Memento Mori

-

3. Actus Reus

The next morning I woke up with not only Tyki in my bed, but Lavi too. I was squished in between the two men, one of which was snoring right into my ear, while the other was staring intently at my face. I couldn't choose which was more disturbing.

And I believe that's when my life changed quite a bit. Instead of eating breakfast alone, I now had someone to cook my sunny side up eggs and someone to walk to school with. And with someone, I meant a real person, not some invisible grim reaper, who kept following me around.

Suddenly the situation had gone from awkward to troublesome. Yes, sure it was nice to have someone like Lavi around, but… when we arrived to school, I noticed how people stared at us, even though Lavi seemed completely oblivious to it. I told him about it and he had simply glanced his surroundings, before shrugging his shoulders and saying, "You are imagining things."

So I shrugged it off, too. You're imagining things. Right.

And as for all the classes before the lunch break, Lavi sat next to me, although I had never known he attended all the same classes as me. And this time, we even got past the 'hi, how are you?' phase and quietly chatted about the weather, the annoying teachers, TV, literature, and so on. The teachers gave us some long stares, but when they saw it was me, who Lavi was talking to, they didn't dare to say a word.

I occasionally looked at Tyki, who was sitting on my other side. He was smirking roguishly and I didn't even want him to share his thoughts.

But then came the lunch break.

I wondered where I should go, for there was no point in going to the gym when Kanda wasn't most likely to be there. But it had been such a long time, since I had spent my lunch hour in the school's cafeteria that it felt uncomfortable to even think of going there. Besides, everyone was there…

"C'mon, let's go eat!" Lavi said happily and grabbed my elbow, "I'm starving!"

My resistance was futile, for he was a lot stronger than he seemed. Soon enough I was dragged into the cafeteria, which was filled with other hungry, blood-thirsty students.

I wasn't sure if I was just 'imagining things', as we walked inside and felt everyone looking in our direction.

"You don't come here often, do you?" Lavi asked with a heartfelt laugh.

"W-why'd you ask?" I stammered and stayed close to Tyki, even though he couldn't really give me any solace. I never used to have this kind of problem with crowded places.

Before Kanda came around, it was easy for me to socialize with people I had never talked with before. I knew I had changed, even though there was no one to point it out for me. Everyone I had managed to get to know suddenly left and even the person who knew me best was no longer here. And it was all thanks to Kanda.

"Get your head in the game." Lavi gently slapped the back of my head and pointed at my empty tray, "C'mon, you need to eat something."

I felt slightly flustered, when I started to pile food on my tray. I tried to hold back, but at the end of the line, I noticed how my tray contained almost thrice the amount of food Lavi's did.

"Wow, you have amazing appetite."

I blushed, "I know…"

At first I thought, and hoped, we would be eating lunch by ourselves. But that hope was lost soon, when Lavi seated himself in a table with tons of other students. Figures.

"Allen, c'mere!" Lavi pointed an empty place next to him. I hesitated for a moment, but when the redhead gave me an anticipating look, I sullenly accompanied him. He grinned happily, when he introduced me to his friends, "Hey guys, this little guy here is Allen. He let me stay in his room when Kanda was being jerk again."

Everyone surrounding the table froze, forgetting their lunches or abandoning their recent conversation. I kept my gaze averted, mentally cursing at my decision to follow Lavi.

"Oh, i-it's A-A-Allen Wa-walker…" A girl with dark curly hair said, sounding somewhat apologetic.

"It's okay Miranda, he's not gonna bite you!" Lavi patted my shoulder, chuckling awkwardly.

"Interesting." Said one of the boys sitting opposite side of me. As I looked up, I recognized him as the student council's president— Komui Lee. Next to him was sitting his sister, Lenalee Lee, who was kind of popular among the male students. On the other side of Komui sat his right-hand man and faithful friend Reever Wenham.

Before I met Kanda, I used to be on speaking terms with them. But then I screwed up, by choosing Kanda over them.

"I think I should leave…" I cleared my throat and stood up slowly. But Lavi quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me back to sitting position.

"Hey, what's with the long faces?" Lavi kept holding on to my hand and glanced between me and Komui.

"You're new here, you wouldn't know." Lenalee sighed and picked up the book she had dropped on the floor when she noticed me. She continued reading, or at least, tried to. I saw how her eyes were unable to concentrate on the text.

"Indeed." Komui fixed the position of his eyeglasses, "It's amazing though, how you haven't heard any rumors yet, Lavi."

"What?" Lavi looked puzzled, "About this guy?"

So he hadn't heard… and that's why he was being so friendly towards me. I should have known there was something wrong. I was too easily deceived, it seemed.

Lavi started to get impatient when everyone stayed silent, "Seriously, what happened?"

"It was unfortunate, but he made his choice." Reever explained seriously. He was more organized than Komui, but tactful he was not, "We warned him of Kanda Yu, but he didn't listen. Instead he walked straight into the trap and ended up on an amateur porn video, which soon was in the hands of every student. I thought you were acquaintance with Kanda? It's weird he didn't tell you— or show you the video."

"What?! Yu forced Allen do something like that?!" Lavi cried out loud and shook his head in distress.

"No. He didn't force me." I admitted. I let him. And I loved each second of it.

"No. No way!" Lavi looked at me, "Yu isn't like that!"

"Isn't like what?" I asked bitterly and this time Lavi didn't stop me when I stood up. It was getting tiresome how they thought I was the one to be blamed, or it was me who had seduced Kanda. Suddenly shrouded by anger, I left my tray be, but grabbed my school bag, "A homo like me? Well, I'm sorry to ruin your idea of your dearest friend!"

"What the hell are you talking about, beansprout?"

I winced when I heard all too familiar voice behind me. I turned around and there he was— Kanda Yu. His injured leg was wrapped in plaster and he was propping his weight on crutches. He looked… well, horrible. It was as if he hadn't slept for ages and his bloodshot eyes were narrowed at me, but lacked the indignation they usually held.

I couldn't help but stare at his leg. I thought he would ditch the school for a while and take his time to recover.

"I'm telling the truth." I answered his question and looked him straight in the eye. My heart skipped a beat, when he clumsily took a step closer— he must have not been used to the crutches yet. But better those sticks than a wheelchair.

"Tch. You're fine one to talk about truth." He grumbled, "Spreading rumors of you kicking my ass? That's ridiculous."

I smiled inwardly. So he had heard to rumors... I lifted my chin and couldn't suppress a jeering snicker, "They don't seem to find it ridiculous. And besides, you can blame your jock friends for your ruined rep."

I could see how his dull eyes filled with anger. I liked those eyes better— even his skin seemed less ghostly. Even though Kanda was annoying, arguing with him didn't bother me at all. It was hard to describe, but whenever he looked at me with such passionate feeling in his eyes, I felt agitated yet turned on.

It was a play of cat and mouse, in which both were taunting one another.

"You think you're so smart, don't you?" Kanda's voice echoed in my ears and it was the only noise I could hear. I was sure the other students were talking about us by now, for they started to gather around us, probably expecting a fight. But I could only concentrate on Kanda and the way he looked down at me, when he came so close that I would have easily been able to pinch his nose.

"Fight, fight, fight!" The noise coming all around me was smothered by Kanda's voice. Everything and everyone else was unnecessary at that moment.

"If you want to settle the score so badly, go ahead. Give me your best shot. Show me— show them that you actually have enough balls to do so." Kanda took a small step back and gestured at his face, "Or are you afraid, beansprout?"

He wanted me to punch him? Kanda Yu was allowing me to have a free hit at his face? He must have some ulterior motive, or maybe he just wanted a reason to punch me back.

But I didn't want to hit him. I liked the verbal abuse a lot more than this and besides, I had already broken his foot, even though I didn't consider that as revenge. I frowned at him and shook my head, "I don't punch people with disadvantages."

"You worthless little moron…" He dropped one of his crutches and grabbed my shoulder with his free hand, squeezing it so hard it almost hurt, "If I hated you so much that I'd want to kill you, something like this wouldn't hold me back."

As I saw desperation in his eyes, my limbs grew weak. He looked so vulnerable, as though all of his defensive walls had been broken down and he was left with nothing, but this moment. Now that everything he had built around him was torn asunder, he wanted to be noticed and he needed to feel something, to feel anything.

…Or maybe I was simply over-analyzing him and he had only gone insane and wanted me to pound some sense into his head.

Suddenly someone pulled Kanda away from me, or perhaps, I was pulled away from him. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the principal standing right behind me, with a strict look on his face, which was directed to Kanda, "That's quite enough Kanda. Come with me, both of you."

And so I was dragged out of the cafeteria.

-

We sat in the principal's office, deep silence surrounding us. Kanda and I were seated in a comfortable couch, the distance between us maximized. The principal, Froi Tiedoll, was tapping his fingers against his wooden desk, regarding both of us, especially Kanda, with a weary look in his eyes.

"Please, do tell me what happened back there." Tiedoll asked after he had gotten enough of the oppressing silence. However, his question was mostly addressed to Kanda.

Of course he wouldn't question me. Heck, I could run around the school naked and draw upside down crosses on the walls and still get off the hook without a punishment. It was bothersome and I wished they would start to treat me as a normal person again.

I looked at Kanda, who was silently glaring at Tiedoll. He seemed as if he wasn't going to speak anytime soon, so I muttered quietly, "We were just talking…"

"Walker. You do not need to protect Kanda." Tiedoll said and cast me a brief glance and offered me a smile, "Let me handle this."

I sighed. I knew where 'let me handle this' ultimately led. It was unnecessary for Tiedoll to feel some urge to protect me, even though he thought he was doing the right thing. He thought that after all that's happened thus far, I'd become somehow unable to stand up for myself and I needed special treatment. It was frustrating.

Kanda snorted and folded his arms above his chest. I think he understood he was in lose-lose situation, even though he had practically done nothing wrong. And it was no surprise— the teachers and especially the principal seemed to think that even a brief glance from Kanda directed at me was punishable.

Tiedoll rubbed his knuckles and explained tiredly, "Kanda Yu. You are aware that we are keeping an eye on you. We have kind asked you to keep your distance from Walker, but you shamelessly disregard our advice."

"Tch." Kanda started to get even angrier, "Don't act like you're some fucking god of this school."

I could see a vein twitching in Tiedoll's forehead, "I'm no god, but I do know what's best for Walker." It was my turn to snort, albeit quietly. I could feel Kanda casting me a fleeting glance, before Tiedoll spoke again, "Since you are already unable to participate in basketball activities and expelling you would be too harsh, I'll give you one week detention."

Detention? I felt slightly amused. I thought we were in college, not in high school…

"Detention…?" Kanda repeated with disbelief, as amused as I was.

"It doesn't matter whether it was a fight or not. It is in Walker's best interest if you stayed away from him." Tiedoll stood up and walked to his office's door, which he opened and motioned us to leave, "Now get out."

I stood up with Kanda, who looked like he could punch a baby. I knew that he wasn't pissed because of the detention, but the fact that he was being punished over nothing.

"Walker, you stay." Tiedoll stopped me from leaving and loudly shut the door behind Kanda's back. He returned to his seat and gestured me to sit back down as well. As I hesitantly complied and he seemed satisfied, "I see there is still tension between you and Kanda. Are you alright?"

"Of course I am— nothing happened. Giving him detention was completely unnecessary." I tried to clarify, but he didn't seem to buy it.

"You know I cannot ignore things such as these, no matter how unimportant it seems to you." Tiedoll got up to his feet and walked to the enormous window, framed by deep red curtains. He put his hands in his pockets and looked outside, "It's my responsibility as a principal and as your unofficial caretaker."

Oh no, not this subject again, I winced inwardly and pressed myself against the couch. He must have practiced this specific speech in front of a mirror, until it became so ceremonious that it lacked any sort of sympathy. He spoke of academic facts and how he knew how I felt, which made his compassion even more skin-deep. Had he actually cared, he would have truly looked at me and seen just why I felt so discriminated.

He inhaled a deep breath and from the look on his face, I could predict what he was about to say next, "Walker, when Mana died, I promised—…"

"Don't." I stood up and shook my head. It was pointless to talk about this and always come to the same conclusion— Mana Walker was dead and I supposedly wasn't alone, but always had Tiedoll on my side. It almost made me snicker, "Can I go now?"

Tiedoll frowned and after a short moment of silence, he nodded his head, "Alright. Take care."

I didn't reply, as I simply paced out of the room and didn't bother to look back. I could feel his gaze upon me until I exited the room and came to the principal's waiting room. Tyki, who had obediently waited outside, was leaning against the wall and smirking at me.

I was about to cuss at him for being too cheerful, but then I heard Lavi's voice.

"…you can tell me. Aren't we buddies, Yu?"

"Hell no. And stay the fuck away from beansprout, he's none of your business."

"Yu…!"

I watched as Lavi's shoulders slumped when Kanda departed the room, stomping his crutches against the wooden floor with such force that it left marks on the surface. I certainly hadn't imagined them to be friends, even though Lavi had mentioned it the previous day…

Suddenly the redhead noticed me and his expression brightened in an instant, "Hey, beansproutie! Yu's got a crutch shoved up his arse it seems."

"As always." I laughed, "Why are you here? The classes have already started."

Lavi walked to me and patted my shoulder affectionately, "I know, but I wanted to come check up on you guys." I looked up at his smiling face, which gradually grew serious again, "And I wanted to correct something I said before."

"What is it?"

I thought he would ask me about the incident he heard of in the cafeteria, but instead he said, "When I said earlier that 'Yu isn't like that', I didn't mean his sexual orientation. I mean, heck, I'm glad he has one, I thought he was totally sexually retarded."

"Well… I'm not sure about that…" I stated awkwardly, "… His so-called 'affection' toward me was a prank after all."

Lavi took a hold of my chin as I tried to look away from him. He stared at me with his one visible eye, while holding fast on my shoulder and jaw, "Kanda Yu is a moronic anti-social retard, but he's not a plotter. He doesn't even care about giving an old lady his seat in a metro, so why would he care about ruining your life?"

It wasn't as if I would have known. But it didn't matter what Lavi said, what's done is done. And it's not like my life sucked only because of Kanda, for that would have been sad.

"Lavi…" I shook my head. And in the end, it didn't matter what Lavi thought about Kanda. I was a walking proof of what Kanda Yu was truly capable of, "Just forget it, alright?"

"But Allen—…"

I pressed my palm against his lips and gave him a smile. I committed his words to my memory, but at that time, I didn't really bother to care.

-

"You are troubled."

"Yes, Sherlock, I am troubled." I sighed when I stuffed my books back to my bag. I didn't bother to hide talking to Tyki, since everyone was in such a hurry to leave the school after the bell had rung, "That stupid Kanda…"

"What do you want me to do?" Tyki asked and leaned against my desk.

"You are not going to do anything." I gritted my teeth and when I was ready to leave, the classroom was already empty. I sighed and said something I probably shouldn't have said, "Things could be easier if you were a real person, someone everyone could see…"

"You wish me to be visible for everyone?"

I shrugged my shoulders and sat down on my desk, "I don't know. Do you want to be?"

"I take that as an affirmative reply." Tyki beamed and moved in front of me. Out of the blue, he pushed my back against the desk and hovered above me, "I'm positive we both will enjoy the consequences of this decision."

I lied there silently, when he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. At first I thought he was kissing me, but he wasn't. It was more like… sucking. As I opened my mouth, he sucked in a deep breath, stealing the air from my lungs. It felt like someone had punched you in stomach and emptied the oxygen inside of you— not necessarily what you would call a pleasurable experience.

When he pulled away and put a slight distance between our faces, I pushed him away roughly and gasped for air. I fell on my knees on the floor, breathing in and out, "What the… heck… was that?"

"Dear Allen, some things cannot be created out of nothing." Tyki stroked my back and neck, "It'll take me awhile to change. I believe that by tomorrow morning I'll be flesh and bone."

Tyki helped me to stand up, supporting me by holding his hand around my waist. By then I had managed to catch my breath, but I still felt a little dizzy, "Wow… you literally stole my breath. Is there still something you need?"

"Is there something you want to give me?" He cooed.

"You're disgusting." I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag, professionally detaching myself from Tyki.

I walked determinedly out of the classroom and down a deserted hallway. That's when I noticed how I could only hear my footsteps, not Tyki's. As I turned to look at him, I saw he had no shadow either. So he really wasn't a 'real' person now. But how would everyone react to him when they saw him? He did look a little different than the others.

After contemplating, I became sure everyone would like him. He was very charismatic, and despite the fact that he looked different, he was handsome. I could already see a mental image of avid Tyki fangirls in tiny mini-skirts and 'IheartTyki'-T-shirts.

"I feel that you are starting to feel some sort of affection towards me." Tyki reported plainly, "But alas, I'll forever be the number two."

I became flustered, but kept my cool, "Dream on."

We walked past a classroom and I absently looked in through the small window on the door. I was surprised to see Kanda sitting alone there, staring blankly to the emptiness in front of him. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts and oddly, I wanted to know what he was thinking. I knew I could ask Tyki to read his mind, but it would have felt uncomfortable.

"Detention, huh?" I stopped walking and stared at the door, suddenly feeling a pressing urge to stay, "He actually attended it…"

Everyone's attitudes toward both of us since the video incident were at odds. I was blamed, yet pitied, while Kanda was honored, but punished. People looked down on me, but up to Kanda.

But now we were equal, even if no one saw it. We both had hit the bottom, where the only direction was upward.

So, as equals, I figured I should take my part of the blame. I walked to the classroom door and without knocking, I walked in.

The teacher sitting by her desk looked up and arched her eyebrow, "Allen Walker? Whatever do you need?"

"I…" I swallowed, feeling rather stupid for voluntarily going to detention, "I'm here for detention. The principal sent me here…" The teacher seemed even more dumb-found and since she didn't seem to buy my lie, I explained further, "We got into an argument with Kanda and I almost hit him."

"I see." She seemed surprised, shocked even, and motioned me to sit down.

So I sat next to Kanda. I felt his intense gaze upon me and I heard how he held his breath in for a moment, before letting it out as a long gust. I wasn't sure if he was angry or surprised, or little bit of both.

It could be because of what Lavi said earlier, but suddenly I wanted to get to know him even better. I knew reasons behind actions didn't really make up for the things that were already lost, but being bitchy didn't repair anything either.

It would have been easier if I could have settled down and simply dwelled in my hate for Kanda. But in order to hate him so truly and deeply, I would need to forget everything we had before the things went bad. He had pulled one nasty prank and I had ungracefully fallen for it, all too easily. When I saw him, I wish I would have only seen a deceitful person, someone with whom I had nothing in common.

But instead I saw the person I fell in love with, only shrouded in unpleasant atmosphere. He looked exactly the same as he used to and I knew that in inside and outside, he hadn't really changed at all.

I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. Did he see me as an easily deceived idiot or was there something more? Sometimes I was sure he loathed me, but then again there was something about him I couldn't quite put my finger on.

And I was thinking too much again… I had only less than a week to live and here I was, wasting my time here on Kanda Yu. If this wasn't ironic, then I didn't know what was.

So I sat there next to Kanda the whole detention in unbreakable silence, and like always, we were stealing glances of each other while thinking the other one wasn't looking.

-

A/N: I bought Silent Hill 4 the other day and I'm already turning into a Walter/Henry fangirl (I'm still at the beginning of the game, so please, no spoilers). The game itself isn't as scary as SH2, but I kinda like the story so far (and the characters). But anyhow, enough with the SH rant! Thank you for reading and reviewing dears. Stay tuned!