PART 3
Quinn was having one of their fortnightly Skype sessions with Mercedes, and tonight she couldn't help but wondered if Mercedes knew anything about Rachel's crush on her.
"So … do you know anything about Rachel?" Quinn tried to sound blasé.
"Ha? What about Rachel?"
"Umm …" Quinn felt shy suddenly. She felt weird for having to word out the next sentence, "about her crush."
"Oh, on you, you mean?"
"Umm … yeah," Quinn stammered.
"Yeah, she had a crush on you since like … forever. Wait? How did you find out?"
"She told me."
"Oh My God! I never thought she would. All the time in high school, she liked to talk about it, but whenever I told her to tell you, she said she would never do that."
"So you've known this all along?" Quinn was surprised that Mercedes knew about it but acted like it wasn't a big thing.
"She only told me during our senior year. One night we were having a slumber party at her house, I think it was after she told us about her engagement to Finn. Suddenly she started talking about you and how you were so against the wedding, and she couldn't understand why you would be so opposed to it because she thought that you're over Finn, that you deserved to be with someone that appreciated you. Then she said that you're so pretty. I mean, that wasn't the first time she went on and on about just how pretty you are. Most of the times, I just rolled my eyes, but that time there's something more in her voice. Then she said if she were Finn, she would have never let you go. So I prodded and so on and she broke, told me everything about it."
"Oh." Quinn was blushing furiously; luckily she had dimmed the light, so Mercedes couldn't see how red her face had become. "Weren't you surprised?"
"Of course, we're talking about Rachel here, the boy-crazy, my-life-revolves-around-Finn Rachel. But later on when I thought about it, I remembered little things, like how her face lighted up when you walked in the choir room, or like when she's singing, she always glanced at you even for a fraction of a second. All very subtle, you'd only notice it if you're aware. And of course, should I mentioned again all the time that she's obsessed with your beauty?"
Quinn laughed, "Please don't."
"I still can't believe she told you now, after all these years. What happened?"
"I'm not really sure, maybe because she's leaving."
They were both quiet for a while. "So what are you going to do about it?" Mercedes asked.
Quinn was surprised with the question. "What do you mean?"
"Well, now that you know how she feels. She's single, you're single."
Quinn couldn't believe that Mercedes was suggesting it and it made her defensive. "And I'm a girl."
"So?"
"I'm a Christian girl."
"If I remember correctly, you said that Jesus never said anything about gay people."
"Mercedes, just because I support LGBT cause, doesn't mean I'm open to it myself. It's more complicated than that." Quinn felt frustrated with the conversation.
"Do you like her?"
"Yeah, as a friend." Mercedes tilted her head and gave Quinn that look which meant 'don't bullshit me'. "I mean, I don't know. She's … something. And she's leaving."
"You're going to let distance stop you?"
"It's not just that. I …" Quinn took a deep breath to calm down. "Look, can we not talk about this now. It's confusing enough for me."
"Okay." Mercedes felt bad for pushing Quinn. She could see just how uncomfortable Quinn was at the moment. She changed the subject and talked about the progress of her album instead.
Nothing much changed between Rachel and Quinn in the next few weeks. Quinn would still text Rachel every day and Rachel would reply, they would still do online chat, they would still hang out whenever Quinn dropped by New York City, which for some reason had become a weekly trip. Quinn would sit next to Rachel whenever the four of them went out for dinner, or even when they were all sitting around the apartment. And when she wasn't sitting next to Rachel, she would constantly glance at her. All these attentions really confused Rachel. Quinn had made it clear that she didn't want to pursue anything between them, and yet here she was exchanging flirty glances with her. What is she playing at?
Rachel felt confused and angry but she didn't know how to approach the subject with Quinn. She was sure that Quinn was playing around with her emotions ever since she found out that Rachel had a crush on her. Could it still be called a crush when it feels so much more? She must feel so powerful to have this control over me, and that made Rachel angry, at Quinn, at herself for giving Quinn this much power.
The four of them were currently out strolling in Central Park, but then Kurt excused himself for a date. Half an hour later, Santana also excused herself because she too had a date. So Quinn and Rachel continued on. Rachel felt this was a good time to broach the subject.
"I think you've been misleading me."
"What?"
Rachel avoided Quinn's shocked look.
"Ever since I told you about how I feel, it feels like you've been playing games with me."
Quinn laughed it off, "What? No. I mean … that's not it."
"Then what is it?" Rachel stopped walking to face Quinn.
"What do you mean?" Quinn was facing Rachel but her eyes were looking at other things.
Rachel rolled her eyes. Sometimes it was really hard to talk to Quinn.
"You said that you don't want … something to happen between us," Quinn looked at her, "but then it's like you've been giving me signals left and right, and I really don't know what to think of it."
Quinn looked deflated. "I don't know Rachel. It's just that …" her eyes soften, "I like spending time with you, I like talking to you, but I don't think that … that we could … you know."
"Why?"
"You know why."
"Because I'm leaving?"
"Yeah."
"Don't you at least want to see what could happen in these two months?"
"No. I don't see the point." Quinn started walking.
Rachel was frustrated and she continued walking quietly.
"Look Rachel, this thing is … confusing and complicated. It's not just because you're leaving, but there's also family and religion. Can't we just enjoy the time that we have left and see how it goes?"
Rachel just nodded to hide the disappointment in her voice.
A few days later, Quinn was online chatting with Rachel.
Q: 'Do you listen to Sarah McLachlan?'
R: 'Not really.'
Q: 'Well, there's this song, 'Do What You Have To Do'. You should listen to that.'
R: 'Okay. I'll look for it afterwards.'
Q: 'I gotta finish this paper. I'll talk to you later okay. Good night.'
R: 'Good night. Bye.'
After Quinn logged off, Rachel searched the song in YouTube. After the song ended, she played it again, and then she searched for the lyrics, and listened to it again, and again.
