flying up in the air
and no time to wonder where
There's once, his boss decides that he should meet his client on a Sunday when it's clearly not his working hours—because the client insisted, and Kanda's really just an employee under the firm. He really doesn't want to see that creepy tanned Portuguese who keeps staring at his mouth when he speaks. If he had his way, he'd tell the guy straight out that the case was meant to burn, but, he'd get fired.
And so Kanda enters the coffee shop on a Saturday with the intention to stress bake, when the café is only open till mid afternoon. He's surprised to see a line out the door, because even if the coffee shop does have a lot of customers, most of them do takeaway and the service is really quick. Business must be good on Saturday, he assumes, but when he steps in, Lenalee looks like she wants to cry out of relief.
"Kanda-kun!" she waves him over hurriedly. "Oh thank god you're here, I really need your help—could you, um," she quickly gives the next customer in line who looks a little impatient a smile. "Ah, yes, that'll be three pounds, please—"
She's trying to juggle the register as she zips around heating milk and pressing buttons on the espresso machine with flustered actions. Kanda notices the lack of redhead around.
"Where's the usagi?"
"He overslept," Lenalee explains. "He sounded pretty bad over the phone—I think he caught the flu. Please, Kanda-kun, just until he arrives? Please!"
Because he really can't say no to Lenalee (there are no other reasons), he sighs. "Fine. You make the damn drinks, because I can't."
Lenalee hugs him tight in joy and focuses on making the coffees—no specials today, unfortunately. He refuses to wear the apron that Lavi usually wraps around his waist—because it's pink with a stitched bunny on it—but he does take up place at the register and tries not to glare too much at the customers. It runs much smoother after that, and they forget about Lavi until the man himself stumbles in about an hour later.
The redhead doesn't have his hair up as usual and so it falls messily around his face, but that brilliant red can't be anyone else. He lets out a cough that Kanda winces at, and his voice sounds close to sandpaper.
"Yuu?" he blinks, looking really confused. "What are you doing here?"
"Saving Lenalee's ass," Kanda replies, narrowing his eyes. "You look like shit."
"Thanks," Lavi mumbles. "Am I dreaming? Why are you behind my counter?"
"Go home, usagi. You're going to infect everyone in this fucking place," Kanda states when the redhead sneezes abruptly.
"Oh dear, how did you even manage to ride here?" Lenalee frowns, wiping her hands after they've served the last customer in queue. "We can handle this. Go home and get some rest, Lavi."
"Nah, it's only for a couple of—" he sneezes again, and other two wince. "—of hours, and I'm already here," he smiles, looking a bit out of it. "Thanks Yuu, but I can take over—"
"Shut up, you idiot," Kanda groans, and slaps a hand over the redhead's forehead when he ambles behind the counter. "You have a fucking fever, why the fuck did you even leave your goddamn house?"
"I've got some paracetamol in my bag," Lenalees announces, hurrying to the back doors and out again in a minute with a box in hand. "Take some. Kanda-kun, I think you should bring him home. I can handle the rest of the hours by myself."
"But, but I just came—"
"You shouldn't have left," Kanda snorts.
"But coffee—"
"Lenalee can handle it—"
"But my coffee—"
"Shut up, usagi!" Kanda rubs his temples, eyebrows furrowed. "If you die today you can't make anymore so just go home."
"Die? I'm not going to die," Lavi repeats warily.
"Tch, you look like you're going to."
"But—"
Lenalee places a hand on Lavi's shoulder and looks at Kanda meaningfully. Kanda presses his lips together because he doesn't want to do it but Lenalee is looking at him like that he knows it's a lost cause. He sighs wearily.
"Come, you stupid rabbit," he says, grabbing Lavi by the collar and dragging him out of the shop. "We're going."
"But—"
Lenalee smiles at them both, waving from the counter.
"Oi, wake up," Kanda prods the sleeping redhead in the passenger seat. "We're here. Wake up."
Lavi wakes up with a sneeze, one that Kanda really hopes he doesn't get infected with because if he falls sick he's going to be so fucking screwed. Lavi takes a while to assert his surroundings—in Kanda's car outside his apartment.
"Ah," he says. "Um, Yuu…" he starts, looking ghastly apologetic. "Thank you. You didn't have to cover for me at work and—"
"That was for Lenalee," Kanda corrects.
"—and thanks for driving me home. I'll…make it up to you. Somehow."
"I don't want anything from you," the Japanese snorts. "If you die then Lenalee loses her job then there's no telling what her psychotic brother will do."
"Even so," Lavi says, and tries to smile as much as he can through his daze of sickness. "Thanks."
"Shut up and get out," Kanda says, ignoring how suddenly uncomfortable he feels like Lavi looking at him like that.
He also fights the strange urge to help the other out when the redhead drags his feet out, coughing all the way.
More evidence that his boss is a dick: there has been a new addition to the firm by the name of Howard Link. Kanda wasn't even aware they were hiring—even if Tokusa just got fired, it didn't mean that they needed more attorneys, especially since they already had a couple of trainees under contract.
Howard Link is the most straight laced blond Kanda has ever observed. The man seems competent—or maybe too competent to the point of obeying every single order that comes out of Leverrier's mouth and Kanda really hates people like that.
It kind of means that there is more competition to make partner, and frankly, even if Kanda is the one who works the hardest and wins the most cases, as long as his boss is an ass, he's never going to make it.
Unless you're Link, the lucky son of a suck up bitch who seems to be the most likely candidate after being hired for two days.
It's all Lavi's fault that Kanda falls asleep on his laptop on Wednesday, because he's become a coffee addict and thus cannot function without coffee anymore. He still enters the shop in the morning as usual, but when he sees only Lenalee at the counter he ensures he does not accidentally ask about the redhead. Lenalee makes him standard coffee—in which he re-discovers his hate for coffee—and doesn't touch one after that.
And also because she makes him pay.
"Kanda?"
Someone shakes his shoulder lightly and he jolts up, glaring. "The fuck?"
Allen rolls his eyes, taking a comfortable lean against the table. "Good morning, darling."
"What do you want?"
"I thought you might want some dinner," the younger male says. "You haven't stepped out of the office since this morning—the secretary told me she was afraid you died in here or something."
"Go away, I need to finish this paragraph," Kanda snaps, rubbing his eyes.
"You can finish it after you eat something," Allen argues. "Or at least slept a while. You look, like, well…" he trails off unsurely. "Like you're suffering from caffeine withdrawal," he grins. "You really are addicted to Lavi's—"
"Shut up," the Japanese says. "You're just here because Komui tried to kill you."
It was the white haired male's turn to scowl. "I-I wasn't trying to do anything to Lenalee!"
Kanda scoffs. "Tell it to someone who cares, pervert."
Allen glares, but it melts to a knowing look that Kanda really does not like. "So, I was talking to Lenalee the other day, and she told me something rather interesting."
"Not interested," the other states immediately, glancing back to his screen. "If you have no food, get out."
"About Lavi's mysterious Monday bread supplier," Allen continues calmly. "She says he's oldest regular customer and he doesn't want anyone to know in case its ruins his worst deposition reputation as a cutthroat corporate lawyer. Sound familiar?"
"Fuck you," Kanda returns smoothly.
"Actually," the younger smiles. "It's nice to know you have something other than work."
It's rather odd, but the Japanese only turns silently back to his screen and all he thinks of is yeah, me too.
On Thursday, Lavi returns to the counter, smiling bright eyed and cheery. "Are you okay Yuu?" the redhead squints at him, worried. "You look…well, you always look gorgeous, but, you look like you need some coffee."
Kanda doesn't admit to any of the statement. "Tea. Black. No sugar," he grinds out, glaring, his laptop case in hand. "Make it quick, I've got a fucking deadline."
Lavi laughs and waves him to the usual spot. "It's great to see you too, Yuu."
It's about three hours later when Kanda finally shuts his laptop with a groan and palms his entire forehead on the machine. He realises he hasn't even touched his drink, and with a peek, he notices that it's definitely not tea, like he asked.
"You sure you're alright?" Lavi tilts his head at him, eye unblinking as he looks up from the book he's reading from the chair opposite him.
It's only then Kanda looks around the shop and sees it empty, and the sky outside is starting to get dark.
"Shit," he mutters, rubbing his eye. "I should get back—"
"It's fine, Yuu," Lavi shakes his head. "You really need coffee," he stresses again, eyeing the untouched drink.
Kanda sighs and grabs the mug—only because he feels guilty, that's the only reason, and he definitely does not make a noise of content as he downs the liquid that strangely tastes so good even though its cold. A pleasant tingle shoots up his nose in the after taste.
"Mint?"
"Just a little bit."
It almost kills Kanda, but he actually wants to say thank you. He doesn't, of course.
"Is it worth it?" Lavi asks him so quietly all of a sudden.
Kanda frowns. "What? Is what worth what?"
The redhead gestures awkwardly to his laptop. "This. Your uh, job. I mean, you just…you really seem to hate it."
"I don't—" but even Kanda can't really lie about that, because yes, he does fucking hate his job. "I- It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters," Lavi retorts, frowning. "I know it's your life, but if it's not making you happy I think you should consider something else."
For a second Kanda actually thinks the redhead looks angry, but he could be fooling himself. It's weird and strange, because for what reason? He swallows, not sure as to how to react. He's been a lawyer since he's graduated law school and fuck if he actually wastes all that goddamn money into a degree he won't even use.
"Don't tell me what to do."
"I'm not!" Lavi starts. "I'm just saying—"
"You can save it," Kanda snaps sharply, chair screeching with the sudden movement as he makes to get up.
"Yuu!" the redhead calls after him, but he's already walking out the door.
He feels an annoying clench in his stomach, but he ignores it as walks on.
Kanda enters the coffee shop every morning for his coffee and Lavi acts like they've never had the conversation. Which suits him perfectly fine. He still doesn't understand why he felt unreasonably jilted when Lavi brought the subject up. He's thought about the same thing a thousand times before, but why is it when those words leave the redhead's lips, it sounds a lot more…pathetic?
He still doesn't even understand why Lavi cares—he's just a frequent non-paying customer.
It's not like they're really friends.
Work is piling and he's going to court for that creepy Portuguese tobacco client case.
Kanda doesn't really see a way that he can win, but he knows he has to. It stresses him more when Leverrier stares at him from the glass windows of his office when he's saying a forced polite goodbye to his client after a meeting.
It happens. It actually happens.
Even though Kanda's predicted this but he's been in denial all this time.
Leverrier makes Link partner.
And it pisses him off to hell.
So okay, he knows his boss is an asshole with clear favoritism issues but he also can't really deny that Link is actually competent so it's actually legitimate, but still.
It just seems like all those fucking hours he's spent typing reports and dealing with shitty clients and lacking a life in general is all wasted—because then and there he knows he's never going to be promoted no matter how fucking much he works, not within the next ten years, anyway.
He forgets that he hasn't spoken to Lavi, besides the usual grunts to get his fixes in the mornings while ignoring the increasingly concerned look at the redhead gives him, for more than two months now but he basically almost rips the door open.
"I need to use your fucking kitchen," he spits out, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "Fucking shit—fuck—"
He doesn't care about the customers around who stare at him like a mad man. He needs the oven and he needs it now.
It seems like even his hands are trembling with so much tension—this he realises when Lavi comes over with a frown and guides him physically backdoor.
"Deep breaths; 1…2…3..."
Lavi's voice is low, soothing and calming, and Kanda times the breaths that he takes with the numbers that Lavi counts off slowly. When he opens his eyes, he is standing in front of the counter with the mixing bowls and flour and sugar and whatever he needs to bake the stress away.
It's only about six hours later when the counters are full with pastries and his last batch is baking in the oven that he slumps on the floor with an exhausted sigh. His ponytail is almost falling out of his hair tie and his necktie loose, sleeves crumpled from where he had viciously pushed them up.
What is he doing, really?
Lavi finds him about half an hour later. "Yuu, you okay?"
"What do you think?" Kanda snorts, wiping his nose.
He nearly sneezes from the extra flour that dusts his face. Lavi flops down humorlessly beside him on the powder stained floor.
"Tell me," he says quietly. "Yuu, tell me."
Kanda shakes his head because it's stupid, it's so stupid.
"Yuu," Lavi says again, and Kanda growls.
"What the fuck am I doing?" he asks. "Fuck, I-I…" he knocks his head back hard, ignoring the pain that shoots through his skull. "I'm never going to get promoted so why the fuck did I even bother? Why the fuck did I even study fucking goddamn law? It's not—it's not—" he breaks off abruptly. "It's not even what the goddamn old man wanted me to do, but that's not the point, that's not the fucking point, the point is that that it's not fucking fair!"
"Oh Yuu," Lavi murmurs, a twist to his lips.
Kanda doesn't even think to protest when he gets pulled into a pair of very warm arms.
"When the old man died I thought his time in raising me should be should to some goddamn use and some fucking use this is," he almost laughs. "Fuck, I thought I should be somewhere better than this, somewhere that actually meant some goddamn shit. I work so fucking hard for some stupid job that I fucking hate and—and you're right, you've always been right."
"About what?" the redhead murmurs softly, rubbing his back in circular motions.
"Everything? I hate it," Kanda hates how pathetic he sounds, but he can't help it. "I hate my fucking job, my fucking life, I just," he inhales sharply. "Fuck."
He just wants to close his eyes and pretend he could go back and make his life choices all over again. Just maybe if he didn't spend like half of his life and shit ton of money and almost his entire soul—just maybe he wouldn't be here clinging to the only person he knew to come to, a guy who owns the coffeeshop from across the street for fuck's sake.
But Lavi—Lavi has always been here for him. Making him free coffee, making sure he ate, allowing him to abuse the wifi and keeping the place open till late and also on weekends for his use.
"It's gonna be alright, Yuu," Lavi says, over and over again. "It's gonna be alright."
Kanda doesn't really hear anything but he does feel Lavi holding him like he's scared that he was going to break—fuck, Kanda even thinks he might, and they sit there until Lavi somehow maneuvers him out of the kitchen, into a seat and forces him to sip down some warm latte. Lavi is usually the one that fills in the silence but this time Kanda talks.
He talks about his stupid young ambition with the knowledge that he was going to hate it and did it anyway—he talks about how a month into classes in university that he wanted to quit even if he had spent a hell load of trouble getting enough loans, about how he had fainted out of exhaustion in second year and had to be hospitalized. He talks about he graduated with a law degree even though his foster father disapproved because he was already hating his life, about accidentally snapping at his soon-to-be boss on the third day he was hired. About how he hadn't been there when his foster father died because he was defending a case in court.
Lavi listens until Kanda finishes, slumping across the table.
He's so damn tired.
"Shit. Fuck," Kanda says when he thinks to peek at his watch. "It's late…I..." he sits up hastily. "I didn't mean to—fuck, you should go home."
It's already hitting eleven and Kanda knows for sure that the shop closes at six. He sways a little when he attempts to stand up but Lavi catches him by the nape of his neck and forces him to sit.
"Shut up, Yuu," Lavi says quietly, and he listens.
It's a blur but he ends up staring at a door that's not his door, arm slung around Lavi's neck as he's being propped up to stand. Somewhere along the way he must have fallen asleep.
"Where the fuck am I?" he asks, blinking rapidly.
He tries to clear the hazy cloud that his head is stuck into.
"My place," Lavi answers with a grunt as he struggles to find his keys, the clinking sound a sign to his victory.
"Do you want to fuck me?"
The question comes out more of a statement, flat and blunt. Kanda doesn't even know what expression he has on when he says it.
"Uh," Lavi says, jaw slack. "Um. Is this a trick question?"
"I'm at your apartment," Kanda states blankly.
"I brought you here to sleep?" the redhead answers, confused. "I mean," he corrects hastily. "You were too tired to drive, and you look like you need a lot of rest. I took your car, if that's okay. I didn't plan to do…anything to you."
Kanda doesn't stop the stare. "You didn't answer my question."
"Um, uh, yes?" Lavi coughs, decidedly looking away. "But, not today? When you're in the right state of mind and with your consent and uh, when you stop giving me that look, it's freaking me out. Did you really think I brought you back for sex, really?"
"It's—" Kanda pulls his feet along as Lavi ushers him in. "Whatever."
He thinks back to those times he'd only ever been at other people's apartments. There was never time for a relationship (in fact there was never time to even consider one), maybe just a quick fuck to de-stress, but then again it had been a really long while since his work took over his life.
He yawns, not really noticing how he wordlessly changes into a more comfortable pair of clothes that the other offers to sleep, nor does he bother when his head hits the pillows, with Lavi right beside him under the covers on the double bed.
But there is one thing he still has to ask.
"Why do you even care?"
He's not facing the redhead, but the amused voice is enough.
"It's a little late to ask that, hmm?"
up on the moon, we'll all be there soon
watching the earth down below
