Day Three: Restless

It was rather annoying to Kaidan that the Asari preferred to keep their starships at a temperature that constantly had him trembling. He curled up into a tight fetal position, blanket enveloping him up to his neck with the little warmth that it could offer. Shivers kept running up and down his spine, causing him to twitch every now and again at the discomfort it brought.

Kaidan couldn't will himself to get up and simply grab another jacket from his duffel bag in the corner of the private room. But...it just wasn't the same.

Kaidan could remember late nights on the Normandy, Shepard in the War Room, neck craned over the holo-table, searching planetary systems nearby for any signs of possible War Assets that could be useful to them in the war, hell, Shepard would take practically anything if it meant another helping hand.

Kaidan would sit on the steps leading to the inter-comm room, watching the weary but stubborn man switch from nebula to nebula, trained eyes scanning over every sweep of space. A dismal look would etch itself on Kaidan's face as the man before him slammed his fist onto the table, shoulder's shaking from the rage that threatened to shatter this veil of indifference he began to wear as the war raged on. Kaidan knew Shepard felt he wasn't doing enough, he knew that Shepard blamed himself almost more than he blamed the Council for not being prepared to thwart the Reapers.

So many nights went on like this. At the same time every night, whether it be after a priority mission, or just merely doing side missions in the hopes of gaining support from other Fleets, Kaidan would find Shepard, slumped over the holo-table, searching. Barely noticing Kaidan tip-toe into the room around the holo-table to sit behind Shepard on the cool steel of the steps.

And Kaidan could never figure out why he always came up to see the Commander. He knew that is wasn't because he believed the man needed the company. Shepard was never an extrovert, though over the years he had learned to play the part of one quite well.

No matter how late at night (or early this particular day) it was, Kaidan's cheeks would flush as he would pass through to be scanned for weapons. The two women guarding the door would salute him and every time he walked through, he could hear the constant whispering and gossip behind him. It...was a tad off-putting to visit your Commanding Officer in the wee hours of the morning for no reason, none other than to just sit there, not uttering a single word. But it didn't bother Kaidan, well, not too much at least.

In almost a routine way, Kaidan would watch the olive skinned man gather his barrings, square his shoulders and continue to scan the table, as if the sudden outburst had never occurred.

Kaidan rested his head on the railing to the left him, quivering from the feel of the cold steel to his scalp, but chuckling lightly to himself at the thought of how a dent would form as soon as he would sit back up. He already spent more time than was truly necessary in the mornings to get his little hair bump to be perfect. It'd be an entertaining sight to say the least.

Shepard shifted and turned at the sound of Kaidan's light snicker. The Major was hunched over slightly, sitting on -what Shepard would think to be- a rather uncomfortable stair step. His eyes were closed and Shepard could very faintly see the man trembling.

He put his hands on the table behind him to support his weight and crossed one ankle over the other. Shepard's eyes traced the man's features carefully, taking the time to put his nerves at ease and forgetting the growing weight of what the future foretells of the Galaxy.

It was Shepard's turn to feel a bit embarrassed, his tanned cheeks darkened, barely noticeable at the thought of the Major opening his eyes at any second, catching Shepard practically staring at him. But Shepard didn't know that Kaidan knew he was looking at him. He kept his eyes shut, self-control almost faltering as his lips fought to curl into a smile. He was the wiser and remained perfectly still, or so he thought.

Shepard chewed on the inside of his cheek and continued to eye the "sleeping" Kaidan before him for approximately 30 seconds until he shuffled the few steps it took to reach him.

Shepard kneeled in front of the Major and peeled his favored N7 hoodie off, and wrapped it around Kaidan's shoulders.

Kaidan's reacted by letting his eyes half-open, attempting to give himself a fatigued look. Shepard was much closer than he intended him to be. Before he was given the chance to mutter a word, Shepard lowered his gaze to Kaidan's mouth and proceeded to capture them in a chaste brushing of lips.

Kaidan's being erupted in a blaze, feeling his ears and neck grow warm at the fleeting tongue that slid over his lower lip. This kiss was short but nevertheless sweet.

Shepard got to his feet and looked at a dumb-founded Kaidan.

Kaidan looked at the jacket hanging from his shoulders, he opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Shepard raising a hand.

"Keep it." Was all he said.

A silent goodnight was exchanged by direct eye contact and Shepard walked from the War Room with a slight bounce in his step, leaving Kaidan alone with his digits trailing the subtle curve of his bottom lip that Shepard's tongue swiped at briefly.

Their first kiss...

Kaidan hadn't felt so...so weightless since he confessed his feelings for the Commander back at Apollo's Cafe. Since then, they had never really gotten a moment together, but Kaidan wasn't complaining. There was a War being fought after all. There was rarely any time to steal away for more intimate settings.

Kaidan sat there for a few more minutes, still touching his lips, but also taking in the scent of Shepard that swathed him. The goofy smile never escaping his features. Shaking his head, he stood up, stretched his cramped limbs from sitting in bad posture for so long, and released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

God he felt like such a teenager. Or, at least what he thought a teenager would feel after relishing in such a moment.

Kaidan straightened and let his military instincts kick in as he proceeded to walk through the scanner. Keeping his eyes straight forward as he tried to ignore the snickers of the women guarding the door. He had completely forgotten he was still wearing Shepard's jacket, wasn't like he could stuff it in the many pockets of his fatigues if he wanted to anyway.

Against his will, a blush creeped over his nose and cheeks, but he refused to acknowledge it. A small part of him thought of pulling rank and silencing the girls with a stern glare, but he lost the nerve rather quickly and was thankful when the door to the CIC had finally opened.

The deck was quiet and a little chilly at that. Kaidan shoved his hands into the deep pockets, arching a shoulder up and turning his neck to delve his nose into the warm fabric, inhaling the scent of his Commander, shivering all the way down to the base of his spine.

Kaidan figured that back in the War Room, Shepard must have assumed he was trembling from the cool air surrounding the entire deck, deciding it best to let Kaidan have his jacket, his favorite one at that. But, the truth behind the matter was that Kaidan wasn't cold, he was shaking because he knew Shepard's eyes were on him. Knowing that he had his Commander's full attention, that it was just the two of them. Though there was a blurred line between nervousness and excitement. Nervous because the Commander, hero of the Galaxy, Icon of humanity, had eyes for him, only him, and in that moment decided to make that clear. Excitement from knowing that fact. Knowing that Shepard could have almost any person he fancied at the drop of a dime, but never let his eyes wander, always kept his gaze on Kaidan.

In a way, Kaidan saw it all as symbolic. Anxiety clouding his better judgement, What-If's always in his mind, always causing a fervent fear to unfurl in his chest. But tonight, it was laid all to rest. He understood now that, he had nothing to be afraid of anymore. That Shepard would only see him now, the first of what would be many kisses, signing it into place.

Kaidan took the elevator down a floor to the crew deck, all the while face beaming. He found his way to the Starboard Observation room, stepped inside and pulled off his clothing, almost reluctant to take off the hoodie. Stripped down to boxer shorts, Kaidan slipped on a red night shirt and shot a look over to the hoodie, laying neatly followed on top of the recliner. Biting his lip, feeling like a child all the more, he dimmed the lights in the room, strode over to pick up the jacket, unzipped the zipper until the hoodie came apart, and wrapped it around the front of his shoulders. Getting comfortable, Kaidan watched the Normandy sail smoothly through the vastness of space. The stars in the distance looking so peaceful, so pretty.

Kaidan half smiled, for once, he was at ease.

It felt like almost an eternity ago when it had all happened.

Only weeks later and the Final Battle had come upon them all. They were as prepared as they were going to be. Kaidan was confident that this wretched war would come to an end with the Galaxy still intact and it's species still kicking. He was even more confident that Shepard would make it out alive, with him.

Even thinking his name physically pained Kaidan.

After the Normandy was jarred onto another planet, Specialist Traynor had picked up frequency readings of an Asari Dreadnought just outside of the un-named planets exosphere when the power had finally been restored after hours time.

A few area's of the starship were still without power but it was the least of the problems.

EDI had been inactive since the wave had hit, throwing Joker into a blind rage.

It hurt Kaidan to watch Joker sit with her in his arms, eyes blood-shot and swollen. Kaidan knew better than to interfere, but instead, whispered silent prayers to both Joker and EDI.

After the Normandy had taken off, heading toward the Dreadnought, Kaidan stood in front of the Memorial wall even after the rest of the crew dispersed. N7 jacket wound tight around him, tears plundering on the soft, black cotton.

It still smelled so much like Shepard, even after all the times Kaidan had worn it since he had given it to him.

When the Normandy docked onto the Dreadnought, the crew were welcomed with food and medical attention.

Asari Tech Specialists carefully extracted EDI from Joker's weary, protesting arms and began to immediately run diagnostics on her.

It had turned out that the Asari Dreadnought wasn't the only starship around, a human-run Dreadnought and a few Turian Cruisers were present, all in the process of re-building the Relay that had been damaged in the system.

After being assigned to his own quarters on the Dreadnought, Kaidan abruptly broke down in tears once more.

He missed Shepard so much...

Blindly taking the N7 jacket off and throwing it on the floor, Kaidan pulled his clothes off and curled under the blankets and weeped himself silently to sleep.

Waking up only a few hours later, Kaidan's teeth clattered and his body trembled uncontrollably.

He sat up slightly and looked through groggy eyes for Shepard's jacket.

His biotics roared to life.

The jacket wasn't on the floor where he threw it.

Kaidan rushed out of bed and scoured the room from top to bottom to find the hoodie.

His heart clenched painfully in his chest as a sob broke through his throat.

The last plausible thing he had of Shepard, was gone.

Standing in the middle of the room, his biotics humming in his ear, leaving a blue tint to his skin, Kaidan stalked back to the bed, holding in a cry as best as he could manage.

He lied on his side in the middle of the bed for almost an hour without moving, shuddering from the air.

There was nothing left to cry.

Kaidan drearily looked at the clock on the side table that read, 3:27

He pulled the blanket up to his neck and looked over his shoulder at the duffel bag in the upper corner of the cabin.

He could've just grabbed another jacket.

But it wasn't the same.

I DID IT! WOOO! I seriously sat here for 2 hours and FORCED myself to write this and it actually came out pretty decent. Review review review!