A/N: Sorry it's taken such a ridiculously long time to get this done! Since the end, I really haven't waited to think about the travesty of an ending, so by-proxy, my fic suffered. I'm sorry! But I'm back and writing again. I promise.
Embers
Part Three
Kate's remaining time with Aaron moved much faster than she would have preferred. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months much faster than she ever would have imagined. Suddenly, it had been nearly five months since they left the island. Claire had adjusted to normal life again, and was as self-sufficient as ever. She didn't need Kate anymore, as much as she pretended that she did. She was taking care of Aaron mostly on her own, only depending on Kate when she wanted a break – not needed one. It was like Claire was the mother, and Kate was the babysitter. It hurt Kate for it to be that way, but it seemed it was the best option. If she didn't distance herself now, it would be even worse later.
One night, late into the evening, Claire approached Kate.
"Kate…I need to talk to you."
The brunette sighed. "Is this about what I think it's about?"
Claire tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Probably."
Kate refused to look her in the eye. "So when are you leaving?"
"Is three weeks okay? I can make other arrangements if I need to..."
Kate continued to examine her shoes. "That sounds fine, Claire."
The blonde's voice broke. "I'm really sorry, Kate. I just…I miss home. You can understand that, right? You don't think what I'm doing is wrong?"
Kate finally met her eyes. "No, no…I understand. I get it. You're his mother. You want to raise him in Australia. Of course you do, it's your home. This isn't. It's fine. I'll be okay. It's just…well, it's not easy, Claire. It's really, really difficult, because I don't want to give him up. He was mine, and now he's yours, and there's nothing I can do about it. You're his mother, and I never was. I'm sorry."
"You were," Claire replied simply.
"What?"
"You were," Claire repeated. "You were his mother, Kate. In a lot of ways you still are. I'm sorry how this is all working out. I'm sorry that this is the way it has to be. All the time you spent raising him…this doesn't negate that. Not in the least. You were his mother. You raised him, and now I'm going to. But he's never going to be out of your life. I promise you that, Kate. We'll visit. We'll visit, and you'll visit, and it won't be like you never see each other. I promise. We'll make it happen, whatever it takes. Okay?"
Kate nodded solemnly. "Alright, Claire." She paused. "I'm going to head next door for a little bit, alright?"
"Okay," Claire replied. "I really am sorry, Kate."
"I know, Claire," she replied. "I am, too."
Kate knocked on Sawyer's door a few minutes later, biting her lip anxiously.
"Well, howdy," he greeted her, opening the door for her to come inside.
"Hey," she replied stiffly.
"Everything alright, Freckles?" Sawyer's words were casual, but his concern was obvious.
Kate forced a small smile. "I've been better. How are you?"
"I'm alright," he replied easily, ushering her into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of wine.
Looking at the bottle, Kate spoke up, "Got anything stronger?"
Sawyer raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He retrieved a bottle of whiskey and glasses. He poured two drinks and passed one to her.
Kate unsuccessfully tried to sip it slowly. Several minutes passed in silence, and she finished her drink. She passed the glass back to Sawyer for a refill and finally decided to speak.
"Claire's taking Aaron and moving to Australia."
Sawyer frowned. "When?"
"Three weeks."
Sawyer grunted, obviously displeased. He took a sip of his drink. "Do you need anything?"
Kate shook her head. "Just company. And maybe some more whiskey."
He chuckled under his breath and nodded, passing her the bottle for whenever she wanted it.
"Thanks," she murmured.
"Anytime. I live next door for a reason."
"Yeah?" Kate replied, voice hoarse. "So I can come over and drink your booze anytime I want?"
Sawyer smirked, dimples prominent. "Yep. That's exactly why."
"Ah," Kate replied. "And here I was, thinking you just wanted to live near your friend."
"Nah," Sawyer replied sarcastically. "That'd just be silly."
Kate smiled, unforced. It wasn't a very large smile, but it was a smile, nonetheless.
Sawyer beamed. "There's my favorite smile. Feeling any better?"
Kate shrugged. "I don't know. A little, yeah. It's going to be hard."
"I know, Freckles. I'll be right next door."
"Promise to stay there for a while?"
"Until you ask me to leave. Sound good?"
"Yes," Kate replied a little too wistfully.
Sawyer swallowed the last of his drink, and Kate watched as his adam's apple bobbed. His tongue flicked out to wipe any remaining alcohol off his lips, and Kate's breathing hitched. She couldn't seem to take her focus off of his mouth.
"Kate…" Sawyer droned when he saw the look in her eyes. He knew the look well. She'd given it to him many a time before.
Kate bit her lip. "Hmm?"
"I know that look. I'm not sure that would be the best idea right now…"
Kate walked towards him and closed the remaining space between them. She pressed her chest against his and let out a tiny sigh.
"Are you really going to turn me down?"
Sawyer looked contemplative. "Are you just using me for sex to make yourself feel better?"
"No," Kate admitted quietly. His breath was hot on her neck.
"Well then," Sawyer replied, "I am certainly not going to turn you down, Freckles."
He brushed a stray hair from her face, leaned in, and captured her lips with his.
"Walk of shame?" Claire asked, amused, when Kate didn't make it back home until early in the afternoon the next day. Her hair was sex-mused, and she looked a little too pleased after the day prior's painful events.
"Well…I wouldn't exactly call it shameful…but your implications are certainly correct. Where's Aaron?"
"Watching cartoons. Back to Sawyer, now. Do you know what it means? Are you guys…together now?"
"No. Maybe. I don't really know." Kate chewed on her lip nervously. "I guess I should probably talk to him about it?"
Claire nodded her head. "Sounds like a good idea to me."
Kate went over to Sawyer's house that evening with the intent of talking to him about things – where they stood, what they were doing, if they were going to keep doing it…
Naturally, within five minutes of her arrival, they'd ended up back in bed.
Gasping for breath and coming down from a euphoric high, Kate turned her head to look at him.
"Um…so I actually came here to talk about…this," she gestured between the two of their naked bodies with her hand.
Sawyer grabbed her hand, encasing her small dainty palm with his larger, rough hand.
He spoke gruffly, "You come to tell me it's a bad idea?"
Kate shook her head. "No. Just trying to figure out exactly what the hell we're doing here."
"I was wonderin' the same thing, myself."
"Come to any conclusions?" she asked.
"Did you?" he replied.
Kate sighed. "I don't know. Are we just fucking or is there something more going on here?"
Sawyer scratched his stubbly chin for a contemplative moment. "I'm going to leave that up to you."
Kate's jaw dropped open. "Seriously?"
"Quite serious, Freckles. I'm alright with either. It's up to you. You don't have to decide now. But I'm leaving it up to you."
"But…you're not even going to give me your input? Seriously?"
"Up to you."
Kate let out a noise of frustration. "You are absolutely ridiculous, James."
Sawyer smirked. "I try."
Of course, Kate couldn't make up her mind. Oh, she knew what she wanted. She just didn't know if she was ready to deal with the consequences of what she wanted. Kate wanted Sawyer. Of course she did. She'd wanted him a hundred times before and probably always would. It wasn't just lust – she really did want to be with him.
She'd loved him on the island, and she'd never really stopped. But things were much more complicated than that.
There were Jack and Juliet to think about. Sure, they were gone. Sure, they weren't coming back. But their memories lingered, and Kate and Sawyer had both been through huge losses. She wasn't sure she could handle the pain of losing Sawyer, too.
It would be easier and safer to remain nothing but friends. So they'd kissed a few times and slept together twice – they could come back from that, couldn't they?
Kate sighed. She didn't want to come back from it. But she didn't want the complications of it all, either. Being with Sawyer would mean accepting that Jack was gone. It would mean that the feelings she had for Sawyer – that she still had after all these years – were real. If she was with Sawyer, the feelings would become tangible, and she would have to deal with them. Sex she could play off as lust. She could play it off as a means to an end. But being together would be an admission of feelings. Genuine feelings that she'd been trying for a long time to pretend weren't there.
But they were.
And that fact scared the hell out of Kate.
Three weeks went by a lot quicker than Kate ever anticipated. She dropped Claire and Aaron off at the airport herself on the fateful afternoon.
Aaron didn't understand what was going on. Kate tried for the life of her to explain – that he and Mommy C were taking a trip to Australia, and that they were going to stay there. That she would see him again, but not as often as they saw each other now. That they could talk on the phone, and Mommy K would visit him whenever she could. That from now on, it was going to be Mommy C and Aaron. And Kate would be on her own.
But Aaron didn't understand. Not really. He cried at airport security and begged to be held by Kate. Kate cried right with him. She told him that she loved him and that she would never stop. That it was time for him to go. Kate and Claire said goodbye tearfully, promising to talk all the time. The words meant nothing, and Kate new it. She would miss her friendship. Claire thanked Kate for everything. Kate nodded silently in reply and didn't trust herself to speak again.
Aaron cried himself into exhaustion, and Claire had to carry him through the metal detector.
With one final wave goodbye, they were gone.
Kate had to pull over on the drive home, just so she could sit and cry. She cried for a long time. Five minutes turned into fifteen, and fifteen turned into forty. By the time she pulled into her driveway that evening, she was out of tears. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her skin was sticky and stiff from the dried tears. She felt almost numb. She walked inside her house, and put her keys on the coffee table. Just as she was about to sit down, there was a knock on her front door.
Kate sighed. Were visitors really necessary right now? She ignored the visitor, hoping they would think she wasn't home. But the knocker was persistent, and the banging continued. Scowling, Kate headed to the door and answered.
It was Sawyer. He had a bottle of wine in one hand and Chinese take-out in the other.
"Hey," he said in a gruff voice. "I figured you could use a friend."
Kate nodded and opened the door wide for him to enter.
She took the wine from him, headed into the kitchen, and poured two glasses. Hers was quite a bit larger than his. They stood together in silence, each sipping their wine. Kate stared at her tile flooring as she drank. Half-way through her glass, she sniffled.
"You wanna talk about it?" His words were soft.
Kate shook her head, still looking down. She finished off her glass of wine but didn't move to pour another.
Sawyer spoke again, "I'm sorry."
Kate looked up, finally meeting his eyes. "I thought sorry didn't suit you."
He held back a scoff and held her gaze. "That was then. This is now."
Kate wanted to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. She stared at him for a long moment. Eventually, she walked towards him and leaned against his body, pressing her face into his neck. Sawyer exhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around her.
After several minutes of comfortable silence, Kate spoke up for the first time since he'd arrived.
"Thank you."
Sawyer rubbed a hand up and down her back soothingly. "No problem, Freckles."
Kate pulled away just enough to kiss him softly on the lips. "James?"
"Yeah?"
"I know that I haven't really given you an answer about what I want, but…would you, you know, if you don't mind, would you stay tonight?"
"'Course I will."
She kissed him again.
Kate spent her night giving in to her more passionate desires with Sawyer – his hands everywhere, causing her to tremble with even the gentlest of touches. They both eventually fell asleep after several hours of love-making, stark naked and wrapped up in nothing but each other.
End of Part Three.
Review, please. I could use a pick-me-up after the week I've had.
