Isa sat on the edge of the fountain, listening to the breeze, watching the sun sink into the horizon. The rays painted the sky like a canvas, blending the pink and orange hues together like glistening watercolors. As far as he was concerned, Twilight Town's namesake could never compete with this sunset. Radiant Garden, his hometown, was every bit as radiant as Isa remembered.
He breathed in the cool, fresh air, letting himself relax after escaping the chaos that was the gathering inside the castle. Always a natural introvert, Isa despised crowds and social events, and was always quite comfortable to hide in the shadows and become intimately acquainted with the wall. He envied Lea for his charisma, always dumbfounded by how effortlessly his friend could mingle in any situation.
In his distracted state, he didn't hear the footsteps approaching him. He started, surprised to find someone sitting beside him. When he recognized who had joined him, his stomach dropped and he nearly lost his nerve and ran away.
"Roxas…!"
"Are you okay?"
"Uh… Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I just… I've never been comfortable with crowds."
Roxas gave him a nod and a warm smile. "I understand. It's overwhelming."
Isa was silent again, completely lost for words. What could he possibly say after what they'd been through? In his jealousy, he was cold and antagonistic to Roxas for the better part of the one year he got to be alive. Then, the first thing he did after Roxas was brought back from Sora's heart was try to kill him. It was a wonder why the kid even came outside.
"Radiant Garden sure has nice sunsets. Almost as nice as Twilight Town."
"Yeah."
"You lived here, right?"
"Yes… I was born here. Lea and I grew up in this town."
"Must be great to come back to it. I can't wait to go home…"
Isa ran out of words again. He wondered just where did Roxas consider his home to be, since the only places he'd lived while he was alive were the Castle that Never Was and a computer simulation of Twilight Town. He pitied the boy, saddened by the thought of having no home to return to.
They watched the sun in silence for several minutes. It seemed to drop more slowly than usual, almost beckoning the two to converse some more. Isa's mind swirled with thoughts; things he wanted to say, things he ought to say, things he couldn't bring himself to say. He closed his eyes, summoning the fortitude to speak, but thankfully, Roxas broke the ice for him.
"You know, Saïx, I— sorry. Isa."
Isa made no outward reaction to hearing his Organization name, only wincing internally at the memories it invoked.
"Isa, I heard that it was you who asked Vexen to create a replica for me… that I have you to thank for bringing me back."
Isa didn't respond right away, feeling quite unworthy of his thanks. "It hardly makes up for anything else I did…"
"But, it was a start. And… I appreciate it."
Isa turned to find Roxas smiling at him. The glint in his eyes filled Isa with regret.
"Roxas… I've done nothing that warrants your gratitude. I was a monster. I'll never be worthy of the kindness you are showing me."
Roxas was quiet for a long while. As the sun disappeared from view, they listened to the splash of running water from the fountain, the chirp of crickets, and the whistle of the breeze. Isa watched intently as the moon made its first appearance, glowing brightly in the darkening sky. Whether he had a heart or not, the moon's beauty never faded for him.
"You're right, Isa."
Snapped out of his trance, Isa looked over at Roxas, failing to understand what he meant. "Hmm?"
"You were a monster. You're right. And you'll have to answer for that. Xion and I might not be ready to forgive you right away. You've gotta earn that now."
Isa lowered his eyes with a defeated shrug. "That's sensible."
"But… you're still a person, and people deserve that chance to atone. It just takes time."
Isa couldn't fathom how Roxas could be so merciful. His eyes were filled with hurt and resentment, but softened when they looked on Isa, and compassion shone through the pain. Isa's respect for the boy deepened, and he could not help but smile at him. "You're wise beyond your years, Roxas."
The light of the sun had all but vanished, replaced by the gleaming light of the moon. Resting in its cool beams, Isa gazed at the stars, flickering against the darkness overhead. He began to wonder how long they'd sat out there, and why no one had come looking for them, but appreciated the recovery period all the same.
"Isa, I've been thinking a lot about what you said… that day."
Isa felt an all-too familiar twinge in his chest at the memory. Struck down in disgrace and lying in the sand at the feet of his former friend, knowing it could be the last time he saw him but still unable to let go of his anger. He recalled the humiliation of admitting his jealousy and resentment while his adversaries watched him die with pity on their faces. Even in his last moments, lying in Lea's arms as he faded away, he was a petty bastard to the bitter end.
"I didn't know you were close friends before… I can see how it must have looked, with me and Xion showing up and—"
"Roxas… pay no heed to the childish ramblings of a pitiful, insecure man like I was. Lea wasn't— Axel… Axel was not at fault, and neither were you."
Roxas said nothing, skeptical of Isa's response. Isa could feel his eyes on him, knowing he was waiting for more. With a heavy sigh, Isa reluctantly continued his explanation. It was the least he could do for Roxas.
"It's true, Lea and I were friends. We grew apart after we joined the Organization. I became cold and distant after losing my heart. Lost sight of my true purpose. I pushed him away, and away he went. I don't blame him for finding other friends…"
Isa could feel something building up in his chest as he wrapped himself up in the painful memories. "I came to deeply resent him for leaving me behind. Without him, I was alone. The pain festered into rage and I buried it away. After awhile I managed to convince myself that I could truly feel nothing."
The regret left a lingering ache inside him, puncturing through his sternum and burning into his center. It was there where he carried the bottled-up fury, anguish, and loneliness for all those years, believing that they were gone for good. Now, it felt as though someone had uncorked the bottle, letting the hurt spill out and flood into his soul. He dropped his head into his hands, concealing his lapse in composure from Roxas.
"Isa… Axel has made some mistakes. Some pretty big ones… But he's a good friend. He would never have abandoned you."
Isa, trembling with the effort of suppressing the onslaught of emotion threatening to explode out of him, couldn't spit out any of the words he wanted to say. He knew Lea would never have forgotten their friendship. He knew Roxas and Xion never intended to take his place. He knew he didn't have to spend all those years lonely and hurting if only he could have let his guard down for just long enough to let somebody in. He knew he brought it all on himself, and that not one bit of it would ever excuse his actions thereafter. That made it all the more agonizing to come to terms with, and all the time in the world could never heal the wounds he inflicted.
A hand was laid on his back. He flinched, unprepared for the touch, but did not protest its presence. His eyes began to burn again as he felt tears welling up in them. He covered his face as they flowed down his cheeks, hiding his shame behind his shaking hands. Just how many more times was he going to cry now that he'd become human again?
They stayed there by the fountain for a long while as Isa softly wept, his tears falling onto the stone path beneath him. Roxas didn't move a muscle or make a sound, his hand still resting on Isa's back. He tried to mask the shock on his face, stunned to see what used to be the coldest and most emotionless man he'd ever met now crying openly beside him. After several minutes, Isa's sobs slowed to a stop, and he lifted his head, wiping his eyes and sniffling. He took several rattling breaths to regain his composure and looked at Roxas directly in the eye. With a quivering voice, he finally uttered the words he'd been trying to say all evening.
"Roxas… I'm sorry."
Roxas stared at him, mouth agape, for several seconds. To his surprise, his own eyes filled with tears and his throat grew tight. Although Isa's transgressions were many, and his past hostility could not simply be brushed off after one night, Roxas was deeply moved by his apology. He came to realize that he was looking at a broken man who had lost everything, now trying to put the pieces of his life back together. His heart overflowed with sympathy, whether Isa deserved it or not.
"Thank you, Isa. It means a lot… to hear you say that."
They shared a warm smile, ending their conversation on a positive note. Roxas headed back into the castle to join the others, leaving Isa alone with his thoughts once more. He looked up at the stars again, watching shapes and patterns form between them. He remembered many nights gazing up at these same stars with Lea, and was pleased to find that they hadn't changed, even after all these years.
"They still sparkle like they used to, don't they?"
Isa jumped, startled by the unexpected voice. Lea sat beside him in the place previously occupied by Roxas. He smiled at Isa, who frantically wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks. Lea giggled, laying a reassuring hand on Isa's shoulder.
"Relax, man. I just came to check on you. I saw you out here with Roxas and figured you didn't want to be disturbed. It seems like you had a good talk."
"Yes… we did. Roxas is… a remarkable person."
Lea beamed at him, thrilled to see that two of the people he most cared for were finally getting along. He remained hopeful that they could eventually become friends, even if it would take a very long time.
"He really is. I'm glad you're getting to know him. And I'm glad you're opening up and letting him see the Isa that I know."
They stared at the black abyss that was the night sky for what felt like hours. The moon gradually sailed across the darkness until it hung right over their heads, showering them in its radiant glow. Yawning and stretching, Lea turned to his friend with tired eyes.
"Well, Isa, most everyone has gone to sleep. Are you tired?"
Feeling his eyelids grow heavy with fatigue, Isa longed to sleep, but was hesitant. Sleep was a rarity for him during his time with the Organization. Countless nights he lay awake in bed, begging for even a moment's rest. He only ever achieved a few hours once or twice a month, if any, but those hours were plagued with nightmares. He would often forego the ritual altogether and spend his nights in Addled Impasse, gazing out the tall windows at the moon until dawn.
"Exhausted, now that you mention it…"
"Let's go upstairs. I can barely keep my eyes open."
"Lea… I…"
Isa stammered, unsure how to ask for what he needed. The two of them were given separate rooms to sleep in, since Master Ansem had no shortage of guest quarters, but Isa grew increasingly wary of having to spend entire nights alone, knowing the nightmares could very well still torment him even as a human. As a Nobody, he could convince himself that he was incapable of being afraid. As a human, he was scared to death.
Seeing clearly the fear on Isa's face, Lea extended a hand to him with a warm and comforting smile, gently lifting him to his feet and accompanied him back inside Master Ansem's Castle. "Say no more, Isa. I won't leave you alone."
It wasn't supposed to hurt… He promised it wouldn't hurt… Why, then, do I feel this excruciating pain in my chest? The emptiness… the loss… the haunting absence where my heart used to be…
Lea… he got to you, too… Please, don't cry, Lea… I'm right here… but why do I feel this distance…? We've been fooled… I promise, I'll get our hearts back… no matter what it takes…
You must fight him, Lea… Don't let him in… It's too late for me… Run, now, while you still can… Don't forget about me…
Get out, Xehanort…! Give me back my heart…!
Lea…! Help me…!
"No!! Where is my heart?!"
His eyes sprang open to see only pitch blackness replace the sinister face of Xehanort grinning at him from above. He was being stabbed… impaled through the chest. He was certain of it. He reached for the wound, but felt nothing there but his own skin. Something pounded beneath his sternum, like the rapid beating of a drum. He couldn't breathe. Someone touched his shoulder, whispering from behind his head.
"Isa… Hey, wake up, Isa… You're dreaming…"
"It hurts… It wasn't supposed to hurt! You promised it wouldn't hurt!"
"Isa, it's alright, it was just a dream—"
"Leave him alone! Why, Xehanort?! Why…?!"
"Isa! Hey, come here… relax…"
Someone was pulling at him, dragging him away into the depths. He resisted with all his strength. An arm was tightly wrapped around him, suffocating him, threatening to swallow him just like before. He refused to disappear this time. He fought the intruder in desperation.
"Get out! Get out of my heart! I will not be a husk for your filth!"
"Stop it, Isa, you're going to fall out of bed. Calm down…"
"Release me! Give me back my heart!!"
"Isa, it's me! Xehanort is gone!"
Isa was weak. The interloper was powerful. He succumbed to its advances and collapsed into despair. His body convulsed violently with the force of his sobs, soaked with sweat and tears. "So empty… So hollow… Kingdom Hearts… where… is my heart…?"
There was a warmth at his back. Finally, he recognized the presence as the haze cleared and the voice became familiar. "Shhh… Isa, it's okay… It was just a dream… we still have our hearts…"
"Lea… it's all gone… he took our friendship… I feel nothing…"
"You were having a nightmare, Isa. It wasn't real."
"Come back… please, come back…"
"I'm right here, Isa."
He allowed Lea to pull at him again, gently rolling him over to face his friend. He buried his face in Lea's chest, slowing his frantic hyperventilation in the safety of his friend's arms. After several minutes pressed against Lea's skin, listening to his steady breathing and soft whispers, the panic gradually subsided, leaving only anguish in its place.
"He invaded my body with his putrid essence… He was inside me… Replaced my feelings with his own… I was violated…"
"It's alright now, Isa… You're here with me. You're safe… He can't hurt you anymore."
"I could feel him… I could hear him…"
"He's gone. It was just a dream."
Isa was quiet again, lying in Lea's warm embrace with his eyes closed. He became aware of a low thumping sound coming from inside Lea's chest. He rested his palm there, taking comfort in the moderate rhythm of its beating.
"Do you hear that, Isa? My heart is right back where it belongs. Yours is, too. You can probably feel it. Just listen…"
Isa concentrated keenly on the drumming in his own chest. It was loud and clear. It's pace was perhaps too rapid, but it was strong and it was steady. As his breathing slowed, so too did the beating inside him, and he felt himself calming down considerably. Sleep beckoned him once more, and he felt himself succumbing to the temptation, but in his fear, he jolted himself awake every time he felt himself begin to drift. He fought the exhaustion with what little energy he had, terrified of falling into another nightmare.
Lea combed his fingers through Isa's hair, hoping the gentle motion might lull him into the sleep he so desperately needed. "You're tired, Isa. Go back to sleep."
"I don't want to sleep."
"Yes, you do. You need to sleep."
"Lea…"
"I'll be right here to protect you. I'll jump right into your dreams and I'll kill those phantoms with my bare hands. Now go to sleep or I'll start singing a lullaby."
Isa laughed at Lea's witty threat. "Anything but that…"
Lea smiled, pleased to have returned Isa to better spirits before he fell back under. "Ouch, love you too! Goodnight, rude boy."
Isa hesitated, knowing he would soon have to surrender to his exhaustion. He pressed himself closer to Lea, putting his trust in his friend to keep his word and protect him until morning. Feeling Lea's arms reflexively tighten around him gave him a sense of security he never had sleeping alone. He relaxed deeply into that safe feeling, finally letting sleep overtake him for the night.
"Goodnight, Lea."
