I feel like a bitch for not updating sooner, blah blah blah, I have some smut to make up for it, and no, I didn't write it, my RL bestie MayDayGraves2347 wrote it. She also has her own story called Glass Bubble on fiction press with all kinds of hot gay men and such, you should go read it... NOW! YOU WILL LOVE JJ!

Okay... after you read this then... jeesh...

Also, Dark Link, so nice to hear from you again! Holy damn!


Ryuk resisted the urge to hide under the table that morning at breakfast.

It wasn't because Link and Kai were awkwardly glancing at each other, but ignoring each other at the same time. Because it could mean the role playing in bed last night got a little weird, it's happened to them before.

And it wasn't because Shigen was giving him that smirk that promised they would soon be leaving to find an empty bedroom to have a little fun. Or an occupied bedroom, that's happened before too...

And it also wasn't because Blane was trying very hard to show Shan how to properly use eating utensils, seeing as the poor Gerudian prince was use to eating with his fingers. They're both clueless idiots anyway...

What really made Ryuk want to hide under the table was the fact that there was a new woman occupying Rush's seat, the seat right across from him. And when Rush came down to eat, he would surely notice this. This will be the one time I regret my temper being passed onto him...

The large and elegant doors to the dining hall opened slowly and Ryuk ducked, the movement scaring Shigen and making the general choke on his food.

"Good morning, everyone? Did you all have good sex last night?"

No one answered.

Oh thank the Gods, it's just Shylo. Ryuk peeked from under the table just to make sure and turned to glare at Shigen who was giving him a weird look.

Shylo took the silent response as a bad sign and found his seat next to Ryuk, quickly locating the new female and then looking toward the door with a scared expression.

Well at least SOMEONE caught on.

Shylo leaned over to Ryuk and quietly spoke. "Did you happen to bring a weapon with you today? Or even a shield would do."

"Why the fuck would I have brought a shield to breakfast? It's not like strange women randomly teleporting into the dining hall is a usual occurrence here."

Shylo paled slightly. "We're screwed then, in the non-sexual way of course."

At that moment the doors once again swung open slowly and Rush walked in, in his usual leather getup and a slight spring in his step.

Ryuk and Shylo didn't waste any time ducking under the table.

Sparrow was so bored, and a bit nervous; it was the first time she dined with the king since arriving the day before, and she wasn't surprised at how awkward it was so far. She didn't know any of these people, of course she had heard stories of the legendary heroes who had saved all the people of Kaithlaka from the evil queen Lore; hell it had been her favourite bedtime story.

She could easily tell who they were without asking their names too.

At the head of the table, was of course, King Link who used the power of the Goddesses from his native land to destroy hoards of Lore's undead. He's kind of girly looking... I was expecting someone a little more rugged looking.

To his left and her right was his shadow Kaiten, who apparently had a habit of being loud and brash, and even a little perverted. As long as he doesn't try anything on me, but his silver hair looks so soft, I wonder what he washes it with?

To the King's right was the General Shigen who was eating something gross and bloody-looking. He was captured by Lore and put under her control. He brought down a camp full of Celestial elves single-handed. He's what I pictured the King to look like; handsome and manly, a perfect knight in shining armour.

And next to the General and right across from her was Ryuk; who was chewing on a bloody piece of meat much like Shigen. He was the fiery red head who crossed the land and shot Lore out of a window to save the love of his life. They make such a handsome pair! I don't understand why father disagreed with their love.

When the door opened and Ryuk flew under the table, scaring the shit out of his lover; she had to suppress the urge to laugh.

A young elf came in, saying something about sex and then took the seat next to Ryuk and stared at her for a moment before whispering something to the red head. That must be the King's adopted son, Shylo...

There were a few other people in the room that she had never heard of; the young man sitting next to her looked quite similar to the king, and she could only guess that he was the King's bastard son or something close to it. Next to him was a very tall, dark skinned and handsome man.

Now all we're missing is the king's brother Zeon, and Vii. But Zeon was currently in a different land the last time she heard, and Vii and her husband died a long time ago, but they did have a great-great-grandson who was currently a knight in the royal guard.

When the doors opened again, and another young man walked in, she was the one to jump this time when both Shylo and Ryuk flew under the table.

My word, what are they both so scared of?

But when she looked up she suddenly knew the answer.

Rush; the adopted son of the General and Ryuk was smiling down at her, and unfortunately the smile wasn't friendly at all.

"You're in my seat."

Sparrow looked around him at the multiple unoccupied seats at the large dining table. "Are there not other places you can be seated?"

Rush followed her eyes toward the empty seats and looked back at her. "Indeed there are, but the only problem is the fact that I don't want to sit just anywhere; I want to sit in my spot."

Sparrow furrowed her brow, confused as to why where you sat was such a big deal to this man. "Why?"

Rush tilted his head, confused for a moment. "Well you see, woman, I've been sitting in that spot since I came here; it's across from my parents so I can still see them without having to deal with what they do with their hands under the table."

There was a curse from under the table that undoubtedly came from Ryuk.

"It's also right next to Kai, who is surprisingly fun to tease when he is pms-ing."

Kai stuck his middle finger up at him and went back to eating.

"And last but not least, it's perfect throwing distance away from Shylo, so when he reads those stupid books at the table I can throw food at him to bug him, knowing his aim is too horrid to hit me when he starts throwing shit back."

There was another curse from under the table that they all ignored.

Sparrow shrugged. "I guess there's only one problem then."

"And what's that?"

She picked up her fork and stuffed a mouth full of eggs in her face, after making a show of slowing chewing and swallowing, she said, "I was here first."

Link held up a spare plate as a sorry shield. So much for having to marry her, she'll be dead within the next few seconds...

Surprisingly Rush was able to hold his temper, he pulled out her chair and shook it. "Get out."

Sparrow grabbed onto the sides of the chair so she wouldn't fall off. "Bite me."

"I might take you up on that offer; I am a little hungry anyway."

Sparrow held up her fork. "Then fight me."

The shaking stopped as Rush quickly picked up his fork.

Shigen quickly joined his lover under the table.

Rush thrust the fork at Sparrow's face, obviously intending to gouge her eyes out, but she quickly caught the fork with her own, the end of it getting tangled in hers and twisted.

The fork went flying out of Rush's hand and landed right in Kai's food. The shadow glared at them before picking up the fork and throwing it out the window with a growl.

Both fighters watched the fork sail out the window before they both burst out laughing.

"Bitch, you are crazy." Rush picked up Blane (who screamed like a girl) with little effort and placed him on Shan's lap (who looked really confused) and took the ex-hero's now empty seat. "I'm Rush; nice to meet you." He held out a hand to her and she accepted it with another burst of laughter.

"Sparrow; and it's also a pleasure." She shivered at how cold his skin was, but she was glad he no longer wanted to kill her. "So, aren't you a vampire? Why are you up during the day?"

Rush shrugged. "King Link knows some pretty magical spells; I can't go in direct sunlight, and I feel like shit, but I still make the effort to join these idiots for meals so they won't miss me."

"Fascinating."

Rush smirked. "I know I am! Would you like to walk back to my room with me? I could use the company before I go to bed. I know my boyfriend isn't free to do so right now."

Sparrow resisted the urge to jump for joy. "Yes, that would be wonderful." She stood and allowed Rush to lead her out of the dining hall.

Once the doors closed behind them Ryuk poked his head up from under the table. "What the fuck just happened?"

Shylo appeared next and unruffled his tousled hair with a few grumbles. "Whatever, all I know is that I've lost my appetite for the next week." He stood up from his seat and waved goodbye to everyone.

Blane used the moment of calm to jump off of Shan's lap, blushing all the way up to the tips of his pointed ears. "I have... things to do in my room."

Kai laughed. "Make sure to use lotion, it makes it more enjoyable and helps stop chaffing."

The ex-hero stopped in his tracks, his blush getting brighter. "Even though I have no idea what you're talking about, I can only guess that you're saying something perverted, so no, I will not use lotion." He turned his back with a huff and stomped out of the room.

"Lotion? Oh I get it. He means for polishing swords." Shan stood up and chased after the retreating hero. "Wait, Blane! Let's polish our swords together!"

Kai almost did a face-plant into his food but opted for laughing like a maniac instead.

Ryuk sighed and tried not to shake his head at all their stupidity. I'm surrounded by idiots... He jumped and yelped as someone groped him from under the table.

He grabbed onto Shigen's hand that was slowly moving up his inner thigh. "Fuck off, bastard; not here!"

Shigen smirked at him from under the table. "But love, I think your sword might need polishing too..."

"No!"

Kai poked Link's arm, looking less grumpy than he had been before breakfast. "Hey, if Shigen's going to give Ryuk blow job under the table again, I say they let us join or get the fuck out."

Ryuk needed no further prompting. He was soon up and dragging Shigen out the door, making sure to give the married couple the finger on his way out.

Once they were alone, Kai was quick to jump on Link's lap and wrap his arms around the king's neck. "So what are we going to do now my lord?"

"Nothing with the servants watching; and I thought you were in a bad mood?"

"Well I was because she's here, but after today's incident I realized she's probably not going to be around for much longer, so I'm quite please all of a sudden." He purred like a kitten and leaned forward to nibble on Link's lower lip.

Link sighed and motioned for the servants to leave them. Once they were completely alone, Link dipped his head down to capture Kai's lips in a heated kiss.

"So... hot make up sex then?" Kai buried his head into Link's neck to nip and the sensitive flesh he found there.

"Bend over the table and we'll take it from there."

Kai hopped off of Link's lap, quickly pulling his pants down to his knees. He bent over the table and screamed, "Oh take now me, you big beast!"

Link turned rather red, but he leaned over his shadow, kissing his neck. "How have we been together this long and you still make me blush?"

Kai wiggled his ass, rubbing up against Link's hardened cock. "Don't deny that you love it, Lover."

Link pulled back and pulled his pants down. "I love you, how about that?"

"More than that stupid princess?" purred Kai, turning to look at him with a slight scowl on his face.

Link sighed, leaning over to kiss Kai's cheek, nuzzling his skin. "Kai..."

Kai harrumphed and pushed him off. "She won't make you happy like I do. I bet she's never even given anyone a blow job before. That's not very reassuring."

Link laughed and pushed Kai back down against the table. "Stop worrying." He coated his hand with spit and then rubbed it on his hard-on. Then he lined himself up at Kai's entrance.

"Come on, Hot Stuff; fuck me already."

Link huffed in irritation and pushed in until he was completely pressed up against the shadow.

Kai moaned. "Yeah, that's it, Link. Oh god, fuck me."

Link thrusted into Kai, driving him further into the table. The shadow moaned loudly (like a whore, as Ryuk would say).

Link moved his hips, hitting his prostate. Kai whimpered and muttered, "Again."

Link drove into him harder, making the plates and silverware on the table rattle as he drove them both over the edge, Kai swearing like a sailor as he came.


Ganondorf had always been an impatient man, it was usually his downfall, like the first time he tried to claim Hyrule, things didn't go quite as planned, mostly because of a certain green clad elf, but if only he had stopped and thought things through.

Which was why he was so pissed off right now. Nothing was happening.

When is this war going to happen? I'm going to kill someone if I can't kill someone soon.

He chuckled at his own thoughts before standing up from the chair behind his desk and walking to the door of his room.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, yelling at the nearest guard, "Has anyone killed anyone yet?"

The guard shook her head and Ganondorf smacked his head on the side of the door. "Fine, tell me right away if it happens. I don't want to miss the action." He closed the door and walked back over to his desk, taking his seat and the uncomfortable chair once again.

He soon grew bored of sitting and leaned back to relax and let his eyes slowly close. Just before he fell asleep he felt the point of a sharp weapon poke at his neck.

Ganondorf didn't bother opening his eyes. "I see, very clever Zelda; sending an assassin after me."

He pushed at the assassin just as the knife moved to slice his throat open, the scent of blood quickly filled the air.


Shan looked up from polishing one of his Scimitars, a frown quickly forming on his face.

Blane looked up from his own blade, noting the frown on the Prince's face. "Something wrong, Shan?"

Shan shook his head. "It's nothing. I just thought I felt... Never mind." He sighed and put his scimitar down, no longer interested in cleaning it.

"You look awfully tense." Blane placed his blade next to Shan's and crawled over to sit next to him on the floor.

"Well my father is on the verge of war; of course that's nothing to stress over."

"Sorry, I'm not really in tune with all the crazy stuff happening around me, but if it helps," he crawled behind the prince who was watching him with some wariness. "What, I'm just going to give you a massage."

Shan seemed to except this answer and relaxed the muscles in his shoulders a bit as the ex-hero's fingers quickly found all the knots and massaged them out.

"Where did you learn to do this?" Shan asked, wincing as Blane found a more stubborn knot that refused to leave without a fight.

"My mother showed me how to; she was the village healer so she knew how to do a bunch of weird things." Blane tried not to blush as Shan let out a rather loud moan.

"Is your mother... Is she still-?"

"She's dead." Link sighed, not wanting to bring up the subject. "Get on the bed, it will be more comfortable and I'll be able to get the knots in your lower back."

Shan chuckled. "Well this is honestly the first time a man has ever asked me to get in his bed, and since you're cute I guess I'll go along with it."

Blane smacked himself in the face and prayed to the Goddess to give him the courage he needed to face these people who were so determined to be perverted and make him blush. "Whatever, just get on the damn bed!"

"Yes, Sir!" Shan wiggled his eyebrows and jumped on the bed a little too enthusiastically, patting the side of it in invitation to the flustered ex-hero before lying down on his stomach.

"Don't call me sir unless you want me to start calling you soldier." Blane crawled up onto the bed and onto Shan, trying not to blush while massaging Shan's back. Holy crap, he has nice back muscles. I wish I was all buff like him...

"Ah! Yes! Harder!"

"What the hell? Why did you say that?" It was official, his face would never go back to normal; he was going to be red forever.

"I don't know. I wanted to fuck with you I guess?" Shan laughed when the ex-hero hit him on the head playfully.

There was a knock at the door and both of them jumped.

"If you guys are having kinky sex, stop now; I'm coming in." The door opened and Shylo slipped in with another guy behind him.

When they saw what was happening, Shylo sighed sadly. "Aw, here I was, all ready to catch them in the act."

Blane laid his head on Shan's back. Yep, I got the immortal blush happening right here...

Shan growled, not liking the fact that his massage therapy was over. "What did you want, Shylo?"

"Oh come on, Shan; don't be a bitch. I wanted you to meet my boyfriend seeing as you were the one who made a comment about him not existing the other day." He gestured to the man standing next to him.

Shan rolled his eyes. "Really? Zack Rapier from Shigen's clan? How much did you pay him to be your boyfriend?"

Zack laughed and stepped out of Shylo's hitting range in case the fists started flying. "He didn't pay me anything actually; all he had to do was crawl into my bed half asleep and drunk and use me as a pillow. It was love at first hangover."

Shylo walked over to him and deliberately stepped on his foot while the rest of them laughed.


Sparrow sipped slowly at her tea and breathed in the fresh air of the gardens. It was a pleasant enough day to sit around and do nothing, like most spoiled princesses were expected to do, but Sparrow was itching to take Galdian out for a ride and explore the new territory. She might even ask the king if he wanted to join, even though he didn't look like the type for joyrides through meadows. Though walking Rush back to his room was fun, he's so strange, and I've never met a vampire before.

"Enjoying yourself, Princess?"

Speaking of the king…

Sparrow set her cup down on the table and turned around in her chair to smile at him. She was still having trouble getting over how pretty he was, and those pointed elf ears gave him an almost exotic look. "Very much so, my Lord; care to join me?"

Link tried to ignore the hiss that quietly came from his shadow. He nodded motioning for Roxven to stay put near the entranceway, and walked over to take the other empty seat.

A nearby servant quickly placed a warm cup of tea in front of him and he quickly nodded his head in thanks. "So are you happy here, Princess?"

"Sparrow; just Sparrow. And yes, I find your castle rather warm and welcoming." She picked up her cup and sipped at her tea again, trying to ignore how awkward the situation was beginning to feel. Picture him in a dress or something, you need to smile girl! But the image only made her giggle.

"So, uh, Sparrow." Link stopped to clear his throat, "what do you do for fun? Um… Make dresses or something?" He cringed at how sexist it sounded, but he had no idea of how he was suppose to get to know her better.

Sparrow tried not to choke on her tea. "Ummmm… I prefer making bows."

Link raised an eyebrow, the mood switching from awkward to curious. "Bows?"

Sparrow nodded and then sighed, the whole act was getting hard to maintain. "They expect me to act like a woman around you to please you, but most women are so boring. All they do is sit around and talk about dresses or babies, while I'd rather be out riding or practicing with my sword." She stopped her rant and waiting to see what the king would do. Hopefully he doesn't get all freaked out…

But to her surprise, the king actually started shaking his head in agreement. "I know, that's why I prefer me- I mean…. manly women, like yourself."

Ignoring the comment, Sparrow almost jumped on him, but instead slammed her hand on the table and pointed an accusing finger at him, scaring the life out of everyone in the vicinity. "I knew it! You do seem the type to fancy men! You sure are pretty enough!"

Link's eyes almost fell out of his head when he realized what he did. "No! You got it all wrong! I don't! I like women!"

She leaned closer to him until the tip of her finger was poking his nose. "You probably have a boyfriend already, don't you? A big muscled knight!" She looked at Roxven, "He's just your type! A strong man to protect you!"

Roxven shook his head, looking startled after suddenly being brought into the conversation.

Link narrowed his eyes and grabbed the attacking finger. "Hey! What makes you think I'd bottom?"

"Who wouldn't think that?"

Inside Link's shadow, Kai was dying with laughter.

"You even look like a woman! I can already picture you 'Oh yes, my knight, please take me!'"

"NO!"

"Show me your BIG sword!"

Link fell off his chair while Sparrow burst into a fit of giggles.


I got the next chapter planned out, I just need to write it, so hopefully it will be up soonish.

Ahhhhhh, I miss the days where I had enough energy to update weekly!