Do you STILL know how stupid it would be it Dynasty Warriors was actually realistic?
Running as a Woman
Lian Shi runs away from arrows with Sun Quan. They stop to take cover behind a tree.
"We have to get rid of them."
"Nrragh..." Lian Shi pushes on her chest while groaning in pain.
"I can't run with these damn breast implants..." She bends herself back to create a loud cracking noise. "Ow! My spine!"
""What's wrong?"
"What's wrong is these sacks of sand on my chest!"
"I don't see anything wrong."
"Me either." The two turn to see an archer staring at Lian Shi with his bow down. Lian Shi hits him in the face with her crossbow angrily.
Eating Pt. 3
Zhang Bao breaks a pot to hold up a roasted chicken. He looks down to his left and sees his health is in the blue.
"Meh. No harm and eating this." He eats the chicken and continues his run through the field. He breaks another pot to pull out another chicken. his health is still full and he shrugs.
"...Weeeelll... I can't let this go to waste..." He eats that.
*An hour later*
Zhang Bao trudges along while groaning and holding his bloated stomach.
"Urrgh... Uhg... I ate so much..." Xing Cai runs next to him yelling out,"You didn't need to eat every single chicken you find!"
"But... It would go to waste by disappearing into thin air..."
Music
Your typical Dynasty Warriors soundtrack plays in the background as Han Dang runs across the battlefield. He stops and yells out angrily,"What is that damn noise?!" He sharply turns around to see a band playing loudly as they bobbed their heads violently to the music.
"HEY!" The band quickly stops and look up with widen eyes. "Cut that out!"
The band looks down sadly while they carry their instruments as they walk away from the field.
"Aw, that was my jam though..." said a disappointed Sun Jian standing nearby.
Horse Physics
Ma Chao rides towards a large army of soldiers and stops.
"There are too many of them." A text box with Ma Dai on the left of it appears under him.
"Use the boost to get through!"
"What boost? This is a horse! Where is the boost?!"
"Press Circle to use the boost! Now try a somersault!"
"I can't do that-Whhhaaagh!" Ma Chao's horse suddenly glows and speeds through the army with ease, knocking away soldiers. He falls off the horse, but he manages to grab onto the saddle just in time. As the horse runs fast through the giant mass of soldiers, Ma Chao flaps around while firmly holding onto the saddle and yelling. The horse slows down, letting Ma Chao to climb back onto his horse.
"That was... interesting..." Ma Dai appears again as a text box under him.
"Now do a barrel roll!"
"There's no such thing!"
"You're becoming more like your father." Ma Chao takes out a knife and angrily jams it into Ma Dai's head while it was still in the text box. Ma Dai frowns and says as blood trickles down his face,"Oh... Right..."
Heels
Zhen Ji runs behind a few soldiers until she trips and falls down. A loud crack is heard.
"Argh..." She looks at her foot to see it was bent with a giant mosaic censoring a red blot near her ankle.
"...Uggh... I hate these shoes..." She sees Zhang He running past her in similar shoes as her.
Climbing ladders
Xiahou Dun climbs a ladder and feels something poke his behind.
"Agh!" He looks down to see a soldier so close to his behind, the animation glitches for his head to be into his butt.
"Come on! Go!" yelled out the soldier.
"Get your head out of my ass!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. All I'm trying to is to get to the top of the castle."
"Could you at least go down a bit?"
"How about you go up and let us do our job here? Huh?! Just go up ahead of me and problem solved, okay?"
"Fine."
Xiahou Dun climbs upwards, but not fast enough so that soldier agains gets stuck in his animated behind.
"You're doing it again!"
"You climb too slow!"
"This is the fastest I can climb!" Upwards at the castle wall, an burly enemy soldier takes a boulder and throws it downwards towards Xiahou Dun. The boulder hits him in the head, causing him to fall off the ladder, and down towards the ground far below. The same soldier remains on the ladder and continues climbing as if nothing happened.
NSFW fanart
Long objects censored by mosaics are flapping near a terrified Xu Shu.
"So many dicks! Why Pixiv?! WHHYYYYYY?!"
Jumping from High Cliffs
"Last one down the mountain has to buy!" yelled out Gan Ning as he speeds ahead of Ling Tong. He chases after him. Gan Ning makes a grin and hops off the mountain path to fall towards the ground.
"Hahaha! Sucker!"
Ling Tong stops to look over and flinch when a loud squish is heard. He looks over again to wince slowly.
"Ooh... Bummer... Ew... A vulture is getting to it..."
Dw Intros Pt.4
*DW6 intro*
Zhao Yun runs towards the river while the soldiers standing on boats were ready to attack him. He takes one step and falls into the water.
"Waagh! Phht!" Zhao Yun instead swims towards on boat and climbs onto it slowly. He sees feet in sandals and he looks up to see Jesus Christ.
"Oh... Hi?"
"Hello." Jesus Christ gives Zhao Yun a kick to the face, sending him back into the water.
"Only I get to run on water, BITCH!"
