Yay, chapter three. 'Bout time I started updating these ficcies.
Janeway: It has been a while, hasn't it?
Yeps. Heehee, I like you, Kitty. You don't harass me as much as Raine and Tsume do...
Janeway: I choose to see you as a child, and therefore can't be very angry with you. Most of the time...
...That's encouraging. o.O
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It was a horrible, miserable feeling. As they walked along the corridors of the USS Voyager, she had the very distinct feeling that she should know this place. That she should be able to navigate for herself, instead of trailing like a lost puppy after the bouncey Talaxian. And yet...she didn't quite know it. She would be lost without someone showing her around. And that made her even angrier. She had to depend on people, because her memory had gone and gotten itself wiped by...what had happened to her, again?
Ah, yes. That glorious bump on the head. Alright, so it was a bit more than a bump...She'd cracked her skull - according to the Doctor, that Hologram - while navigating a violent ion storm on an away mission. Of course, everything she knew about the accident had been told her by outsiders. Mostly by Chakotay, who had been in the Shuttle craft with her when it had happened.
A hard jolt in the vessel had sent her tumbling to the side. Her head had made contact with the edge of a console, and then she'd just lain there. He said she'd given him quite a scare, and the Doctor had so wonderfully informed her that if they'd gotten back any later it would have been too late and she should be grateful to be alive.
Well...to be fair, she was mildly glad to be alive. She was grateful to Chakotay for rushing her back to Voyager. Bt how could that computer program, that projection of light, possibly understand what this was like? To look all around and see people you know you should recognize, and who obviously recognize you, but not know a single one of their names? How in the Delta Quadrant could he expect her to be happy when all those people had memories once shared with her, but now were totally one-sided?
Kathryn glanced up just in time to stop before she collided with Neelix, who had halted rather abruptly. "Where are we?" she asked quietly, joining her hands behind her back.
"Your quarters. I thought it would be best to start here, since the Doctor says you're free to sleep here from here on out." Neelix pressed a few buttons next to the doors, and they slid open.
She grimaced a little, stepping in cautiously. "How very thoughtful of him," she muttered drily. The "Captain" look a look around her living space. She ran her hands over the back of an arm chair, and had the strangest feeling of...attachment to it.
"Your favorite chair." Neelix came up to her with a little smile. "And it's not hard to see why - it looks so soft and comfortable."
"Yes. I suppose so." Kathryn moved on to the decorations in the room, things that perhaps displayed what her character was supposed to be. Paintings, small scultures. None of it meant anything to her. In fact, it only got her a little angrier because she came up with nothing.
She looked up as Neelix crossed to the replicator - about which she'd learned in detail. Again, she supposed. "Coffee, black," he ordered, looking happy again. But she ignored him now, assuming the drink was for himself. So it surprised her when he came over to hand it to her instead. "Here, try this - it was always your favorite pick-me-up."
"...Thank you." She took the warm cup and raised it to her nose. That...that smell! She knew that smell! In an instant, she saw herself sitting at a desk with a padd in her one hand, and a cup like this one in the other. She was...talking to someone. To Chakotay. He had just said something amusing...
The image faded. She blinked in silence, her lips parted. "...Captain?" prodded the cook, evidently noticing her blank stare. "Is everything alright?"
"Y-yes. I'm fine. I just...remembered something."
"Why, that's wonderful!" beamed Neelix. He squeezed her shoulder in congratulations, and ecouragement. But she wasn't altogether convinced of how "wonderful" it was. It wasn't like that was any significant memory. She didn't know when it was - it could have been any time at all. And when it went, it left her with an empty feeling.
She now had a glimpse - a real look - into what she had been before. She had been able to joke around with Chakotay, and to know and care for this crew. But now...despite the Indian-American's words, Kathryn was even more convinced that she would never be that again. She couldn't remember anything big, and she couldn't do any of the things she used to. That memory had only served to anger her further.
"Neelix, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone for a while," she said, putting aside the drink that had caused this fall to an even lower mood than before.
"Say no more, Captain. Tomorrow, Lieutenant Torres wants to take you on a tour of Engineering." He was excited, so she decided to try and somewhat feign a return of his feelings.
"I can't wait," she said quietly, failing at her attempt. But Neelix didn't seem to notice that. He simply left her in the big, empty space with a parting smile.
Her own pathetic try at a smile faded, and she went to sit on her bed. No, Kathryn Janeway's bed. The Captain's bed. The lack of certain identity was still around, even after Chakotay's pep-talk, and she gazed out of the window across the room at the stars, wrappng her arms around herself. "Who am I now?" she asked the galaxy, softly.
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Awww, poor Kitty. So lost and alone and confused.
Janeway: Only because you made it so, dear.
Yeah, I know. But it's still sad. XD Stay tuned for another update...sometime. o.O
