A/N: If you were a chef at a 5 star restaurant and you want to host a Christmas party for the old gang why the fuck would you make it a potluck? My 2 best friends since we were 6-7 we're arguing because I said a potluck is stupid because us 3 grew up, one is a chef at a 5 star restaurant, the other is a hair stylist, and me I'm an artist. My argument was I don't fucking invite you to parties and tell you to bring a fucking painting to my parties, why the fuck would you tell me to bring food to a chef's party! And that my hoes is the reason this wasn't up sooner… well that argument and I had to meet with my tattoo artist… and my bestie came over with that dope ass uni-giraffe… then I had to go to a restaurant bar w/booty (I'm like flava flav I give everyone I date a nickname) so how bout some thank yous:

Greatpretender27: HAAA! Yeah, Alex means it in a nice-I'm-lookin-out-for-you kinda way… yeah I love Taylor & Selena all sparkly and bare footed jumpin round the stage all the time.

Tatimac: I'll eventually venture off into Alex's POV, but I can't yet, it'll reveal some of the story I don't want naked yet! Ahaha I phrase things weird…

Aden: The difference of need and want is a big thing for Alex, we'll see what happens, I have the plot in my head, not the details yet. I use random word combination, it's my way of throwing people off because they'll be baffled by what you said they forget their train of thought before you spoke.

143: glad you're enjoying it sweetheart. Yeah she went Kanye on his ass.

RiddleMeThisBatman: I'm glad you liked it boo, glad you we're observant that Alex was observant ;)

ROTFL: are you actually rolling on the floor and laughing or are you just pulling my nonexistent dick?

Camihere: Well if it isn't my little ball of sunshine! I'm glad you like my Alex babe, she's a slick talking bitch! Mitchie will grow balls eventually, she's confused by Alex still and is trying to figure her out. Love you too baby! Seriously when did we become so mushy?

I'll dedicate this to Camihere, smile babe, love you dickhole… good luck today

(Mitchie POV)

Yes! My first party in my new town and it's with the popular kids, but fuck… ahahha buttfuck… no but seriously fuck all those dickholes I'm just jumping for joy because Alex is gonna be here. I wonder how they party… OMG is there gonna be dancing fuck, OMG how do people dance these days? OMG do I dougie? Do I jerk? Do I whip my hair back & forth? Do I cat daddy? Do I do the pretty girl rock? Do I boom flick? Fuck I'm gonna make an ass outta myself… ok here goes nothing…

Holy shit this parties insane! Do all these people really go to my school… I really need to start looking at faces instead of titts & ass… Holy bitch I hope those two are wearing a condom, that's not dancing… or is it? I'm so bad at keeping up with the newest dances. OMG who the fuck is pulling on me…

"Hey Mitchie man, glad you came, so how you like my party?" Fuck Troy is wasted, I feel like I took a shot just breathing in his scent

"Nice place, yeah the party seems wild" WTF wild? Am I describing animals, I need to get an urban dictionary stat.

"Wild, right. Come on let's have some fun" I knew wild was a stupid choice. Fuck. OMG what does he mean by fun? OMG please don't involve needles… please don't involve needles.

"Yo Mitchie, here you go" O shit no Shane is trying to poison me… "Relax dude it's just beer" holy fuck did my face really just read fuck you I've seen this in movies, and I will not let u slip me a date rape…

"O O-K" fuck. Why do I always have to sound unsure shit they probably think I'm a nerd now… ooo I love nerds, the candy, and the hot ones in pornos…

"Yeah let loose dude, chill! It's a party, good music, hot bitches, alcohol & I'm sure if there's anything else you're looking for someone somewhere in this house has it" What does Troy mean anything else? I knew this was a trap house…

"uhm, o-k, thanks"

A little while later I've taken stand in the kitchen w/the guys but at least I'm not getting nervous every time I took a sip of this beer in fear that it contains drugs and I'll black out at any given second, I was actually not feeling so nervous, and when I say not so nervous I mean I didn't look so constipated and like I was gonna shit bricks being around all this alcohol and sweaty people. For some of these people you would think B.O wouldn't be an issue but wrong again even the rich can smell like a locker room full of sweaty man balls.

"O WHAT IS THIS? THE PARTY HAS JUST ARRIVED!" WTF is Troy yelling about?

"huh?" I really can't contain my need to sound stupid & clueless, hey this party is just like the one in Clueless, Rollin with the homies, OMG I'm Ty… fuck I'm gonna get a shoe throw at my face…

OMG Alex and her friends just walked in and can I just say GOD DAMN! OMG I hope when Troy said you can find anything in this house he also meant a vibrator! OMG seriously I go into caveman status around her… the only thing I can think right now is ..

"Hey boys we brought a few party favors" Hell yes where's my goody bag Alex… O she meant more alcohol… so I guess this means I don't get any laffy taffy… o I wonder is that dance is still popular… WTF is Troy doing putting his arm around my girl… I will go Wildcat on that ass…

"You are a life saver" Did he just call her a candy? "And you're looking hot as ever, you all are" Really smooth douche.

"So what do you guys say let's get started" O yeah Alex baby, I'm already started, I'm actually in overdrive… where the fuck do I come up with this cheesy ass lines OMG she's handing out Patron shots, fuck! Please skip me, please skip me, fuck she's in front of me

"O uhm, hey Alex, I'm ok I've got this" yes it's necessary to wave my red cup around for emphasis

"Really?" OMG why's she grabbing my cup, but hey I'd say yes to date rape with Alex… O shit she's taking a sip… NO! don't go down w/me… just go down on me… "beer Michelle? Come on Michelle it's a party, the only thing beers gonna do is give you a gut, this…" fuck here she goes again with that shot "will have you feeling great" o baby I can name something else that'll have me feeling great, if I can just find that someone with a vibrator

"It's just that I've never really…"

"Figures." Thank Allah she interrupted me. Wait Allah I'm not Rastafarian. "ok, It's easy just follow what I say first lick your hand"

"huh?" I never was taught this trick in Sex Ed.

"OK I see this is gonna be harder, take this" Bitch hole and it goes back to taking this shot, fuck she's gonna punch me! No, it didn't happen, why's her hand in my face? "lick the salt off my hand" OMG we're doing this here? In front of everyone OMG here goes nothing OMG her skin is so smooth "now take the shot real fast" o God everyone's watching… here it goes… O BITCH THAT BURNS! "and suck" and before I can have another dirty thought she's shoving a lime in my mouth… o well this is better… "now, that wasn't so bad was it?" Lime still in mouth shaking my head no… did I mention I'm a caveman…

"OK now let's see if you can do it by yourself" like I said where the fuck is that someone with a vibrator… "ALRIGHT EVERYONE SHOTS UP" Sweet baby Jesus Alex is sexy when she's taking command… I'd salute to that bitch and give her 20… licks anytime

"ahahaha & I see you've just been taught the art of shot taking, she's a damn good teacher though isn't she? OK GUYS ONE MORE TIME FOR THE NEW GIRL! LET'S SHOW HER HOW WE PARTY OUT HERE" O stupid cunt breather Nate way to direct all the attention on me especially since I'm almost sure I'm wet down there! You little Corey Matthews looking son of a poodle! How about Boy meets fist!

A few more shots later and I honestly can't begin to tell you which black athlete is dating which Kardashian sister. But what I can say is Alex is looking damn good dancing around all over the place. She looks so fucking sexy w/the way she's moving, OMG I can't tear my eyes off of her. O GOD please don't have a stupid look on your face, at this point I'm too drunk I can't tell what my face is doing… fuck my face, back to Alexland and that sexy face… o yeah baby work them hips… mmm hmmm turn it around… dip it low… pop it right… O FUCK she spotted me, OMG she's smiling, OMG did I just do a creepy smile accompanied by a hang gesture I pray looked like a wave, bitchfuck is she calling me over, O no please don't come over here, well you can cum over, shit bad joke…

"You know, one day you're gonna look back at this and wish you could've done something, why waste the opportunity to answer those what if's… come on, dance with me Torres"

"uhm… how do you, uhh, know my last name" … seriously THAT's your response to everything she just said, fuck you're fucktarded Torres]

"Do you wanna sit here & listen to how I know your last name or do you wanna actually enjoy the moment in front of you?... O SHIT!" OMG WTF why's she yelling… OMG… "I LOVE THIS SONG!" O GOD why's she pulling on my shirt "No backing out Torres, this is my song!" O GOD the way she's running her hands all over me, and the way she's singing along is so sexy! Hey boy! I really wanna know if you can go downtown with a girl like me. Hey boy! I really wanna be with you, cause you just my type. OH NA NA NA NA I need a boy to really take it over, looking for a girl to put you over, OH NA NA, what's my name? Thank you Rihanna for this song! Even I know this one! O MY GOD I don't know what's gotten into me but I grab Alex's hands and turn her around and slam her back into my front and hold her tight and start whispering the lyrics in her ear "ooh na na, what's my name, ooh na na, what's my name, what's my name" and to my surprise she turns around in my embrace and leans in and starts whispering the next verse in my ear "Baby you got me, and ain't nowhere that I'd be, then with your arms around me, back and forth you rock me, so I surrender, to every word you whisper, every door you enter, I will let you in" O MY GOD, tell me you wouldn't be horny? She's smiling at me, how do I look? O GOD where she dragging me?

"WOOO! I'll give it to you Troy, you throw one hell of a party" fuck why are we back in the kitchen… I thought we we're gonna take care of the fire that's happening in my skinnies… Now she's using me to help prop herself up on the kitchen counter…

"Well I do try, here…" OMG what the fuck is that he's passing to Taylor… OMG is she trying to get Miley Cyrus wasted?...

"Damn… here Lex" O shit not you too Alex, you're getting Miley Cyrus wasted too? Please don't get Lindsey Lohan wasted…

"NICE… good shit Troy" OMG she makes it look so sexy

"Yeah dude, Nate just found out his neighbor grows this shit, dude has like fuckin' garbage bags full" OMG please don't pull one out…

"No shit… that's fuckin' awesome, this shits legit… here" OMG she means me, DICKHOLE, I'm in the spotlight again tonight…

"O, no, I'm ok…" damn these guys must think I'm a fuckin loser and this is my first party…

"Let me guess, never smoked pot either?" Damn this bitch knows me, once again I respond with a nervous headshake which I hope means no, and not I'm Emily Rose and now being possessed. "you know it actually helps loosen up your mood, and you like you need some loosening up" "HUH…" seriously I'd make Ramona seem like the smartest child ever at least she knew the word terrifical… "it's not that hard, come here" and with that she pulls me so I'm standing in between her legs. O god the things I can do in the position. "now just suck, inhale, and blow" O God, WTF shouldn't her panties be off for this… "Torres you with me here…" fuck she meant the joint… Fuck go hard or go home! Here it goes… O SHITCUM I'm choking! O God I'm coughing so hard drool might escape… fuck how does Alex always get me to drool… "too foreign huh?" YOU THINK? "alright babe follow me" she then proceeds to take a big hit "suck" What! OMG she takes my chin in her hands and opens me mouth and smashes her mouth on top of mine and I could feel her breath lightly hitting the back of my throat so I do the only thing I could muster up at the moment and breathe in. I open my eyes and she looks at me with that fuck-me smile and says… "Welcome to your first taste of weed" .WEED… I close my eyes and go back to my new happy place… suddenly I feel someone slap my shoulder…

"So how was it?" God dammit Shane, you scared the fuckin skittle berries outta me whore. Wait where the fuck did Alex go? "so…?"

".WEED" fuck way to not be above the influence. Shit I'm under the influence… see what I did there… wait, what'd I do…

"Well that's good, come on man let's take a few more shots" FUCK IT! Kat Williams was right… soon as you get that weed in you, you get that in your system…

I have no idea how many more shots I've taken or how much time went by, or how many more plastic surgeries Heidi from The Hills has gotten, but I know I FEEL GREAT! Sure my balance would fail on Wii fit and my vision is like a kaleidoscope, but I feel amazing, geez why haven't I done this before… suddenly I hear my baby…

"Alright Troy to another great party, but we're taking off now." O sloreshit, she can't leave yet…

"wa-waIT!... you-rah lee-ving" shit WTF did I just say

"whoa, somebody had fun tonight."

"I, uhm, i-I do, do you need (hiccup) a rrride-a hoo-muh" seriously, is this English?

"if I did, it wouldn't be from you, you're wasted. You don't plan on driving home do you?" don't say yes… don't… say… yes… FUCK my stupid head shook up and down… it's like I'm in LiarLiar and I can't lie… "YEAH… THAT's not gonna work for me…" OMG why's here hand in my pockets… ooo go left more… OMG she has my car keys… this bitch is going Grand Theft Auto on my ass… she's gonna steal my baby! OMG why's she throwing them to Troy, HE'S gonna go throw Grand Theft Auto on my ass… OMG what did I ever do to him? I'm not Vanessa. "Troy! Torres is wasted, she's staying the night!" she then brings herself to me and says "Accidents aren't sexy babe." And kisses my cheek and leaves. WTF…

"Hey man" I do a 180 towards the voice and OMG WHY THE CUNTFUCK IS THE ROOM SPINNING… O God gravities testing me

"WOAH! You are drunk…" O God I didn't feel the floor, who's holding me… "…fuck! SHANE COME HERE!" Troy? "come on dude, help me take Mitchie here to the room, she's shitfaced and needs to lie down" suddenly I feel someone hook ender my arms and someone on my calves and I feel like this is a crime scene and they're taking my dead body out… if I see red and blue… OOO what's this… pillows…ahhhh…

"Yo Mitchie dude, if you need to throw up there's a trash bin next to your head, alright, no yack on my floor, ok?"

"dude, well at least she had a good time, Welcome to LA Mitch"

I'm sick, so I actually have time to be on the computer… maybe I'll write more… or I dunno… kinda feel like I should delete this and just paint… My best friend's here and he wants me to say HI! Whatta dickhole… he's supposed to be here to entertain me while I'm sick and so far all he's done is lay on my bed, hot box my room, and shuffled thru my iPod… right now Wiz Khalifa is blasting thru my ihome… O BTW the song I used was Rihanna-What's My Name. I 3 Rihanna and Selena tweeted she liked that song. should I continue?