Failure

It seems surreal. Even when I realized I was going blind, it wasn't quite this bad. I failed. That's the simplest way to put it. I failed.

Shit.

I failed the one thing in my life I should be able to do. I failed at loving my brother. Oh, the feeling is there, but the words aren't. I don't know how else to show him other than having sex with him, either. And I hardly know what feelings are, let alone express them.

But, dammit, he should know! I uke for that foolish, beautiful, idiotic, luscious, moron! Nothing but love would make someone like me submit willingly to that treatment, even if I am now blind, I still hold some pride.

I don't know how to love him the way he deserves. And he deserves a lot of love. I've haven't exactly handled him with care, although I tried my best not to hurt him when it wasn't necessary, but that didn't mean I didn't beat the crap out of him or torture him with everything I had. He was supposed to hate me, after all.

I sigh heavily and walk out the door, reverting the chakra I had one used in my eyes to my ears and nose. I have to find him, before he hurts himself or someone else.

And...there. The wind carries the smell of lemon and pine trees to me from the direction Sasuke has said is north. I go into a heavy sprint, not particularly caring if I trip over something or not. I pump chakra to my legs to go faster, paying no attention whenever I fall, simply getting back up again.

The sound of short, sobbing breaths reaches my chakra-enriched hearing. He's close now.

I come into what must be a clearing. The space feels big. The choked, crying sounds I heard earlier are louder now and I don't think Sasuke is facing my direction. In other words, he can't see me yet. I get down on hands and knees, now concerned with anyone, namely him, hearing the sound of my footsteps.

This way, not only will I minimize my chances of falling, he won't hear me walking (er, crawling) toward him. Slowly, I creep toward him. I've masked my chakra and he can't even tell I'm here. Maybe I'm not completely useless as a ninja. I have probably scraped and cut myself a dozen times, but it doesn't bother me.

When I know he's right in front of me, I stop.

Deep breath now.

To be continued...