As usual, Fenris' face was unreadable outside of the obvious scorn that he often wore. Anders wondered what his own face must have looked like when he had his mouth stretched around the base of Fenris' cock. He was pretty sure he wouldn't get an answer if he asked.

The stars were out, and so were the usual riffraff of Kirkwall. Rats scuttled down the street as they turned towards the stairs to High Town. The soft footsteps of barely held together boots, and the quiet shuffle of bare feet on cobblestone, were the only sounds Anders could here, as they continued their journey in silence.

Silence was hard for Anders, it reminded him too much of his year in solitary, but there was something almost calming about knowing he shouldn't speak and following the rules for once. He'd always found submitting to someone- consensually, mind you- helped him calm his soul. Took away the pressure to be the man he'd become.

All too soon had they arrived in the mansion, the smell of death greeting them at the door. Fenris walked to his usual den and pulled out a bottle of wine. That he was clearly not planning to share with Anders. He took a long swing from the dark bottle, swallowed thickly, and turned to face the fight to come.

"Did you know it was me?"

Anders was already knee deep in trouble, and decided the lie wouldn't be worth it. To combat the chill down his spine he rose his hand to light the fireplace, bathing the room in what might would have been called "mood lighting" in any other situation.

"Yeah. I mean, not at first, but it's hard not to figure out when the cock is covered in lyrium."

"Then why did you let us do…things?"

"I knew you wouldn't want me if you knew who it was. I thought I could get away with you thinking it was just another anonymous fuck. And then we could go on like before, hating each other and disagreeing on everything. You calling me an abomination, and me yelling back." He shrugged in a hopeless way, "I guess we both know now that I need to work on shutting up for once."

"I've been saying that for years," Fenris spat. It would have almost been playful banter, if Anders hadn't felt like a child being scolded.

Anders brought his eyes down to the fireplace. He was surprised Fenris didn't yell at him for using magic to light it, but they both had a lot more on their minds than a smoky fireplace.

Fenris continued, vitriol seeping into every word. His tongue always had been as sharp as his blade.

"How unsurprising. Another cowardly and traitorous mage going behind my back."

Anders released a sharp "Ha!" and looked Fenris in the eye with a mean smirk.
"Firstly, you were most certainly behind my back, if you know what I mean, and secondly, I sure didn't hear you complaining when you were!"

Fenris growled, eyebrows downturned, and grabbed Anders by the scruff of his feathered coat, holding him tight against the wall. The fireplace cast flickering shadows on the mage's surprised face.

"If I had known it was an abomination begging to suck my cock, I would have left you in that piss-covered bathroom to wait for another man to use you like the whore you seem to be."

"You take that back." Anders gritted out, eyes cold and teeth clenched. He wasn't going to let anyone call him a whore again. Not after all the shit he'd been through at the circle. Blue cracks started to form on his skin, and his eyes had the faintest telltale glow of Justice. "You fucking take that back."

"I can't fathom why I should. That's certainly how you were acting."

"I wouldn't call you a slave. I wouldn't sneer at you and say 'knife-ears. So you give me the same shred of respect that I gave you, and take that back."

Fenris was sharply caught off-guard. Maybe this was just Anders trying to prove the supposed suffering of the mages, but he knew all too well the look of a man who'd been abused. Enslaved. He kept his gauntlet-covered hand up Anders' neck, continuing to pin him to the wall. The sudden fire and disgust in the human's eyes had put him on the defensive. He didn't want to feel guilty but, even though he tried his hardest not to show it, he did have a heart; one that seemed to be feeling all sorts of mixed feelings about this mage.

"I shall take that back, if only to stop your demon from causing any more trouble than he has, but you certainly can't expect me to just forgive a mage who used me."

The blue light dimmed back to freckled sallow skin, and Anders' face became a mask of exasperation.

"Used you!? You went to that bathroom expecting exactly what you got. Does it matter if it was mage or dwarf that tried to please you? Yeah, I wouldn't exactly cheer me on for either for letting you think it was someone else. But a part of me… I wouldn't have had a chance like that again. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted…"

"Wanted?" Fenris echoed, as he watched the mage with stern but curious eyes.

"You."

The silence reverberated loud enough to be felt Fenris and Anders' chests. There was too much said, but nothing could just be taken back. It was all coming out. Like so often Anders just couldn't stop his feelings from staying where they should. Deeply locked away in the part of his brain that had once held logic. He couldn't stop, and in his fear and vulnerability he started babbling.

"Look, I'm sorry," Anders started. "Well, no. I'm not sorry it happened. I'm sorry you caught me, and I'm sorry you think I was trying to trick or enchant you behind your back. For what it's worth I don't want to hurt you. I didn't think it would. You are an idiot and an asshole, and most days I want to ring your pretty neck, but mostly I feel like we aren't as different as you think we are. That maybe you'd understand some day. I want to joke around and pretend this was all just to mess with you, but you've seen and heard otherwise. So let's just forget it happened, all right? You don't want to remember, and I don't want to die before I get the blighted The Call of the wardens. I have too much I need to do. I have people to help. I have a war to fight, even if you think it's nothing but mabari shit." Anders closed his eyes, his chest taking in a gasp of air. He felt the weight of Fenris' fist against his throat, and softly added, "Worst of all, and I must be a masochist for doing so, no matter all of the horrible things between us, I still find myself…caring for you? You won't believe me, but there it is."

If Fenris was a more emotional man his jaw would have dropped. But he was a frightened and battered soul, and his suspicions only grew. He didn't know what to say to this turn of events, and Anders seemed so…honest? Sincere? Serious? He admitted, but only to himself, that Anders had grown on him. He didn't agree with most of his ramblings, but he had begun to recognize the similarities in their suffering. Yet he still couldn't believe in Anders words. Not after all the lessons he'd been taught about getting manipulated. About having the hope to trust. So he did what he's always done when someone tries to reach out to him.

He shoved Anders, hard against the wall, a beat passing between them- eyes locked in anxiety for Anders and disbelief in Fenris'- and turned to walk back into the safe darkness of his mansion. Stopping only to inflict pain by spitting words over his shoulder.

"Your supposed words aside, to have let me do that…and with a mage of all things. You are no better than a magister."

Anders watched him disappear up the dark stairs. The elf assumed the mage would leave and never return. Well, Anders imagined that's at least what the elf had wanted. Perhaps that's what he should give him.

You will give up so easily? You would let the distraction hurt you and not fight as you have always done? You lose your fire, Anders.

"Shut up, Justice. I can't do this tonight." He sighed, feeling foolish for even trying to share some of his locked-up heart with a man who would always hate him. Hate him for what he never chose to be. For what he'd been beaten, tortured, hounded, and raped for. He took another shuddered breath. Even with the pain, he knew they'd still gotten somewhere tonight. Somewhere closer. More honest. It was terrifying, and somehow a relief.

"Come on, Justice. Let's go home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thank you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let me know your thoughts. Comments and kudos are always very appreciated. Chapters come out faster when I see that my work is wanted.
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Have a lovely 2014, my dears. I wish you the very best.