Part II: Bang, Bang
"...Bang, Bang
Got him with a bang
Love him down, down
I shot my baby with a bang, bang
Got him with a bang..."
~ "Bang Bang" - william
Saturday
June 28, 1922
Rebecca gently applied the red lipstick to her lips. From her seat at the vanity, she could hear the band down in the gardens tuning their instruments. She knew that it was close to the start of the party. People would come invading the house and gardens. All for the sake of free food and the chance to meet Jay Gatsby.
Some people, however, truly had no boundaries and Rebecca always made Crawley lock up certain rooms in the house that were not open to the public, including bedrooms and the studies. The men that Jay employed guarded specific rooms that Rebecca knew were used for business. One look from those men and people went scrambling in the other direction. Not that she blamed them anyways, even those men made her nervous.
Everyone from New York society came to Gatsby's parties and it should have unnerved her, but it didn't for the most part. There were plenty of other armed men that walked around to make sure that order was kept, but the sheer volume of people that came never ceased to amaze her. It made a small part of her grateful for the guards that Gatsby employed, even if they did scare her.
Standing up and walking to the large windows, Rebecca pulled back the sheer curtain and looked down to the drive and saw many automobiles in all different colors pulled up.
People glittering in all kinds of colors and jewels stepped out of the automobiles and Rebecca knew that half these people had never met her or Gatsby.
They only came for the party.
She didn't really care for the party or the people, but she was always at a loss as to why Gatsby had parties every weekend. For two straight years, all they'd had was parties every weekend without fail and never once had he given her a reason as to why. Sometimes, she yearned for a quiet evening, but the curiosity of why Jay Gatsby threw such lavish parties always won out. She always stayed trying to figure out what it was about Jay Gatsby that intrigued so many people.
Tilly came over carrying a pair of delicate shoes and set them down in front of her, "Ready, ma'am?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," Rebecca whispered as she let the curtain fall.
Nick was in awe.
He was looking for Mr. Gatsby or Rebecca, but there were so many people that he felt like he was lost in a seemingly endless wave of people. Despite that, everything around him amazed him. Everyone was there from everywhere it seemed like. Dancers and acrobats entertained. A half crazed man played on the organ in the ballroom as people everywhere drank and ate till they had their fill. Music was everywhere it seemed and the sheer volume of the noise and people surprised Nick as he looked around for his host and hostess.
"I'm looking for Mr. Gatsby!" Nick half yelled to a waiter who was handing out champagne. "Have you seen him?! I live just next door! Mrs. Gatsby gave me an invitation."
"Mr. Gatsby? Nobody has met either Mr. or Mrs. Gatsby!" the waiter said and Nick knew that he'd been trained to say that. "Champagne?"
Turning and taking in the scene, Nick was still overwhelmed. Everyone was there from billionaire playboys, blonde nurses, and heiresses comparing inheritances. He was even surprised to see his boss, Walter Chase, losing money in a grand room that had at least a dozen tables set up for roulette, poker and all kinds of gaming.
Gossip columnists were alongside gangsters and politicians as they all exchanged telephone numbers. Film stars were there as well as directors from Broadway. Everyone was there from all walks of life and they all had the money to be there.
Picking up a martini glass, Nick did the only thing he could…drink. Glass after glass he tipped back until he heard a familiar voice.
"I thought I might find you here. You live next door, don't you? I remember you saying something to Daisy about living in West Egg."
Nick turned to see Jordan looking at him with an amused look.
"Hello!" he smiled. "This is amazing."
Jordan grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the dance floor.
"Did you get an invitation?" he continued as he willing followed her.
"People aren't invited," Jordan laughed. "They just come."
"Mrs. Gatsby hand delivered this to me," Nick told her taking out his invitation and showed Jordan. "Seems I was the only one invited. Who is Gatsby?"
"He was a German spy during the war," a handsome looking man said as he came walking over with a glass of champagne for Jordan.
"Teddy Barton, this is Nick Carraway," Jordan introduced before taking out a cigarette. "And as for who is Gatsby? There are plenty of rumors. Some say he's a businessman."
"No, no, no," Another man said approaching their group. "He's the Kaiser's assassin."
"I heard he killed a man once," a woman said as she passed them.
"True!" Another man chimed in from somewhere in the background.
"Kills for fun actually! Free too!" A second man added.
"Well, one thing is for sure. He's richer than God," Teddy Barton said as he settled into a table as he looked at a friend of his. "All that money and this is what he chooses to do with it!"
Jordan smiled as she grabbed Nick's arm, "Come on! Let's go find him!"
Rebecca watched as Jordan Baker pulled Nick up the grand staircase and down the hall towards the doors of the library. It was a room she seldom went into preferring to simply have Tilly select a book and bring it to her. Jay didn't like her being in there and she stayed far away.
An angry Gatsby was something she'd rarely seen and she didn't want to see him often. She'd overheard the group gossiping about Jay and as amusing as it was, it also reminded Rebecca that she truly knew very little about her husband. He told her bits and pieces that he wanted her to know about him when they had been engaged, but nothing more. It was frustrating, but she refused to ask anyone about him. She wasn't going to stir the gossip around them anymore by admitting she didn't know much about her husband. Crawley walked up to her holding a silver tray with a single glass of champagne on it.
"It's always boring," Rebecca told him with a small smile as she picked up the glass. "But what is so interesting about Carraway to him, Crawley? I can't quite figure it out."
"I couldn't answer that, ma'am," Crawley replied as he followed her up the stairs to the second floor. Stepping out onto the balcony that was empty, Rebecca rested her hands against the stone railing and looked down at the intense party below.
Confetti was falling and the band was playing on and on as the never ending dancers continued to dance, laugh and have a good time. All were ignorant of what really happened behind the grand doors of Gatsby Manor.
Spotting Nick stepping outside again with Jordan Baker, Rebecca was amused to see Teddy Barton stalk away angrily after seeing Nick at Jordan's side. She stood there watching them silently for almost an hour with Crawley and Tilly faithfully near her side. They both stood at the French doors that opened to the balcony and turned away guests that had tried to join her.
She watched on, letting herself slip into the fantasy that she was one of them below. Partying freely and not having a care in the world. She wasn't married to a man she hardly knew and she hadn't fooled herself into loving him. Mary was still with her and Elizabeth was as darling as ever. Everything was perfect and watching the glittering colors, Rebecca almost convinced herself it was true.
Barton finally stole away Jordan Baker from Nick and Rebecca picked up her near empty champagne flute. It was now or never and she had to speak to him before he slipped away again. Maybe she could convince him to dance with her. She'd longed for a dance or two. She hadn't danced in a very long time.
Gatsby abandoned her at the party and seldom did any man notice her or ask her to dance. The last time she could clearly remember dancing had been at her wedding and it hadn't even been with Gatsby. No one here interested her except for Nick. There was just something about him that she like and drew her to him.
Quickly leaving, Rebecca managed to reach the outside just in time to see Gatsby approaching Nick. She stood at the top of the twin staircases with several of Gatsby's men standing around the veranda as they created a perimeter so that guests couldn't get to the landing from the steps.
"Your face is familiar. Weren't you in the third division during the war?" Gatsby said and Nick looked up startled.
"Uh yes, the ninth battalion," Nick answered accepting the glass of champagne that Gatsby offered. Nick didn't even notice that she was standing at the top of the steps waiting for them both. His eyes were too busy being fixed on the back of Jordan Baker as she was being dragged away by Teddy Barton. Rebecca was sure that Teddy Barton was the whiny, snobbish son of a rich banker that her mother had an affair with at some point.
"I was in the seventh," Gatsby said and Rebecca cocked her head to the side as she watched Nick follow Gatsby up the steps like a puppy dog. Rarely did she ever hear about Gatsby speak about the war and when he did it always intrigued her to no end.
"I knew you looked familiar. Having a good time, old sport?"
Rebecca turned grasped the iron railing in front of her. She wanted to hear exactly what Gatsby was going to say as she turned to look at him. Gatsby's blue eyes met her briefly and he ignored her as Nick followed him up the steps.
"The whole thing is incredible. I live just next door. He sent me an actual invitation," Nick gushed and produced the said invitation. "Well, actually his wife delivered the invitation. It seems I'm the only one who has one. I still haven't met Mr. Gatsby. I've met his wife, I like said, when she gave me the invitation. No one's met either of them and I can't find them at this party. Everyone says they've never met the Gatsby's before. I will say that I've heard all kinds of rumors about Mr. Gatsby. They say he's third cousin to the Keizer and second cousin to the devil."
Rebecca grasped the railing tighter as Jay came to stand next to her. His scent was intoxicating and it was the closest that Gatsby had come to be next to her in a long time. She could feel the fabric of his suit jacket on her bare arm. It gave her goose bumps and made her heart pound in her chest. Nick turned to clasped Gatsby on the shoulder. Her husband quickly reached in front of her quickly and grabbed a glass of champagne from the tray that had materialized along with Crawley.
"I'm afraid I haven't been a very good host, old sport, and neither has dear Rebecca. You see, I'm Gatsby," Jay said with one of his rare smiles as he held the champagne flute and turned to look at Nick. She didn't turn around when Gatsby introduced himself. Instead, she looked at Crawley and the second glass on the silver tray. Crawley opened his suit coat a little and she spotted a silver flask. Crawley winked at her as she picked up the champagne flute.
She drowned it quickly as she watched the fireworks go off over the bay. The colors were rich blues, greens, reds and it was stunning to watch. Music continued to play and she watched the people as Gatsby continued to speak.
"Sorry, old sport, I thought you knew. I thought dear Rebecca would have found you and told you."
Hearing her name, Rebecca turned and looked at Gatsby, "I found Mr. Carraway when you did, dear."
The word 'dear' felt like acid on her lips, but Gatsby smiled at her and took her glass. He placed it with his own champagne glass on a passing tray and sent her a look. Rebecca could see a warning in his blue eyes.
"Please just…" Nick started looking embarrassed. "I don't know what to say. Please, forgive me."
"It's fine," Gatsby smiled as he clasped Nick on shoulder, "You remember my dear wife, Rebecca? You've met before."
Rebecca wanted to gag at being called his 'dear wife'. It was all a part of an act to show the world how much of a supposedly happy couple they were when in truth, they were both apart of an emptiness that expanded past anything she had ever experienced.
"I do apologize Nick for not find you earlier," Rebecca said with a false smile as she turned to look at him. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
Crawley, who had slipped away unnoticed returned wearing a look Rebecca, knew well. Business was calling.
"Yes?" Gatsby asked as Rebecca watched Crawley lean into Gatsby to whisper.
"Mr. Gatsby, sir," he said quietly. "Chicago on the wire."
"I'll be in just a moment," Gatsby told him quietly before turning back to look at Nick. "I'm taking my new hydroplane out in the morning. Would you like to go with me?"
Gatsby began to walk with Nick and Rebecca quickly followed. Gatsby's silent dismissal of her had been clear, but she wanted to stay with Nick and enjoy the party with him. He brought a thrill to her shallow life that she enjoyed.
"What time?" Nick asked as the crowd parted ways for them thanks to the men dressed in suits that looked menacing.
"The time that suits you," Gatsby smiled as they reached the top of the steps. He kissed Miss Baker's hand in a way that made jealously surge through Rebecca's veins, but she quickly reined herself in. Gatsby excused himself and Crawley fetched Jordan as the grand closing of the fireworks started to go off.
"You never did answer my question," Rebecca said with a smile as she stood on the steps looking at Nick. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
Nick simply smiled as the music continued to play and the fireworks went off. As soon as the fireworks were finished people went clamoring back to the dance floor and Rebecca felt herself being pulled to the dance floor by Nick. She smiled even more and the moment their feet hit the floor they were dancing and they didn't stop until the party was nearly over and people were leaving.
At some point, Nick slipped away from her and Rebecca found herself looking for him again. She was nearly knocked over by Jordan Baker who was once again being dragged away by Teddy Barton for what was probably the fourth time that evening.
"Nick! I've just heard the most shocking thing! It all makes sense!" Jordan proclaimed loudly as Crawley, who had caught her before she could fall, helped Rebecca to stand upright.
"What makes sense?" Nick shouted as Rebecca followed them curious to know what Jordan was talking about.
"Everything!" Jordan told him as Rebecca grabbed the railing and listened. A familiar scent of cologne reached her and she knew that Gatsby was behind her. His hands were probably behind his back as he watched the scene unfold. Rebecca missed whatever Jordan said next. Her senses were on overload and she wondered if there was something wrong with her.
Every time Gatsby was close to her, she felt warmth fill her body and she desperately tried to push all of it away. Her mother's voice in her head screamed at her to forget the feelings. It didn't matter and Rebecca had promised herself that she wouldn't love Gatsby.
She'd promised herself years ago that she would lock away all the feelings he'd made her experience as a woman. Yet, every time he touched her or was near her, that resolved weakened and the horrible truth that she still did have feelings for the man awoke inside her. It scared her and she wanted to run far away from him, but her legs wouldn't work. The car that Jordan Baker was in drove off and Nick turned back looking disappointed.
"I'm sorry that I stole her away for the evening, old sport," Gatsby said as he moved to stand beside her. "I hope that my own wife was a satisfactory replacement for your evening."
Rebecca turned to look at Gatsby with annoyed look and tight smile. "Nick was a darling. We had such a wonderful time dancing. Didn't we, Nick?"
Nick nodded back at Rebecca with a sweet smile, "We did indeed have a wonderful time. Your wife is a wonderful woman, Mr. Gatsby. A fabulous dancer, by the way."
"Don't forget we're going up in that hydroplane tomorrow morning, old sport," Gatsby said as Crawley came back wearing a blank expression.
"Mr. Gatsby, sir. Philadelphia on the phone," he said in a low tone.
Gatsby nodded and smiled at Nick, "Good night, old sport."
Rebecca watched as Gatsby left without a word to her and looked back at Nick, trying to hide any pain that Gatsby had just caused.
"Good night, Nick. I hope you had a wonderful time," she said quietly.
"Good night to you as well, Rebecca," Nick smiled seemingly unaware of her internal pain, "I did have a wonderful time."
Rebecca gave him one last smile as Crawley came back to stand guard next to her. They both looked up when a car flipped over and an old man with owl eyes popped up looking over the car. Jordan Baker stood up in a car and waved Nick down.
"Nick! Come visit me! We'll have tea! Look me up! I'm in the phone book!"
Nick's attention immediately turned back to Jordan and he waved with a smile. Jealously flared inside of Rebecca but she quickly killed it again. She had no right to be jealous.
Nick wasn't hers.
"I'll call you up!" Nick yelled to Jordan with a final wave.
He looked satisfied and Rebecca turned away to look at Crawley, "Send Tilly to draw up a bath. A nice hot one, Crawley."
"Yes, Mrs. Gatsby," he said in his deep raspy voice, "I will."
The evening hadn't been a complete loss and Rebecca smiled a little hoping that Nick would come to next weekend's party. She wouldn't mind dancing with him again. He was a good dancer and she dearly loved to dance.
Sunday
June 29, 1922
Rebecca sat in the beach chair nervously watching both Nick and Jay in the hydroplane. Something about it made her uncomfortable. Gatsby said something as they pulled up to the dock and Nick laughed. It was so rare that they had people over for personal reasons that to see Nick there and know that he was attending lunch with them made her heart flutter with excitement.
She'd always liked entertaining, but Gatsby definition of entertaining and hers weren't exactly the same. Crawley was standing ever so faithfully near her with Tilly. They so rarely left her side that sometimes Rebecca completely forgot they were there. A footman came down and whispered something in Crawley's ear and she watched Crawley nod.
"What is it?" Rebecca asked him curiously. "Is another city calling on the wire? God only knows how popular we are."
"It's not the wire, Mrs. Gatsby," Crawley said in his deep voice. "Lunch is ready to be served when you deem fit on the veranda."
It was almost shocking to know that lunch was ready and a city wasn't calling instead. It always seemed that Gatsby was being taken away by some sort of phone call. Settling back into her comfortable seat, Rebecca twirled the lace parasol she always used to shade her from the sunlight between her fingers as she watched Nick and Gatsby step onto the dock. She turned to look at Tilly. Crawley whispered something to Tilly that sent the girl racing away.
"She's gone to get refreshments for everyone, Mrs. Gatsby. Lemonade if that's alright," Crawley said again.
Rebecca nodded in agreement and looked back towards the dock to see that the men were walking towards them. The invisible mask of pretending to be a happy wife slipped back on with ease. They had an act to preform as much as Rebecca hated it. She didn't want anyone, especially Nick, knowing how truly unhappy she was with Gatsby.
Only Tilly and Crawley saw her personal struggles and she felt like that was two people too many that had seen her misery.
"We'd better go check on, dear Rebecca. Make sure her heart is still beating, old sport," Gatsby said. "She is not into new inventions like I am. I think she's afraid one of them will kill me soon."
Nick smiled, "No woman wants to think of herself with no income. Women as young as your wife especially don't want to think about being widows."
Gatsby chuckled, "The stock market could crash next week or something could kill me and yet, she'd have no worry in the world about money. I've invested well and very little of it is in stock, old sport. There is other business out there besides bonds and banking, but those are by far the most respectable."
Nick smiled as they walked up the dock to where Rebecca was lounging in the beach chair wearing a light pink muslin dress. Her arms were bare to the sun and the dress ended just below her knees.
"Did you both enjoy yourselves?" she asked with a smile as she stood up. "You both looked like you were having a marvelous time."
"It was wonderful," Nick said with a smile.
"Good! Tilly's gone to get you both some lemonade and lunch is ready whenever you're ready to eat," Rebecca grinned at Nick as Gatsby moved away to have a hushed conversation with Crawley. She tried to ignore the feeling that they were talking about the wire and other cities. Gatsby turned around after a few moments and smiled.
"We'll have lunch and then I'll tell you the surprise I have for both of you," he smiled.
Rebecca looked at him as she struggled to hide her shock at the idea of Gatsby surprising them with anything. Rarely did she ever get anything from him. Maybe a trinket here and there on her birthday or a gift for Christmas, but they were rarely things she even liked or would use. A silver pen set and a pink diamond bracelet was what she'd gotten for her last birthday in April. She'd loved them both, but Tilly had let slip that Gatsby had let Crawley pick out the gifts for her.
Rebecca had been crushed to learn that the butler, not her husband, had chosen her birthday presents. The gifts had been locked away in the safe that was kept in Gatsby's office ever since then. She'd placed the items in late one night when Gatsby had been on the wire in the library. If he knew they were in the safe, he didn't say anything about it. She didn't think he cared too much about it anyways. His silence always spoke volumes.
Gatsby clasped Nick on the shoulder and they began walking towards the house. They were already deep in conversation by the time they reached the clothed table that had been set up for an outdoor lunch. It went exactly how Rebecca knew it would go. Jay and Nick spoke about all kinds of subjects from baseball to stocks to traveling. Listening to Jay wow Nick with stories of his travels made Rebecca realize how much she'd yearned for the supposed honeymoon Gatsby had tantalized her with during their engagement. He'd promised to take her to London and Paris. He'd show her everything she'd want to see and buy her anything she wanted or needed to have.
Cold reality had hit a few weeks into their marriage that his whole plan of a honeymoon had been a mirage. Something he'd used to reel her in like a fish to a worm on a hook. She'd stupidly fallen for it and it had taken a while, but Rebecca had resigned herself to the fact that everything Gatsby had promised wasn't going come true. He was a fairy tale in the end. Like in all stories, the part that came after the 'Happily Ever After' was omitted and revealed only when it was too late for her to change her mind.
Sitting back in her chair and watching them, Rebecca was keenly aware of how out of place she felt. Jay and Nick were siting and enjoying themselves. Right when Rebecca thought that she couldn't bear to be left out anymore, Crawley materialized.
"What it is Crawley?" Gatsby asked as Rebecca looked over her shoulder at the older butler.
"There's a call for Mrs. Gatsby," Crawley answered.
"Who is it?" Rebecca asked trying to keep her voice steady and hide her excitement. She liked to get phone calls, but Gatsby was always pressing her about keeping the wire open. More often than not, many women in New York still sent her the old style letters and hand invitations to let her know when she was supposed to come and visit them or attend a function. It was rare that she was phoned, but it felt like a small treat to brighten her day when it did happen.
"Miss Elizabeth Harper is calling," Crawley stated. "She's wishing to know if you'd like to accompany her on a shopping expedition tomorrow, Mrs. Gatsby."
The thought of Elizabeth brought a large smile to Rebecca's face. She always felt better after going shopping with Elizabeth, no matter what the problem was. Elizabeth had a rare gift that she could make anyone smile regardless of the situation. It was joy and Rebecca dearly wished she could have Elizabeth's innocent view of the world again. She'd never revealed the details of her marriage to her sister.
Instead, Rebecca let Elizabeth think the world of her brother-in-law. Gatsby truly doted on Elizabeth like a she was his own little sister and more often than not, it left Rebecca feeling jealous. Like always, she tried to push those feelings down and lock them away. Elizabeth's love for Gatsby was truly that of what a sister felt for her brother. Despite everything that had happened to her, Elizabeth was one of the few people that Rebecca could truly claim she loved. The other person being Mary, who was now long lost to her. She quickly turned to look at the gentlemen her smile lessening only a little.
"Excuse me," she told them as she quickly stood up and dropped her linen napkin on the table. "I'll be back soon."
Gatsby said something about not talking to long on the wire, but Rebecca ignored him. She didn't care about his little wire. She didn't give a fig if someone from his business called. They could call back later. She had a chance to talk to Elizabeth and arrange a shopping day for tomorrow. She wasn't going to let Gatsby ruin her joy. Trying to walk at a reasonable speed down the hallways to the library where the phone was, Rebecca nearly yanked the phone out of the poor foot man's hand that was holding it as he waited for her. Sinking down into the chair next to the small circular table where the phone normally sat, Rebecca held it to her ear with a smile that never left her face during the whole conversation.
It had shocked her when she'd looked up to see Gatsby looking down at her as she spoke to Elizabeth. Glancing at the clock, Rebecca was even more shocked to see that nearly a half an hour had passed since Crawley had come to get her. Quickly saying goodbye to her sister, Rebecca ended the call.
"How's your sister?" Gatsby asked as he sat down in the seat across from her. He crossed his legs like always and stared at her with a blank expression that unnerved Rebecca. It was almost impossible to tell what he was think sometimes and she was never quite sure how to answer his questions about family.
"She's well," she finally said after a few seconds of pause. "She and I are going to go shopping in New York tomorrow. I be won't here for most of the day."
"I'm sure you'll both enjoy seeing each other," he replied as she stood up and smoothed the crinkles out of her muslin dress.
"Of course," Rebecca told him as he also stood up, "I dearly love seeing Elizabeth and we're both so busy that sometimes I feel as though I've gone a very long time without talking to her."
"You practically write notes to each other every day," Gatsby said smoothly. "I would hardly call that a very long time."
"To me it is," she defended. "She's the only sister I have left. Forgive me if I want to cling as tightly to her as possible."
"Ah…we wouldn't want another Mary in the family, would we?"
Rebecca's shoulders went ridged at Gatsby cool mention of Mary Harper. Neither her parents nor Elizabeth spoke openly about the middle daughter in the Harper family, but Mary's ghost never quite left them. Her absence was like an ache that never fully went away and Gatsby was right that she clung tightly to Elizabeth. Truthfully, she didn't want her darling sister making the same ignorant mistakes that both she and Mary had made. Rebecca wanted a different life for Mary and she was determined not to see Elizabeth seduced by a womanizing bastard or trapped in a loveless marriage.
"Elizabeth and Mary are nothing alike," she told him coolly.
"You're correct," Gatsby conceded. "Nick went home, by the way. He had business to attend to."
"Reading all those books on finance?"
"Something like that, I believe. I did invite him though to go with us to see the New York City Orchestra's performance of Holst's The Planets tomorrow night. Try not to exhaust yourself tomorrow with all that shopping," Gatsby told her as he picked up the phone and poised a finger ready to dial whatever city he needed to speak with.
Rebecca stared at him for a moment not quite sure she had heard right. Had Gatsby said that they were going to a musical performance? He hadn't taken her to a performance since he'd married her. Anything she wanted to go see resulted in her sitting on her own in their box as people gossiped around her trying to come up with reasons as to why such a pretty bride like her was all alone.
"Holst?" she questioned looking at him confused. "We're going to go see Holst's Planets?"
"The Times said it was well performed," Gatsby said still holding the phone. "If you don't like it, you don't have to accompany us. You're more than free to do whatever you wish."
Rebecca couldn't stop herself as practically threw herself at Gatsby. He barely caught her as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pressed several kisses to his smooth cheek. Only later would she think of the incident as the closest physical contact she'd had with her husband in years but in that moment all Rebecca could think about was how excited she was that he'd be going with them to the show. She was so excited to be going with him.
"Oh, thank you!" she gushed as she let go of Gatsby. He looked like a cat that had been dropped in water, but she didn't care. She was too happy to care. Tomorrow would be so wonderful that she felt like nothing in that moment could steal the rare little piece of happiness she felt.
"Yes, well," Gatsby said smoothing back the hair that had been messed up from her nearly knocking him over. "I'm sure you have plenty of things to do for tomorrow."
He slammed the phone down and Rebecca didn't care that he'd left the library. She was suddenly aware of what it felt like to touch her lips to his smooth, warm cheek. A familiar tingle started low in her abdomen and traveled over her body. Her body burned from where Gatsby's hands had touched her hips. Her heart pounded in her chest as her actions were replayed over and over again in her mind. Touching him woke something in her she didn't fully understand and the feeling of his body against her left her whole body hot.
Her nipples ached from where they'd pressed against his strong chest. Rebecca wasn't sure what she wanted or needed but her whole body ached for something more. It was like it knew what it wanted better than she did.
It scared her and thrilled her at the same time. Whatever was happening to her from being close to Gatsby and kissing him was new and different. It wasn't the same tingle she felt from looking at Nick. No, these feelings were far stronger than anything she'd ever experienced with anyone. She briefly remembered her mother telling her about a marriage bed and Rebecca wondered if these feelings were a part of that. Whatever she was feeling, it felt deliciously good and akin to slow torture.
Reality came crashing down and it forced her to sit down from the sheer shock of what happened between her and Gatsby, the feelings that Gatsby had stirred in her died down and left her in horror. She'd let herself slip from behind the wall she'd built up. She promised herself she'd never do what she did again. The feelings he brought to her body and mind weren't safe to dwell on and it would be far better if she locked them away along with everything that happened between them. Resting her head back, Rebecca looked up at the ceiling and acknowledged that there was one thing Gatsby was good at.
Torture.
He was a master of slow torture and he tortured her every day. He put feelings in her heart and in her head. Feelings that she could never act on and Rebecca knew that those feelings would slowly kill her.
Just like they had slowly killed Mary until nothing was left but misery and heartbreak.
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