Chapter 3
This Entire Situation Has Been Quite Stressful
...I don't own SVU or Law and Order...
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.
-chung chung-
Casey was walking down the street. She saw some pretty red shoes. She had to try them on, they were so pretty...
No, I can't, she thought. It clearly states in Section 7 of the Character Manual that a main character can't go against pre-established fact on her character. It's pre-established that I'm a badass character. But the shoes stared at her. Called her name.
I'VE GOTTA TRY THEM ON!! She thought, rushing in.
-play theme song-
She sat in the store, as the attendant brought out the pair of shoes.
"Oh, I'm sorry, these shoes are two sizes too small, and they're the biggest size we have." The attendant said, looking sad.
"It's okay! It's just shoes!" Casey said, smiling and going back to work. I love being nice and not rudely snapping at the store employees! It reminds me of my youth... ah, my wonderful youth.
-chung chung-
The Awesomely Cool World of the Writers
Time and Date
Incomprehensible to Mortals
"Boss! Boss!" The higher writer cried as he ran towards the NBC executive. "We've got a big problem!
"What is it?" The NBC executive asked, sighing. Don't have better things to do with my time then bother with writers? Can't I go do something.. fun? Like swim in my really big, heated swimming pool? Or eat lots of ice cream? What a terrible life I have, he thought.
"Well, Casey Novak from Law and Order SVU just went to try on shoes, and when she found out that her feet were too sizes too small, she didn't go postal on the employee! She just thanked her and left!"
"Oh no." The NBC executive said, anger clear in his face. "I'll deal with it right away. It's time to reign in these detectives on SVU who think they can cross me... and live..."
"You're going to kill them?" The writer said, now scared.
"Oh, what? Did I just say I was going to kill them? Ooops, I always get ahead of myself. I'll... deal with them..."
-chung chung-
16th Precinct
Casey was walking towards the squad room. Then, someone who was short stopped her.
"Hey, you're Casey Novak! The tall person! You, you monster!" The short person cried. "I've been in the void from almost nine years, since they dumped in there after they decided they weren't going to have short female characters as main characters on SVU. I'm... I'm gonna kill you!" She cried, and pulled off her red high heels.
"What, seriously? You're gonna kill me?"
"You bet!" She replied, high heel firmly in her hand, preparing to strike.
"Hey, those look familiar...are those the shoes from the store?" Casey asked, completely forgetting about the peril her life was in.
"Oh, yeah!" She said, smiling. "They were on sale too!" The shorter woman replied.
"Wow, I always have a hard time finding the sales." Casey said, admiringly.
"Oh, well you should come shopping with me and I can help you find the deals!" The short woman said.
"Hey, sounds great!"
"But you'll have to do that after I kill you."
"WHAT?! That doesn't seem logically possible!" Casey yelled and the girl stabbed Casey's palm with the heel of the shoe.
"Tee hee! Revenge is sweet!" She yelled and ran away, forgetting to give Casey the mortal blow.
-chung chung-
SVU Squadroom
Elliot sat, typing away. He had recently constructed a device to help with his work. Of course he remembered to turn off the soldering iron.
Didn't he?
He turned, and there it was, on fire, and the computer beside it was ablaze as well.
"Four! I mean, fire!" He screamed, and then realized no one else was in the squad room. He grabbed the phone but couldn't remember how to dial to the outside line.
"Oh no! Oh, I know what I'll do, I'll send an email to the FDNY." He said to himself, sitting down at the computer and typed:
Subject: Fire
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to inform you of a fire that has broken has broken out at the premises of-
No, no, that sounds too formal, he thought. He started again.
Dear Sir/Madam,
Fire!
Fire!
Help me!
123 Policington Road.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
All the best,
Elliot Stabler
Yeah, that's good, he thought, sending it off. Ah, I'm glad I can take care of things, he thought, as he went back to his paperwork.
-Two minutes later-
Olivia ran in and saw the fire. "The weirdest thing just happened FIRE! "
"Yeah, yeah, I took care of it." Elliot said, not batting an eye.
Then the Fin ran in, looking scared like a little kid. "The NBC executive is coming... Hey, what's up with the FIRE?! HELLO?"
"Hey." He said, standing up. "I'm a little upset with the lack of respect that I'm getting. I've taken care of it, geez! He said, annoyed.
"Well, what are we going to do? The NBC exec is coming and the office is on fire, and Casey is bleeding to death!" The Captain said, dragging a bloodied Casey behind him into the squad room.
"I don't know if it's the burning plastic or the loss of blood, but I feel great!" She cried, before lapsing into unconsciousness.
"I know! I'll use my womanly ways to get him to stop!" Olivia cried, running and standing near the door.
The NBC exec walked by.
"Oh, Mr. Executive-"
"Your womanly ways don't work on me," He said, angrily, pushing her aside. He walked in, but didn't notice the fire.
"Alright, you guys have had it good, going against the rules that we writers set up for you to live by, but now, now it's time to reign you in. From now on, you'll-"
THIS CHAPTER IS NOW CANCELLED DUE TO THE 2007 WRITERS'S GUILD STRIKE
"WHAT?!" The NBC screamed.
HEY, I SAID IT WAS CANCELLED!
To be continued...
This episode is a huge, big shout-out to episode two called "Calamity Jen" from the British tv show "The IT Crowd", it's really awesome, apparently it's coming to the US via a remake from NBC... but I have no idea about that. It's being shown on G4TechTV in Canada Sundays at 9pm Eastern and Monday's 8pm Eastern. If you don't have that channel, send me a message and I can tell you where to see it.
Also, I know that Casey has compassion and such. Don't flame me for the badass thing, it's just been in my head for a while and I need to get it out tee hee
Also, mandatory safety notice: Please make sure you have working fire alarms in every floor of your home. And know the number of the emergency services in your area. And how to dial to the outside line.
Finally:
...I don't own The IT Crowd...
