Author's Note: I am sitting here in a sort of stunned trance. All these reviews are blowing my mind! You are all amazing. Simply amazing! One of you made mention of them being divorced 2 years if it is now close to Christmas 2011. It wouldn't be two years but 18 months. If we are counting when Izzie left then yes it would be two years but they didn't get divorced right away. Hope that clears things up!
Chapter Three
Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to break them down.
The sudden burst of obscenely loud music startled Alex from the dreamless sleep his body had succumbed to around Spokane. Using the tips of his fingers to rub the grit from his eyes he tried to ignore the obnoxious sound of Taylor Swift singing about someone being the best thing that had ever been her's. Every so often Izzie's off key voice would join in, causing him to quirk up a brow. Since when did she like country music? It had to be a new development because in the years he knew her she hated the stuff. On more than one occasion they had made fun of the twangy done me wrong songs that played on the Country stations. "What the hell are you listening to," he grumbled as he shifted around, trying to get comfortable. Through blurry eyes he looked at the digital clock on the dashboard. Almost ten. Shit. He had slept longer than he intended and Izzie had to be tired of driving.
"Morning to you too," teased Izzie. Her gaze darted off the road long enough for her to shoot him an amused look. There were dark circles under her eyes and most of her hair had come out of the ponytail it had been gathered in. She still looked beautiful to him though. Even bald and sick with cancer she had been beautiful to him. He wondered if the day would come when she stopped being so damn gorgeous it hurt him to look at her. Or maybe what he really wanted was for the day to come when he didn't have to lie about not loving her. He had gotten pretty good at it. Going out every night, pretending that he enjoyed going home with strange women. It was an empty life though and more often than not it made him miss the life he'd had with Izzie even more.
"Where are we?" It was easier to ask a generic question than let himself think about how great it was to be near her again. Sitting in the close proximity of the car made him all to aware of her presence. He longed to reach across the seat, to grab her hand and twine their fingers together. Or stretch his arm across the back of her shoulders. Anything to just touch her. Impossible wishes though. They were divorced and if that wasn't enough of a reason, her knowing that he'd fucked Lucy was. Erasing that knowledge wasn't as simple as washing away the other woman's scent with a quick shower. He'd seen the hurt in Izzie's eyes, had heard the pain in her voice when she reminded him of his request: that she stay out of his life so he could find someone who would stick around. Only he hadn't found anyone. Lexie had never been his, and the others…well they were just sluts he picked up and used.
"We're about ten miles outside of Missoula, Montana. I was thinking we could stop for gas, stretch our legs a bit, maybe get something to eat." The weariness in her voice, as well as the yawn she tried to resist, made him feel guilty for letting her drive the stretch she had driven. Seven hours straight was a bit much for one person. "And then, if you don't mind, I'm going to let you drive a bit. Need to catch a couple z's myself."
"You didn't sleep twelve hours straight did you?" When she didn't answer he muttered a curse. He should have known better than to of believed her. "How long has been since you slept?"
"We're doctors Alex. Our bodies are use to going without sleep." Typical of her to avoid answering the question. When he called her on it she scowled. "Fine. When you text me I had just gotten off work. That's why I was able to get to Joe's as fast as I did."
Raising both brows, Alex studied her for a moment, sorting through what she had said. "Where, exactly, is work? You take that job at Tacoma?" It was a fair question.
"No. I live there because rent is cheaper. I'm working at Seattle Presbyterian. They made a better offer and I accepted." This time she didn't bother fighting the yawn that rounded her lips. "Believe it or not, I'm working in PEDS. Not where I pictured myself but most of the kids we get there don't have anyone to fight for them."
"And you fight for them," Alex finished. It was a little laughable that they were both working in pediatrics. Who would have thought it? Would they have found their way to PEDS if they had stayed together? He didn't want to think that they would because it would add another what if they had stayed together dimension; a dimension where they had their own practice when their residencies were done. "What do you plan on doing when your residency is up?" It was nice, safe question.
"You know, I'm not sure. Presbyterian's dropped hints they might hire me but I want to keep my options open, you know?" There was more she wasn't saying. He wanted to push but knew it wouldn't do any good. Izzie was a master at keeping things to herself when she wanted to. "Webber called me," she said after a while, her voice quiet. "It would seem that they're going to have an opening in their pediatric oncology department."
The PEDS made more sense now. Who better to fight for cancer stricken kids than someone who had been through it? What didn't make sense was Webber calling Izzie about an opening he hadn't even heard about yet. She wouldn't take it and he was the reason why. Swallowing in hopes of wetting his suddenly dry mouth, Alex worked up the courage to do the right thing. "If you want to take it, you should."
"We have an agreement," Izzie reminded quietly, her fingers visibly tightening on the steering wheel. She wanted that job, he could feel it. She wasn't going to take it though because she was honoring his request that she stay out of his life and Seattle Grace-Mercy West was a huge part of his life. It would continue to be even after his residency because Webber had already signed him as an attending.
"Iz, if you want the freaking job, take it!" Irritation shot through him as he thought about how thoroughly Izzie had honored his request. When he had been shot he had been sure she would come see him. He didn't know if he would have allowed her in the room or not but it would have been nice if she had at least tried. She hadn't. She hadn't even called to check on him.
"I'm not sure that would be such a good idea." The sadness that seemed a permanent fixture in her eyes had crept into her voice. In another time he would have pressed her for why she was so sad and lonely. The how and why wasn't his concern anymore. Plus he had this horrible feeling he had a great deal to do with why his ex-wife looked perpetually depressed and that wasn't an easy pill to swallow. He didn't want to be the reason she was sad. There was something in him, etched into his soul, that made him want to make her smile. That wasn't his job anymore, he reminded himself.
"Iz," he said gently, "if you want to take the job I would be fine with it." He probably wouldn't be but like everything else that bothered him he would push through it. Shit. Who was he kidding? If Izzie came to work at Seattle Grace-Mercy West he would have to quit. He didn't think he could work with her and not have her. It would be torture. Even worse torture than being in a car with her for hours at a time.
"How about I say I'll consider it and we change the topic to where do you want to eat?" The cheeriness in her voice was a put on but he let it slide. Mainly because he was starving and he could see a truck stop ahead that advertised a McDonald's inside. It would probably be their best bet. One stop for gas, stretching and food. He nodded toward it and almost chuckled when she slowed the car enough to turn into the parking lot. They had always been good at knowing what the other person was thinking or meaning. His good humor slipped though as he reminded himself, probably for the thousandth time, that Izzie and he were no longer a couple. They were divorced for a very good reason. Except those reasons suck, he thought.
The moment the engine shut off, Alex bolted from the car. He hadn't been aware of how cramped his body was until the idea of stretching entered his mind. It would have been nice to have had the time to jog or do something other than twist around, trying to work out the kinks, but they were on a time crunch. The way it was they wouldn't reach Cedar Rapids until tomorrow. Shit. Double shit. That meant at some point they would probably have to stop for the night. "Uh, Iz, we're going to have to stop at some point. You know, for the night."
"I know," she snapped, her lithe body a tense rod as she waited for him next to the truck stop entrance. "We're adults Alex. We can handle sharing a hotel room." She reached up and tugged a black rubber band from her hair and shook the mess of golden blonde curls loose before gathering back up into another ponytail.
She was right. They were adults. They could handle sharing a room. They would just request one that had two beds. Piece of cake. Nothing to worry about. "Sioux Falls is another fifteen hours. Think you can make it that long?" The only response he got was a shrug as she walked into the fast food side of the truck stop. He stood there for a moment, trying to sort through the oddity that was the last ten hours of his life. At this time yesterday morning he had been flirting like crazy with Lucy, thinking it wouldn't get him anywhere. He'd been flirting with her for six months and she shot him down every time. Yesterday had been different though. She flirted back and then asked if he wanted to hang out after work. He didn't know if she had planned on them going back to her place and having sex or if it just happened. Probably the latter, he thought. When they'd met up she had been miserable looking. Looking back, he should have at least asked her what was wrong.
"Here." A warm, brown paper bag was thrust into hands, clearing all thoughts of yesterday from his mind. He looked down at the bag and knew what it contained: some mini cinnamon rolls and some apple slices. A sad smile tipped his lips. Izzie knew him so well. He muttered a thank you before asking why she hadn't eaten inside. "We don't have a lot time. Figured we could eat on the road."
"What about gas?" Digging through the bag, he pulled out one of the burritos, unwrapped it, and took a bite. The taste of egg, sausage, and tortilla exploded in his mouth. "Are we getting here or going further up the road?"
"We'll get it here. You're pumping." She yawned and then smiled sleepily before climbing back into the car. This time she commandeered the passenger side. He watched as she situated herself, balled up her jacket as a pillow, and then closed her eyes. It would have made more sense to get in the car, to drive over to the gas pumps, and fill the car up. Sense had a way of making itself scarce whenever he was around her. He reached out, pressed the palm of his hand against the window and trailed his fingers across the glass nearest her cheek. It hit him then, how badly he had fucked up. He had been a fool, thinking that he could be happy without her. Happiness was Izzie. At least it was for him. The thing was, did he deserve happiness? Did he deserve her? Probably not but he wanted happiness just the same.
