Chapter 3
When the alarm had sounded at 4.30, Jack had wanted to turn over and ignore it, as he usually did, but this morning was different; this morning he was starting his new job as the hospital administrator on a soap. He'd got a soap! And then the realisation hit him; he'd got soap as a woman and he had so much to do. Ten minutes later he was sitting in the bath shaving his legs, thinking yet again how did women do this? How did they afford to do this? This was followed by what Jack discovered was an absolute form of torture – plucking your eyebrows. He tried to match the pictures he'd cut out of magazines. Truly, he'd never even considered that women had to do this. Next it was the make up and the false eye lashes. 'Who knew that there was a tool to curl your eye lashes?' he asked himself. 'Damn he'd already been at this for 45 minutes; I need to be quicker.' He put in the false teeth and then carefully applied the bright red lipstick which would be matched by the nail varnish on the false nails. Finally, an hour and a half later, he was ready. He'd put on the foundation garment to give him the semblance of curves and topped it with a black skirt and red cowl neck jumper. He knew he'd have to change at the studio but hopefully he'd have his own dressing room, wouldn't he? Going into Tosh's room he shook her gently.
'Mom?' she said sleepily, only half joking.
'What'd you think?' Jack asked.
'Turn around,' Tosh suggested, and then considered her answer. 'You look very nice.'
'The hair's not right,' Jack observed.
'No, just let me.' Tosh moved the wig about until it felt right, a little softer. 'Well, it works, but if you don't mind me saying - don't play hard to get!'
Filming started early and by the time Jack arrived at the studio everyone else was there. One of the assistants showed him to his room. 'You'll be in room 4, Miss Jackson, and we'll need you in about 15 minutes. Jack opened the door and was greeted by the sight of one of the show's actresses, dressed only in the skimpiest of bra and knickers. He wasn't sure where to look. 'Shit! I am sharing after all! Get yourself together, Harkness! You're supposed to be a middle aged woman and not one with lesbian tendencies!'
'Hi, I'm Lisa Hallet,' he heard the girl say. Jack tried to concentrate on something else. 'My, that's a very nice table; it's so smooth and has lots of room for putting things on. And it has a very useful socket …. for a plug. God he was talking nonsense.' The assistant came back in and handed Jack the day's script revisions.
'Oh they always do things like that,' Lisa told him. Jack looked at the script and then realised what he was going to have to do that day.
'Oh my goodness! I have to kiss Dr Brewster!' he exclaimed.
'He kisses all the women,' Lisa explained. 'We call him the Tongue!'
Now, Jack had been kissed by more than a few men before and had done a whole lot more, but somehow, dressed as Harriet, this seemed all wrong. How the hell was he going to get out of this one? He didn't want to be sacked on his first day.
The first scene of the day was being set up. It involved a young female violinist who'd fallen through the ice while playing during a thaw. Nurse Charles, played by the young, gorgeous and Welsh, Ianto Jones, had been taking special care of the patient who'd formed a fixation on him. The young actor was sitting on the bed, swinging his legs, as John Hart bossed everyone around.
Ianto wasn't sure what he saw in Hart; true he was attractive, but Ianto knew he played around with anything that breathed. Sometimes this was useful; he knew there was something going on with Lisa but as Lisa was his cover often enough, he wasn't going to make a fuss. He wasn't naïve enough to think that Hart wouldn't bed anyone he could. Still, it didn't hurt to have something that he could use in future. Things were changing in the industry and it was well known that many stars were gay, but to be openly gay, that was a little more unusual and Ianto knew that. Although Hart flirted with everyone, he wouldn't do anything too obvious on set. He watched as Hart gave the girl directions; she was too demanding and Ianto could see that she wasn't going to last.
Meanwhile, Jack had changed into the clothes he was expected to wear and was watching from the sides, still looking anxiously at the script, when he felt a presence alongside him.
'You're Harriet Jackson, aren't you? I'm Owen van Harper. We're up next.'
As he spoke he sprayed mouthwash onto his tongue. Jack swallowed hard. Van Harper wasn't really that old in real life but the character was greying at the temples and seemed to have been around for years. 'Shit! I'm really going to have to kiss him!' Jack thought.
'Ianto, come over here,' Hart continued. 'Now, you've got to stuff the tubes back up her nose. Remember she thinks that you're her boyfriend, the one who fell through the ice, so you're going to have to grab on tight and struggle.' Off camera the assistant asked if Ianto wanted anything to eat. Hart replied for him. 'No, he's fine! Now, it's a struggle, but you're struggling with yourself as well. This woman wants to give herself to you.'
'And I let her, I guess.' Ianto agreed, knowing his place. He knew he was the eye candy in this role.
'Now, Anthea,' Hart continued, 'Ianto is going to try to help you but all you can think is that this is your boyfriend and you want him to kiss you, to hold you, to make love to you. The mere sight of him inflames your desire.' As Ianto bent down, Hart briefly ran his hand across his ass and whispered in his ear, 'God knows you always inflame my desire wearing these.' Jack watched from the door, torn because of the way Hart was treating Ianto, but also because he knew he found the young man devastatingly attractive. Hart saw him for the first time.
'Everyone, this is Harriet Jackson who'll be playing Emily Kimberley, the new hospital administrator.' Ianto put out his hand.
'Hi, I'm Jones, Ianto Jones, the so called hospital stud or slut really.' Ianto's smile and blue eyes were just gorgeous and Jack felt himself falling until he was pulled back to reality by Hart explaining the scene to van Harper. He'd been with the show since the beginning and become part of the furniture, but it was well known that van Harper was a lousy actor, totally terrified, who used the teleprompter for every line.
The scene began with Ianto wrestling with the patient. Somehow, totally unplanned, Ianto ended up in Jack's arms. So much of Jack hoped that this could happen again for real. Later, in the corridor, Emily Kimberley faced up to Dr Brewster.
'You haven't changed, Emily,' Brewster began.
'But I have, Medford.'
'You know, Emily, you and I could rule Southwest General together. I admire people with power, especially women with power.' Van Harper moved in for his kiss to be met with a clipboard smacking him hard over his head. In the galley the production team held their breath but went with it. To the side Ianto couldn't help giggling. Jack continued; he was on a roll now. 'I'm afraid you've underestimated me, Dr Brewster. If you mean to win me over you're going to have to deal with my mind, not my lips!'
Jack knew the lines worked with his character, but was he going to get away with it? Van Harper just stood there, shell-shocked. Jack knew that he had to explain himself and quickly, or this was going to be his shortest role since the tomato.
'Sorry, Mr Hart, I just thought how you said my character had to be threatening and I acted on instinct.' Jack explained, crossing his fingers as he tried to sound as sincere as possible.
'It was a good instinct; it would have been mine,' Ianto agreed as he passed by.
'Now,' said Hart, 'it happened to be a good instinct Toots, but next time check with me.' Breathing a sigh of relief, Jack agreed to follow the script knowing, of course, that he wouldn't, especially if Hart kept calling him Toots. It was just a question of how much he could get away with.
'Thanks for catching me earlier,' Ianto said. 'You literally saved my ass.' As he walked away Jack watched the most perfect rear he thought he'd ever seen and thought, 'I'd save that ass any time you want.' He didn't notice van Harper come up behind him. Jack turned when he heard a voice.
'Harriet, I just wanted to say that I loved what you did in our scene. Welcome aboard.' When Jack tried to reply, van Harper grabbed him and locked lips. Jack felt his tongue probing; he wondered if he should knee him in the balls for good measure but van Harper let him go and walked away, leaving Jack standing there, somewhat stunned.
Later, back at the flat with Tosh, Jack tried to improve Harriet's look as Tosh re-wrote the necktie scene, yet again.
'You wanna see this Hart guy, Tosh. He's so condescending to him and to all of us. He calls me Sweetheart or Honey; he doesn't even know my name. When he thinks no one is listening or watching he gropes Ianto and calls him Babes or Toots. If it wasn't for the dress I'd have kicked his ass.' He combed through one of the wigs he'd bought. 'Somehow, I think Harriet is smarter than me; she always seems to know what to say, so I want to make her look a bit better.'
Tosh knew all the signs. 'This wouldn't have to do with a certain young Welshman would it?' Jack didn't have time to answer; the phone rang and Tosh went to pick it up.
'No, don't answer it!' Jack yelled. 'Harriet lives alone. I don't want you to answer and have people think that you live with me. Christ, I'm enough of a stereotype in character already. I don't want the rumour mill to announce that I'm a lesbian; it would be all wrong for Harriet.'
'But what if it's Gwen or Mary, and you answer as Harriet? They'll think that there's some strange woman here,' Tosh asked.
'I'll get an answering service tomorrow,' Jack said finally. Tosh was feeling exasperated now. 'Look, Jack, when you were roaming around with a hump on your back I said nothing, but I'm a bit annoyed at not being able to answer my own phone because you're not that sort of a girl. That's weird. Now, as I am that sort of a girl I'm off to see Mary.' Tosh didn't want any of Jack's weirdness to come between her and her sexy blonde girlfriend; things had been going to well. She fingered the necklace Mary had bought her last week; it was beautiful.
'But Tosh, I'm doing this for you, for the play and for Gwen. Shit! Gwen! I was supposed to go round there tonight!' Ten minutes later he was giving Gwen a sob story about being ill.
'Oh, Jack, do you have a fever? Take two aspirin and 1000 units of vitamin C in milk only,' Gwen advised. 'She really is a sweet woman and so trusting,' Jack thought
In the next few days the first scenes with the new hospital administrator went out. All around the country, in offices and homes, people watched as Emily Kimberley hit Dr Brewster over the head. The reaction was instantaneous as praise poured into the studio. Outside the studio people began to ask for Harriet's autograph and Jack knew that he'd arrived. After a week the fan letters began to arrive. Jack was ecstatic. The studio was going to find it difficult to get rid of him now. Now he'd have more of a say, one way or another.
'Harriet,' Ianto said as he came out of the studio, with an older man in tow, 'I want you to meet my Dad, this is Rhys.'
'Hi, it's nice to meet you,' Jack replied, shaking the man's hand but trying not to be too firm with his grip. 'I think your son is a great actor and the real star of this show.'
Later, Jack was sitting at home when Gwen rang to rearrange their dinner. 'Absolutely, I'll be there Thursday. No, I won't forget.' Gwen put the phone down happily and started to plan her menu.
The next day, at the studio, Jack ran through his lines with Lisa. It was weird how easily he was carrying this off. He was now used to Lisa standing there just in her underwear, what little there was of it.
'I like to think of you younger people as my children. Now, what sort of mother would I be if I didn't give my daughter tits, I mean tips, yes tips.' Lisa looked up briefly before continuing her exercise routine. Jack thought this was getting more complicated by the minute. He was also playing fast and loose with his scripts. He knew it was right; he knew Emily would take no nonsense from Dr Brewster and he was keen to see how far he could go now that Harriet, as an actress, was proving to be so popular. He'd seen the fan letters.
'Stop thinking of me as a woman, Medford and start thinking of me as a person. That's what we all are here at South West General, people.' As the scene cut van Harper came back in.
'I loved the way you held my face then, Harriet. I was totally in your power.'
'You had some good moments too, Owen.' They all turned as Martha Jones, the producer strode onto the floor.
'Listen up people! We need to stay late or we'll have to shoot this live as some fool of an engineer has destroyed yet another day's work,' Martha yelled at them all.
After they'd finished for the night Jack noticed Hart and Lisa in the shadows; they were kissing. 'So he'd been right about Hart. He didn't care where he put it about. Poor Ianto.' He wondered if Ianto knew about Hart's philandering. Suddenly, he was reminded of himself and his own behaviour; he looked away and then hurried back to his dressing room.
'Harriet, is that you?' he heard Ianto say.
'Does that happen very often?' Jack asked.
'We had to do it live once. You should have seen van Harper's face. Well, you couldn't see his face as we had to shoot him from behind, he was so panicked. Look, Harriet, we have 26 pages to learn for tomorrow. Do you fancy coming around and going through them with me. I could cook something. I'm a born defroster.' Jack found himself agreeing. Back home he went through his wardrobe desperately trying to find something to wear. Tosh sat and watched.
'I know it's stupid but it feels like our first date and I just want Harriet to look pretty for him.
'You know something, Jack. This is getting a little too weird, even for me.'
As Jack pressed Ianto's doorbell and smoothed himself down he wondered how the evening would go.
