Previous Disclaimers Apply
Chapter 3
Natalia came down the steps and over to the sofa; she sat down so that she was somewhat facing Olivia.
"Hey." Said Natalia.
"Hey you." Replied Olivia.
Natalia reached for Olivia's hand slipping her right hand under Olivia's left; then placing her left hand on top of Olivia's. Olivia watched as a beautiful dimpled smile came across Natalia's face. Olivia, in turn, put her right hand on top of Natalia's left so that their hands were all sandwiched together.
"So, about the kiss today. I do really want to apologize, Olivia. I just couldn't help myself. You know I would never do anything to hurt you…"
"Natalia, it's OK, really. Look at me." Said Olivia as she reached up to Natalia chin lifting it so that their eyes met.
"I'm so very happy that you kissed me. I know we really haven't taken the traditional route here with our relationship. We were enemies and adversaries then boss and employee and then we forged into friends; but when Emma and I moved in here and you were taking care of us it changed. We came to depend on each other for so much and you became my best friend. I've never had anything like that before. How you managed to chisel your way into my heart I'll never know, but you did. And before I knew it we were a family; you became Emma's other mommy and the woman I fell in love with."
Natalia's smile grew bigger again at hearing Olivia professing her love to her for the first time. Olivia's hand had moved from Natalia chin to her cheek, caressing it as Olivia spoke.
"I don't want to scare you by saying that, but it's true. I love you and I love the family we've made here. I want to be with you; this is the happiest I have ever been and I don't want it to end. There are going to be hard times ahead; if you can't do this, I mean if your faith…if it's too hard, I need to know now. Natalia, I would never ask you to go against your convictions and if you can't handle this I'll walk away; but if you decide you want me, a life with me then I'll fight to the ends of the Earth to make sure it happens."
Olivia's hand left Natalia's cheek and returned to the sandwiched pile of hands on Olivia's lap resting again on Natalia's left hand. Natalia immediately felt the loss; she wanted Olivia's hand back on her cheek, her smile faded slightly. Olivia saw that, but tried not to take it as a negative reaction; that's when Olivia felt it or the lack of it.
"Natalia? Where are your wedding rings?"
"They're in my jewelry box. It was time Olivia. I realized that today. After I left the hospital I went to church."
Immediately, Olivia's mind to Natalia having to confess and ask forgiveness for passionately kissing a woman and fallen in love with said woman.
"Olivia, don't go there." Said Natalia sensing Olivia's feeling of rejection.
"There is nothing wrong with what we have and nothing that I need to seek absolution for. I went to church to light candles for my family. I thanked God for watching over you today. I asked Him to always watch over you because I don't think I could survive it if I lost you. I asked Him to help us always be friends and to be with Emma as you and I figure this out. I asked Him to watch over Rafe and Ava because they are separated from us right now and I also asked Him to watch over Frank. I am going to break his heart in a few hours and that I do feel I need forgiveness for. When I realized how I felt, not necessary that I was in love with you, but that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was not in love with Frank and never would be, I should have ended things then. It should have never gotten to the point of him proposing."
"Natalia, it's going to be OK. You were confused, struggling with your feelings; you can't be faulted for that. Plus, part of Frank's being hurt is my fault too."
"Your fault how?"
"I…I kinda sorta helped him."
"Helped him how?"
"In wooing you. The surprise dinner with your favorite foods, knowing when you needed to be cheered up, all that. I coached Frank."
Natalia got up from the sofa and took a few steps away. She felt like yelling at Olivia, but she didn't want to do that; it wouldn't solve anything. She returned to the sofa and sat back down.
"Why?"
"I realized that I was falling in love with you and I knew I would be no good for you on so many fronts. I'm a woman and your beliefs would never allow you to have a romantic relationship with me. So if I can't be the one to make you happy, I thought Frank would be a good substitute. He's a good man; he would be a good father figure for Rafe. He could give you a secure and safe home, more kids. Natalia, I can't give you any of these things; that's why I decided to help Frank. So, you see this is partly my fault too."
"Olivia, yes I have a strong faith in God and yes I was raised Catholic, but I don't agree with all of the doctrines. There are several that I strongly disagree with actually, one of which is same sex relationships. I've always felt that God is love and when I realized how I felt about you, I knew in my heart that it wasn't wrong. Why would God have led me on this path to you if we weren't meant to be together? Think about it Olivia. What are the odds that I would find Gus after all these years only to lose him and fall in love with you? As I was sitting there in church today I thought about a lot of things: my life growing up, Gus, raising Rafe alone, losing Gus, creating our family and falling in love with you. I realized it was time to finally lay Gus to rest completely and I took off my rings. It wasn't right for me to wear them any longer now that I have given my heart to someone else, you."
The ladies had shifted a bit closer on the sofa and were holding hands again.
"What about…do you…you say you don't have anything against same-sex relationships but how do feel…where does that come into play with…" Struggled Olivia trying to ask her question.
This time it was Natalia who lifted Olivia's head to look into her eyes.
"Olivia, I want what every couple in love has and that includes making love." Said Natalia.
She didn't want to say sex because in her mind she and Olivia would never just have sex; to Natalia when a couple in love shows their affections through sexual intercourse they are and will always be making love.
"I told as much to Father Ray." Added Natalia.
"You what?" Replied a startled Olivia, not thinking that Natalia would discuss something this personal.
"He caught me just as I was leaving; he could tell something was on my mind. I told him about Frank and having to ask forgiveness for hurting him. Father Ray could see that there was something more. I told him how I struggled with my feelings for someone else while I was with Frank and how I used sex with Frank to fight my feelings. Then I shocked him when I told him that it was you who I had fallen in love with."
"What did he say?"
"He tried to tell me I was wrong, he quoted the church doctrine and offered me counseling. I told him that I love you and that my love for you is pure, it's what God wants and it's something that does not need to be forgiven."
"Wow. You said all that?"
"I did. He wasn't too pleased, of course."
"How did you leave things?"
"He told me that if I live openly and try to bring you and Emma to church or church functions that we would likely not be welcomed. I told him that his reaction was what I expected and that I would have no problems is finding another church, one that will accept me and my family. Then I left and came home to you."
Olivia sat there, speechless. She knew Natalia loved her, but to go so far as to leave her church, Olivia felt at fault.
"Natalia, leaving your church, no."
Natalia could see that Olivia's selfless side was returning and that she was going to try to retreat. Natalia reached to Olivia's face one hand on each side of her chin.
"Olivia, I don't need a building to go to for worship. I know my relationship with God, it's right here." Said Natalia taking both her and Olivia's hands bring them to her chest and placing them over her heart.
"In my heart I know that God loves me and only wants me to be happy. You, Olivia, you make me happy. Do you feel that? It's beating for you Olivia. You are my heart. You are my everything."
Tears were gently rolling down Olivia's cheeks. Never before had such heartfelt words been spoken to her. Olivia felt as though her heart could possibly burst with the amount of love that was filling it now. Natalia leaned forward and kissed each tear away.
"So, we are going to do this? You, me together as a couple?"
"Yes, Olivia. I want to, do you?"
"Yes, yes I do, so much. I've never wanted anything or anymore as much as I want this and you. So where do we go from here?"
"Well, I want to talk to Rafe. I want him to hear this from me and I need to talk to Frank."
"You want to tell Rafe about us now? Wouldn't it be better to wait until he's home?"
"I don't want to wait Olivia. I've never lied to my son and I won't start now."
"Do you think…How do you think he will take it?"
"I've always tried to instill in him to have a open mind and to not pass judgment. He's told me on more than one occasion that he only wants me to be happy. I hope he truly meant that."
"OK. I'll support you whatever you do."
"If I leave now, I can still make visiting hours this afternoon. Then on my way home I'll talk to Frank. I am really not looking forward to seeing him."
"I know. Just remember how much I love you."
"I will."
"So, does this mean I can kiss you anytime I want now?"
"Hmm, I don't know." Replied Natalia playfully.
Olivia brought a hand to Natalia's cheek and gently stroked it.
"God, how I love you." Said Olivia.
"I love you too, Olivia, so much."
Their bodies obeyed the draw and connection between them as they both wanted this day, this moment, this declaration sealed with a kiss. Gently their lips met; Olivia moved one hand to Natalia's waist the other to the left side of her chin. Natalia had one hand on the side of Olivia's neck and the other around her side to the small of Olivia's back. Their lips slowly began to part and each was seeking the other's tongue. The kiss continued as deep breaths were inhaled through their noses and quiet moans and whimpers were release upon exhale. After a few minutes they broke the kiss.
"Wow." Said Natalia.
"Yeah, wow. So we get to do that more often, right?"
"Most definitely."
"Before you go, one last question."
"OK."
"Emma?"
"She's your daughter, Olivia…"
"No, she's our daughter, Natalia. I don't want to lie to her. If she doesn't know and people start to talk, I don't want her hurt like that."
"Then we tell her. I think on some level she already knows; her 'My Two Mommies' presentation. I think she's mature enough to understand. You've raised a beautiful generous and very smart little girl, Olivia."
"You had a hand in that you know. OK, we tell Em tomorrow."
"OK. So, I'll head on so I can see Rafe and Frank."
"Alright, I need to go to the store for a couple of things for dinner tonight. So good luck with Rafe and Frank. Call me if you need me, OK?"
"OK, I will."
With another kiss, this one not as long the ladies went their separate ways, both looking forward to being back together in just a few short hours.
TBC…
