Going Back, Going Forth –– Chapter 3
AUGUST 2002
Hazel eyes followed the tiny bird as it pushed back off of the tree branch it had been sitting on and fluttered away on its tiny wings. It was a really small bird indeed, and in order to stay in the air, it seemed to have to expend a lot of effort and flap its wings incredibly fast. At first, it only dropped but soon, it flew up higher and off, until Hermione could no longer see it as it joined another flock of birds. She looked at the nest the tiny bird had made, the chirping of its tinier younglings reaching her as she sat on the park bench right below the tree.
The soft sound was eclipsed by two children running past screaming at their hardest, as they hurried in the direction of the ice cream truck. Hermione agreed that the ice cream vender had picked a good spot. It wasn't the first time that she had sat there that summer and each and every time, she had seen him sell a lot of ice creams, especially to the younger children but sometimes to the older pupils as well. She had bought a few ice creams off of him herself, too. Hermione smiled weakly as behind the little boy and girl, a young mom hurried on high heels through the green grass. Her smile faltered as she heard the children squeal. "Citron! Citron, Maman!"
She would have loved to have children as well. Hermione had always thought a boy and a girl would be perfect, but alas, her youth had been taken away four years prior, and with it her chances of getting married, having children… just having a family. Technically, it was of course possible, but her life just really hadn't been the same after what had happened anymore. Hermione Granger's social life, for instance, had broken apart. Ron had kissed her in the middle of the battle and told her he loved her, high on adrenaline and full of the uncertainty whether they would live to admit it hours later. She had thought she loved him, too. She had been mollified by his admission; something she hadn't expected from him at all. Mere hours after that, however, everything had changed and she had not looked like the woman he had said those three words to any longer. She had not been young anymore, the aging having taken away her beauty as well. Too easily, her mind and memory tumbled fast into that conversation from years ago again.
Ron gently took her hand, pulling her fingertips away from his cheek. He took a very deep breath and looked at her with the typical look he had on his face when he was about to say something he knew would come across as at least harsh. Hermione's smile faltered, slowly pulling her hand back from his then –– somehow, it didn't seem like he really minded it at all. She watched his face, recognizing that one look, readying herself for what he was about to say, even if she had a good idea as to what it would concern. She hadn't been close to him since the 'incident', finding it just too weird. However, he, who had confessed his love for her in battle, always seemed to jerk away from her whenever she entered his personal space, much more than anyone else.
"Listen, Hermione, we might need to talk. I know I said that I loved you when we broke into Hogwarts and that I wanted to be with you the rest of my life, but so much has changed since then and I just don't see, you know, how it could ever work the way we planned, now that you are like you are and… Bloody hell, Hermione, you don't even look like you anymore, and they can't seem to find anything to fix it. It is still a shock every time I see you, trying to remember that you are the same person now Harry and I were on the run with for nearly a year… You know, I still love you and all, but…" he said as if in an afterthought.
The way they had planned? "I know full well that they've been trying unsuccessfully to fix it as you so nicely worded it. Do you truly believe I want to stay like this or that I find it any easier than you to deal with it? In case you hadn't noticed, I'm the one who looks like she's sixty now, not you." She had expected this, of course. If anything, she had even expected it sooner than a month after the battle. The way he worded it, however, made the heat rise in her cheeks. She had gotten the message, but he definitely could have worded it better. "Your meaning's very clear," she said, standing and leaving him seated alone at the table, a look between oddly satisfied yet baffled on his face.
Everyone had tried to be sympathetic without being pitying, but few had succeeded at not letting whatever they said become too pitying. For instance, Mrs. Weasley had done all she could to help her in every way possible, and she had been very grateful for it, but it had been a little too much, too. Ginny had by far been the greatest in that respect, but while she had seemed to be able to treat Hermione as she had before, it had also been disconcerting to see her still young, to see Harry and her both be young and happy and enjoying each other and the love they shared. She had been the same person as she had before, only trapped in a body older than it should have been, effectively limiting her where it shouldn't. Harry had been the one who had said only little about it while still showing her he was there for her when she needed him to. He had been the first she had discussed leaving the United Kingdom with.
"I reckon I actually might be able to rebuild my life there, where fewer people recognize me, especially like… this. I've visited France a couple of times with my family, and I liked it. I need some time to heal and to adapt to this change, away from always being confronted with what could have been. Maybe I can get an internship with someone and get a mastery in Charms or Transfiguration, I don't know yet. Plus, I've always wanted to get better at French, and that would be a good opportunity," Hermione voiced, shaking her head as if she wasn't really certain of what she was saying while the level of thought she had poured into her decision became rather obvious as she said this, and it also hinted at her being certain about what she was going to do now, whether she already knew it herself or not.
Harry's green eyes looked her over. Indeed, she looked much older now, and it was a huge change, but her just going away had never even crossed his mind, never been an option for Harry. He had both thought and hoped, that she would make it and that he could help her to do so if she couldn't alone. Unfortunately, though, he knew that it wasn't his decision. "If that is what you really want to do, I'll respect that. This is your decision, not mine."
"Thank you."
"Anytime," he said, hugging Hermione to him, tightly.
Harry had made her promise to keep in touch, as had Ginny, and they had definitely exchanged lots of owl mail, especially in the beginning when she lived there. As the years had passed, however, the letters had somehow gotten less. Harry and Ginny had a life together now, and last she had heard from them was in a lovely, happy owl letter from Ginny saying she had just discovered she was having a baby. Hermione could assume the couple was more than busy readying everything for their child. Secretly, a small part of Hermione didn't really mind. After all, she would never get to experience that now, no matter how much she had wanted to as a little girl. Everything had suddenly changed, and maybe it was better not to have it pushed under her nose that much either.
As always, reviews are quite welcome.
