Chapter 3
Of little sleep and lacy lingerie
Brown eyes clashed. Temari managed to look formidable in a nightgown, while Tenten managed to look threatening in hair buns.
"The rules of hospitality dictate it Temari." Due to his extremely bland expression, Temari knew Gaara was enjoying this situation at her expense very much. While thankful her brother was no longer sadistic in the bloody massacre sense of the word, Temari wished Kankuro had not introduced Gaara to the more common form of sadism among siblings, which consisted mainly of the game 'try to drive our sister insane'.
"Found a pea under your mattress or something, princess?" Temari sneered at the bun-ny Leaf kunoichi, "Funny, I thought I was the one with royal blood around here."
"I found a lot of things under, beside and above my mattress, as you well know," Tenten growled. "Thought I couldn't handle your fan club, you- you Fan Girl?"
A crash in the next room signalled that Kankuro had fallen down laughing while eavesdropping on them.
"Kazekage," Tenten ignored the noise like a polite guest and turned to Gaara, bowing formally, "It's obviously very troublesome for your sister to have me room with her. I'll go back to the room assigned to me."
She wanted to point out Gaara had said there was a spare room. In hindsight, she should have found it very strange for a Kazekage to have a spare room right beside his own. She didn't want to know what he thought about his sister, in that case. A spare relative?
"That's even more troublesome," Gaara shook his head. "You'll stay here for the night."
"Actually, I believe on the relative scale of troublesomeness, leaving immediately would be much less troublesome-" Tenten began but Temari's shriek cut her off.
"Don't think I don't know what you two are doing!" They both looked at her with innocent expressions.
The door to Kankuro's room swung open and he exclaimed, "You can sleep with me, Tenten! It's no trouble at all." The door banged shut in his face with a swirl of Gaara's sand.
"Troublesome," Gaara sighed, in perfect mimicry of a certain laid-back shinobi that Temari wished had traveled to Suna with Team Gai.
"Gaara- you-" they had agreed not to tease their sister about this person but it sounded like all bets were off if she was going to deprive Tenten of sleeping accomodations. "Fine. You stay here. I need to go out and patrol anyway." She traipsed to the bathroom to change her clothes, muttering to herself.
"I'll take my leave of you then," Gaara inclined his head at Tenten, "Goodnight." He strode into his own room and shut the door firmly. Sinister laughter to could be heard from the other side.
Tenten stood still in the large dark room of the Kazekage's sister, trying to figure out what to do next.
In less than a minute Temari came out of the bathroom fully clothed and prepped, giant fan secured behind her back. Before Tenten could call her out on the attacks by strange kunoichi, Temari had tossed various articles of clothing from her drawer at Tenten, with a malicious smile, "Don't worry, I've never used these, you can wear them to sleep." And then she was gone.
Tenten pulled the itty-bitty thong off her face and blanched when she saw what it was.
Tenten's internal clock, which was perfectly synched with her team from years of practice, woke her up exactly an hour before the scheduled training. In other words, she had gotten fifteen minutes of sleep, tops.
Good thing she'd packed some clothes into her scrolls. A quick wash and she was off. Off where? Second star to the right, and straight on till morning. Only she knew the sparkling object from afar was not a star but the twinkle of Gai-sensei's smile.
"Exotic-sounding-ninja-technique!" someone yelled and Tenten had the sense to evade it just in time. She'd cheated death on numerous occasions thanks to the compulsion of some ninjas to shout out the jutsus they were about to use.
"Another girl," she muttered unhappily, as a feminine squawk erupted from where she had automatically retaliated with her own barrage of kunai. She was ready to conclude that Suna was populated by perpetually pre-menstrual kunoichi. She sped up to meet her team.
"30 laps around the Village should be adequate warm-up," Gai grinned after the initial waterfalls and rainbows and yosh! exchanges between himself and Lee. Neji looked deadpan whilst Tenten merely looked dead. She considered taking a soldier pill.
"Go!"
Neji was considerate enough to keep pace with Tenten, indulging what he termed her 'paranoid anxieties'.
"How was it then, sleeping so close to the Kage?" he asked in an attempt at small talk as they ran the perimeter of Suna.
"I hardly got any sleep, all right?" Tenten groused, "And that sister of his lent me the most scandalous lingerie imaginable. Lee's jumpsuit has nothing on it."
"You wore it then?" she shot Neji a dirty look while he smirked.
"I'd rather go naked," her tone was succinct.
"SLUT!" Out of nowhere, a dozen feminine screams rang out. Only Neji's Kaiten saved him and Tenten from becoming Suna shishkabob as all manner of weapon, flame, wind and earth attacks bombarded them.
Tenten and Neji stood back-to-back facing off against a horde of irate female Suna-nin who had sprang out of nowhere to surround them.
"Flirt!"
"Coquette!"
"Devil woman!" This and all forms of verbal abuse were thrown in Tenten's direction, with dire threats of bodily harm and mutilation. She tried not to be thrown off-balance, but Tenten felt completely at sea. What the hell was up with these girls?
She cast a meaningful look at Neji to tell him "SEE? I'm not a paranoid twit," but was surprised at how firmly his lips were pressed together. If the situation had not been so grim, she could swear that her team mate would, for the first time ever, in public, burst out laughing. As it was, he kept his position steady, and murmured in a low voice to her, "I had no idea what a seductress you were."
Tenten bristled. Okay. Two could play at this game. She hoped.
"You mean, me and Neji?" Tenten called out cheerily, "He's all yours ladies. We're not exclusive or anything." That ought to wipe the smile off his face.
To her utmost confusion, he began chuckling. Out loud.
"Of course you aren't exclusive, you tramp," orange-haired girl was back, she seemed the ringleader of the group, "You're too busy trying to canoodle our beloved Gaara-sama to even grasp the concept of fidelity."
"Ca-canoodle?" These kunoichi were collectively suffering from extended sunstroke, it had to be that. Or she was, and this was a fever-induced delusion. There was no other explanation.
"You know what? I don't care anymore. Rising twin dragons!" They weren't the only ones who could shout out their techniques while summoning from scrolls. She let the senbon fly.
"Ah, let's not breach the peace treaty," someone drawled as a powerful gust of wind blew away the needles tipped with sleeping drug (thrown with 100% accuracy). Tenten nearly groaned. Of course, if this was a nightmare, that instant replay of her failed chuunin exam was mandatory. Foiled, yet again!
"Temari," she bared her teeth in challenge. Finally, someone who actually had basis to pick a fight with her, "I've been meaning to ask you what the hell is going on around here? You say we shouldn't break treaty, but from the moment I arrived you've set all these ninja on me!"
"Me?" the blonde had the audacity to blink at Tenten, "I have nothing whatsoever to do with this."
"If that's true," Tenten scowled, "Why interfere now, then? I could take them."
A hoot of laughter startled her as Kankuro rose out of the sand, brushing dirt off his puppets, "I really do like you, Tenten-chan. So feisty."
She almost felt like crying. Why did these siblings remind her of Gai and Lee? But wait. There had to be more. "If you're both here, can Gaara be far behind?" she sighed.
"Oh no, he's still worn out from your nocturnal activities together," Kankuro said knowledgeably.
The shrieks from the female ninja redoubled to supersonic levels, and Tenten finally understood. She gaped. She looked at the smirking brother and sister duo. She gasped at Neji's averted profile and strained attempt to retain his composure. At that point, two beauteous green beasts from Konoha leaped into view.
"My beloved students/team mates!" Gai and Lee chorused in excitement. "Why is there a crowd here?"
Tenten smacked herself on the forehead.
Gaara didn't even need a swirl of sand to herald his arrival. He was simply there before anyone had sensed his presence. Tenten ceased her chasing of Lee (who she blamed completely for sweeping her into yet another group hug with Gaara upon arriving at Suna in full view of the fangirls) amidst the cheers of their sensei (who considered it excellent training) and the noise of the fangirls (who Temari was shooing away with her glares and threats) as Kankuro tried his best to keep a straight face and Neji managed it with a minimum of effort.
"Gaara!" Tenten yelled as she caught sight of him. The place became deathly quiet and everyone stared in horror. One did not yell at the Kazekage without repercussion. The Leaf kunoichi paid no heed, however, she was beyond proper protocol. Her HONOR had been called into question.
Tenten stalked straight up to the Kage and drew herself up, all righteous fury. She prodded him with a finger. "You. Need. A girlfriend," Tenten declared very emphatically.
"A girlfriend," the boy repeated. His expression became even more banal.
"Yes." Tenten nodded, calming down somewhat at his mild tone. "So this fangirl madness can finally stop."
"She would need to be from this village. With a high-class clan."
"Of course not," Tenten argued, heating up again, "Love is unconditional! She could come from any family or village, or none at all."
"From Leaf perhaps," he mused.
"Why not?" she shrugged expansively, "I'm from Leaf. I don't go on and on about clan lineage like some people do," Neji blinked. "And I didn't turn out too badly."
"So, I need a girlfriend. Someone like you."
"Right," Tenten said firmly.
Temari and Kankuro turned away, sniggering. Neji sighed, in resignation. Gai and Lee sighed, in goo.
"What?" Tenten raised an eyebrow as the corner of Gaara's mouth twitched for the third time that month.
"You- HUSSY!" insane screams of feminine anger erupted all around and poor Tenten had absolutely no idea why.
"Oh, how the flower of youth has bloomed," Gai sobbed as he and Lee embraced in sentimental muck, "Congratulations on your proclamation of love, Tenten!"
"I- wha?" it was almost a whine. Tenten stared hard at Gaara, who had been a lonely, misunderstood person until he met Naruto. Apparently, whatever he previously suffered was infectious and had now transferred on to her.
"Well, I'll see what I can do about it," Gaara said non-committally. "I take it you have volunteered for the position?"
"Guh," caught between a rock and a hard place, Tenten floundered. What was the politically-correct response? She looked to her sensei and Lee, and was met only with pulsating hearts and flowers. She looked to Neji, but of course he was all for arranged marriages in traditional Hyuuga style and conveyed the sentiment with a dry look. She didn't even dare glance in the direction of Gaara's siblings, as she could hearthem rolling on the ground, laughing.
"Only on a consultancy basis?" she employed the sparkly-eyed look in a last, desperate attempt.
The resulting furor confirmed that Tenten was adept at shovels as well as weapons. She kept digging herself into deeper and deeper holes.
