Chapter 3: Crowley's
I woke up to early again, my dream still clinging wispily to the corners of my mind. Four days? I have never had a dream so many times in a row. This was the fourth day. I had spent several hours Saturday and Sunday night putting the notes to the melody from my dream down on paper, trying to make sure it was just right. I sighed. Maybe I wasn't getting it right and that was why I kept dreaming it, like it was trying to prompt me into perfection I had tried everything I could think of.
I closed my eyes to see if I could remember anything new this time. There was someone there, and the music flowed around him like he was singing it. He had such intense blue eyes, reminiscent of ice. His eyes made me shiver, which is hard to do. I opened my eyes. Who was this boy? Did I know him? I closed my eyes again and tried to focus on his face. All I could see clearly were his eyes.
I rolled over, frustrated. I didn't have to meet Ara and Gabby until 9:00am at Crowley's. Tyler Crowley's wife owned a dress shop in town and she was making our dresses for the wedding. Mrs. Crowley was from New York City; I think her name was Kenna, but I wasn't sure. That's all I really knew about them, except that they had a son who was a junior and on the football team. TJ Crowley, Tyler Crowley Jr …People in that town weren't very inventive. He seemed nice enough, though. Gabby had a huge crush on him. He sat with Seth and Masen at lunch, which wasn't far from us, just the other side of the table. I looked at my clock. 6:18 Am.
I grunted in disgust. "Why!" A perfect time to be able to sleep in a bit, and I couldn't.
I swung my legs out of the bed and stood up. I looked at my bookshelf and sighed, looking for something to occupy my mind, maybe to numb it back into an hour or so of sleep… I pulled out one of the old tattered journals Edward had let me bring with me. As a personal project, I was writing our history in several volumes; as I was growing and learning about my ability, I wanted to start recording memories in tangible form. I wrote the family stories down as if they are fictional novels, so if anyone ever got a hold of them they would write it off as just a story. One of the things I was working on before I left was helping Bella remember and record her human memories; when you become immortal, your human memories become fuzzy, and after a long time could maybe become lost forever as the immortal mind glossed over them. Edward had kept a journal faithfully for the most part of his long life, although there were parts of his life I have not read, and there were parts of his experiences that I am sure he did not write down. I just loved reading them, experiencing the way Edward thought, committed to paper. I read them and knew how he felt, like I was passing through his life alongside him. It may be because we are related, or maybe because I have seen inside his mind, seen the memories as if I lived them. Either way, reading his journals was like an escape from reality for me for a while, a welcome one at that moment.
I read through one of the journals, one from the horrible time when he had left my Bella, trying to keep her safe from the dangers he brought into her life by being a vampire and loving her while she was still a mortal; he had wanted to give her what he thought would be a gift, a normal life, but he hadn't realized how deeply bonded they already were then, and being apart had almost destroyed them both. The part where he actually left her and was alone for almost seven months was not in there; the journal started with a plane ride back from Italy. Mia Bella had gone there to let Edward know she was actually alive, to keep him from killing himself in despair by exposing himself to mortals and incurring the Volturi's anger. Once reunited, they had spent the entire plane trip back to Forks staring at each other, stunned at how much they loved each other, how complete they had felt again once they were together again. It made me so sad, but so happy, having to feel the despair in his penned thoughts and then the transition to joyous realization that they were never going to part again.
I suddenly looked around the room, seeing it through new eyes, and thought, it all started right here. I know he used to sneak in here and watch her sleep. There is something that vampires find fascinating about humans sleeping, and Bella was apparently fascinating to watch, with her frequent dreams and talking in her sleep. Edward and Bella were made for each other; I know that from their story, and from seeing them together. Like the imprinted couples, I knew, in a way, how intense and devoted and utterly convinced in the rightness of their love they were. Almost magical. I just hoped I would find someone to love me like that. My family just seemed to be drawn to the ones they love, uncontrollably, undeniably. It's amazing. I hoped I wouldn't be the only one left out of that magic.
Resigned to being awake, I swung my legs out of bed, went to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. My eyes were darker than usual; it had been a week since I went hunting. They were muddy, but still green.
Alice will be here tomorrow and we will go hunting together, I thought absently, scrutinizing every feature of my face, critical, trying to see it like a stranger was. I was ok to look at, I guessed...
I blew my hair out of my face and sighed. Someone will love me. Surely, they would. I started thinking again that maybe Forks wasn't where I needed to be.
I turned the shower on and jumped in, hoping a nice hot bath would help wash my melancholy away. I closed my eyes against the spray and started thinking about the sad boy from my dream again. His song filled my head and wrapped around me like a cool embrace. It was beautiful, so sad and full of longing, but beautiful. I hated that I didn't have a piano there at Charlie's; I had one back home, plus a ton of other instruments, some which I could play and some not; I was always intending to learn more. Maybe when we are in town today I should at least try to find a keyboard, I thought, and my mood began to brighten There was a small music store on the same street as Crowley's.
I opened my eyes and smiled. I had a plan. It helped push the last traces of my sadness back into the deeper parts of my mind, where it was easier to ignore.
I finished getting ready as fast as I could and ran down the stairs without making a sound, not wanting to wake anyone. Seth was passed out on the couch. I giggled and wondered how Nana-Sue and The Chief slept down the hall from that—then I remembered how the Chief snored, and thought maybe Nana-Sue would be the only one with a real problem, after all. Seth snored louder and then grunted, mumbling something about running, then turned over on his side. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the clock. 7:38 AM. I grumbled. Gabby wasn't picking me up until 8:30am. I shrugged and went into the backyard quietly, looking for something to occupy myself for that time.
I stopped on the back porch, surprised. The Chief was standing out there, staring into the woods.
I smiled and whispered, "Chief?"
He looked back at me, smiling back in pleasure at seeing me. "Sarabella, good morning." He has a nice, rumbly voice, and is very easy to be around.
"What are your plans today?" he asked, looking me up and down quickly, noticing immediately that I was dressed and ready to go out. You can't fool an old cop.
I looked like I was pondering, and replied, "Crowley's, and then shopping."
He sighed, confounded as always by girly things, and also maybe wondering if I was hiding something, trying to sneak out so early. "Isn't Alice coming in tomorrow to take you shopping?"
I giggled "Yes, but that's clothes shopping for fun, I have to get something in particular today in town."
He put his arm around me and smiled. "What's that? And how do you know someone hasn't already gotten it for you for your birthday?"
I scrunched up my nose. "Because it something that I just thought about, something that I need."
"May I ask what you need so bad?" the Chief grunted, interrogation-mode in full swing.
I sighed, gave up on my vagueness. "A piano."
He looked down at me wide-eyed and speculative. "I don't know if I have room here for that."
I smiled my crooked smile, knowing it would win him over. "I know, Chief. I'm going to downsize and get a keyboard instead of a full-size piano."
His face suddenly got sad.
I studied this reaction, confused. "What's wrong, Chief?"
He looked down at me with my mother's and brother's soft brown eyes, eager to please me. "Sara, I am so sorry, we can make room if you would like. I'd love to hear you play."
He held my face in his hands; he didn't hold back from the touch of my cold skin. From the gentle confines of his rough, warm palms, I shook my head. "No, Chief, I want it in my room, so I will be ok with a keyboard, I promise. I just have this song in my head that I have written down, and need to be able to hear it, and to play it."
He cocked his head to the right a little, nonplussed. "You haven't heard it yet?"
I smiled at him again, lifting a finger to wave in front of his face. He blinked. "Don't ask, remember?"
"Hmph," he grunted, twisting his mouth in annoyance, then resignation. "Well, if that will make you happy. Are you excited about Friday?" He released my face, dropping his hands to my shoulders.
"Oh yes I am!" And I was.
Chief shook his head, amused. "You do not take after my side of the family at all."
He chuckled. "Has your Mia told you how much she has always hated parties? Didn't even want to go to her own prom. Edward had to trick her into it."
His eyes grew distant with memory, even a little misty. I remembered that this was Mia Bella's father, not just my great grandfather; she was his only daughter, his only child, and although they weren't showy about their relationship, she and the Chief were very close. It was difficult for him to be so far from Bella for so long, even though they spoke frequently on the phone. Also, I imagined it was hard for him, even now, that his daughter had changed so much, and that so much of her life was now shut off from him. He took the "need to know" thing with good grace, but we all knew he resented it a bit, suffering it so he could have some kind of relationship with her and with us, his strange family.
Yes, Bella and Nessie hated attention and presents, just like him. I smiled reassuringly up at him, stretching up on my tiptoes to plant a kiss on his bearded chin.
"I know, but it's ok, Alice will be here." Bella and Nessie will tolerate just about anything for Alice's enjoyment.
I heard Gabby's tires turn onto our road, several blocks away. I didn't move just yet. That would not be normal. I looked up at him and thought to ask, "What are you doing out here?"
The Chief sighed. "I am still used to getting up and going to work, and it's probably going to rain today, so no fishing. Hopefully we'll get Seth's room done today and get him off the couch." He smiled brightly at that concept. He loved Seth almost like a son now after all this time, or at least a favorite nephew.
Gabby's car pulled into the driveway, the tires crunching on the gravel. I jumped up and kissed his cheek in farewell. "Gabby's here, got to go!" He smiled fondly and waved goodbye behind me, not something a normal human would have caught, so I continued toward the front door.
Gabby knocked lightly and Seth sat straight up in surprise as I swung the door open. "Seth, it's ok, go back to sleep."
He blinked sleepily at me and yawned. "WHHEEEREE ARRREE YYYYYYOUUU GGGOINNG?" he mumbled, his words distorted by the yawn. He stretched mightily, joints popping.
I laughed. "Dress shopping."
He lay down with a thump, all interest in my outing evaporated by mention of girlyness. Gabby was standing on the porch, smiling at me through the glass inserts in the front door.
I winked at her. "Seth, why are you on the couch?" I asked him in the most overly concerned voice I could manage without laughing.
Seth'-s eyes slid closed and he mumbled something. "Masen snores too loud." Then he started snoring, sounding like a chainsaw. I covered my mouth to stifle my giggles and ducked outside; Gabby and I ran onto the lawn, laughing uncontrollably. The door closed silently behind us.
Gabby strained for breath and choked out, "I heard him from the street." We stumbled to the car still giggling.
We rode into town, laughing all the way; it was maybe a fifteen-minute drive. Ara was already standing in front of Crowley's, looking nervous as we pulled up. Our laughter stopped immediately as we parked and I watched her, noticing immediately that something was wrong. What could be going on we weren't late? Did her and Josh get into a fight? That would be odd they never fight. I mean how could you fight with someone you were meant for, your other half. I stepped out of the car with all those questions floating around in my head.
I ran to her and asked, "What happened?"
She smiled at me weakly.
I touched her face comforting her. Everything flashed into my mind as if I was watching a movie. I saw her getting up this morning feeling sick. I saw her run to the bathroom; I dropped my hand and put it over my mouth. She just looked at me. Shaking her head slowly I grabbed her hands they were safe.
I looked at her and told her, "Let's get these dresses sized."
She looked at me and then at Gabby. Gabby looked very worried still wondering what was going on. I just held Ara's hands.
Ara stuttered, "I screwed up."
I squeezed her hands and shook my head, "No." I whispered.
Gabby finally put everything together. She ran over hugging Ara, "Ara, are you sure?"
Ara Nodded, slowly as if she was in shock.
I shook her arms, "Have you talked to Josh yet?"
She looked at me like I was crazy, "Then Sam will know and then my dad will know. No!" I can't tell him!
I stood there stunned.. She was right. I thought all the options ran in my head quickly.
I smiled lightly, "It's ok, the wedding is in May the second week right?"
Ara looked at me, dazed.
I continued, "Its March 14th that's two months. Maybe we can hide it until then?"
Ara's smile brightened. She nodded, "That might work."
Gabby said, "So do you still want to try on dresses?"
Ara responded, "Yes but don't say anything around Mrs. Crowley she knows Emily."
Gabby and I smiled and nodded in agreement. We went inside. We spent several hours being measured and pinned. Mrs. Crowley seemed to notice the coldness of my skin. I smiled at her and made sure I kept conversation with Gabby. I still don't understand why my skin is so cold. My mother and father are very warm blooded. I watched Ara carefully. I knew everything would work out at least the wedding was soon...
I smiled brightly at her and made a face as Mrs. Crowley apologized for poking me. I didn't feel the poke but I acted as though I did.
I looked down at her and smiled, "It's okay." She pulled her pin out and the very tip of it was bent. I shrugged, "Maybe that's why it didn't work."
She looked at me with questions in her eyes but only said, "Maybe." She was finished and we got all of our things together. Gabby's stomach rumbled.
I laughed, "Lunch time?"
Ara nodded furiously.
We walked down the main street in Forks. There wasn't much but there was a little lunch café just at the other end. That's where we were headed. As we walked we passed by Weber's Song. I peered into the window as we walked by and noticed they actually had a wide selection of keyboards.
Ara caught my eye, "Do you need to go in there?"
I looked up at her and sighed. "Yes, but I can wait until after lunch." We giggled and ran the rest of the way. I sat back and watch Ara and Gabby eat. Ara hates it when I don't eat with her, she teases me and calls me a want be snob sister.
I lied and told her, "I had a huge breakfast because I didn't know how long she was going to make Mrs. Crowley resize her dress."
Her mouth fell open and she stared at me. She chunked a French fry right in my face. I could have caught it but I deserved it, it landed on my right cheek and flopped on the table.
I stared at it like I couldn't believe she had just done that. I looked up slowly and smiled widely. She let out a wild giggle and so did Gabby.
I looked at her and gasped "What?" touching my face.
The man behind the counter looked up at us and mumbled under his breath something about, "Teenagers and uncontrollable."
I was the only one who could have heard him. I shushed them and flicked the fry back at Ara. She ducked and squealed. I rolled my eyes. We calmed down and they finished eating. We cleaned up our table including the French fry war and left the man a tip. I smiled as we walked out the door and the man behind the counter looked down at our table and sighed with relief. We walked back to Weber's Song and Gabby was going on about how she had heard that Carrie was trying to hook up with TJ. This upset her greatly. I felt horrible; I decided I would talk to Seth tonight.
I took a deep breath at my idea hoping I would relax some more. I was so wound up thinking about finally hearing the song for real... The air flowed into my lungs my throat burned, a fire I was not used to feeling. This was different from my normal thirst, or was it had I let it go to long? The air was thick and sweet, it wrapped around me like a blanket. I almost had no control, I wanted to find it and consume it. I made my legs stop that unfamiliar feeling. Was someone bleeding? I exhaled quickly and looked around. I have to breathe I have no choice. I moaned and inhaled the fire burned hotter. My mouth watered and my tongue danced across the roof of my mouth.
Ara looked at me, "Are you okay Sara?"
I smiled with my teeth gritted together. I just shook my head.
Ara smiled, "Maybe you should have had lunch."
I grunted, "I think your right, let's go inside." She had no idea. I pushed the door in and the delightfully sweetness hit me as if I was entering the pits of Hell from the gates of Heaven. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked around. There was an old man behind the counter but that was it. I held my breath knowing I should turn around but I needed that keyboard like I needed air, I knew I could control this. I saw they had a Baby Grand in the corner. I felt a push, which shook me from my daze.
Ara pushed me in the store, "Sara walk!"
I smiled not opening my mouth still holding my breath. I walked to the Baby Grand and lightly touched the keys, hitting the first few notes of the sad song. It consumed me again almost making me forget the burn. I had to get this song out of me. I continued to play the next few bars. It was so sad but it made me feel alive. It hurt in my chest. I realize I had not taken a breath, I inhaled deeply and the burn made me stop. I stepped away from the Baby Grand. I have to get out of here maybe I was just panicking. I looked around wildly, there were keyboards right there, not 5 feet away. I looked up and saw what I needed, it would do A Roland FP-7 Digital Piano it came with a bench, a stand and headphones. I walked over to it and touched it. It felt right I smiled and I tapped the keys in the order of the song. I sounded just fine, it's not a Baby Grand but I will survive. My chest burned, I inhaled again and choked, it was almost unbearable I grabbed my chest trying to hold it back. I looked around maybe they were burning something? Someone was wearing a perfume that had animal pheromones in it. I laughed at the thought a nervous laugh, but Gabby and Ara were fine, it just had to be me. I went to the counter and explained to the old man what I intended to purchase. Gabby and Ara were walking around looking at the guitars smiling and giggling. They didn't ever really understand my passion for music. They considered it a silly past time, they would rather be talking about boys and shopping, which I did not mind. Music was a part of me that was indescribable; it was like a way to let my soul talk.
The old man looked at me and asked me," are you sure that's the one you want?"
I raised my left eyebrow and said, "Yes sir, I need that, I have music in me that needs to come out."
He started at me as if I had said something crazy but then smiled and nodded. He pointed to the keyboard and asked, "The whole package?"
I smiled back at him, "Yes sir."
He replied, "Its $2135.00"
I realized what he meant with his questions. I handed him my credit card. I took a deep breath in and almost fell over in pain the burning almost made me blind.
Ara gasped. "Sara?" I waved her away, and stood up slowly.
The old man looked concerned, I just mumbled. "I skipped lunch."
He shrugged and looked at my card, "Cullen?"
I looked at him, "Yes." I replied.
He smiled and replied I sold Edward Cullen a piano many years ago." He smiled at his memory.
I smiled back still in unbearable pain, "That's my father." I felt the ping in my heart as I told my lie.
He nodded, "He was a very nice young man, I see where you get your love for music, I heard the little that you did play it was beautiful..." He rang up everything and asked, "Would you like this delivered?"
I nodded, "When could you have it to my house, I live with the Swan's?"
He nodded taking down the note.
Hurry old man I think I'm dying!
He said, "Its 2:00pm I can get it there by 2:30pm."
I smiled and signed the receipt and told him, "That's perfect."
He nodded and I turned to leave that's when I saw him. Standing in the back by the guitars he was staring at me as if he knew something, he was studying me. His eyes, I gasped and the air burned like a just swallowed a gallon of acid, I was drowning. Ice blue eyes, so sad they pierced right through me, his hair was messy and covered most of the left side of his face it was dark brown to the point it could have been black and the tips were red. He was fair skinned and he seemed perfectly built not to large not skinny. I moaned as the fire burned and the need for air became unbearable. I walked to the door and ran out on the street.
I didn't look back until I could breathe again. I looked back when I heard the steps behind me. Ara and Gabby were running after me.
Ara caught up, "Who were you looking at?"
I turned and looked at them, "I just need to get home."
Ara and Gabby both gasped.
I jumped, "What?"
Ara stuttered, "Your eyes are so dark, they look black!"
I blinked.
What? What do I do now? Alice I need Alice.
I looked at Ara, "I'm sorry I don't feel good I have to go home."
Gabby nodded and I hugged Ara and walked to Gabby's car. I had to get home and call Alice.
What's happening to me?
I pulled out my phone as I sat in the car; I sent Alice a text message: I have to talk to you!
Alice replied: I'll be there in the morning. J
I responded: Something is happening to me and I don't know what it is!
Alice responded: Should I be worried?
I sighed and responded: I'm scared. I will call you when I get home.
Alice: Ok Hurry.
I knew she was pacing. It was nothing. I just closed my eyes all I saw was his eyes. I opened them gasping for air the burn had diminished but was still there. Gabby looked worried.
I moaned as sickly as possible, I didn't have to try hard, "It's just my stomach I just don't feel good."
Gabby looked at me cringing in pain. She nodded and pulled onto my street.
I jumped out when she got in front of the house and waved to her. "Gabby I will see you Friday, I'll be okay promise."
Gabby didn't look as if she believed me but nodded, "Call me later, please!"
I ran to the door as she drove away. I stopped on the step, ran back into the front yard, and dialed Alice. "Hello?" she yelled into the phone, I could hear Edward and Jasper mumbling in the background concerned.
I grunted, "You told them? I don't even know what's wrong yet?'
I heard Edward moan, "I knew this was a bad idea she should not be there without one of us."
Alice shushed him, "Sara what happened..."
I went through the whole story about buying the keyboard just leaving out the boy and the dream. Edward knew I loved to compose music so there would be no questions about the music store.
Alice sighed, "Maybe you're just thirsty."
I sighed, "I was with Ara and Gabby all day and I was fine, but you may be right"
Alice pondered humming lightly.
I knew she was imagining something, I whispered, "Alice, Ara told me my eyes looked black, Alice that's not something they do normally they just get a little muddy."
Edward moaned in the background, "Alice, no."
Jasper asked, "What, did she see something?"
Their voice's turned into murmurs; she must have walked away from them.
I grunted, "What Alice?"
Alice sighed, "Just stay home tonight and I will be there tomorrow you can show me what happened and I will help you figure it out."
I smiled I know she will. I just hope I can skip over the dream it just seems silly to share. I looked up as a pickup truck slowly drove down the road.
I smiled feeling better, "Alice I have to go my keyboard is here. I love you all."
Alice whispered, "It will be ok. I promise. We love you too."
I hung up as the truck pulled into the driveway.
Seth stuck his head out the front door and yelled, "Who's that?"
I smiled, "It's a delivery from the Music store!"
Seth stepped out into the yard, "You need some help?" he offered.
Although I knew, I could handle the weight no problem it was nice to be just a girl sometimes. I nodded, "Sure, Seth there may be some really heavy stuff on here."
He looked at me and rolled his eyes, "I didn't mean you couldn't handle it."
I laughed, "I know, there are a few things that come with this so yes, I would love some help."
I took a deep breath and turned towards the pickup. The door opened and the boy from the store, from my dreams stepped out. I held my control and started to walk across the lawn toward him smiling the best that I could. I had to of looked as if I had seen a ghost or maybe like I had been stabbed. He looked at me but did not smile he just nodded. He started unloading my things and Seth picked up the largest package in his arms and turned to walk inside. The boy turned to me and handed me a clipboard with a delivery slip and a pen. I signed and handed him the pen and his clipboard.
He smiled slightly, "Thanks."
His voice was amazing, I gasped, the wind rustled the leaves at our feet and I caught it. His scent, I was on fire, drowning. I stumbled backward. He looked at me as if I had stabbed him. The smile vanished; I realized I just wanted to drink. I moved away faster than I should of, but I had to stay back.
I stuttered, "Sor... Sorry, I hav have to g...o Ins...s...ide and sho...ow...w him where it go...o...oes."
He nodded still looking really hurt almost angry.
I turned and ran inside and up the stairs. Seth just stared at me. I inhaled and exhaled trying to get the burn out of me. I did this for several minutes. Grasping my chest, I heard Masen coming up the stair followed by footsteps, the chief I guessed. Masen pushed open the door, and it pulled in the fire, I felt the rage build in me because it didn't know what this was and why I had no control over it. Masen looked at me horrified.
He had a box in his hand, "You left these outside."
I raised an eyebrow, "These?" Then I remembered that I took nothing with me when I escaped. I grumbled, "Sorry Masen."
He snorted and stepped in the room placing the box on the floor and the boy appeared behind him with another box. I turned and stared at Seth. Seth looked worried. Masen said, "Sara, this is Zander," Pointing over his shoulder, "Where do want this?"
I pointed, in the corner unable to make myself respond, the burn would not let me. I was afraid to open my mouth I would attack him. I felt if I kept my mouth shut, the demon would be held at bay.
They set the stuff down and Masen grunted, "Umm do you want him to set this up."
I groaned shaking my head, and walked to the window. Inhaling deeply, it did not help, he was everywhere I could feel him all around me. It was almost comforting; I could just close my eyes and, let it take me. I just knew that I have never felt like such a monster before, like such a predator.
Masen huffed and rolled his eyes he turned to Zander, "Sorry, Girls!" I heard them go back down the stairs. Seth was still standing there.
He grabbed my shoulders, "You're shaking?"
I looked up at him. I hissed at him, "I want to kill him."
Seth shrugged and laughed, "I think that about Masen sometimes too."
I looked at him. I knew I couldn't say anymore, I would have to figure this out on my own.
Seth hugged me and said, "Just ignore him, Alice will be here tomorrow." He released me and stepped back.
I smiled the best that I could. I have never wanted anything as badly as this ever. I looked down at the yard and watched Zander get into his delivery truck I knew at that moment that everything was different, I am a monster he could never be around me again, I could not submit to the monster. I slammed the window and caught my reflection; it was a face, I have never seen before.
I hissed, "I am a monster."
Zander was looking up at me from his truck; I could only imagine what he was thinking. He looked so angry but I did not understand why. He didn't know me and he was lucky that he would never see me again. I must be misreading his emotions. He pulled off down the road and was gone, and safe.
I sat on the floor and started unpacking my new distraction.
Seth looked at me, "Are you Ok?"
I nodded. He headed out the door and I heard him quietly go down the stairs.
