Is This Really Love?
Summary: Horo finally admits that he loves Ren. Guess what? Ren feels the same way. But soon, Horo's angry at the fact that Ren is lying about loving him. Did Ren actually get what Horo meant? How will Ren handle this, when he doesn't even know what "love" really is? How about Horo?
Chapter Summary: Horo finally tells Ren about his departure. Will this be goodbye?
By: Klyukaizer
Chapter 3 – Don't Want to Say Goodbye
"When will you be leaving?" Yoh asked silently, looking at Horo Horo who was sitting on the porch of his house. "Tomorrow… I'll be packing this afternoon." Horo informed as he lowered his head from his friend. "I'm sorry… for being like this." Horo murmured. Yoh shook his head with a smile, "I understand, Horo. It's hard, isn't it? I mean, loving a dense and cold person." Yoh laughed, making Horo chuckle as well. "I completely understand. The person I love is also dense… not that cold though. But crazy." Yoh grinned widely. Horo was left in silence at first. This was the first time Yoh mentioned about the "person" he loves.
"So…" Yoh changed the subject, "When are you going to tell him?"
Horo lowered his head and looked apologetically towards Yoh. "I was hoping you guys would tell him. I mean, tell him after I leave or something." Horo said solemnly and Yoh gasped, "Eeehhh? That'll be too late, Horo. How would Ren feel after that?" Horo thought about it for a moment, "Nothing. He would feel nothing." Horo answered. "That's not what I meant, Horo." Yoh sighed out loud, "If he couldn't look at you as someone he loves. At least he's looking at you as a friend." Yoh began, "Tell him, Horo. Tell him… as a friend."
Somehow, Horo thought that Yoh had a point. But little did he know, that it was something that he would regret soon.
Ren didn't want to go to Yoh's house that day. One, he didn't want to see what might happen next between Horo and Pirika. He didn't want to be the cause of the siblings' fight. Two, he felt unwelcome. After what had happened between him and Horo, he felt as if the whole gang was glaring daggers at him.
But most of all… Slowly, Ren's tears fell from his eyes as he thought about the last reason.
…He didn't want to say goodbye.
/"Damn it, stop making fun of me!"/
/"You should tell that to yourself. You're only making a fool of yourself."/
/"Shut up, Ren! I've had enough with your crap!"/
Ren stirred from his sleep as he rolled from left to right.
/"That's because I like you, you bastard!"/
Ren panted and wheezed and droplets of sweat appeared from his head.
/"I like you too..."/
It was a memory he had before when Horo told him those words. Those words that changed their lives... everything changed to the point where both of them became the best of friends. His vision suddenly changed, it was a scene inside the apartment Jun and him were currently staying on, why were they there?
"Ren... I'm going away..."
Ren just looked down, "I know... why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm telling you now..."
"That's not what I meant, you idiot!"
Horo smiled towards Ren's direction, but somehow, tears were running down his face. "I enjoyed all the time we had, Ren. I never really knew that you didn't feel the same way about me... well, until now, that is. Guess I was too stupid to notice!"
"Horo..."
"I'll always be the 'idiot' that you know so well... even until the next time we meet." He was laughing amidst the tears. How can he laugh at a time like this?
"Huh? What do you mean!"
"Goodbye, Ren..."
"NO! Horo Horo, wait!"
"Goodbye…"
"No! You can't go! HORO!"
"Horo-" Ren bolted awake and saw that everything was spinning. Looking to his right and left, he found himself awake on the couch. 'Must've fallen asleep.' Lying back down, he can't help but feel cold and scared at the same time. A knock from his bedroom door suddenly brought him back to his senses. "Ren?" It was Jun. "Ren, Horo Horo's here to see you."
Ren's eyes suddenly widened.
Ren descended from his room and when he looked towards the living room, Horo was sitting silently and nervously on the sofa while looking out the glass window, fiddling with the fabric of his shorts. "Oi Ainu-baka." Ren smirked, walking over to the blue-haired Ainu. Horo instantly looked up to Ren and blinked for a few times before starting. "How come you don't visit us anymore?" Horo blinked.
"Am I still welcome?" Ren asked silently. "Of course you are. Why would you say that?" Horo raised an eyebrow. Ren sighed out loud and shook his head, "Betsuni…" He muttered, "And you had to come all the way here just to tell me that? You could've just called." Ren grumbled. Act normally. Keep it cool as if nothing had happened. As if you haven't heard anything before. Ren told himself.
Horo lowered his head, "I… I wanted to see you…"
"And now you already did." Ren snapped, "Anything else?" Ren couldn't understand why he was being cruel to the blue-haired shaman when all Horo ever did was to make Ren happy. Was he actually mad that Horo didn't tell him about his "plan" in going home?
Horo took a moment before finally saying, "Ren… I'm going away…" Those words struck like lightning to Ren. Those were the exact words Horo said in his dream. "I'm going back to Hokkaido." Horo whispered solemnly. "H-Hokkaido?" Ren trembled. "Yes… I'm leaving first thing in the morning tomorrow." Horo replied.
They were left in silence for a while and Ren tried to register Horo's words clearly. This wasn't a dream anymore. He couldn't pinch himself to wake up. Why was he still shaking? He had already heard it from him before. Why was he still shaking now? Was it because Horo was leaving a little too soon? Was it because he was angry with himself to be not able to stop Horo Horo sooner?
"I… I know…" Ren muttered. "You do?" Horo asked with a sad smile. "Why didn't you tell me…" Ren paused. "I'm telling you now." Horo said. "…Sooner?" Ren added. Horo was left speechless for a while until he raised his head and looked at Ren. "So you wouldn't be able to stop me." Horo smirked but Ren was pissed off at Horo's stupid answer. "That's not what I meant, you idiot!" Ren snapped, making Horo's smile disappear.
"I never really wanted to tell you…" Horo said honestly, looking away as he said those words. "But… as I recalled all the times we had…" Horo paused as tears came running down his eyes, "I enjoyed it!" Horo smiled, amidst the tears. "I enjoyed all the time we had, Ren. I was having too much fun that I never really knew that you didn't feel the same way about me... well, until now, that is. Guess I was too stupid to notice!" Horo lowered his head and felt his lips trembling as he continued.
"Horo…" Ren muttered. Yes, this was certainly like the dream he had a few minutes ago. Was it a vision? Did his ancestors bring him this message so that he won't make a stupid mistake? So that he would be prepared in saying the right words. Ren just lowered his head, "Please don't go, Horo…" Ren whispered, but Horo didn't hear it. "But, Ren…" Ren looked up to the Ice shaman and waited for him to continue, "I'll still be and will always be the 'idiot' that you know so well... even until the next time we meet." Horo smiled widely, his crystalline tears slowly halting.
It was Ren's turn this time, when he felt tears at the corner of his eyes. There was nothing he can do to bring Horo back. There was absolutely nothing he can do to change the blue-haired shaman's decision. He wanted to jump at the boy's arms and tell him he loved him. But he was too shocked to move. Horo gave one last smile to his best friend as he finally turned around to leave. "Goodbye, Ren…"
Ren's lips moved but no words came out. He just stood there in shock, watching Horo leave as if everything was in slow motion. 'Move! Why aren't you moving! Horo Horo is leaving! Damn it, why won't you move!' He closed his eyes heavily as tears came running down his face. 'Horo! Please, you can't go!'
Goodbye…
"HORO HORO!"
To be Continued.
