The house was silent, everyone asleep, except for Gibbs, who was at work. The shadow laughed to itself, gliding along through the rooms. He'd escaped that unbearable hell finally, and could exact his revenge on them. Eyes fell on a particular object, not a few feet away. It was shiny, and a dangerous looking contraption at that. It would work very well for his purposes, even if he didn't know what it was, but it seemed dangerous enough to work well indeed. The shadow dissipated, entering the object.

-----------

Morning was never a good time around the house. Usually Will was coming off some double shift at the hospital or getting ready to go to one, Gibbs was coming in from a long night shift at his tavern, and Jack was getting ready to go swindle the rich out of their hard earned money. Ana was getting ready to go play nurse (she swore that it was the amount of power she got to wield that made her take the job), and Elizabeth would still be in bed sometimes, depending on what hours she felt like that week.

On this particular morning, Ana was upstairs, sick with the flu. Elizabeth had just taken her up some tea. Will had just come home from the morning shift, unruly hair all the more unrulier, meaning it had been a rough night. Gibbs was half asleep, but determined to make it through the newspaper before he hit the table snoring. Jack was staring half heartedly at his cup of coffee.

Ping!

All three pirates looked up at the strange noise, then over their own shoulders, trying to find the source of the noise.

Ping, ping! Ping! Ping! CRASH!

Jack jumped out of his seat, looking around wide eyed. Gibbs stayed seated, frozen completely still. Will raised an eyebrow, looking from Jack to Gibbs, and back again.

"What in the bloody hell is that?" Jack said finally, when they couldn't find the source of the noise. Gibbs got up from his seat.

"It sounded metallic, whatever it was..." He replied. "Just to be safe, I'm goin' to..." There was a grunt as he tripped over something, catching himself on the counter. "Who left the toaster on the floor?"

"I think the real question is who put it there." Will muttered, going over to pick it up.

Ping!

"Damn, that's an angry toaster." Jack blurted, as the appliance jumped when Will's hand got near enough to touch it.

"Mwhahahahahahahahahahaha!" At this point, Jack was standing on the table, Will was behind him with a butcher knife, and Gibbs was perched on the counter, pot in hand.

"Was it just me, or does our toaster have a really evil laugh?" Gibbs said finally. Jack stared at it.

"Who would...wait! I recognize that laugh anywhere!" He got down off the table, stalking over to the toaster. "Looks like ye ain' doin' too well in the afterlife, Barbossa." Jack said with a smirk. His response was the flying cord smacking him a good one across the bridge of his nose. He swore, grabbing his nose. "Second time this bloody week I got a bloody bloody nose!" Gibbs looked at him. "I should've just said bloody nose."

"I told you I'd exact my revenge, Jack!" It was very odd, hearing the gruff pirate voice coming from the small metal appliance on the floor.

"Aye, what are ye goin' to do? Toast me to death?" Jack asked indignantly, crossing his arms. In response, the toaster coughed up two well done pieces of bread.

"That's my breakfast!" Will protested, going over to pick them up. The cord whipped across his hand and he yanked it back. "That's it." He snarled. Jack winced.

"Nobody gets between the whelp and meal time..." He muttered to Gibbs, just as Will swung his foot, soccer style, at the toaster. The appliance went flying through the doorway into the living room, landing on the couch, just a foot or so away from Cotton, upside down.

"'Ey, mate, do ye think ye can flip me over?" The Barbossa toaster asked, rocking back and forth on the cushion, but being unable to flip itself over. "I really nee..." It was common knowledge that Cotton hated it when people talked through his smutty daytime shows. He was at his worse when it happened during Buffy. Before the toaster could finish its sentence, the cane whipped out faster than expected, and beat a good dent into the side with one rap. The toaster grunted, lying still. "Now that hurt."

Elizabeth walked through the living room, carrying the empty tray. She was rolling her eyes at Cotton's choice of daytime entertainment when she caught sight of the battered toaster lying on the couch. "What the...?" She picked it up, carrying it back into the kitchen. "What are you three doing with our appliances?" She asked as she burst into the kitchen. As she did so, all three of the men backed away from her.

"Liz, that's Barbossa." Jack told her. "Put it down."

"Have you lost what's left of your mind? It's a toaster, not an evil pirate captain." She didn't notice the cord snaking up her wrist until it was too late. Shrieking, she began waving her arm in the air, the toaster flying around her head like a lasso.

"Uh, what do we do now?" Will asked. Jack shrugged.

"Refrain from shouting 'yee-haw?'" He muttered.

"Gah!" The toaster came loose, Barbossa too motion sick to carry on. Jack ducked, and the appliance sailed through the air, crashing into the refrigerator and lying dead on the floor.

"Is that it? Did I kill the bad toaster?" Elizabeth asked hopefully, clutching Will's arm as they all stared down at the toaster. Gibbs poked it with his shoe.

"It ain't attackin' anymore." He said hopefully, looking to the others. Jack smirked.

"And he thought he could mess with us again...." He stopped as the fridge groaned.

"I don't feel so good..." The remark was reinforced when the door swung open and two shelves dropped food on the floor with a frightening synchrony. Jack picked up the apple that rolled to his feet, shining it on his sleeve before taking a bite.

"That's what ye get for posessin' our toaster." He grunted. A moment later, he was pelted by a hail stream of ice cubes from the dispenser inside. "'EY!" He protested, flinging his arms up to protect his face. The assault stopped, and the fridge let out a deep, rumbling laugh. "We've got to do somethin'. Him posessin' everythin' is ruinin' our kitchen."

"Our sanity."

"Our food."

"Is that all you think about, Will?"

"Not all, just a good portion." They all stared at the fridge, which had lowered itself to mocking them.

"You will not eat, you will not sleep, you will never find peace for I will be there, right over your shoulder." Barbossa Fridge cackled. Jack crossed his arms, not very happy about that. "I will mock you with silly taunts, and throw rotten food at your head. I will insult your mother by calling her a common tavern wench!"

"Me mum was a tavern wench."

A moment of silence passed. "Oh. That doesn't work then, does it?" Jack shook his head.

"I got an idea." Gibbs said finally, dragging Jack to the corner of the kitchen, Elizabeth and Will following. "Now here's the...." He stopped, looking over his shoulder as the fridge discreetly tried to slip across the floor, which really wasn't working, as it wasn't hard to spot the giant appliance moving. "Right, as I was sayin', here's the plan...."

---------

Barbossa had gotten quite sick of the contraption he'd been stuck in. The small metallic thing had been more fun. This thing was big, bulky, and smelled funny, like rotten eggs, which most likely was not far from the truth. He kept himself amused by trying to see how far he could launch certain food objects.

Will came into the kitchen a little while later, picking the toaster up off the floor. The first step of Gibb's plan was to get Barbossa back in it. According to his theory, Elizabeth accidentally chucking it across the kitchen and into the fridge had caused Barbossa to be forcefully ejected from one object into the other. So all Will had to do was chuck the toaster at the fridge, and the switch should be made. Will hefted the toaster, throwing it with everything he could muster. The appliance bounce off the fridge and shattered into a million pieces. The ex-blacksmith winced. That wasn't going to work if the spirit of the pirate was possessing millions of little pieces.

"That hurt." The fridge growled, and started inching towards him.

"So you're not in the toaster? Good to know, won't have to worry about that now." Will muttered, backing up. He turned quickly, pulling random objects off the counter and chucking them at the homicidal appliance coming towards him at the pace of a snail. He finally grasped a frying pan, bouncing it off the fridge with a swing that would have made Sam Gamgee proud. The fridge stopped moving, but the pan began to rebel. Shivers ran up and down the pirate's arms as the thing vibrated furiously. He dropped it, watching it skitter across the floor like a giant, flat cockroach.

"What are ye doin'? Quit foolin' around and bring that in here!" Gibbs told him. Will jumped on top of the pan, which scooted a few feet with him on it, before succumbing. He picked it up, carrying it into the living room, where Gibbs, Jack, and Elizabeth stood behind Cotton's chair.

"See, Cotton's been wantin' a mobilized chair for a very long time, but I'm pleased to say, we've found a solution." Jack grinned, eyes locked viciously on the frying pan, which squeaked in horror. Jack nodded. "Oh yes, a solution in deed. William, if ye don't mind?"

"With pleasure." Will smirked, winding it up and throwing the pan at the chair. The pan hit the old chair, and came to a stop after it had bounced off. It remained completely still.

"What is this terrible smell?" The voice came from the chair, but seeing as how Cotton lacked the tongue to do anything but make vague slurring noises, they all knew who it was.

"Welcome to yer new home, Barbossa." Jack said, cracking up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

----------------

Later that night, Will, Elizabeth, and Jack sat around the table, sharing a gallon of cookie dough ice cream in triumph.

"Do ye think we might have been a little too cruel?" Jack said, licking the ice cream off his spoon. Will snorted.

"No. I still have the scar from the whole blood thing." He grumbled.

"But still, eternity as Cotton's chair..." Jack shivered. "Enough said about that without creating nightmares."

Elizabeth frowned. "Do you hear that?" They looked towards the doorway, where the voice seemed to be coming from. A moment later, Cotton appeared, resting in his chair as it slowly scooted by the doorframe that led into the kitchen.

"Bloody...hell..." The chair panted, slowly moving out of sight again. Jack looked thoughtful for a second before digging his spoon into the container again.

"No, don't feel bad at all."