloe. She just called you on all your bullshit and gave you a one-time warning. You're still ready to go. You could get up, walk away, and never worry about Max ever again. It'd be easier on you, and you still have Rachel back in Arcadia Bay. It isn't like you would be alone.
So…why aren't I leaving?
"I…," Chloe said, her voice cracking from the strain of her multiple bouts of crying and the emotions that were pressing at her, "I love you, Max. Don't let me run."
Chloe thought she might sob again as Max smiled with tears in her eyes with arms outstretched. Shuffling over, still half-seated in Max's lap, Chloe hooked her arms around Max's waist as the smaller girl held her. Feeling Max give her several small kisses on the head with shaky breath, Chloe clutched at the brunette's hoodie with balled fists as Max rocked her slowly.
Once both girls had managed to get to their feet, Max had gone back into the bathroom only to come out a moment later. Taking a deep breath and shaking her limbs as though she were warming up, Max went to the fridge and pulled out two Cokes. Tossing one at Chloe, Max popped her soda open and drank half the can down before setting it on the kitchen island. Chloe watched as Max leaned against the island with a pensive look on her face. Guess we both have some things to learn, Chloe thought as she sipped at her own soda. Max was just as beaten up as Chloe was; the bluenette understood that now, mentally chastising herself about the way she'd come to realize it. Leaning herself against the leather couch's back, Chloe looked down and traced her thumb around her Coke can's rim as she waited anxiously for Max to say something. They had been quiet for nearly an hour; sitting in the living room, moving about the apartment together, standing on the balcony as they both smoked. Chloe had gone through three cigarettes while Max had toked on a joint, not offering Chloe a puff this time around as she stared straight ahead while the bluenette watched from her peripheral vision.
"Max?" Chloe asked, her voice surprising her by how meek it sounded, "You okay?"
"…I needed to take some medication for my anxiety," Max said, waving a hand at Chloe reassuringly as she still braced herself against the kitchen island, "Just waiting for it to kick in, that's all."
"The-"
"The Tramadol? Yeah, Chloe, the Tramadol. I count my pills, you know." Max didn't admonish her, the brunette's tone more calm than Chloe had expected. "Did you take it? I mean, did you take it?"
"…I pitched it," Chloe lowered her head as she felt ashamed of herself for stealing Max's anxiety medicine. "It's a shitty thing to do, and I regretted it the second I did. I just need an escape. Everything is so heavy right now that it's really hard to breathe sometimes."
Looking up to see Max nodding sympathetically, Chloe felt the pressure in her chest lighten just enough that the pain wasn't as bad. Chloe watched Max push off from the kitchen island as before walking over to her in the living room. Max looked into each of Chloe's eyes individually and but a couple fingers to the bluenette's wrist. Is she examining me? Brow furrowed, Chloe opened her mouth to speak further only to watch Max walk down the hall and into her bedroom. Returning almost immediately, Max was carrying her black pencil bag and a small baggie in her free hand.
"Come on." Not a command, but not a suggestion, Max opened the sliding door and motioned for Chloe to step outside with her.
"Sure." Chloe walked past Max, the brunette closing the door behind her as she joined Chloe outside. Chloe wanted Max to hug her, to touch her. After she'd helped Chloe up from her fainting spell, Max had stayed physically distant to the bluenette's fear. She's never really been comfortable around me, Chloe thought as she leaned against the railing and tried to catch her breath. Closing and opening her eyes in succession as she worried that she might collapse again, Chloe almost didn't see the fresh joint being held near her face.
"You need it, Chloe," Max said, her face a mask as she held the joint out for Chloe to take. "Go on. It's stronger than my prescribed stuff. It'll help."
"You sure?" Chloe asked, though her inquiry wasn't in regards to the weed.
"Dog, Chloe. I'm not going to stay pissed," Max said, lighting her own joint as she lit the other one in her hand and passed it to Chloe. Chloe noticed the slight look of awkwardness on Max's face, how the brunette couldn't meet her gaze. "I-If you don't smoke this, though, I will be pissed at the wastefulness."
Reaching out for the joint, Chloe's fingers brushed against Max's and both girls took in a sharp breath as though something shocked them. Tensing up, Chloe looked over at Max as the brunette held a joint in each hand, one lowered to her side and the other held out to Chloe. Looking away from Max in embarrassment, Chloe took the joint only to feel a small hand latch onto her wrist. Chloe's face went red as she watched Max from the corner of her eye; Max came over and leaned against Chloe as both girls stood by the railing.
"Is this…is this okay?" Max asked nervously while taking a drag of her pot, looking up at Chloe with cheeks flushed.
"O-Of course it is," Chloe stammered, bringing the joint Max had offered to her lips.
Toking up, Chloe felt a calm begin to eat away at her nerves as the marijuana's effects took hold. Looking out over the cityscape behind the building opposite the brownstone, Chloe watched the sky start to turn amber. Sunset. It'll be dark soon, and then I'll be gone tomorrow. Tomorrow…shit, Joyce…
"What did you talk to Joyce about?" Chloe asked, blowing pot smoke out her pursed lips.
"More like I was talked at. At first, anyway," Max said with a snort, "I think my saving grace was that you were staying with me. Pretty sure Joyce would have come up herself to get you if I hadn't convinced her that I actually am Max Caulfield. After that, Joyce was really nice. She asked how I was and what I'd been up to. Then came talk about you."
"Oh," Chloe's flat tone caught Max's attention, the brunette smiling as she patted Chloe's shoulder.
"Relax, Chloe. She's pacified. I told her I'd bring you back tomorrow, but you should prepare yourself for trouble when you get back. I guess your stepdad isn't too happy that you took off with a mess in his den and a wad of cash in your pocket."
"That's grocery money Joyce gave me!" Chloe protested, slamming an open palm on the railing, "What an asshole."
"Don't shoot the messenger. Slaps, punches, dropkicks, and noogies are also expressly forbidden," Max teased, rubbing out the stub of her joint. Max tossed the stub into a flowerpot sitting in one corner of the balcony, filled with kitty litter to absorb the smell of Max's medication. "Hey."
"Mmm?" Chloe looked down at Max, the brunette peering up at her from underneath her chestnut hair. "S'up, Max?"
"…Want to get out of here?" Max asked, looking down at her tear and snot-stained hoodie, "I need to change anyway, and there's somewhere I'd like to take you if you're up for it."
"Yes, please," Chloe flicked her joint before dropping it into the flowerpot, "What you have in mind?"
"Well," Max said as she eyed Chloe with a sly expression, the girls heading back inside before Max looked up at the sky through the sliding door's glass, "Doesn't look like rain. I should bring a long-sleeve shirt, yeah?"
"Wouldn't hurt, probably," Chloe shrugged, "You were saying, Max?"
"Yeah. So," Chloe followed Max into her room, looking away as Max unzipped the hoodie and stripped her jacket and shirt off before going into her closet, "Heard of The Skylark?"
"Music hangout, right?" Chloe asked, her curiosity piqued, "You're taking me there?"
Max came back out from the closet. Her jean shorts and stockings unchanged, she had put on a plain black t-shirt with a red flannel shirt tied around her waist. Spinning around, Max looked at Chloe with an eyebrow raised. Oh, she wants my opinion, Chloe thought as she feebly gave Max a thumbs up.
"That's it?" Max asked, "What if I want to pick up a cute girl?"
"Well, that depends," Chloe said, crossing her arms as she raised an eyebrow of her own at Max, "What did you have in mind?"
"Hmm," Max said, tapping her chin with a finger as she looked away in feigned thought, "Tall. I like standing on my tip-toes for a kiss; it's kinda sweet. Also, she has to be something of a 'bad grrl', I guess. She has to have a sweet side, though, or it'd never work…"
"That all?" Chloe asked, her wording becoming terser as Max continued her teasing.
"Oh!" Max snapped her fingers. "I'm a sucker for blondes!"
"What the f-" Chloe blurted out, cut off by Max's laughter as the brunette came up to her and put a hand on Chloe's cheek.
"Blue hair is just as good. Maybe even better," Max said, her eyes shining momentarily before pulling her hand away. "Come on. I need my shoes and we could probably both use some food at this point. It is about that time."
Chloe followed Max to the front door, the brunette slipping her boots on as they headed out. Chloe could still feel the warmth from Max's hand on her cheek as she placed her own hand over where the brunette's had been. She wanted that warmth back; Chloe was afraid it would never be as strong as it had only hours ago. Hearing Max call after her, the other girl already having crossed the street, Chloe shouted back as she ran across to where Max was waiting. Here we go.
Chloe didn't want to push her luck. Max still looks tense. Fuck, I'm still hella tense. We've been making up, making out, and freaking out for two days. How the hell could I have expected some happy ending cliché? Brushing her hand against Max's as they sat in a booth at The Skylark, Chloe turned her head towards the stage while keeping an eye on the brunette sitting across from her. Chloe saw Max watching from the corner of her eye and nearly shuddered in relief when the corner of Max's mouth turned upward into the start of a smile.
"You want to hold hands?" Max asked, her voice and tone both calm despite the slight widening of her eyes.
"Only if you want to, dude. If not, just as cool," Chloe ran fingers through her blue hair, combing it back only for it to fall back to where it had been. Just be cool, Chloe.
"Is it really 'just as cool'?"
"…No…" Falling for Max's bait, Chloe's scowl only increased when Max sniggered. What the fuck happened to being cool?! Fuck!
Chloe felt a small gasp escape her as slim fingers wound around her own, Max holding onto her blue-nailed hand with a light grip that gave no inclination of the brunette's thoughts away. Chloe, you cannot fuck this up. You can't, Chloe tried to motivate herself. Look at her. Max is amazeballs and you're this close to striking the fuck out. Looking down at the hand holding her own, Chloe wanted more; holding onto the hand with a greater determination, Chloe heart dropped for a split-second when Max disengaged her hand before latching back onto Chloe's immediately after.
"Don't push your luck, Price," Max said, the faint smile from earlier taking on a playful quality.
"I'm not pushing shit, Mad Max. I'm just matching your speed."
"Uh-huh," Max said as she raised a hand toward the waitress heading in their general direction. Approaching with pen in hand, the waitress's face had been obscured in shadow until it was illuminated by the dim light. "Oh…fuck…"
"What do you want, Max?" Victoria asked, pen twirling around. Her typical ensemble of high-end clothes exchanged for a pair of jeans and a long-sleeve shirt with The Skylark's logo emblazoned on its chest, Victoria would have been completely unrecognizable if it weren't for the hostility in her posture and the unmistakable condescending tone of her voice. "Caulfield! Hey, I said 'What do you want'."
"O-Oh! Uhh, I'll have a Coke," Max stammered, her surprise getting the better of her before she looked over at Chloe for reassurance, "Uh, two Cokes, a basket of the hand-cut fries, and…two orders of Rockin' Rooster chicken strips."
Chloe watched Victoria menacingly as the blonde took down everything that Max had said with a series of short pen strokes before noticing that Victoria was watching her from underneath her partially-hooded eyes.
"Problem?" The strain on Victoria's grin only added to how malevolent she was coming off to both Max and Chloe.
"Vic…you have a job?" Max asked with an incredulous tone, "I mean, it's cool that you do. I just never thought-"
"Please, Max. Don't strain yourself," Victoria snapped before growing uneasily quiet, "Look. My dad's promoting the band that's playing tonight and he thought it would be good for me to get a job. He knows the owner of…this 'place', so now I work here a few nights a week. Can't stay past 9pm, though, just like you twee hipsters. No minors after 9pm. I'll…I'll be back with your orders when they're ready."
"The Cokes?" Chloe asked, quirking an eyebrow as Victoria's smile became brighter from her gritted teeth.
"Of course," Victoria uttered, her finely manicured hands clenched into fists at her sides as she stomped off. Chloe broke into a laugh as Max watched Victoria go.
"How the fuck do you deal with that, Max?" Chloe asked, jerking a thumb in the direction Victoria had gone. "She's fucking 'Evil, Elitists Barbie'. Seriously…ev-illll."
Chloe's signals became confused when Max sighed as she put a hand to one of her temples. She's just tired. We were already beat before our fight. Our first fight, and hopefully the last one that bad. Max is hella tougher than I remember, or give her credit. Heh, I could still take her. Maybe. Seeing a different waitress return with their soft drinks, Chloe broke into a new fit of laughter as Max weakly joined in. Looking over at Max from the posters she had been checking out, Chloe's amusement dropped as her concern grew over the brunette's glazed expression.
"Max? Dude, you okay?" Chloe asked, reaching out and putting her hand over the weak-looking brunette's.
"It's just the Tramadol kicking in, Che," Max said, slipping her nickname for Chloe in to Chloe's silent pleasure, "H-Hey, d'you think that you could drive when we head back? This…this stuff kinda makes me loopy."
"You don't even need to ask, Maxaroni," Chloe said, her tone softening before the worn girl sitting across from her, "I will never not have your back again."
"You're really sweet sometimes, y'know that?" Max asked Chloe, the flushness of her face both endearing to the bluenette and worrisome. Is it her meds? She looks hella out of it. "Hey, I'm going to go use the bathroom."
Chloe watched Max slowly get to her feet after she slid out of the booth and gingerly walk towards the back of the club. Sipping at her soda, Chloe couldn't help but feel deflated at how sour things had gone. Rachel warned me; she told me how I can fuck things up so easily. I need a pep-talk. Chloe pulled out her cellphone and began to type, her expression intense from needing Rachel's advice and support.
Chloe: Rach!
Chloe: Hey! Rachel!
Rachel: U rang
Chloe: I kinda fucked things up
Rachel: of course you did
Chloe: fuk u 2, buddy
Chloe: sista, I am in need of some advice
Chloe: I never really thought about how Max might feel about me. Aside from the mushy love stuff.
Rachel: Go on
Chloe: She…she got epically pissed. I lashed out a bit, and when she pushed back I almost ran off.
Rachel: Goddamnit chloe I told u!
Chloe: :(
Rachel: NO EMOJI
Chloe: sorry. Old habits, yea?
Rachel: ugh. Is she there?
Chloe looked up from her phone and felt her hand squeeze it as she tried to make a fist. At the bar across from where she sat, Max was in a heated discussion with Victoria. Arms waving about in various gestures before both girls poked fingers into each other's sternums, Victoria and Max matched glares with each other before Victoria backed down to Chloe's surprise. Seeing Max storm off from Victoria and towards their booth, Chloe almost pocketed her phone when she remembered that Rachel wanted to talk to her.
"Hey?" Chloe asked, her smile feeble under the tenseness of Max's person. "Max? Hey, dude. What's going on?"
"Forget it," Max huffed before looking over at Chloe with a questioning smirk, "Uh, you're going to break your phone if you squeeze any harder."
"Yeah, heh. My friend Rachel…she wants to talk to you," Chloe's tone was shy as she held her phone out for Max before gently setting it on the table. Remember what happened last time, jackass? You bruised her with a fucking phone. Chloe looked up from the phone to see the slight frown on her face. Max remembers, too. What was I expecting? It was only a couple hours ago, Jesus fuck. Max reached out slowly and took the phone as a new message flashed across the screen.
Rachel: Hello? You text me and disappear? Nice one, Chlo
Chloe: Um, this is Max
Chloe: Hi…?
Rachel: HEY! *smiles*
Rachel: I was wondering when she was going to let me talk to you
Rachel: she's so fucking stingy
Chloe's eyes narrowed in suspicion when Max broke into a fit of giggles as she typed away on the bluenette's phone before handing it back and switching to her own. Wait. Did you just copy Rachel's info? No, I need a transcript! Where's my deets, my insider knowledge? Shit. Chloe heard her phone go off and saw that Max and Rachel were texting each other in a conference message, Chloe still logged in as a third member of the discussion.
Rachel: so nice to finally meet you, Max. kinda.
Rachel: Chloe doesn't shut the fuck up about you, for the most part
Max: really?
Rachel: *hugs* really
Chloe: shush!
Max: no
Rachel: no
Chloe: …
Rachel: I'm going to be your couple's counselor tonight
Chloe: we don't need a counselor
Max: uh, yeah we do…and I'm not so sure we're a couple just yet, Chloe
Chloe: brb Rachel. Max, IRL talk?
"What the fuck do you mean that we aren't a couple 'just yet'?" Chloe asked as she tapped her fingertips onto the table, "We…we told each other that we loved each other, Max. We've been making out so damn much I can fucking taste you on my breath-"
"Chloe!" Max's horrified tone and sudden blushing might have warmed Chloe's affections further, but the bluenette also knew that she might have overstepped a bit.
"…Sorry. You know what I mean, though."
Chloe and Max grew eerily silent as Victoria returned with their food, dropping the three baskets of hot fries and spicy chicken strips with a sequence of thuds before walking away. Chloe noticed that Victoria didn't look either of them in the face, but paid it little mind before redirecting her attention to Max.
"Talk, Max."
"…We haven't even gone out on a date, Chloe. I've seen you for two days out of four years. Never mind the baggage that's between the two of us; we're also both different from how we remember each other. I do love you, and I want to be with you. You have to be patient with me, though. Okay? I'm not running off or hiding; I just want to take my time with this, go in at a pace that won't…won't overwhelm me…"
"You mean, like, health-wise?" Chloe asked, Max answering with a subtle nod, "Max…I'd never do anything to fuck up your health. Babe, your anxiety attacks and panic attacks scare the shit out of me." When Chloe noticed that Max didn't react positively or negatively towards her use of "Babe", she continued.
"I-I know that I probably caused some of it, some of your problems. I can't take that away. All I can do is make sure to try my damnedest and not fucking make things worse. But you have to give me a chance for that to happen, Max."
"I am g-giving you a chance, Chloe," Max said, the pain on her face quite clear as she pulled her hand free of Chloe's and crossed her arms, "I'm just so fucked up. I've been hurt so much; I don't want to be hurt anymore."
The echo of her own thoughts coming from Max rang through Chloe's head, the bluenette dawning on the fact that her little Max Caulfield wasn't pushing her away but rather trying to formulate some means of letting her in. She wants to be with me; she just doesn't know how. This is hardcore in how fucked up it is; I'm not sure I know how either, Max.
"Che, is it okay if I talk to Rachel? In private?" Max asked as she held up her phone. "I…I need her advice and her knowledge base on some things."
"Sure. You want to…oh, you're going to talk-talk. Yeah, I'll wait here. Go. Talk, gossip, plot. I'm not going anywhere, Max," Chloe said as she leaned back into her seat, watching forlornly as Max headed into the back once more. Switching her phone off, Chloe picked at some of the food before taking a long slurp from her Coke. "Fuck, that shit's hot! What the-"
"You need to be fucking nicer to her," a voice said from behind, cutting Chloe off as the person speaking came and sat down in Max's seat. "I'm serious. You fuck with her and I'll kill you."
"What the fuck? Shouldn't you be wiping tables or some shit?" Chloe asked Victoria as the blonde glared at her venomously. What the fuck is your problem? Aside from everything, evidently.
"Shut up and listen to me. You're going to be nice to her, treat her like she's a princess or whatever. You put her through hell and I spent years helping to piece her back together," Chloe's eyes widened as Victoria continued, the blonde jabbing a finger into Chloe's chest, "Max…Max and I used to be friends. Close friends. I don't want to see her get hurt by someone who walked all over her years ago only to show up and demand attention like nothing happened."
"That's not what is happening, and whose business is it of yours what she and I do? You were her friend. You were her 'close friend'. Now you're…wait, what did you mean by 'close'?" Chloe's hands began to tremble underneath the table as she saw Victoria's face redden.
"That's none of your business," her voice curt, Victoria folded her arms across her chest and looked away, "…Nothing ever came out of it."
Chloe was about to speak up, a cruelty rising up in her, when Victoria looked at her with a pained face that took the breath out of Chloe's lungs.
"She couldn't like anybody else because she couldn't think of anyone but you, you fucking piece of shit!" Victoria's yell attracted some of the patrons' attention, but neither her or Chloe noticed as they locked eyes, "She never even noticed me the way I watched over her. You fucking strut back in after four years and I saw how hurt she looked when you came in! You'll only break her heart again, Chloe, and when you do I will be at Blackwell right next to you so that your life can become a real living hell."
Chloe's jaw dropped partly as Victoria shot out of the booth and headed for the kitchen, faint sniffling sounds trailing behind the blonde. She…She liked Max? Did she love Max, too? Icky Vicky? Did Max call her that because Victoria tried to make a move? No, no fucking way.
"No. Bitchtoria even said that she never stood a chance against me," Chloe tried to sound confident only for it to fizzle as her imagination went crazy over the space of Max's four years in Seattle, "No, nonono. Max…Max waited for me. She said, Max said. She came all the way back to get me. She said she loves me…" Chloe began to let out a faint whimper as she absently rocked in her seat, eyes wild as she lost herself in fears of abandonment and jealousy.
Stumbling as she made her way out of the booth, Chloe brushed past some of the other customers on her way out the front door. I can't breathe, I can't fucking feel anything! Shielding her face against the sight of people waiting to get inside, Chloe took the return pass from the bouncer before barreling through the door marked "Exit Only". Her whole body shaking, Chloe came around the corner to the parking lot and crashed against the brick wall. Leaning her back against the rough surface, Chloe looked up to the evening sky and felt wetness hit her cheek. Holding out hand, waiting for rain to strike her, Chloe shook her head in exasperation when the wetness came again. It's me. I'm crying. I'm raining. Crouching down to squat against the wall, the bluenette pulled a pack of cigarettes from her jacket with a shaking hand. Watching the package fall to the ground, her fingers unable to stay still enough to hold onto her smokes, Chloe just sat trembling and looked at the pack of tobacco products.
"Chloe? Chloe!" Max cried out as she walked down the sidewalk and past the parking lot, her head turning from side to side. I am something of a ninja, Chloe mused, a weak smile playing across her lips as she stood up and walked around the car she was obscured by.
"Hey, Max," Chloe weakly said, clearing her throat to get the worried brunette's attention, "I said 'Hey, Max'!"
Max's head and body swiveled on point as she turned to look back the way she came and spotted a blue mess of hair peeking around a parked car along The Skylark's wall. Chloe hadn't seen Max look so worried in such a long time that she had confused Max's coming towards her as another round of the little hipster's rage. It wasn't until Max had been hugging her tightly for a few minutes that Chloe became aware of her surroundings and a voice managed to make its way out of her.
"You're…you're not mad?" Chloe asked, the softness of her tone giving away how wounded she was feeling.
"Why would I be mad? Because you came outside? One of the waitresses saw you take off and let me know as I got back to our booth. I was worried. Caleb, the bouncer, said that you were shook up when you stormed through the door. Che…no, hey hey, don't cry. Don't cry, babe."
Chloe felt Max's hand on the nape of her neck as the smaller girl stood on her tip-toes to let Chloe bury her face in Max's shoulder. Weeping quietly, her tears wetting the fabric of Max's shirt, Chloe clutched at Max's sides as she refused to let Max go. Max patted Chloe's back until the bluenette pulled herself away.
"Can we go home?" Chloe asked, "I know that you wanted to chill here. This place looks hella fun, but I could use some quality Max to myself. If that's okay."
Max's reply was to give Chloe the keys to her jeep and a kiss on the cheek before she told the depressed bluenette that she would be right back. Electing to wait where she was standing, Chloe rubbed at reddened eyes with the sleeve of her jacket when she looked down the parking lot to see Victoria Chase watching her intently. Flipping the blonde off and getting a middle finger raised back at her as Victoria snuffed her cigarette out along the brick wall, Chloe's attention snapped back to the returning Max. Carrying a couple takeout containers, Max nudged at Chloe's arm with a shoulder before jerking her chin in the jeep's direction.
Author's Note:
The Skylark is pretty fun, but the typical crowd size is a hell of a lot bigger than I made it sound in this chapter. That said, the hand-cut fries are tasty and the Rockin Rooster chicken strips are spicy as f**k.
In response to some people asking me about Victoria and Rachel, with Victoria's agenda revealed in this chapter, let me say this.
Eheheheheh ;D
If you think I'm done with that, you have no clue what I'm thinking.
Like with Fighters, which I will discuss, I can't portray Pricefield as a storybook-ish romance. They're not a fairy tale, especially in this story. They're flawed, both girls quick to anger and emotionally volatile. They're also tragically beautiful in that their love for each other has actually survived every wound, every blow, that are given and taken. I mean, if I'm going to extend this story so that it goes past Chloe's weekend visit I can't pull a "Happily Ever After…" and not feel grossed out. Oh, wait. Did I just spoil something?
Eheheheheh.
Sadly, if I'm getting invested in this I'm going to have to put Fighters on hold. I feel terrible because I was building a world I enjoyed with that story but Teenage Dirtbag is flowing out of my mind in the way my Vampire AU and Rebel Girl did; I sit down and find myself writing each chapter from beginning to end in a single go. Fighters is…it's a struggle at more times than I would like to admit.
Fighters is on hiatus, but I will finish it. This story here is too invigorating to pass up. Different timeframe, different setting, and different takes on characters that I haven't tried before. Wait till Max stays the weekend with Chloe! I mean, come on!
Read, review, and I'll see you for Part 4! It'll be up on Tuesday or Wednesday.
Stay hella, Cinnamon Rolls
