Chapter 3
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September 13, 2001
The last few weeks have been some of the best of my life. Edward and I have spent our time together talking about everything and nothing. I feel like I've known him my whole life. He's been a true gentleman and hasn't pushed me to do anything I'm not comfortable with. It seems crazy that we are husband and wife and share a bed every night but haven't gone any farther than holding hands. Edward is truly one of the kindest, most compassionate people I have ever met. He's so considerate and really seems to value my opinion. I love my father but it would have been unheard of in my house growing up for my father to ask the opinion of any of his wives. I love that with Edward I've been able to find my own voice and share my thoughts, even if they aren't the same as his.
Today is my 19th birthday and thus far Edward has made the day truly special. I woke up to breakfast in bed and even though Edward's first attempt in the kitchen wasn't entirely successful, I was touched that he made the effort.
Edward had to leave for work shortly after breakfast and I spend part of the morning cleaning. Having grown up in a house full of people, I haven't adjusted to the calm and quiet during the day. Before, there was always something to do and someone to talk to. I sometimes find myself getting lonely during the day when Edward is at work. The prophet doesn't allow televisions, computers, music or most books. However, Edward gave me a few books he had saved from before the prophet ordered the ban on books. Like most girls in my community, I was forced to leave school at a young age in order to focus on household chores and taking care of my younger siblings. Reading Edward's books has been difficult because I don't know many of the words but I'm enjoying the challenge. Because I'm enjoying the books so much, Edward surprised me this morning with a new book he picked up when he went to a town nearby for supplies last week. Gifts aren't typically allowed in our community so I was most appreciative, especially considering that he took such a huge risk buying the book.
Shortly before noon I'm distracted from reading my new book by an unexpected knock at the door. Because we live on the outskirts of town we don't have close neighbors so we rarely have visitors. I quickly hide the book under the couch cushions before peaking through the blinds by the door. I'm immediately buzzing with excitement by who I see standing on my front porch.
"Mom!" I cry as I throw open the door.
My mother immediately takes me into her arms. "I've missed you so much," she cries.
"I've missed you too," I sob into her neck.
Since marrying Edward, I have only seen my mother in passing at church and we aren't allowed to hug or spend more than a few moments together when we're there. I've wanted to visit my parents and siblings over the last few weeks but when I called home to make plans my father told me that it was important for me to instead focus on being a good wife right now. I was heart broken and Edward consoled me as I cried.
I pull myself out of my mother's arms and lead her into the house. "What are you doing here?"
"Edward stopped by the house a few days ago. He praised you as a wife to your father and he asked that you and I be allowed to spend some time together today for your birthday. Your father was hesitant to agree at first but when Edward insisted that my visiting you would in no way affect your household duties, he agreed. Charles will be back to pick me up in a few hours."
I make some lunch for the two of us and we sit down at the table. "How is everything at home?" I ask.
"Chaotic as usual. With the prophet banning the children from playing outside they are absolutely restless. I know we aren't supposed to question him but I just don't understand how running around the backyard is a sinful act."
"Edward feels the same way," I tell her.
"The two of you discuss such things?"
I nod. "We talk about everything," I tell her.
She stares at me for a long moment as if she's searching my face for something. "You seem happy," she eventually says.
"I am happy. I miss you all terribly and I do get a bit lonely during the day when Edward is at work, but I feel hopeful that he and I will have a good life together."
"Has he been gentle with you?" She asks hesitantly.
I know what she's referring to and I momentarily panic thinking about how I should respond. Do I tell her the truth that Edward and I have yet to come together as man and wife? What if she tells my father? However, I quickly realize that my mother loves me too much to risk my happiness so I decide to be honest.
"We're waiting until we get to know each other better before we become intimate in that way."
My mother's eyes grow as wide as saucers. "He didn't take you on your wedding night?"
"No." I reply hesitantly. "I was very frightened and so he felt that we should wait until we are both ready." I then proceed to tell her everything about that night and the weeks that have followed.
When I'm finished I look into her face where I see tears forming in her eyes.
"I only ever wanted the best for you Bella. Since the day you were born I have prayed your life would be different than most of the girls in our community and that you would truly find happiness. I can't even begin to tell you how happy it makes me that my prayers have been answered; that you will have a chance at a life filled with joy instead of pain and heartache."
I'm overwhelmed by her words. My mother has never been this open with me before and I can't stop myself from asking, "Is that how your life has been? Full of pain and heart ache?"
She pauses and thinks about her answer before responding, "When I grew up in this community things were different; less restrictive. Children could read, play and dream. I was definitely a dreamer. When I was chosen to marry your father I knew that those dreams would have to come to an end so I could focus on being a wife and mother.
"I know I'm luckier than many women here in Colorado City. Charles is a good provider, he loves his children and he has never laid a hand on any of us. To answer your question, no, my life has not been filled with only pain and heartache, but it has been filled with a lot of disappointment. I just wanted you to have a life where you didn't have to feel constantly disappointed by your circumstances."
I take her hands in mine before responding, "I'm not disappointed by my life. You were the most amazing mother and I loved growing up with my brothers and sisters. Edward cares about me and respects what I have to say. I'm falling in love with him and I believe those feelings are mutual. Please, don't worry about me. I promise you that I'm happy."
She responds with a smile and we spend the rest of our time together talking about my siblings and the latest drama between the sister wives. When my father arrives around 4:00 to pick her up I'm not ready for her leave. We share a long hug and a few tears. My father surprises me by giving me a hug as well and tells me that he's missed having me around. He says that so long as I'm doing my duties as a wife, my mother and I can see each other more regularly.
To thank Edward for such a special day, I decide to make him his favorite meal: grilled steak, mashed potatoes, green beans and apple turnovers. I'm just finishing getting everything on the table when Edward walks through the door at 6:00.
I'm so excited to see him that I run into his arms, catching him off guard, and he quickly loses his balance. We end up in a heap on the floor but I don't care.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I cry.
"If this is the kind of reaction I'll receive whenever I surprise you then I'll have to do it more often," he smiles into my hair.
We both start laughing and as Edward helps me back onto my feet he does something he's never done before: he places a soft, tender kiss on my forehead. Holding hands we stare into each other's eyes. Then, ever so slowly, he lowers his face and gently brushes his lips against mine. The feeling is completely new to me but I quickly realize that I like the kiss. Edward is now staring at my mouth and then looks up into my eyes with a look that seems to be asking for permission to continue. I respond with a smile and a slight nod. Just as slowly as before, Edward leans in to kiss me but this time the kiss is firm and confident. After a bit of awkwardness we find a rhythm we both enjoy and minutes later we are finally forced to separate in order to breathe.
"Wow," he pants once he manages to catch his breath.
"Yeah…wow," I manage to get out.
We finally make it to the table where we enjoy our slightly cold dinner. Later on, while I'm washing the dishes, Edward comes back into the kitchen and starts drying them.
He finally breaks the silence when he asks, "Are you ok with what we did earlier?"
"Yes, I think so," I reply. "I really liked it."
No sooner did those words come out of my mouth before I dropped the dish I was washing into the sink and my hands covered my face. How could I say something like that? It's a sin to say such things! What will Edward think of me now?
As I'm berating myself in my head Edward turns me towards him and pulls my hands away from my face. He lifts my chin and forces me to look at him.
"Bella, calm down," he soothes. "You didn't say anything wrong."
"Of course I did! If my father were here he would call me a whore!"
"Well, your father isn't here, I am, and I'm telling you you're not a whore. I enjoyed the kiss as well and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you feel the same."
"Really?" I croak.
"Really." He insists. "Why shouldn't we both enjoy this aspect of our relationship? Before we were married my father talked to me about the physical side of marriage. He said that it doesn't have to be a miserable experience for the wife so long as the husband is attentive to his wife's needs and desires. Despite the image my father is forced to project when he leaves his home, he shares a loving relationship with each of his wives. I want us to have that type of relationship as well."
He speaks so passionately that I know that he is being completely sincere.
"Promise me that you will always be honest with me about what you do and don't like when it comes to being intimate with each other."
Sensing my hesitation he pleads with me, "Please Bella, promise me."
"I promise."
Much to my surprise, it was a promise I ended up having little trouble keeping.
Thank you for reading! It occurred to me while writing this chapter that Bella's birthday in 2001 fell 2 days after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Because the first 2 chapters were already posted I didn't want to change the timeline (or her birthday) so I made a conscious decision to not address these events (in case you were wondering). I think our couple already has enough to deal with.
I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. I'm sick right now and writing Edward and Bella's first time together is slow going – I have much respect for the writers who deliver such great lemons because as I'm quickly learning, they are not easy to write. Hopefully the next chapter will be up by Sunday or Monday.
