"I look like a DORK!" I whined as Rodney dragged me out of my apartment, kicking and screaming the whole way. He was making me wear a pair of khaki shorts and a blue sweater-vest, which was very unflattering considering that the thing was over a dark green T-shirt. I'm just glad that I don't have fur for him to screw up. I looked like I did back in high school, like total angsty, oblivious, over-compensating, adolescent BULLSHIT.
"No you don't!" he said heatedly, gritting his teeth as he used all of his effort to drag my unwilling carcass "You look handsome!"
"Oh yeah?" I retorted spitefully, "Since when does handsome mean to be dressed like a fashion DISASTER!?"
"Why the hell are you making such a big deal out of it?" he asked as I clawed at the ground, eager to get out of his grasp and bolt into my apartment so nobody would see me this way.
"BECAUSE IT'S JUST COFFEE!" I cried out as he stuffed me into the car and speeded away.
~At "The Beaner's of 64th" Cofee shop~
After being dumped on my ass in front of the coffee shop, I walked inside, taking my phone out to text "ClarinetFox1568", and said "I'm at the door."
I wasn't expecting a reply so soon, but just as I stuck it back into my pocket it buzzed (HAH! Remembered to put it on vibrate this time!) and she said: "I'll be right over."
Now here's another thing that I wasn't expecting. On her profile, it said that she was a 26 year old Vulpix female, all to my shock when I saw what looked to be a middle-aged male Grotle holding a DS in his hand walking up to me.
"Are you Hart?" he asked a little gruffly, trying to be bubbly, but failing as he fumbled on his game (Probably trying to save).
"Yeah...?" I said, rather creeped out, but nonetheless knowing that "ClarinetFox1568" was standing right in front of me, "So does that mean you're...?"
"Yup!" he said as he shut that infernal device and looked me in the eyes, which was when I noticed his particular choice in clothing. He was wearing and unusually tight white T-shirt to go along with his beer gut, and had a pair of blue denim shorts on. In other words, SHOCKING.
"Hmmm..." I muttered absently, my head swimming with questions and being so crowded I didn't know what to say first, but of course I eventually picked out the question that diturbed me the most, "Aren't you supposed to be-"
"A girl?" he interjected rather quickly, his interest perking up in such a way that I wouldn't expect from a Pokemon of such a stature "Yeah, that's just my Pokesona. I'm not really a Vulpix, or a woman."
"Pokesona?" Shit. Curse the internet and it's stuid bullcrap (Not like I have any room to talk). This is what I deserve for turning to the internet.
"Yeah." he continued, obviously taking interest as he pulled out his DS and started tip-tapping away again "That's just my internet personality. You know... For RP's and stuff."
"OH." I said, trying to be soft, but the word still coming out like a detonating bomb.
"I seriously wasn't expecting you to be a Mudkip for real, though." He remarked, I could feel his eyes crawling over me hungrily, just like that thing at the office earlier today... SICK! "Or that you'd be so young..."
"Well," I started a little apprehensively as I felt an air current whipping up from under the table and realized that he was kicking his feet like a little schoolgirl; how awkward.
"I thought I was supposed to be completely truthful to the site, since it's essentially supposed to help Pokemon find mates... And if you're gonna find THE ONE you have to be completely honest, and that's probably going to be the first step towards total honesty. Don't you agree?"
That's what I would've said, but for some reason or other, all that escaped my lips was a pitiful murmer and a final "okay."
I looked up, and noticed that he wasn't even paying attention (THANK ARCEUS), stuck in that little game of his. Of all the people on this big wide internet... Why did Arceus try to pair me up with HIM?
"I think I'll go get a cupp'a coffee" I muttered haphazardly, getting up from my seat before the Grotle (I should probably ask him for his name...) put down his DS stopped me.
"No need," he said a happily like a puppy dog with a happy-go-lucky grin, "I got you one already."
"Oh, gee..." I said, a bit suspicious about the cup, but I didn't want to be rude by rejecting the offer, so I took it anyway "Thanks."
He giggled like a 10 year old girl, which was greatly contrasted by his body. Not wanting to focus on that, I took a swig of my coffee to take my mind off of it.
"You're welcome... Cutie..."
That was obviously the wrong time to do so, because as soon as he said that, the large imbibe that I was currently swallowing was redirected into my lungs, from which I choked and then sprayed the rest out through my nose and mouth.
"Gah... FUCK." I murmered, trying to ignore my soaking wet torso and burning nasal cavity in order to regain some composure. But as we all know, that's impossible to do when you know that you look like a first-class idiot who fell into a muddy pothole. It also wasn't helping that everyone in the coffeeshop was staring at us. Dammit all. Sometimes I think that Arceus just likes to pull this sort of shit on me, just to get a laugh up there. Well, THERE! Did you get what you wanted, ya' sick FUCK?
I bet he did.
"Holy shit!" my 'date' interjected, staring at me in amazement and/or disgust, "Are you okay?"
"What do you think?" I mangled sourly; I wasn't trying to be mean, but BOY was this guy a freaking IDIOT. From that point, I went on to the bathroom to get started on getting the strong brew out of my sinuses. Of course, I would've preferred to do it alone, but nonetheless, he still followed me anyway.
Dammit, Rodney! Where are you when I need you?
Just as I entered the bathroom, I could hear someone snickering in one of the stalls. -That asshole- I thought to myself as I pulled off my sweatervest and shirt, which were both soaking with coffee, and placed them into a sink -I ought'a give him a peice of my mind...-
"Ummm... Do you need any help, at all?" the Grotle whispered, trying to be discreet but attracting the attention of all the other Pokemon in the bathroom.
"No." I frowned: I felt as if I was on the brink of tears... Maybe I did need help (Not that I would ever have admitted it), "I don't."
"Sorry about all this..." he sputtered, fidgeting with his hands in what appeared to be embarrassment (of which I have no idea the reason), "I'm Garet, by the way."
-It would've been nice if he had told me his name before all of this BS- I thought to myself as I muttered, "My name's Murphy."
"I suppose this means there won't be a second date?" He asked shyly, shuffling his feet in disappontment.
"I don't know..." I sighed, planting my paws on the sink and turning my face away to mull over the question, "Your a good person but I just don't think it'll work out. Your just... Errrr, I guess I mean that your just not my type, but I'm sure that you find somebody, I guess. I'm really sory for dropping the ball like this, but you understand what I'm trying to say, right?"
I turned to face him, only to see his face buried once again into that game of his. He probably wasn't even listening.
-I'm fucking DONE.- I thought to myself as I stormed out of that place with clenched teethed teeth, my hands balled into fists.
"FUCK YOU, WORLD!" I screamed as I recieved stares from the multitudes of people passing by and made my way home; not like I gave a flying shit, anyway. My temper was red-hot, and I was ready to go ape-shit on anybody who dared to cross my path. By the time I got home; however, the glow of embarrasment and disappointment faded.
I went into my apartment, stripped out of my soiled clothes and went to bed without so much as a word, eyes watering under the sheets until fatigue pulled me under.
Was I truly destined to be forever alone?
