"This has been gayer than playing choke-the-snake in a bathhouse during a power outage," said Commander Riker. "I think we've taken care of most of the gayness around here. Let's beam back aboard."

"Not so fast – fools!" cried an extremely gay voice. It sounded like the faggot voice of a My Little Pony villain who was trying way too hard to sound evil and failing miserably. And so it could only be the voice of Emperor Palpatine, Queen of the Sith and mighty Archlord of all turd-tappers.

The sissy-boy Sith Queen stepped out of an interdimensional portal in the fabric of space-time, followed closely by his boy toy butt buddies.

First among them was DARTH MAUL, the child-molesting horny (he's got horns, seriously) clown, and master of Tae Bo.

Behind him, and probably checking out his ass, was the sinister COUNT DOOKIE, the scatological lemon-partier.

Third was the infamous DARTH VADER. If you watch Star Trek, you're probably used to cybernetic parts being far and away superior to normal human ones in all aspects. Looks like Star Wars missed the memo yet again, because this overrated douchenozzle looks like the animatronic mascot of a dildo company. This fag walks like an old man right after being gangraped by mutant circus midgets. Oh wait, that's basically what he is!

Last and certainly least was DARTH LUKE SKYWALKER, emo girly-boy from a dark alternate future. This gay porn addict was trained for five minutes by Kermit the Frog and got his Sith certification from a two-week correspondance course diploma mill. He'd be doing good to make third place in a kindergarten-level kendo tournament at the Special Olympics.

"I have used my evil Sith powers to summon my minions from across the timeline," Emperor Paltpatine bragged.

The away team of cool Star Trek characters were laughing so hard at this gaggle of faggots that they almost failed to notice Wesley Crusher appear from the portal.

"Well, I had a hard time out there in space, but I guess I deserved to be shot out the airlock for being such an annoying little cunt all the goddamn time," said Wesley. "Luckily I fell through a black hole and popped out of that space-time rupture, somehow."

"Indeed you were a cunt," agreed Picard.

Wesley continued. "Even though I am still basically a total fag, I guess I will try to slightly redeem myself by putting a stop to this evil ABBA-appreciation society."

"Make it so," Picard said.

Due to his being a brain-damaged mongoloid, Emperor Fagatine was most pleased with this development. "The force is strong with you, young Crusher! Allow your anger to consume you, and you will become a most powerful ally to the Sith! Darth Maul is defenseless. He will not resist. Strike him down with your hate!"

Wesley disintegrated him with his phaser, as instructed.

"Good!" exclaimed the Emperor. "Very good. Now, kill Count Dooku, and you will have taken another irreversible step toward the dark side... yes! Well done, well done. Now you must destroy Darth Vader... yes! With his death, you have drawn ever-closer to becoming my pawn. Now eliminate Darth Luke Skywalker. He is unarmed. By striking him down, you will... yes! Good, good... And now only I remain. When at last you give in to your hatred and destroy me, you shall-"

But thank fucking Christ Wesley finally shot him, at last bringing an end to the millenia-long Sith chain of life-partner pederasty. Seriously, you'd think the Jedi would be able to kill two fucking people without screwing it up, especially when said two people are trying to kill each other 90% of the fucking time and trying to goad other people into killing them the other 10% of the time, but I guess not. I mean, they can't do anything else right, so why that? But the narrator digresses.

For his own part, Picard could but facepalm when presented with such a pitiful and truly queer sight. His amazing facepalm of power blew up the rest of the Jedi in the planet.

"Well, Wesley," Dr. Crusher asked, "did you turn evil?"

Wesley paused for a moment, as if sensing sinister impulses awakening within him. "Yes! I can feel the power of the dark side flowing through me, consuming my... no, wait. I'm still good. Apparently killing extremely evil people won't actually turn you evil yourself. That's pretty surprising, if you have an IQ under 20."

"Well then, I guess it's finally time to beam back aboard and head back to our own, not-gay universe," said Commander Riker. "Because I really think I've had about enough of this bullshit."

But Geordi disagreed! For he had just noticed Queen Amidala enter the room. "Maybe not, Commander. I think I've come up with a way to cut down – possibly even eliminate – the high levels of faggoton radiation in this universe."

"How is that possible?" asked Picard.

Geordi explained: "Faggoton radiation is pure gay energy. Now, think... what's not even remotely gay at all? What can you think of that's not even slightly homosexual even just a little bit."

"Lesbians," answered Data.

"Exactly," said Geordi. "But only if they're really hot. Queen Amidala! We need you to save the universe by getting it on with Counselor Troi here, in every conceivable position, over a period of several hours, using a variety of props and toys, while wearing various costumes, during which we'll be observing and recording using our tricorders."

"I don't know who any of you are, but okay," Amidala answered.

"It seems like something like this happens every time we land on a planet, lately," noted Counselor Troi.

The following several hours were awesome in their amazingness, a good time being had by all, Amidala and Troi in particular. It would take a lot of time to describe all the exact detail, so just imagine it. Then keep in mind that it was actually WAY BETTER then what you just imagined.

When they were finished, Amidala asked: "so, did we succeed at eliminating the faggoton radiation?"

Geordi laughed. "I was just kidding! I just wanted to see it you'd actually do it! Thanks for the memories. We'll send you royalties for the home DVD sales".

"That prank never gets old!" laughed Counselor Troi.