Good reviews, even great reviews. It is fun to get emotional and really get into a story, however, remember that it is JUST a story. I don't want to be responsible for any strokes or other attacks.
Whew! I had to go out with my kid for a while, and then came back to a pile of pm's, it's nice talking to you gals though. I don't get to do it enough.
Stories like this tend to awaken memories, niggle at sore spots in people who have had similar experiences, or just have strong opinions about sensitive subjects. Remember there is the blog. Go there and bust loose if you need to. You can cuss, spit, fuss, and grouch, all you want, and it's all good there. LOL
Ti88, awesome review, made me shiver. It brought back so many memories. Her point, it only takes a second for an event to change your life. A junior high friend's little brother picked up a gun lying in an unsafe place in the house, and accidentally shot his older brother, a friend I loved. A good friend was keeping her grand baby and walked away from the tub for a minute to get the phone, the toddler turned the scalding hot water on. Four friends in six months died in car accidents from drinking when I was in high school, a boyfriend was killed in a second after a party on a Saturday night, was punched in the temple with brass knuckles. This was just a few of my memories. She had a bunch of examples.
Her last note regarding Ranger was awesome, had to do with Steph as a ho. "Manoso, we had your woman..." I didn't even think about the ego angle, and Ranger maybe angry about that too. Did you guys? Like I've said, "You blow me away with your thoughts and insights!"
Ybanormlmom and Vulcan Rider, do not agree that Steph is a user. Fair enough, she has given back in the past. She's helped Joe solve cases as well as get both he and Ranger out of trouble before. And she does use Big Blue more than Ranger's cars.
This is cool, like riding a story wave. I think I'm going to slow the writing, and let you guys guide me a little. No, I'm not smoking wacky weed, I am wacky. LOL
Giving you kind of an emotional break this chapter, we get to hear from Steph, and her private thoughts, and story.
Alix33 depending on you to come up behind me and clean up my punctuation. Thanks girl!
Chapter 3
Mama Do
by Pixie Lott
Uh oh, uh oh. Every night I go,
Every night I go sneaking out the door.
I lie a little more, baby I'm helpless.
There's something 'bout the night
And the way it hides all the things I like.
Little black butterflies,
Deep inside me.
What would my mama do?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
If she knew 'bout me and you?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
What would my daddy say?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
If he saw me hurt this way?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
Why should I feel ashamed?
Feeling guilty at the mention of your name.
Here we are again,
It's nearly perfect.
What would my mama do?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
If she knew 'bout me and you?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
What would my daddy say?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
If he saw me hurt this way?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
What would my mama do?
(Oh Oh)
What would my daddy say?
All the things a girl should know.
Are the things she can't control.
All the things a girl should know.
She can't control.
What would my mama do?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
If she knew 'bout me and you?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
What would my daddy say?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
If he saw me hurt this way?
(Uh Oh Uh Oh)
Uh Oh Uh Oh
Stephanie's eyes opened suddenly. She sighed. She'd been having another disturbing dream. This time she was pole dancing on a stage in a strip club. Her parents, Joe, Angie, Bella, and the rest of the 'burg were there, pointing a finger at her, and whispering the words, whore and liar, while slowly closing in on her. As she shook the dream and morning fog away, she remembered her parents were coming today, and groaned.
She hadn't told them on purpose she'd delivered a baby. She hadn't wanted to answer uncomfortable questions, and wanted to honor Joe's wishes. Hinting to her grandmother that she'd lost a baby, and she didn't think it was Joe's, had been enough. She felt at the time, she owed him that much. When in reality, she hadn't owed him shit. He had set her out with her clothes in plastic trash bags, and two boxes of personal items, and told her he'd filled her car up with gas. Gee, what a guy.
Stephanie had seen Joe one more time when she still had her phone, he called her, and they met at a diner to sign the annulment papers. He didn't ask how she was doing, if she had a job, or even a place to live. He bought her a meal, and sipped a cup of coffee. Then he picked up the signed papers, and walked out, without a goodbye or a backward glance. She'd eaten that meal. It had been the first good one she'd had in a month.
Her thoughts moved to the present, and her parents. Now, like Lula, she would be faced with their disappointment in her, again. They would have questions about Angel, and never understand that decision. Why did Ranger call them? Why did he have to make things even more difficult than they already were? Now, she would have to look her Daddy in the face after he learned that she'd become a prostitute to support herself. Her mother would feign a heart attack, and declare her the worst daughter in 'burg history. Then she would be officially banished from Chambersburg, and the entire Plum, and Mazur family clans.
Her Grandma Mazur had surprised her the most. They'd always had a bond, and Grandma had always kept her secrets when she was a little girl. She still couldn't believe she had outed her to her parents. Especially, knowing how her mother was.
All she wanted to do when she'd set out for Newark was to find a job, get back on her feet, and just continue on with her life. Try normal again, maybe meet a nice guy. Being a lingerie buyer hadn't been bad, and she'd had a lot of friends. She'd been relatively happy. But day after day, she'd set out, and come home discouraged. The economy was bad and good jobs were hard to find. Just a bigger problem to add to the reputation issue she'd already been dealing with.
When her money was running out, she took the only job she could get, at a gas station working the register. Still, she'd hoped that if she hung in there and kept looking...
It never happened. She could hardly pay her bills on what they'd paid her, couldn't afford to put gas in her car. When it got towed away because of unpaid parking tickets, she'd just had to leave it. Then she barely had enough change to rub together left over for food. The station had donuts, hot dogs and soup. She'd pinch the soup crackers and pocket them, wrap and bag the old hot dogs, and other food before pitching them at the end of the day. That way she could dig them back out of the trash, and they would still be edible.
All her friends, Joe and Ranger had complained about her old apartment. In this one, the locks had barely worked when she moved in, and the windows wouldn't lock. The mechanisms had been painted over so many times, they didn't turn any longer. She'd had to invest in her own deadbolt lock, and cheap window alarms. Then she still slept with one eye open, and her gun under the pillow next to her. Sadly, her beloved cookie jar hadn't survived the move with her anyway.
Then just a few months after she moved in, that night came when she was walking home from work and she heard a noise, just a tiny little squeak. Fearing it was just rats, she wasn't even going to take a look, but something drew her into that alley, and to that dumpster. She had tip-toed into that alley shaking. When she got close enough, she could see there was something laying among the scattered debris that just didn't look right. So, she moved a little closer, and what she saw set her back on her heels and she'd gasped in horror. She knew it wasn't a doll because it was covered in blood like her baby had been with the cord still attached. Out of the corner of her eye, she had spotted movement, and a huge rat had begun to close in on the poor little thing. She'd moved in quickly, and shooed the vermin away, then reached down to touch the little thing, and it had moved. Then when she squatted to get a closer look, she'd been shocked again. It was a baby girl, and could have been her own it looked so much like the beautiful little angel she'd lost. She was just a little bigger, and her eyes were open. The baby was alive.
Stephanie had removed her coat and pulled her t-shirt off and quickly picked up the little thing and wrapped it in the shirt. Then put her coat back on and ran home to her apartment. Her next door neighbor had a small child, maybe she would know what to do. Stephanie knew she was a prostitute. They were friendly in passing, waving, speaking when spoken to, but she hadn't gotten to know anyone in the building. She hadn't trusted anyone in the building. She had taken a chance when she knocked on the girl's door that night. She had no idea what to do with the baby, she just knew that she didn't want to let her go. Not yet.
The neighbor girl's name was Robyn, and she had been home that night. She was speechless when Stephanie had opened the t-shirt to show her what was inside. "Somebody dumped her like garbage. I just found her. I don't know what to do. I don't know hardly anything about caring for babies."
She'd said, "Shit, girl. You need to call Child Services and tell them to come get this baby. I heard of this happenin' in the crack houses around here. It's a wonder this baby is alive."
"Robyn, I can't. I lost a baby just months ago that looked so much like her. I know it sounds crazy, I feel like I found her for a reason. Do you know what to do to help her?"
She shook her head. "Yeah, you are crazy. We have to tie this leaking umbilical cord off, and cut it. Clean her up, then get some diapers, and formula for her. We got to get her warm, quick. I got some old swaddling blankets still. Then you can gimme some money, and stay here. I'll go get the stuff you need."
Stephanie had less than two dollars in her bag. "Oh God, I can't believe I have a second chance, and I can't afford to buy her food or diapers."
Robyn had shook her head. "Girlfriend, I'll help you out this one time, but you have to pay me back. Babies ain't cheap. It takes money. You could sign up for welfare, but you won't have no birth certificate for this kid. You on food stamps?" Stephanie shook her head, no. "If you don't make much money, you can do that. Girl, you're not from around here are you?" Stephanie shook her head again.
Robyn sighed. "Guess, I'm gonna have to show you the ropes. Let's get busy."
And she had. The next day, Stephanie had known that the baby was to be hers. She'd held that little girl close that first night, fed her, and cared for here. She didn't even have to think about a name. She woke, looked down at her, and had said, "Good morning, my baby Angel."
They traded babysitting favors, and the food stamps were beginning to help supplement her meager income. Then her boss's wife's cousin from somewhere in the Middle East came to the states, and he let her go to give her job to the relative.
Robyn had asked her if she had anyone to call for help, and she had thought about Ranger with tears in her eyes. No, she didn't have anyone to call anymore. So, Robyn sat her down, and they had the talk about Stephanie becoming an independent prostitute. That had been the point, the most difficult decision she would ever make, the crossroad that would change her forever. The deciding factor was Angel, her baby girl. What would she do to keep the little one she'd come to love so much?
The answer was not simple, but it was clear. Angel was all she had left in the world. She'd already prostituted herself with that reporter weasel, and she hadn't died. She had gargled in Listerine ten times and soaped her whole face and mouth, but it hadn't killed her. It was so ironic that she hadn't wanted to give Ranger what they both really wanted because of her imaginary, phony, moral high ground. She'd balked at the non-emotional tab thing. She didn't want be a friend with benefits, she needed at least some kind of relationship. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
She had been a friend with benefits in the end, no matter how she fought it. She'd used any excuse she could come up with to have that man. Joe and she were off, Bella gave her the vordo, etc, etc. What was Hawaii? What was the night that she'd conceived? It was just her wanting him. It was her loving him. What she wouldn't give for a second chance with Ranger. She would have freely given herself now, and loved him as long as he would have allowed.
Those thoughts had faded very quickly after her first day as a street-walker. Second chances were pipe dreams, and she no longer felt worthy anyway. The first time she had to perform intercourse with a john had been so difficult. He had been a nice man, and had not held her discomfort against her, and he'd even become one of her regulars later. He would see her coming off business trips. His job stressed him really bad, and he would talk to her about it. She eventually ended up with a few like him that treated her with kindness, and paid her well. There had been the occasional sicko, but being independent she decided who she would go with, and what she was willing to do. She still had her stun gun, and carried it with her always. When she'd saved a few dollars, she even bought one for Robyn for helping her.
The hardest part had been the pimps who came sniffing around them, trying to intimidate, and recruit them. They would try to tempt them with free drugs, and show them wads of money. Robyn was street smart, and she had some friends in the building who would come to their rescue. There were two brothers, twins, that lived in the apartment below us. They weren't quite clear on what they did for money, but they were nice to them, and had run the pimps off on several occasions. Over time, the pimps became abusive, knocking the women around, and threatening them.
Then a limo pulled up one day, and her life changed again. That day had made her wonder if the life she'd led before had ever really been real. Everything she ever wanted to believe in, hope, love, heroes, knights in shining armor, had been crushed. It had all been a big lie. She'd heard her mother's voice in her head as she lay there that afternoon, "Stephanie Michelle, you need to get your head out of the clouds, people make that stuff up to sell comic books, and amusement park tickets. The 'burg is real life." And, another part of her had died that day.
Angel stirred and began to whimper and she got out of bed, plucked her out of the crib, and snuggled her close. "Good morning, my Angel. I love you."
Her last thought before she headed to the kitchen with Angel, was about Robyn. She had helped her when she didn't know her, and didn't have to. What was her situation now that Stephanie was gone. That question really worried her, and as soon as she was able, she would find out.
TBC -
