A.N. First of all thank you to SereniteRose (side note: I love your username) because you literally comment on every single thing I post. You're amazing. In other exciting news…I see you little sneaky people reading/following, but not reviewing. I need your reviews. I tried to knock Draco and Blaise back into character with some good old fashion prejudice…so let me know if I at all succeeded. I also plan to update Snapped sometime tomorrow. I got distracted by reading Vampire Academy (it's really amazing and even though I've already read it I'm falling in love with Dimitri.) Toodles favorite AND follow AND review. .
The past few days I'd woken up to Draco and Blaise rummaging around in my wardrobe. It seemed they were more keen on me spending time with them than with my father, only barely covering up their intentions with an extended invitation to the grouch in room one. Today, however, I woke up to a screaming match. Ron, Harry, and Ginny were shouting that today was their turn to hang out with me while Blaise and Draco were insisting that they didn't take turns with the likes of them. It was all getting quite out of hand. I climbed out of bed, worming my way between Zabini and Ronald since they were both well known for getting overheated.
"Hey! I am not a toy!" I snapped, the five of them fell silent looking properly ashamed of themselves, "Blaise, I told you what I was doing today. Why are you two here? No offense, but you five don't get actually get along."
He shrugged, any answer he gave me would sound childish and ignorant and he knew it, "can I speak to without Raggedy Ann and Andy breathing down my neck?"
"Their names are Ginny and Ronald." I corrected him, "you can ask them to step outside, but I doubt they'll comply." He scratched an itch directly behind his ear; something that I quickly realized meant he was irritated.
"Mia, you're got an image to uphold," he hissed, "and those three don't cut it. We get it, you're a bleeding heart, but you've got responsibility now. The three stooges don't make you look good." I bristled at his condescending tone, raising an eyebrow.
"I'd love to say I cared…but I don't. Surely Snape knew I wouldn't drop my friends when he revealed himself to me. If you two don't like it then you can lump it."
"You can't do that," Draco insisted, "purebloods have to stick together." Before I could argue that Ron and Ginny were purebloods Blaise cut me off.
"True purebloods," he clarified, "they made their choice a long time ago and now they've got to live with it."
"So because we choose to live our lives embracing muggles makes us disgusting?" Ginny countered, "With wizards being born so scarcely you'd think that you wouldn't have enough options to be picky."
"Oh please," Blaise snorted, "don't try to dump that rubbish at my feet. You could be the last witch alive and I'd never associate with the likes of you. You're filth and you know it. Anyone who willingly associates themselves with those primitive beings beyond sport is beneath me. It's as if you were communicating with monkeys…trying to make them understand all of the gentle intricacies of human consciousness…but then again. I guess you're good at that. It's right on your level." Ron looked about ready to pounce, but instead Ginny stood up, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him into the wall behind her.
"You self-righteous arsehole," she screamed, "You and your boyfriend are the most…miserable people on the planet! You both never cease to amaze me with how cruel you can be! You compare my brother and me to animals, but at least we're capable of compassion. You're the ones dismissing people for things they can't control. You're the ones pissing on rocks to claim your territory, fighting and killing each other in devilish ways in an effort to escape the knowledge that we are one in the same." His smug smile vanished and in his rage. He shoved her backwards, nearly steamrolling Harry in the process.
"I am nothing like you, you filthy-,"
"Blaise, that's enough." Snape's voice cut the tension in the room. He moved forward sleepily, yanking the dark skinned man backwards, "The way you've behaved in this past fifteen minutes alone is disappointing. Screaming matches, attacking women, fighting over my daughter like she was a slab of meat…what will your fathers think?" They sobered immediately.
"Severus," Draco said passionately, "are you not going to do anything about them?"
"She's practically an adult, Draco. If she wants to hang out with Potter and the Weasleys then it is her business."
"But Severus-," Blaise tried only to be cut off.
"Do you want to stay in her life?" They both looked back at me, looking almost guilty.
"Of course," they said simultaneously. Harry and Ron raised an eyebrow at this. It seemed we were all sure that they'd turn on their heels and strut out of here without a glance backwards.
"Well what's it worth to you?" It was a wonder watching him defend me against two boys he'd known and loved their entire lives. It was clear that they respected him as they weighed their options. Blaise was the first to clench his fists and spin towards me.
"I'm sorry." He growled, "My beliefs haven't changed, but I am sorry for insulting you and your choices." Draco followed his lead, emotions tucked away neatly.
"We'll come back when your…company has gone." They'd both been about to apparate away, clearly peeved, when Harry stopped them.
"Why don't you stick around?" He suggested, "Give us a chance to change your mind." I could always count on Harry to make peace. Although judging by the disgust plain on Blaise's face that wouldn't happen. He hadn't even responded before disappeared with a crack, dragging Draco with him. We sat in silence for a little while, my head in my hands. This wasn't the first time I wished I was Hermione Granger again and I highly doubted it would be the last. It's just that everything was so unfair. I'd forever be running between two crowds, forever trying to prove that I was classy and intelligent and cold and kind. The very thought of running between the two extremes made me dizzy. I didn't want to pretend to be someone I wasn't, but I wasn't even in school yet and I was already confused.
I was beginning to wonder if I actually could be close to Draco and Blaise without compromising my identity. They were pushy and while I could handle their oppressive suggestions I wasn't sure I wanted to fight people who were supposed to be supporting me. This was just proof that our worlds should stay separate, but I didn't want them too.
Blaise was great. He was hilarious and protective and passionate. No one could ever ask for a better cousin. We'd stayed up three out of four nights since we'd known each other just talking. He hadn't judged me for the odd things I loved and he'd been honest with me. Draco was more difficult. He liked his privacy, but even still I'd grown to like him just as much as Blaise. He was eccentric and kind –if not horribly misguided and spoiled. They both had so much good in them I wouldn't feel right dropping them because of their prejudice. I wanted to help them understand that there was more to being human than manners and money. If they could see muggles for what they were then maybe they'd be able to understand.
"Are you alright?" Ginny asked. She sat beside me and pressed her forehead to my shoulder squeezing me about the middle.
"I'm fine, are you?" I didn't think Blaise shoved her hard enough to hurt her, but I wasn't on the other end of his strength. She took a shuddering breath, wiped her face, and smiled a bit.
"As if the likes of Zabini could really hurt me," she slid off of my bed, throwing my wardrobe open, "so do you want to go see mum first or do you want to head to Diagon Alley first?" She was busy digging through the mass of clothes, thoroughly enjoying herself as she made two piles.
"If we go to your mother's first we'll never get free so we'll grab your school things first and then go see her. Does she know about Snape and me?" I began changing into the robes she laid out for me as I spoke, ignoring the two boys opposite us.
"She thinks it's as weird as I do, but she says she still loves you dearly. Speaking of which…I have a message for the professor whenever he resurfaces." She held up a turquoise robe, before pulling it on and inspecting herself in the mirror, "you don't ever wear turquoise do you?" Before I could answer she spun around, "nah you don't." I couldn't help laughing as she closed it up over her bosom, "what's the chance that you've got any matching heels?" I motioned to the closet in the international symbol of 'go for it'. She was quite pleased when she was finished raiding my closet, even going so far as to pin up her hair with a silver clip.
I told Snape where I was going and he'd grunted in reply, watching as we all stood by the fireplace.
"Don't die," was his parting advice. He looked back down to his sketchbook, his pencil scratching feverishly against the page.
"Oh, Professor," Ginny turned around to face him even though he didn't look up, "mum says if you screw her up emotionally she's coming for you."
"Noted."
We stepped out into Diagon Alley, galleons jingling in our pockets. We had plans for our last year, plans that didn't involve all of the negativity of the past years. Ginny and I were giggling about something trivial when a small noise of disapproval caught my attention.
"Can't afford your own clothes now, Miss Weasley?" We both looked up from our huddle to see Lucius Malfoy sneering down at her.
"I let her borrow them." I told him quickly, "I wasn't aware it was a problem." He raised a perfectly arched brow at me, smirking lightly.
"Touchy," he drawled, "Draco told me about your disagreement earlier. He and Blaise are right, you do realize this right? You can't stay on the fence forever, we understand you're adjusting, but you can't be a blood traitor forever."
"You see, Mr. Malfoy," I said easily, "I'm not on the fence about anything. These three are my best friends, my parents –adoptive or not- are muggles. I'm never going to be like you. I never want to be like you."
"You don't know what you're saying Amelia, muggles are vile and barbaric creatures. Look at the wars they wage against each other over trivial things such as oil and skin color."
"With all due respect, Mr. Malfoy, I think I understand muggles a bit better than you do. They're people. I can promise you that they are just as stupid and barbaric as we are. We hate people for their blood. They hate people for their skin. We're all human beings, hell bent on killing each other for inadequacies that don't mean much of anything in the end." With a satisfied smile I stood up and stretched, offering her my arm, "If you'll excuse us we've got shopping to do." I kissed the air beside his cheek, something I picked up from Cissy, and flounced off.
We met Harry and Ron outside of the quidditch store, "are you guys up for a challenge?" I asked. When they all agreed I delved into it. I explained my vision, trying to paint a picture of the men I'd come to know over the past few days. Ginny immediately stiffened at Blaise's mention, no one blamed her for being wary of him, but I assured her that if anyone got through to him it would be her. We'd all known each for years even if we didn't much talk and not even Ronald had ever made Blaise lose control. He was a slytherin, he didn't do outbursts. None of them did.
Until today Blaise had only ever been calculating or grinning, but something about Ginny unnerved him. It seemed as she alone could reweave the horrid beliefs that stained his image. She agreed reluctantly, "I'm not doing it for the galleons." She told me as we walked, "I just…I never want anyone else to feel how I did when he said those things about me. I know I shouldn't care, Hermione. I just…it still hurts. You didn't believe Malfoy when he used to call you a mud blood did you? You didn't believe him, but it still hurt you… didn't it?"
"I understand." I told her gently. She nodded, brushing a few loose strands away from her face. We were so busy whispering amongst ourselves that we didn't notice the prats standing there, blocking our way. I bounced off of Draco's chest, but he stabled me, smirking at me lightly. Blaise on the other hand made no move to save Ginny from the fall. He sneered and stepped over her as if he hadn't seen her at all.
"Hey, Zabini," Ron snapped, "did you not see my sister, right there?" Blaise turned to the ginger, expression bored.
"Father says if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all."
"Oh please, as if your drunkard of a father could ever muster a sentence that didn't involve the words 'scotch' and 'bitch'." Ginny ignored my hand, managing to stand gracefully despite the heels. He flexed his fists, but didn't give any other indication that he was angry.
"At least my clothes fit," he hummed, referring to the jeans she wore. They clearly belonged to one of her brothers, but had been tailored to fit her. I didn't know who to reprimand at this moment, "your first time in her room and you're already preying on her kindness, digging through her things…" He gave her an exaggerated once over, "I'll make sure I send Minnie over to dry clean everything your filthy paws have touched."
"You know, I think I'd rather be poor than hopeless. I don't have money, but all you have is money. You've got Malfoy and Hermione, that's the only reason your pride didn't send you packing the moment you realized she wasn't ditching us."
"Ginny…" I said softly, "let it go. You're both angry. Just leave him be." They ignored me, anger crackling through the air between us.
"Don't attempt to make me out as some-,"
"Ah, don't care." She told him honestly, cutting him off, "to put this easily your father is so drunk so often he probably doesn't know your name hence him calling you 'little bitch' in private and 'boy' in public. The sad part is…it's not even his fault. He's probably drinking himself into a coma every night because he's afraid of being murdered by his whore of a wife." That did it. I grabbed Ginny and began towing her away with strength I didn't know I had. I'd seen it in his eyes; he wanted nothing more than to wrap his hands around Ginny's pretty, pale neck. Once we were a safe distance away she sagged and stomped her foot.
"That was so wrong of me, wasn't it?"
"He started it, Gin; you've got no reason to feel bad for that poo." Ron snapped, "Don't you dare look like you've wronged him." She looked at Harry and me for a confirmation we couldn't give.
"You stepped over the line." I admitted, hugging her as I did, "you both did. Let's just finish shopping and get out here. Sound good?" She nodded, shoving off from the wall while she was at it.
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Blaise and Draco were in my room when I got back although Blaise looked significantly more irritated as his jaw was clenched. When he realized I was alone he relaxed a hair, "I hate her." He told me surely, "how dare she go and…" he ran a hand over his curly hair, before wrapping sporadically on the desk.
"You aren't blameless." I told him kindly, "you were just as cruel as she was. I'm not defending what she said." I said quickly, "but you crossed just as many lines as she did…besides she actually feels awful about everything she said." He scoffed at that, picking at his nails.
"It's not true." He told me bitterly. When I didn't say anything he elaborated, "He knows my name. He's not always drunk…and it isn't because of my mother." When I still said nothing he pushed himself out of his chair began to pace, "she isn't a whore. She's…she's my mother, Merlin. How dare that vile Weasley imply that my mother was anything less than she is?" He was flipping between rage and distress as he paced. I let him tire himself out and only once he was completely calm did I speak.
"It hurts…doesn't it?" I asked him softly. He nodded, sitting beside me on the bed, "that's how you've made other people feel: insignificant, broken, wrong…that's how you made me feel."
"Mia-," he began, but I stopped him.
"Blaise, you made me feel wrong for so long…I knew it wasn't true. I knew my blood wasn't muddy. I knew I hadn't stolen anything. Being born wasn't a crime and I wouldn't accuse myself of something I had no control over, but it still hurt."
"You know that we're sorry about that, don't you?" Draco asked from his place at the head of the bed. He sat up, drawing his legs beneath him in a way I would have never managed, had my legs been that long. His quicksilver eyes met mine with foreign intensity.
"It's been implied." I murmured evasively, "but that isn't my point. You know how it feels to not feel good enough, right?" When they both nodded I sat up and looked between the two of them, "then why do you do it to others? I don't understand your hatred of all things muggle related, I don't want to. I'm happy loving the world for all of its wonders, be they muggle or magic. My question is: why do you have to destroy the things that you dislike?" Neither answered me right away. Instead they both just picked at the comforter trying to speak their prejudice.
"Why do you kill a cockroach when it creeps into your home?" Draco countered. Blaise shrugged, basically agreeing with Draco. To that I had no answer…people and cockroaches were totally different, but in a way they had a point. If I could justify killing a bug then I could justify killing a person no matter how large of a leap it was. In the end it was all a devaluation of life. We sat there for so long Snape came in to check on us, claiming that he was almost sure that we'd turned each other into mice. Sensing the uneasiness in the room in a way only Snape could, he took the chair from the desk.
"So what's the issue?" I told him everything, not sure when I became so comfortable with him. He listened quietly only speaking to obtain clarification. Once the story had been told I asked him the same question, hoping he could come up with a better answer than I had, "I don't." He told us honestly, "first of all, roaches usually only come inside to die, but if any other creepy crawly sneaks in I usually capture it and set it back outside. There's not much point in killing it." When we all fell silent again he sighed heavily, "Mia, invite your friends to the back to school party next week. I want the five of you to apologize to each other and really sit down together. If you can obtain an understanding you can reach a common ground. You all must remember that as a species we are cruel. Humans kill what they don't understand it's in our nature."
