Hey guys. Based on suggestion, I included some of Chloe's POV. I've deleted a ton of it though and this is what's left. It doesn't seem like people really like this story tbh (but thank you to malexfaith, unsuspectingties, surfingXgirl13, and guest for encouragement and keeping me going). I planned on making this a lengthy multichapter but if people don't have interest, then I might just go back to one-shots. Dunno, trying not to get discouraged I guess
Chloe's POV
It was past four a.m. when the girls rose, leaving their impressions in the damp grass. Beca left more than just an impression on the grass, however, as she had given Chloe a lot to think about. The older girl had keyed into Beca's unspecified problem due to her withdrawn nature over the past week, but after tonight's allegorical revelation it came as a surprise that Beca had the same worries as she did. She wished that she could say that everything would be okay beyond this temporary reprieve from stress, but this was definitely the best she felt in a long time. Her insides were warm, and her brain felt like it had a nice angora sweater wrapped around it, comforting and fluffy.
When the girls returned back to the Bellas' house, the stars were faded, being chased away by the waking blue horizon. Beca collapsed into her bed, exhausted from the insomnia and depth of her conversation with Chloe after bidding her a quick goodnight. What Chloe didn't know was the depth of her friend's so gratitude to her for making the acidic voice of doubt in her head temporarily disappear due to her release of emotion. The last thing Beca thought of before drifting into a sound sleep was the unfaltering blue gaze of Chloe Beale.
Down the hall, settled into her own bed with her own thoughts, Chloe reflected on their conversation. She was also terrified of the future: hell it's why she "failed" Russian Lit three times to stay at Barden. It was awful having to relearn the same history over and over again, but it had nailed home the saying "Друг познаётся в беде́." "A friend in need is a friend in need."
She could have saved $45,000 for her parents if she could have faced her fears of graduating and the big wide world beyond Barden. It was embarrassing being a third-time super-senior, but it was better than facing the embarrassment of failing a career. She didn't feel ready or prepared enough for real life, and was reminded of it every day that she still woke up in an on-campus house, every class that she had to report to, every homework assignment that she completed. People her age were going out and doing real things- saving lives, publishing themselves, working their way up corporate ladders. But for some reason, there was something about college life that she just couldn't let go yet.
After all was said and done, Barden was her second home, a world that she never wanted to leave due to its welcoming community and wonderful people. Professors, students, Bellas, she had love for them all. She couldn't imagine giving it up. She kicked herself for not being able to move on like the other people her age, but the world here was utopian-level perfection.
This place is so full of life, Beca's words reverberated through her mind. A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye, she didn't even try to stop it. She looked at Aubrey's sleeping form in the bed across the room, breathing evenly. Knowing that in two months, it wouldn't be like this. She'd be in an apartment somewhere, studying for med school; Aubrey in another city miles away studying for the Bar Exam now that she was almost completed with law school.
This made her think of a conversation that she had with Stacie a few days ago, wherein the other girl expressed that it seemed Chloe didn't have any worries. The leggy brunette used words like "carefree" and "perpetually happy" and "tireless" to describe her. But this was far from the truth.
They had just finished practice and we're gathering up their things when Stacie approached her.
"How do you do it all the time?"
Chloe looked up from her phone. "Hey, Stace. What do you mean?"
"I mean, finals are approaching, we have a new setlist to learn, and graduation is coming in quick. And you still manage to keep an infectious smile on your face, even though there is a shitload of things that we're up against. It's like you don't feel the heat, or something."
"What are you talking about, I have tons of things on my mind!"
"You seem pretty carefree to me-"
"That's just because showing your stress is just as infectious as a smile. I'd rather have the people around me feel inspired, supported, rather than on edge. That's the style of my leadership. I had a teacher once that said inner anxiety can be felt by those in close proximity to you, even if your words or body language don't show it. You can radiate intensity without saying a word. So if you push it away with a smile and a confident posture, no one will ever know."
Stacie stood up straighter at this, and arranged her chest for maximum sexual effect. "Yeah. I see. Although, sometimes it might be helpful to… radiate that intensity a bit," she winked, accompanying her innuendo.
Chloe was just born extraordinarily equipped to deal with pressure and this gave the impression that she had no worries. She had many high standards for herself as a perfectionist. Pressures of success, of honoring her family, of being a leader, dean's list scholar, co-captain, the list was endless. The redhead was practiced in the art of optimism and wide smiles, confident in her actions and work ethic, but her lifelong lofty ambitions and big-picture goals sometimes seemed impossible to make any progress on.
But when she was around Beca Mitchell, she didn't feel like her efforts were in vain. The stresses of the future disappeared. Chloe didn't know what it was about her, but she knew she was powerless to deny the attraction to her friend. Chloe had preferred girls over boys since her sophomore year of college, which most of her close friends and family knew. She had liked Beca since making her acquaintance, in a curious way that gained more momentum as their relationship deepened.
Unfortunately Beca was incredibly dense, and if she figured out Chloe's… crush, then she never brought it up and surely never acted on it. The older girl banked on the fact that the younger girl simply didn't pick up on it, though her hints were more than obvious. Instead of leaving a breadcrumb trail to her true feelings, Chloe was practically leaving whole loaves for Beca. Hand-holding. Late night texts punctuated with "xoxo." Coffee delivered to her dorm so that they could walk to acapella rehearsal together.
Chloe was desperately close to revealing her feelings tonight, her true thoughts for Beca. Time was running out. But in a shocking turn of events, Beca was the one to channel her estrogen into feelings. The redhead had gotten lost in the depth of her crush's musing and felt as if she would desecrate the good memory if she brought up her own silly feelings. But hearing Beca talk like that, it was so hard to restrain herself from kissing her, much less jumping her bones. It hurt to imagine a time where she couldn't see the girl every day. Another tear slipped from her eye.
It was funny how the brunette empowered her so often to be her best self, but she couldn't bring herself to take that extra step for fear of ruining their friendship. After all, Beca was probably as straight as a board. She had never expressed any interest in Chloe, choosing an off-and-on relationship with Jesse. For so long, Chloe had selflessly tried to look over her feelings for the best of their friendship. She was supposed to be support her friend, not pressure her. But on the other hand… Maybe her future would be as bright as everyone said it could be, if she had Beca by her side.
Lying in the middle of the quad tonight with Beca hearing her speak about the contrast between settings and subjects depending on the time confirmed one thing for her. Those extra three years had built up to tonight, this last stretch of time before the end of the school year- the end of her final school year, this time.
These were the thoughts that kept Chloe Beale awake, her consciousness outlasting the light of the last star.
