The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes are flutters of pink, and at first he thinks they're flower petals floating in the gentle wind that caresses his skin. But then he hears a voice.
"-hold on!"
It's a woman's voice. It's determined, gentle, yet fueled with a fire that he hasn't felt in his own veins in years. He can feel the foreign chakra, her chakra, probe around his body and slowly it gets easier to breathe, easier to move, to see. And the pink turns out to not be flowers, but hair, and he briefly considers trying to reach out and catch it between his fingers.
"Stay still," she says – and though her voice is soft, he knows she means business.
He half expects her to shoulder his weight and help him to his feet, to allow him to lean on her, happily. Instead she rushes off, and when he's painfully righted he notices she's shouldering the weight of someone else. Her hand is clenched at his side and his arm seems to be comfortable draped around her. And for a moment, just a tiny moment, he scowls as the man's fingers curl inn her hair, and she smiles at him.
When he wakes again, he's back in Konoha, staring up at the ceiling in the hospital. The smell of antiseptic is strong, but the window is open and he can smell earth, and clay, and pine – and it's refreshing and terrifying.
"You're awake."
It's her again, and he slides his eyes to her. A fraction of himself wants to mirror the small smile that pulls at her lips, but he doesn't. He can't. He can almost feel her mood shift when he doesn't reply to her.
"I'm just going to check your bandages, okay. Do you have any itching? Discomfort? Are your eyes... hurting at all?"
He only shakes his head even though there's plenty to say to her, to ask. And she seems to sense his need, but also his apprehension. Her touch is gentle and cool, but it burns his skin and he resists pulling away from her. It's not as if her touch is repulsive, but rather the opposite, and he doesn't deserve it. He knows this.
"Can I get you anything?"
Again, he shakes his head. He can almost taste the annoyance in her sigh.
"Naruto's doing fine, too. Someone will be by to check on you in a couple of hours. Get some rest."
His fingers twitch. He wants to grab hold of her and ask her to stay by his side just for a moment longer. He wants to ask about that man, and if he's as important as he appeared to be. But he doesn't. Somewhere, he already thinks that he knows and he doesn't want the confirmation. Instead her footfalls recede, the door closes, and her faint scent lingers until the next breeze billows in past the curtains.
When he's released from the hospital he doesn't quite know what to do with himself. He wanders the village, ignoring – but not oblivious to – the stares that follow him. So much has changed, but so much remains the same. It's odd being so nostalgic in a place that feels foreign, and yet still so familiar. The crater is new and so are the shops' buildings, but not their names. The training grounds are extensive, and he feels a pang in his chest as he recalls his younger self. He really had been foolish.
The sun seemed to race across the sky, or perhaps he had just been trapped in his reverie for far too long to notice until the sky bleeds with oranges, and pinks, and violets. He sees her then as she passes the tree line, and if Naruto had been with him, he was sure he'd have called out to her. And then what? Would they spar together? Would he listen to their lame jokes and roll his eyes, yet secretly admire how she'd berate the blond? Would they be forced to go along and eat ramen together – for old time's sake, to act as if nothing had changed.
But everything has changed, hasn't it?
Against his better judgment, he follows after her, being mindful to repress his chakra. His eyes narrow as they rest upon her, by his side, at the cenotaph. He doesn't dare try to get any closer. Even though he itches to know what's being said between them, his desire to ignore it is stronger. But he can't ignore their close proximity, and the way her hand pauses at his back before resting there. Looking at them now makes him acutely aware of how much time has passed.
Yes, her eyes still hold that same unnerving depth, and her hair is still shaded in such a way that flowers would be envious. And he still holds himself in that slouched posture, that damned mask obscuring the bottom half of his face, and he'd bet that he still has that little book of porn tucked in his pocket. But before, she never would've sought him out like this. As a solitary man, he most likely wouldn't have welcomed her. Before, they never would've stood so close, nor leaned in and spoke so intimately. Before, he ruffled her hair and she'd be offended. And now he runs his fingers through it and she doesn't even bat an eye.
And somewhere inside, he feels like a little kid again, frustrated and unsure of what to say or if he should say anything at all. Then, the unimaginable happens; she hugs him, her face buried in his chest, palms flat against his back. And he's hugging her back, a single arm wrapped around her with fingers twined in her rosette locks. It looks far too affectionate. He burns inside, and before he can stop himself – or maybe it's that he doesn't want to – he steps out from hiding and calls to her.
"Sakura?"
Surprised, the two separate and look toward him. She's blushing, and he knows it's most likely from being caught, and not because of him, but he takes it anyway. Until that moment, he never realized how much those pinkened cheeks stirred him inside. Again, he realizes he's been foolish.
"There you are, Sakura."
She looks behind her, but steps forward. "Sasuke-kun."
"Can we walk together?"
She glances back at her company, but nods. "Okay. I'll see you later, Kakashi..."
oooo
He throws up a half-hearted wave and watches her retreat from him. She stops beside the last Uchiha and his heart clenches. Sasuke is the last one – Madara, Itachi, Obito... they're all really gone now. And he wishes it wasn't so.
Sakura's smile is awkward, but genuine, and then they walk away together. He catches himself staring after her, gaze lingering on the spot where she stood. He laughs (more like scoffs) at himself. He was just a delusional old man that read too much Icha Icha – no matter how touched by her tears, warmed by her touch, or moved by her embrace.
He had to hand it to Jiraiya, his literature certainly had an impact on his imagination. Why else would he think that perhaps there was more to her touch. He knew Sakura better than most – her heart was open to anyone who bothered to look. And maybe he just looked too hard. All he'd ever be to her is sensei after all.
Until he becomes Hokage.
It hadn't been a title he sought after, but rather he's the "logical choice," and Tsunade requests it of him. He never is one to say no to the Hokage. So he dons the robes and guides the village through the first taste of peace in years. Even in a peaceful lull, the work isn't easy – especially when he sees her nearly every day. Having been an assistant to the previous Hokage, she's also the "logical choice" to help him with paperwork and political etiquette.
He follows along, proving to be deliberately difficult when she quizzes him on the ins and outs of allocating funding. He finds her beauty increases when she gives him the side-eye and purses her lips as if she's saying "cut the crap" and then she laughs. And more often than not, he laughs with her. Then they begin again.
Warmth radiates from her when she's this close to him, and sometimes he brings himself closer to her and she smells of antiseptic, and strawberries, and hope – and it's dangerous.
"Hey, Sakura, are you ready to go?"
It's him – again. Over the last few weeks he's been coming all the way up to the office to walk Sakura home from work.
"Do you need anything else, Kakashi-sama?"
She says the honorific teasingly, and something hidden in her tone makes his heart race a little. He's always preached about looking underneath the underneath, but maybe he's just tricking himself into seeing something that's not really there.
Two sets of eyes are on him, waiting for a response – and he wants to be selfish and keep her a little longer, maybe even abuse his new power to send him on an extended mission. But if years couldn't change her heart then-
"Kakashi-sensei?"
"No, you're free to go," he says, and he regrets it as she walks out of the door, conversation about what to have for dinner disappearing with her.
Days as Hokage are long, but nights are longer. Nights are sleepless, and it's her fault. Or maybe it's his. Regardless, he feels like a dirty old man for feeling... something... for his student. But student is a label she carried a long time ago and she's evolved into much more than that. He had thought that maybe if he was lucky enough to survive another war, then maybe he'd allow himself to open up a little more. She has already seen more of him than many others, but he wasn't fooling anyone – least of all himself.
Weeks turn into months and soon, he appoints a new assistant, allowing Sakura to spend more time at the hospital, and with him. It's easier, he (lies to) tells himself, if she isn't around. But she checks in regularly, and brings in bi-weekly reports from the hospital. The days he sees her make him both tremendously happy and overwhelmingly sad. But she smiles and chats away, and when her fingers linger on his for a little longer than necessary, he's content.
"The prosthetic limbs are coming along nicely," she comments.
He makes a noncommittal noise.
"I'm getting tired of helping Naruto with everything." She says it so lightly that he knows it's not true.
"And Sasuke never asks for help, but at least he's stopped complaining when I do. It's a nice change, finally." She says it with such disconnection that he knows it is true.
He only hums again as he pretends to be interested in a file on the desk. He's suddenly feeling weary, and perhaps he's not ready for this – whatever this is – yet. And he wonders if Tsunade should stick around as Hokage a little longer, because he'd rather be doing something, anything, other than what he is now.
Months seem to blur before Sasuke comes to him and Tsunade both. He says he wants to leave, and they're both surprised – but not really. After everything - his defection, the sacrifice of his brother, the war and the role he played in it – and even though Konoha (but not everyone in it) has welcomed him back, he feels he's not quite deserving of it yet. He needs redemption this time around.
And while the thought of Sakura being left – by him – alone again makes him bitter, he supposes that Sasuke at least is setting out for a better purpose this time. So he allows it, and Tsunade agrees. When he's gone, Tsunade turns to him and smiles and says, "I think that little brat is going to be okay."
He nods and folds his hands and gives her a look that says he has no comment. The blonde only sighs.
"Come on, Kakashi, don't you think this'll be good for him? For Naruto? Especially for Sakura, too? Don't you want her to be happy?"
Of course he did. "Yes," he replies. Of course.
The day Sasuke leaves, he reminds him that his ass is on the line this time, and though it goes unspoken his hot glare promises he'll come kick his ass if he steps out of line – even marginally. Then he steps back, not wanting to watch, but unable to keep his eye from Sakura as they say their goodbyes.
She's unsure of herself, and worried, and scared – he can tell all of this simply by how she holds herself. Whatever he says to her crushes her spirit. But then he's poking her, telling her thank you, and Kakashi can see the widening of her eyes and that smile.
She used to smile up at him like that and that's the moment he decides that this chapter is over. He pulls out his book and turns on his heel, walking away from her – her smile, her scent, and the hope she had given him. Some things simply don't change, and he isn't going to fight it any longer.
A/N: An anon on tumblr asked for some angst Kakasaku... and this is sorta kakasaku-ish, right? Eh I'm sorry for the sudden ending. I was in the groove writing and then I had to go to work and it just killed where I was going. I had originally planned on having Sakura's POV as the ending - but I just can't force it out now. Anywho, I hope you enjoy! All mistakes are mine as this hasn't been beta'd. Reviews are appreciated, but not necessary. Thanks for reading! - Deni
