Remus had a couple of silent days. His mood was decreasing, even though Lily did her best to cheer him up. She was good-spirited and offered continuously to talk to Remus about everything.
"How are you?" She went to the terrace where Remus was sitting bent over in the plastic chair sketching people spending time in the grass areas beneath them.
Lily fuddled his hair and stroke his neck that was starting to retrieve a healthy tan.
Remus just hummed and reviewed his sketch.
"Look. I'm sorry about Thursday. I don't know what you're expecting me to say – I didn't realise this was a problem, I mean—What exactly is the problem?"
"Don't even— Please, can we just not talk about this stuff? It's freaking me out."
"Okay, then." She moistened her lips. "Is there anything I should be aware of, sweetie?"
"No. Really. It's fine, I'm good, and can we not talk about this ever again?"
"Act like nothing happened?"
"Yeah. Promise?"
Their hands touched briefly, but Remus didn't move his eyes up from the paper.
The bookstore was closed on Sundays, so they didn't have any specific plans. They were sitting in their beds doing a little homework.
"I like the beginning of a school year," Lily said.
"It's good that we don't have a lot of homework yet, there's a long time until grades roll in and we're a step higher in the hierarchy," she continued.
"I agree… I like it too—But we're not taking many of the same classes anymore. Have you noticed that too?"
"Yeah… but you're also taking Culture Studies, right?"
"I am. We have that in common then." It made him smile.
Lily's laptop was lying on her bed. She took it and searched for something.
"Okay. Seriously, though. I feel like such a creep and there's no way he can know about this, but I checked James' schedule and he's also in our Culture Studies class."
"Really?" Remus was surprised.
"Yes. I don't want to appear weird or eager – he's way more into me and than I am into him, right?" She giggled the way only Lily could.
Remus blew through his nose shaking his head judgingly.
"You're too easy, Lily. I can tell when you're in that boy mode, honestly."
"Whatever," Lily wanted to change subject, "Sirius is probably also in the class. Wouldn't that make sense?"
It would make sense. James and Sirius probably synchronized their classes the best they could. Remus didn't know what to think or how to act about this. His thoughts wouldn't obey.
"That's highly possible," he answered, "but I don't really care."
Yes, he did.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
No.
When they entered the lecture hall late Monday morning they say what they had been predicting – What Remus had been thinking of all last night. About in the middle of the rows they sat. Sirius' curls didn't fool anybody and Remus identified him right away.
Lily and Remus didn't say anything; they just assumed that the other had seen them too. Lily was excited, Remus' back began to prickle with pearls of sweat.
She insisted in sitting right behind the two. Maybe there would be a chance of pairing up, she thought. Of course she didn't want to turn Remus down, so she didn't mention that to him.
During the lecture Remus felt his shirt sticking to the back of the chair and it made him feel disgusting. Why couldn't he just get it together?
He couldn't pay much attention to the professor talking; Sirius' cologne was distracting him. Sirius was playing some kind of old retro-looking game on his laptop and he fell down a cliff in the same spot every time. It gave Remus a weird kind of satisfaction to look at someone else playing a game. He remembered this pattern from his childhood. His friends would constantly ask if he wanted a go, but it was enough for him to just observe.
Suddenly the professor went quiet as in expecting the students to do something, but Remus hadn't listened at all. He looked at Lily, who looked like someone who was about to push a giant red button. She poked James on the shoulder.
He turned around and smiled instantly.
"Hey Lily! Have you been here all the time?" He didn't sound sincere – Remus was sure he had noticed them before.
Lily nodded and pressed her lips together to build up the courage to ask.
"I thought that we could pair up for this thing? It's just a small assignment, won't be a big deal." She presumed that she was letting Remus down, so she glanced quickly at him.
"Sure, that's awesome," James said without thinking about it.
Remus knew where this was going.
Sirius had turned around to face Remus. What other options did he have? He was sure that Sirius had other options. That girl with the brown side braid would probably give her right hand to do this assignment with him, not to mention that she was also way more attractive than Remus – girl or not.
"Are you working with anyone, —what was it? Remus?"
"Er—No." He looked down.
"We can pair up. That's fine with me," he tried.
"You don't have to," Remus said quietly.
"Sorry what?"
"Nothing."
"Okay, then. I'll text you later, we just have to do it before Saturday."
Remus wondered how he was going to text him when he didn't have his number. Sirius must've felt confident that he could just obtain any number through the contacts he already had.
When class finished Lily and Remus rushed out of the building to make sure to get a good spot in the cafeteria.
Lily kept an eye on Remus' plate to make sure he ate reasonably. Remus sat with his back to the wall, that way he had a better outlook on the dining hall. He pecked at his salad and crammed down a loaf of bread with a slice of Italian ham.
"I'm happy that James wanted to write the assignment with me."
"Then I'm happy for you."
"Are you fine working with Sirius?"
"Yes." He felt both thrilled and anxious.
"We can still swap partners if it's an issue."
She had obviously thought about it.
"Not going to be relevant."
As they were applying sticky price tags to books Wednesday afternoon Lily's phone buzzed. She quickly drew it from her pocket and looked at it.
"It's James," she said in an almost hysterical voice.
"What's he saying?"
"He wants to work on the assignment. Can I make it today?" she glanced at her wrist watch and wrinkled her eyebrows.
"Yeah, why not?"
"He wants to meet at the library half past seven. Will you be okay?"
"Yes, for God's sake! Hand me the phone." He grinned, reaching out his right hand.
"Relax." She smiled cheekily.
They went through the book pile and Lily looked like she was thinking the situation through.
Lily arrived prior to James and picked out a table where she sat and opened her laptop. She kept reloading her Facebook as if expecting something to pop up. James showed up five minutes late.
Remus was enjoying having their room on his own. He thought about the possibilities he had while he was alone. He could watch a movie that Lily always refused to watch, he could take the longest shower and then come back and walk around naked or he could just waste his time doing exactly nothing else but wondering about everything that he could have done. He picked the last option.
Lily came home around eleven o'clock and Remus was sitting in his bed scrolling through e-mails. She threw her backpack at the foot of the wardrobe and fell into her bed. Remus straightened up.
"Why didn't you tell me to come walk with or at least meet halfway? You could get raped."
"Do you think you could protect me?" she giggled.
"I don't know. It's just the principle of it."
"I'm sorry for being unconcerned."
"Did you finish the assignment?"
"No…" She chuckled. "We didn't get much done to be honest. We'll have to meet up again to do it properly."
"I see." He narrowed his eyes and blew a strand of hair away that had fallen in front of his specs. "So, what did you do?"
Lily was lying on top of her quilt still wearing all her clothes, now with her hands resting under her neck.
"We talked about too many things."
"So the jerk alarm is turned off? No red flags?"
"He's still kind of a rule-breaker. For one, he talked too loud considering we were at a library."
"Hmpf. Do we have a situation?"
"Meaning?"
"Is it going to lead to something?"
"I couldn't tell you even if I wanted. I'm physically attracted to him, but I don't like his attitude."
"Does Sirius have an attitude too?" he asked.
"From what I gathered – yes… but I think he has his reasons. He's a little frazzled at the moment."
"How so?"
"James mentioned something about sexual frustrations—man, I don't know. I don't like to talk about this."
"Why would James uncover Sirius to you that way?"
"That was James' explanation for being so willing to work with me – Sirius seems preoccupied."
"Great. Now I have to tussle with him." Remus came out fouler than he wished to. He was following his plan to seem indifferent in front of Lily, but this information genuinely made him reflect on his feelings about Sirius.
Friday night Sirius hadn't talked to Remus about their assignment yet. It was nearly too late. Remus couldn't get himself to care about this assignment, so he downloaded one from the Internet and re-wrote it a little. He sent it in the next morning signing with both their names.
At this point a week had passed since he had last seen or talked to Sirius, but he kept revising the few conversations – if you could even call it that – they had had so far. His thoughts wouldn't let him free. He was imprisoned in his own mind. Chained by his own feelings. Visuals of Sirius' shiny hair, his glistening back, and his amazing smirk were permanently burned onto Remus' retina. He wondered if Sirius felt any of this too. He didn't know what this meant.
A/N: Please fav and follow! All comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated! x
