Author's Note: I decided to set this with the team sometime before Civil War, except with Banner and without Thor. And I kind of decided to customize the Avengers facility a bit, so sorry if it's not perfect. Thanks, readers!


Tony's room looked like a very immature tornado of a person swept through it after only eating or drinking sugar and caffeine. And then jumped on his bed while swinging a sword around. Anyone would scream like a very, very upset toddler if they saw the results of having Deadpool do whatever he wanted in their room for two days straight. It was a very similar scene to the lounge, except obviously rigged up with pranks and newly themed to piss Iron Man off. He had left a suit of armor in its own closet, it was one of the newer versions he was still working with. He didn't want to leave it in the lab, but he probably should have. Deadpool (whoever he was) probably wouldn't have gone there during his two days of mayhem. The suit was redecorated to just red and black with spray paint. There was some white right over where the eyes were supposed to be, and that was surrounded by black. Tony took in the torn up blankets, shredded pillows (feathers were everywhere), cheap Mexican leftovers on the floor, his ruined-ish suit, and the rest of the mess and just lost it. He stepped forward into his room, opening his mouth to yell for JARVIS, call Pepper, and set off a tripwire that set off a few other things in under a second. A net dropped on him, covered in honey, and then some feathers and red glitter dropped onto him as well. Tony, startled, let out a loud screeching noise as he fell to the ground and noticed a camera set up across the room. To his dismay, it was recording and obviously sending the video somewhere, probably to the Deadpool guy. To make things worse, he could hear everyone start laughing their heads off all over again in the lounge. What really put the icing on the whole hellish cake of it all was that he was too dumbstruck and panicked to do anything but struggle instead of logically slip out somehow. And he could hear the footsteps of his teammates approaching. The things he would do to Deadpool if he got his hands on him...


The rest of the Avengers were finishing up howling with laughter when they decided to check on Tony at Bruce's request. Tony was yelling something about "...getting this thing off of me!"

"Tony isn't back yet, should we go see if he's alright?" asked Banner.

Cap nodded and replied, "What would he do without us? Plus, we should grab snacks. I never thought I'd say this, but the poor guy could use some help and maybe a drink."

The group got up and moved quickly and quietly to Stark's room and saw him trapped under a very sticky net, some feathers, and for some reason, heaps of red glitter just past the doorway of his very messy room. He was as red as the glitter, shaking with anger and embarrassment and shouting for them and Pepper and JARVIS. The group was just as shocked as he was. Natasha's face went pale, then red, then returned to her usual relaxed, emotionless mask. If Steve and Bruce's eyebrows went up any higher, they could probably have reached the ceiling. Both were shocked, but Banner more so than Steve. As for Clint, he was physically shaking, trying desperately to hold back his thinly disguised laughter. With trembling hands in the back of the group, he just raised his phone high, and the flash and snapping sound alerted everyone to him taking a picture. Then all hell broke loose.


Clint ran for the lounge laughing, tears streaming down his face while Nat yelled after him, slipping into her native Russian in a scolding, angry tone. Steve pulled the net off of Tony and Banner helped him up, with Tony cussing like a sailor after Hawkeye and raving about Deadpool and pranks and if he ever caught him how he would do something like drop him into an active volcano after blasting his face off. Banner was saying a lot of things in a soothing tone to Tony while Steve helped haul him into the bathroom, finding a large bottle of mouthwash in a cabinet behind the sink after Tony told it to open. Steve opened it and poured some into the cap and handed it to Tony. He was now cooling down enough to accept it and use it, but he chugged it instead, to Banner's horror. "That's where the whiskey went," Tony said with a groan, trying to snatch the whole bottle from Steve. Steve just lifted it out of his reach and said, "Go easy, Tony. There's no way you could handle this better drunk than not. Come back out and I'll get you a glass." Tony reluctantly followed his teammates out to the lounge again, still pissed and red-faced.

In the lounge, Natasha had somehow gotten ahold of Hawkeye's phone, but couldn't do anything with it because he was struggling to get it back. She had him pinned face down on the floor, but he was still trying to escape and recover his phone. Steve sat Tony down on the couch, got out a new glass, poured him a smaller drink to start, got rid of the fake stuff, and gave it to Tony while Banner played hostage negotiations with the two master spies. Natasha eventually relented, settling back down on her couch. She still remained uncontested for ownership of it (one does not simply touch the Black Widow's stuff). Steve threw Tony a bag of chips (plain, the only ones left) from the bar and found some peanuts to share with Banner. He wandered over to the kitchen to inspect the damages and see what was left.


The nearby mini-kitchen was still a messy work in progress. Rhodey, Sam, and Pepper would probably lose it if they saw what Deadpool did to their personal snacks. He ate most of Rhodey's personal tub of guacamole but still left it open in the fridge, demolished Sam's collection of assorted Pringles, and finished off Pepper's not-so-secret supply of fancy little desserts. He even had the nerve to leave behind a half-eaten strawberry in their place on a plate. Steve grimaced. Violation of snack rules (if marked or known to be someone else's, don't touch) meant that everyone else could eat yours, at least according to Tony. Now it was really getting personal. Cap deemed it that bad of a day to bring out his hidden supply of snack cakes. Processed, frosted, and basically just sugar, they were his main weakness food-wise in this century. As bad as they were, they were still addictive and often swiped. It was getting so bad that Steve had to move them every couple of days. Natasha was decent enough to leave I.O.U. notes and bags of foreign candies she took home from missions every time she had some, but otherwise he had no idea who owed him their food and how much of it they owed him, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Thor owed him his entire stash of coffee and Hawkeye was probably millions of calories in snack debt. Steve snatched up a pie sent from Clint's wife, all of the snack cakes from their hiding place, some plates, and enough chips to feed a small army (which the Avengers pretty much were, they would probably go through them all). He brought the impressive spread of sweets and junk food back into the lounge and set them all down on the coffee table in the center of the lounge. "C'mon Tony, just hit play so we can get this over with," he said. Tony swiped a few of his snack cakes with a quiet "Thanks." and hit play.


12:06 pm. Day One of Deadpool in the facility. The Lounge.

Deadpool finishes taking off the regular clothes to reveal a red-and-black suit. He pulls his face, a mask, to reveal another one.

"Hey, look! He was wearing something underneath!" said Clint, relieved.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious. I wouldn't have known that." snarked Tony. Natasha shot him a look.

"Can we just get on with it?" she drawled in a nearly perfect Tony impression.

"Yes ma'am." the guys chorused.

Deadpool opens up the tub labeled Rat Poison and pulls out a utility belt, two pistols, and a set of twin katanas (I probably spelled that wrong). He puts on the belt and slips his weapons on his outfit: swords on his back and pistols at the waist. Deadpool looks around the room and spots all of the cameras in under five seconds.

Natasha sucked in a breath. He was pretty good at this, and that set off quite a few alarm bells in her head. Plus, she had a question to ask. "Tony, how did he not set off all of the security the minute he revealed himself?" Tony growled and replied, "I took off most of the security and alarms in the building so he would be free to work in any of the rooms here to get rid of the rats. If he started messing around with SHIELD information, selling international secrets, or anything that bad, then we would have been called back for a fight, along with every police officer, SHIELD agent, soldier, and SWAT team in the state. I didn't realize he could get away with some immature pranks while we were out." Natasha nodded for him to press play.

Deadpool looks to the camera with its film is currently showing for the Avengers. Based on the shifting of the mask, he's smiling. "Well hello there! It's your Uncle Deadpool and we're going to have a lot of fun over these next few days. Before we start, I'm hungry. Let's see how many chimichangas I can fit in a microwave without it blowing up. Hope Fury's freaks keep some good guac!" Deadpool opens up a container labeled "Rat Food" and pulls out a large box full of cheap Mexican food with "Chimis" scrawled on it. He trots over to the kitchen and stuffs one of the microwaves full of chimichangas and presses a couple buttons. "Remember kids, in order to trap a pest with food you must be a master baiter."

"Did he just…" Banner lost what he was going to say. Tony and Clint were snickering, Cap's ears started going red, and Natasha shook her head with a disgusted look that did all of the talking for her. Sometimes the guys were too immature, but they couldn't and wouldn't top Deadpool in that.