Ghostly Dreams

AN: I am back!

Part 3 – The truth in the mist

I don't know exactly what I was expecting going to the hospital like this. Well, I know what I was expecting, I just didn't know what I was hoping to accomplish. I was expecting to find Gakupo in the psychiatric ward then he would say that he didn't wanted me to find out like this, then we would stand awkwardly in silence and then maybe he would explain me what happened. I just didn't knew what to do afterwards.

Was I going to keep going to the graveyard? Or would I start meeting him here in the hospital?

That was the expectations I held… What I got instead was something I wasn't prepared for…

"I don't think we barging into the Hospital like this is going to be seen well under the Kamui family!" Al complained as I pulled him behind me.

"Don't worry, we'll say we were friends with Gakupo," I said with an eager smile.

"But what if the family starts second guessing us?" He asked.

"They won't, what happened to him, anyway?"

"How would I know?!" Al said startled. "You're the one saying you know him! All I found was that he was on the hospital. Look, Kaito, if we get back, we'll still catch the second half of the class. It's better than getting kicked out of a hospital by security!"

"Stop being such a worry wart!"

We finally got to the reception of the hospital and asked to go meet with Gakupo Kamui. They asked us to wait since family was already visiting him, so, I and Al remained in the waiting room for the time being. A few minutes into waiting, we finally saw a couple with purple hair come out the door. The woman was the face of Gakupo, long eyelashes, beautiful long purple hair but red eyes instead of blue, the short haired middle aged man next to her was the one with blue eyes. I realized those might be Gakupo's parents. Behind them was an elderly lady with faded brown hair and blue eyes. She looked at us almost instantly.

The nurse went to talk to them and they looked at us. The younger woman in the group was clearly upset, tears rolling down her tired eyes. She was suffering so much… She looked at us tiredly and shook her head covering her eyes and walking away, the middle aged man carefully holding onto her. I looked down feeling quit uncomfortable with that woman's suffering, I could feel it from where I stood.

It was the elderly woman who came to us. "Good afternoon," she started, looking at us as if we were garbage who crawled out of a sewer "You're friends of my Ga-kun?"

We got up and bowed at the lady. "Yes man, we came to visit him," I said.

"I don't remember ever seeing you before…"

And I felt Al flinch behind me. But I remained remarkably calm. "I had to move some time ago to Tokyo, only a few days ago did I return. When I went looking for Gakupo I was told he was in the hospital… Dear god, seems even yesterday I was talking with him… What happened? They didn't tell me anything…"

"It reckons," the woman said shaking her head. "It's not like they have come to visit him or anything." She stared at me and Al carefully. "You certainly don't look like any of the delinquents my reckless grandson used to walk around with. So why'd you come visit him? He owes you drug money or something?"

I flinched and looked back at Al who was the one to talk.

"Ma'am…" Al started. "We don't know what kind of friends Ga-k-kun walked around with, but we're not that kind of people, we really were his friends and cared for him."

"Sure, whatever you say, it's not like he can do much for you. I'll take you to see him, just leave my daughter out of it, she's in enough pain with that good for nothing son of hers."

We looked at each other and followed the bitter old woman. She said nothing more, which made me feel quite uncomfortable.

"S-so… what happened to G-gakupo?" I started.

"Overdose," she explained and I felt myself freeze. Gakupo was a drug addict? That would explain his behavior, he was probably delusional or something.

"Overdose?"

"Yes, he took enough coke to fry his brain," she explained and said nothing more.

We finally arrived at the room and we entered first, she remained at the door waiting for us. I looked at the person inside and held my breath to contain my tears…

It wasn't him.

On the room was a very young teen, younger than me, probably no more than 14 or 15 years old. He had shoulder length purple hair, very messy and somewhat greasy. His skin was so pale it almost looked the same color as the white pajamas he was wearing. He was very skinny and unuttered, and his face was very thin, as if someone had covered a skull with a thin thread of white fabric. His eyes were a faded blue color, deprived of shine and life, completely unresponsive and framed by yellow darkened bags, with very long eyelashes.

That wasn't Gakupo…

He was sitting on a wheelchair, staring out the window, a bandage wrapped around his head. To be honest, it didn't seem like he was actually seeing anything. I sat in front of the boy completely shocked. I couldn't speak, I couldn't even think properly. He was attached to a machine that was measuring a slow and regular heartbeat and he had an IV on. I waved my hand in front of his face, but he didn't even react to it. His breathing shallow, as if he was sleeping with his eyes opened.

"W-what is… he had?" Al asked, stumbling on his Japanese as if he had forgotten how to speak Japanese for a second or two, probably from the shock.

"The doctors don't know. At first we thought he was brain dead, but his brain still can hold his vital functions, but he is completely catatonic and he doesn't respond to any outer stimuli," the elderly woman said, and sighed. "Medication for treating catatonia doesn't work either and according to the doctors, his brain has stopped receiving outer and inner stimuli." She spoke, she almost sounded like a shrink. "They actually cracked open his skull to see if he had any brain damage, but he had not major damage. We poked him with needles, burnt his fingers bit he doesn't respond to pain either… Hmph…" She did with despise. "If he was a good boy he'd die but not even that he can do. He's only causing suffering to my daughter. Useless brat… he won't even die."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR OWN GRANDSON?!" I snapped at the woman, I was crying now.

Crying for that boy, crying for his suffering mother and crying for myself, for who was that strange man on the graveyard, using the name of this suffering boy. I took my hand to my head and gripped my head looking down.

"You really do care for that boy…" I heard the old woman sigh. "We are all suffering for him in our own ways, kid. I am suffering double… I am suffering for my grandson and I am suffering for my daughter so don't be quick to judge me, or my anger towards him…"

I looked at the old woman. I knew very well she was using her grandson to vent off all of her suffering, but it was still hard to see this.

xxxXXXxxx

"It wasn't him, was it?" I heard Al ask me.

I am not entirely sure how I wandered with my friend to a café near our school. Both of us remained silent for the longest time, just staring outside. It was Al who asked tea for the two of us and a black chocolate ice-cream for me to "regain my energies". I could see in my reflection how drained I looked.

"No… it wasn't him," I mumbled. "That kid… He was the same age as Miku, I think…"

"Ye," he mumbled.

"What happened to his brother?" I asked Al who talked better with that boy's grandmother than I did.

"She said he has moved to US with his wife after this…" He explained.

"Al… I think I fell in love with a ghost…" I mumbled looking down.

"What are you saying Kaito?!" Al yelped. "Have you even heard yourself?"

"I met an odd man in the Graveyard. His name is Gakupo Kamui, he has purple long hair tied up like a samurai or like Kanga from that anime with the Interstellar song." I started and told him everything. Everything between me and Gakupo. When I was done he stared at him for a while.

"Wow…" Al mumbled. "Kaito, do you know what that means?"

"What?"

"You fucked a ghost! It's like necrophilia… only, ghostphilia! That is awesome!"

"AL!" I yelped shaking my head. "Do you have any idea what that means? He is dead! Being with a MAN is bad enough, if that man happens to ACTUALLY be dead how the hell do you expect us to have a relationship?!"

"But Kaito, he may be just lying. It's most likely that he is a Yakuza and just doesn't want to put you in problems…"

I sighed and looked away. "He isn't a Yakuza…"

I had to see him once more. I had to…

xxxXXXxxx

That day, when night came, alone, I made my way to the graveyard. Slowly I walked up the misty trail until I could see the samurai statue among the mist. I finally, slowly, heavily, as if I was about to do something I really disliked I stopped by the fountain. But, for my surprise…

"Gakupo?"

… he wasn't there. He was nowhere to be seen. I looked around for him but I couldn't see him. I walked around the fountain, even checked behind the statue, but he wasn't there. So, I just stood there, waiting. After what seemed to be hours, numbness and discomfort invaded my legs so I sat down on the fountain.

What was I doing there? What was I going to do and say? I wanted to know the truth, who was he really. But how could I put it? How could I ask it? Should I just ask him who he was? Should I tell him about the kid whose name he was using?

Once I heard rustling, with a jump, I got up from the fountain and looked behind me. There he was, he smiled at me kindly, the usual blue yukata falling neatly over his shoulders, but his hair, his beautiful purple hair set loose, framing his pale features like a work of art drawn by Da'Vinci himself (the only famous painter I could remember the name of mind – for god sake, he painted Mona Lisa, even I know who he is). I expected to find myself giving Gakupo a big warmfull smile, yet, I couldn't even force myself to smile. I just stared at him indifferently until, eventually, his own smile stopped.

"What's wrong, Kaito?" I could see concern in his misty blue eyes.

"Are you dead?" Was all I could muster.

The emotions that appeared on Gakupo's face were enough answer as it was. Shock, pain, shame and sadness, all overshadowing each other. Finally, frowning sadly and shamefully he looked down, but did not answer me. I walked towards him and asked again, this time with a more stern voice.

"Are you dead, Gakupo?!"

I kept getting closer to him, I saw him close his hands over his chest, as if trying to keep his yukata closed tightly. "ARE YOU DEAD?!" I kept yelling, until I had cornered him against the wall of someone's mausoleum.

"ARE YOU DEAD GAKUPO?!" I awaited an answer, yet he just looked down in silence. I grabbed his hands and tried to force his kimono open.

"K-kaito?! What are you doing?" I heard him yelp.

I felt myself be invaded by a sudden rage that I didn't even knew I could feel. I struggled with his experienced hands as he prevented me from stripping him bare right there in front on me. But I had to see what he hid. It had been on his chest, Gakupo had been stabbed on his chest, so, if he really was that Gakupo, he would have the wound there. And finally, I was able to force it open.

Silence took over me, like an ill omen, a dark cloud taking over my judgment. There it was, a gap straight through his heart, framed in purple and red bruising, blood still trickling from it, fading into the air. That was why he didn't left me strip him back then. He already knew. He wasn't an ignorant spirit, he knew, he had known all this time he was dead. Aware of the shame and knowledge that he had been fooling me, he avoided eye contact with me. I felt betrayed, misguided, fooled… violated by that man. I trusted him, I gave him myself, and he couldn't even share with me such a vital information about himself?!

He was dead, he was really dead. A ghost, a spectrum of a past era, a spirit… a demon. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to hurt him so bad for having concealed the truth from me. I just wanted to hurt him, to make him feel the same pain I was feeling, the pain I was feeling from my own brittle stupid hope that one day I could be happy besides that man.

"You're just like Aoi… You deceived me and took advantage of me…"

I mumbled staring at him, my own blue eyes clouded by tears that wanted desperately to be set free. His eyes widened in shock and he started sobbing. I shook my head and turned around, turning my back on him and walked away.

"K-kaito! Wait!" I heard him yelp and he tried to follow me, but I did not wait.

"I'm sorry Kaito!" He continued. "I'm so sorry! P-please forgive me! I did not try to take advantage of you! My feelings for you are earnest!"

But I ignored him. I could hear him yell my name, he was crying, trying to get me back. I heard suddenly running steps behind me, I stopped and looked back. He was running towards me, but, he seemed translucid, as if he was vanishing alongside the mist. I stared surprised and he extended his arms towards me, I placed my arms defensively in front of me.

"Don't you touch me!" I yelled closing my eyes and looking down.

I felt a cold hand, like a winter breeze touch my face slightly and I opened my eyes and looked up. Now he was completely white and see-through, like the ghosts in Harry Potter. He was crying, sobbing right in front of me, yet his sobs sounded very distant, his hand stall caressing my cheek.

"I'm sorry…" I heard him say, though it seemed more like a whisper taken by the wind.

"I'm so sorry… I truly love you… I'm sorry…" He continued, slowly his body disappearing, the light and the whiteness being driven away with the wind like the fog that filed the graveyard.

Yet, even hear his sobs and whispers, still being carried away.

"I'll never appear again… I'm sorry I deceived you… I'm so sorry…"

"I'm sorry," I mumbled and left the graveyard, to never return.

I hoped…